Categories > Original > Fantasy

Incredible Shrinking French

by narwhalpuppy 0 reviews

Peenie Squeezie plots to put Hot Streets out of commision

Category: Fantasy - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2018-08-02 - 4597 words - Complete

Note: Pretty sure all you Hot Streets fans saw that "We Solve the Crime" video that inspired the show. In the 'We Solve the Crime' video, Branski and French both reveal that they are widowers. Both their wives are deceased. That got me thinking. What were their wives like? Will we ever know? From what I gathered, I imagined that French's wife was very abusive and accusatory towards him. What if French's wife came back from the dead? And what if she comes after French? Which is what we are about to find out!

Hot Streets Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production.

Incredible Shrinking French

There were kidneys all over the ground that were being picked up by Branski, Jen, and Chubbie Webbers. "Dammit! Defeated! I'll get those Hot Streets assholes one way or another!" Who was that voice you might ask? Well, that was none other than Peenie Squeezie. The bulldog who picked a fight with Chubbie Webbers during that whole Bractegon fiasco. Now he was back for more. Standing on top of an apartment complex across the street as he is witnessing his plan fail before him when he tried to bring to life some kidneys to stage an alien invasion. Soo Park was at the scene outside of the FBI Headquarters while she awaits Jen, Branski, and Chubbie Webbers coming to her with some kidneys in boxes. "These are the last of the kidneys, Soo Park." Jen said putting the box down. Wanting to be ahead of the game, Branski puts down a box full of kidneys right next to Jen's. "And here's an extra added bonus! More kidneys pretending to be aliens!" Branski said in the joking matter. "Good for you, Branski! Although your ignorance agitates me, you always know how to get the job done right!"

Chubbie Webbers holding a box of kidneys asks innocently, "Are we supposed to eat these kidneys?" "No, just put the box down next to mine." Jen replies to her canine companion. "Good work, Hot Streets!" Soo Park complemented her employees, she can't help but notice that something is missing. "Has any of you seen French? He was supposed to pick up those kidneys, too!" Soo Park asked. "He was with us a little while ago." said Branski. "He just trailed off and disappeared." said Jen. "Hope nothing scary happened to him." Chubbie Webbers said. "I'm sure he will show himself." said Soo Park. Chubbie Webbers points with his tail, "Here he come now!"

French was running with a box of kidneys in his arms that was much too heavy for him. "Here I am you Hot Streets people, is there room for a late entry?" French trips over a curb and the box of kidneys he was holding flies into the air until Branski and Jen catch it. French chuckled at Soo Park's blundering demeanor. "Uhhh, hi, Soo Park! Lovely day for solving crimes, huh?" "What took you so long? And you're lucky we accept as you call it, 'late entries'" Soo Park barked in French's face. "Why did you get away from us, French?" asked Jen. "Don't you know how worried we were?" Chubbie Webbers asked French. "Probably overthing things just like French is best known for." Branski sneered in his face. "Right?"

"Please! Everybody! Out of my face! Let me explain!" French pleaded. "All right, hot shot, explain!" said Soo Park. French takes off his hat showing his bald head as he confesses, "I apologize for being out of sorts lately. It's just that.....this isn't easy to's the 10th anniversary of my wife's death." "Oh so sorry to hear about that, French." said Jen. "Didn't even know he was married." said Chubbie Webbers. "Got the impression that had something to do with it." said Branski.

French recalls his life when he was married. Peenie Squeezie sneaks his way into the FBI Headquarters building. "You shouldn't have told them, French you dumbass!" the villainous bulldog muttered as he went into the gadgets room. "You're very lucky to have had a wife who loved you, Branski. Wish I could say the same for myself!" French said. "What was your wife like?" asked Chubbie Webbers.

In a flashback from 10 years ago. French tells them all, "She was a very clutching and jealous type." The flashback shows the kitchen to French's house. There on the table sits French's wife Estella. Who was a little bit fat, had brown hair tied in a pony tail and dressed in a biege and yellow blouse and skirt. Estella sits in resentment as she was waiting for French to come home.

French walks into the door. "Good evening my beautiful!" French greeted his wife. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU COCKSUCKER!" Estella screamed. French broke out in a frightful sweat, "I was at work. Solving Hot Streets cases with my partner Branski! You know that!" Estella comes at French with a frying pan and proceeds to hit him. "You were out with other women! I know you! You (beep)ing philanderer!" French tries to defend his actions, "That's not it! I have never had sex with another woman since I married you! Why won't you believe me!" Estella was pumped up with venom, "Oh, so you're trying to fight with me, uh? Come on! Come on! Take me on you son of a bitch! Come on you gutless wimp! Beat me! Beat me! I DARE YOU!"

