FicWad

Jean grumbled to himself, carrying the buckets of water and dumping them in the horses' stalls. They immediately started soothing their parched throats. "Can't fucking believe I'm stuck taking care of the horses," the long-faced teen grumbled. "Just because I fucking ratted them out on their relationship! Not fucking cool! It was obvious they were fucking!"

He grabbed a brush off a shelf and approached the black horse in the cleanest stall. It whinnied in delight upon seeing him with its favorite object. Jean tenderly brushed the mane of the corporal's horse, still ranting. "I mean, come on! He's what fucking nightmares are made of! Who's going to oppose them other than Mikasa?! The captain is too harsh."

Black Dynamite swung her head around, staring blankly at him. Jean matched its stare, anger fading and being replaced with something else. "You, you understand me, right? You're his horse. A pretty one, too. You get me. We horses, we stick together!" The horse snorted, and Jean took it as agreement. "We'll get away from this place, you and I. We and all the other horses! We'll fight for equal rights for our kind!"

Eren poked his head in the doorway, seemingly concerned. "Who the hell are you talking to, Seabiscuit?"

"No one, faggot!"

"Bullshit, I could hear you from outside the stables! What, talking to the other horses? Find one of your relatives?"

"Maybe I am, but at least I haven't been fucking my Captain!"

"At least I'm doing something perfectly healthy and normal! You're talking to horses!"

"They have feelings too!"

Eren shook his head, bewildered. "Jean, you've fucking lost it. Whatever, man. Just don't let Levi hear you spewing nonsense to them or he'll send you to Hanji."

"Oh, oh! You're using first names now?!"

Eren rolled his eyes and walked away, flipping Jean off. The taller male returned the gesture and turned back to the black mare. "Do you believe him?!" he ranted. "It's people like that who make me wish I was a proper horse!"

Meanwhile, Eren returned to Levi's quarters. The captain looked up from his desk, an eyebrow raised. "You forgot the tea," he pointed out blandly. "Can you not perform such a simple task?"

"I didn't forget," Eren replied, saluting briefly before crossing his arms and grinning. "I went by the stables and wound up inside, so I know you would want me to wash my hands first. That's not what this is about - Captain, Jean's lost it. Fucking lost it. He went crazy!"

Levi leaned back, clearly unamused, and stretched before responding, "How do you know? Why should I care?"

"Levi, you don't understand. He was talking to the horses."

"People talk to animals on occasion, whether they understand or not. It's a gesture of familiarity between horse and rider."

"No, Levi - he was holding an actual conversation with it. He doesn't know I heard him, but he was talking to Black Dynamite. Talking about rebelling or some weird bull like that. Like she actually understood and was talking back to him. He's fucking delusional. He admitted they were speaking to him!"

"I'll admit, I'm not sure whether to be pissed or worried about his mental state," Levi muttered, resting his chin on his fist.

"I don't know myself," Eren admitted. "It was pretty funny at the moment, but seriously, I'm starting to question whether he's starting to believe the insults."

"Whatever it is..." Levi stood and walked around the desk, pushing Eren against the wall. "It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you came back without my tea to tell me a stupid and irrelevant story. You disobeyed a direct order. Misbehaviors are to be punished, no?"

Eren bit his lip and nodded. "Yes, sir."

Before they could go any further, someone pounded on the door, and Connie burst into the room. He saluted, shouting, "Report from the training soldiers, sir!" Upon seeing the position Levi and Eren were in, both staring at him, one unimpressed, the other blushing, Connie's eyes widened and he backed away. "O-Oh. It's true, then? I'll just... I can report later, I'll leave you two alone -"

"Speak, Springer," Levi ordered, stepping away from Eren and tidying his cravat, a rather bored expression on his face.

"Of course, sir!" Connie saluted again, doing his best to stare past the other two people in the room. "There are reports of seeing Jean Kirschstein freeing horses and leading them away from the stables and human territory! Reports also warn that he is streaking, sir, and to prepare your eyes!"

Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Thank you, Springer. You may leave."

Connie dropped the salute and lingered. "So are you two really -"

"Out!"

"Yessir!"