The flashback ends with Estella kicking and punching French. "So there's the story. Estella used to beat me. Just can never get over the pain. Was even sad when she died." "That's terrible, French." Jen said. Peenie Squeezie runs out of the backdoor to the FBI building and in his hand there was a Resurrection Unit in his paws. "With this, I shall bring French's wife back from the dead! Hot Streets will be over forever!" Peenie Squeezie vows as he runs to find Estella's grave.


Peenie Squeezie made his way to the cemetery to onwards to the grave of French's dead wife. The tombstone reads, "Here Lies Estella Bradford-French A Devoted Wife". Taking out the resurrection unit Peenie Squeezie places it on the burial. "Ha ha ha! Hot Streets won't be expecting this!" Peenie Squeezie activates the resurrection unit be saying in Tajik," murdagonro ʙedor kuned" which meant, 'wake up the dead.' before long, Estella rose from her grave and began to laugh evilly. She grabbed a stick and the stick became magic like a wand. "Who dares awaken me?" Estella demanded to know. She now looked like a rotting zombie. Peenie Squeezie introduces himself, "I have. Peenie Squeezie! At your service!" Estella asked, "Why did you awaken my eternal slumber?" "You know Donald French, right?" asked Peenie Squeezie.

"Yes, I was married to that fool. He claimed not to have been unfaithful to me. But I know better." explained Estella. Then she added, rolling her eyes, "He always told me he was busy working on FBI Hot Streets cases!" Wanting to add more fuel to the fire, Peenie Squeezie told her, "Since you died, he's had sex with almost every woman in town!" "WHHHHAAAATTTT! Where is that son of a bitch?!?!? Let me at him! LET ME AT HIM! Boy am I surprised!" yelled Estella in hostility. "You can't miss him. He's always hanging around the FBI Headquarters." explained Peenie Squeezie.

"If that is true, then you can help me find him! We'll be partners!" Estella said. "Great idea!" said Peenie Squeezie. Estella was now out for blood as Peenie Squeezie leads her to the FBI Headquarters Hot Streets Division.

Soo Park notices that there was a break in at the Gadgets Room. She calls Branski and French immediately. Branski and French arrive as do Jen and Chubbie Webbers. However, on the way there and while waiting for Soo Park to show up in her office, French went on constantly all about his days when he was married to Estella. "She used to call me David instead of Donald! She used to think I was poisoning her food, but it was really her who was doing that! She kept thinking I wanted to kill her, but in reality, she wanted to kill me!" Branski tells his partner, "French! Shut up! Your wife is dead. Get over it! Save your rants for a therapy session! Do your over thinking there! Right now, We're needed at the moment!" Jen and Chubbie Webbers investigate the Gadget Room and see a broken in mess inside that looked like something out of Hoarders. "This mess will be impossible to clean up!" replied Chubbie Webbers. "We're not here to clean, Chubbie. Search for clues. Good thing I got J.A.S.O.N. with me." Jen said. Soo Park enters her office. "What seems to be the trouble, Soo Park?" Branski asked.

"There has been a break in the Gadget Room. Our resurrection unit is missing. It's your job to find out who did it!" Soo Park orders Branski and French. In the Gadget Room Jen uses J.A.S.O.N. "Who broke in the Gadget Room last night." asked Jen to J.A.S.O.N. as her iphone was scanning. "Scanning complete. The troublemaker is revealed to be none other than Peenie Squeezie who stole the resurrection unit!" J.A.S.O.N. beams a picture of Peeniw Squeezie. Chubbie Webbers was none too thrilled that Peenie Squeezie his old nemesis was back in his life. "PEENIE SQUEEZIE! OH NO! NOT AGAIN! " Chubbie Webbers cried. "Let's go tell Soo Park." Jen said.

Soo Park tells Branski and French, "Why are you just sitting there, find out who....." Jen and Chubbie Webbers walked into Soo Park's office. "Jen! What are you doing here?" asked Branski. "I found out who broke into the Gadget Room, Uncle Mark." answered Jen. "It's Estella! She's come back from hell to torment me all over again!" French cried. "No not her, French." explained Jen. Chubbie Webbers screamed, "PEENIE SQUEEZIE! HE DID IT!" Branski rising from his seat says, "We will scour the city to find Peenie Squeezie!"

"You do that, Branski! Peenie Squeezie must be caught!" said Soo Park. "Hope I don't have to be the one who catches him." sobbed Chubbie Webbers. "You leave that to us, Chubbie." assured Jen. "Yes, to us! And away we go!" French said.