Jean laughed victoriously, perched on a brown stallion's back as the horses galloped for freedom. He hadn't been able to free them all, it would be too easy to get caught. Instead, he brought four horses, including his own. The one he was riding was Eren's. He'd ditched his clothes back at HQ - true free horses didn't wear clothes!

"Hurry, Clyde!" he urged, running his fingers through the stallion's mane. "Before they start coming after us! We need to hurry to the Wall and start our campaign so we can free the others!" The horse tossed its head, understanding the order to go faster, and the pack of horses galloped faster.

Night started to set in, and Jean slowed them to a trot. They set camp under a tree. Jean refused to tether his fellow escapees. He joined Black Dynamite as she grazed. The horse simply thought it was all another drill. She looked at him as he approached with a smile, and expected him to treat her like her master always did after a run.

"Hey, you," he cooed, patting her softly. She blinked, snorting. Where were the carrots? "You did good out there," he continued, smiling wider at her. "You're a great specimen, you know that? Never once did you even get tired!" Black Dynamite had no idea what the hell he was saying, just that he didn't have carrots. "I'm sure you're happy to get out of Levi's reign of terror, huh?"

Levi? The mare's ears perked up. She recognized that name! That was her kind master's name! The one that always gave her carrots and brushed her when she did good! Sometimes she even got an apple! Black Dynamite whinnied in excitement. Was he here? Where? Her master was a strong, powerful, respected human, she knew, so maybe he could get this weirdo to back off or get her carrots.

Jean's smile went coy. "You know, you're the first to ever actually listen to me. I thought it when I first started talking to you... maybe you're... maybe you're the one. What if we're meant to be?"

Again, Black Dynamite had no idea what he was saying. She started sniffing at him, seeing if maybe he was hiding carrots from her. He laughed brightly and hugged her head, nuzzling her. "I knew it! We'll ride for the Walls at dawn, love! I'll make sure we get our proper freedom!"

The strange weird-looking human laid down and went to sleep. Black Dynamite tossed her head as her stomach growled. She decided to go off and search for food. If she just went back the way they came, she could find her home! They would have food for her! She could go back to Master and get away from this weird guy who didn't bring any food.

So she trotted off, leaving behind the weird naked human and the other horses. She didn't really know them, anyways. Well, she knew Clyde, but if he wanted to stay behind and starve, what did she care? When she was far enough that she could no longer see them, she heard far-off noises. They sounded like hooves!

Joyfully she ran toward the rumbling sound, slowing when she saw the dozen or so people on horseback. They slowed as well, coming to a complete stop. It was too dark to tell people apart from a distance, but one dismounted and started to walk toward her. She recognized the small stature and neighed in delight.

"There you are!" her master snapped. She knew that tone; he was angry, but not at her. She nuzzled the hand that came up to gently and affectionately pat her muzzle.

"That Kirschstein. Running off with my fucking horse." He made a strange gesture and a familiar saddle was tied to the mare's back by two let out another joyful whinny as an apple was handed to her. She devoured it. Levi mounted her, securing the reins. He muttered to himself a bit before directing her back the direction she had come from.

"My horse came from that direction," he called to the other soldiers. "That means that Kirschstein must be there with the other horses. With any luck, he's sleeping."

Black Dynamite gladly followed her master's unspoken order when he dug his heels into her sides, urging her into a gallop. She knew they were going to get the weird guy, so she led them straight to him. He awoke at the sound of thundering hooves. When he looked up to see himself surrounded and Black Dynamite with Levi, betrayal lit his gaze.

"How could you?!" he demanded, directing his question at the black mare. "I thought we had something special! We were going to lead the rebellion together! Fight for horse rights, remember?!"

Eren dismounted his borrowed horse and walked to Clyde, shaking his head in disbelief. "Man, I knew you were crazy, but this is beyond what I imagined."

"And I thought you were straight, but instead I caught you with a dick up your ass!" Jean retorted. He looked to the other two horses, who were grazing calmly, allowing themselves to be tethered to their brethren. "Damn it! I thought you were with me, you traitors!" He started to say something else, but was cut off when Levi threw a pair of pants and a shirt at him.

"Put those on, you're a fucking eyesore."

They returned to HQ, and from then on, Jean wasn't allowed anywhere near the stables. He spent his days cleaning Levi's bedroom and office of every suspicious stain for the rest of his time in the Survey Corps.