Branski, Jen, and Chubbie Webbers were going inside every building in the city. French was asked to stand guard. "Why do I have to stand outside? I'm not a beat cop! Sometimes I don't like the outdoors!" French making a complaint. "Just stay out here in case you see anything suspicious." Branski advised him. "See anything out of the ordinary, come in and tell us. Let's go, Uncle Mark." Jen said as she and Branski entered a post office. French paced back and forth impatiently. "I wish I didn't have so much conflict and excitement in my life." French bemoaned to himself. A whispering voice is heard in his direction. "david" "david!" "david"! French panicked. "Oh no! There's only one person I knew who called me 'David'!"

The voice grew closer, "david! david! david!" "Behind you!" French turned around and screamed. It was his dead wife Estella and Peenie Squeezie. "Oh, Branski! You might want to take a look at this!" French tries to call out. "Sooooo......since I died you already moved on, did you?" asked Estella. "How is this possible!" asked French. "You're dead! I saw you in the morgue!" "Peenie Squeezie brought me back! Now! To make sure you never leave me again, DAVID!" yelled Estella. "For the last time you bitch, it's DONALD!" French making a pathetic attempt to stand up to his psycho wife. Estella gets out the stick she grabbed earlier and points it at French. Electricity comes out and shrinks French into the size of a paper clip. Peenie Squeezie puts the now miniature sized French in a glass jar.

French screams, "First I grow as big as a building, now I've been shrunk! This is like Honey, I Shrunk The Kids!" Peenie Squeezie steals Branski's car and him and Estella drive off. "We'll take him to that mountain cabin!" said Estella. Branski, Chubbie Webbers, and Jen run out to see what was causing that noise. "Sounded like a car drove off." observed Chubbie Webbers. "Yes, it's mine! And where's French! It's like he vanished without a trace!" Branski stated. "Without a Trace! That's our favorite show, right Jen?" asked Chubbie Webbers. "Indeed it is, Chubbie. Who could've done such a thing? " asked Jen. "Maybe French drove off in my car wanted to avoid this altogether." said Branski.

Jen goes to her iphone, "J.A.S.O.N. who stole Uncle Mark's car." J.A.S.O.N. scanned and then answered, "Estella Bradford-French and her accomplice Peenie Squeezie stole Branski's car. They kidnapped French and are planning to take him to a mountain cabin!" "Thanks J.A.S.O.N.! Come on, Uncle Mark! We haven't a moment to lose." Jen said. "Can't somebody else fight Peenie Squeezie!" cried Chubbie Webbers. "But we need you, Chubbie Webbers. We're nothing without your resoursefulness." said Jen. "All right. I'm coming!" said Chubbie Webbers.

"We all have to fight. For freedom! For justice! For Hot Streets! For the FBI! For French!" Branski said arrogantly. "So is it possible Peenie Squeezie used that unit he stole from the FBI Gadget Room to bring back French's dead wife? Answer me, Uncle Mark!" said Jen. "Yes it's very much so. Something out of Night of the Living Dead. Or Night of the Creeps!" said Branski. Who then began to taunt Chubbie Webbers, "They're coming to get you, Chubbie! They're coming to get you, Chubbie!" Branski laughed as Chubbie Webbers screamed. Jen said, "Don't scare him like that, Uncle Mark! Way to be facetious as you always are!" Branski ceases, "Okay you're right. We shall go find French, his wife and Peenie Squeezie!"

Branski apologized, "Sorry everytime when someone mentions that movie, I could not resist saying that! Admit it! You thought that was funny!" "It was hilarious, Uncle Mark!" Jen said sighing exsaparatingly. "Can we solve this mystery already!"

Chubbie Webbers, Branski, and Jen were following the tracks that Peenie Squeezie left when him and Estella stole Branski's car.


A cabin located around the mountains, Donald French was sleeping. He was slowly waking up. "Where am I?" French assumed he had a nightmare. "What happened? Did I really get shrunk? It can't be so." French looked around and found himself in a dollhouse. "Or was it just a horrible dream?" Looking outside the window of the dollhouse, he sees Estella and Peenie Squeezie who both seemed to be 20 times bigger than him. "Is this a dollhouse I'm in? I really did get shrunk!" French said to himself. "Oh my gosh! My wife and bulldog are both giants!" Peenie Squeezie tells Estella, "Think your cheating husband is awake!"

"Oh yes! Let's go check on him!" said Estella. Peenie Squeezie and Estella both walk up to the dollhouse French was confined in.

"Welcome to the Dollhouse, hubby!" Estella taunts. "That was our favorite movie, remember?"

"Just you wait until Branski gets here! He'll make you pay for kidnapping me like this!" French said telling off his wife.

"You're not going anywhere!" Just like Leo DiCapprio said in What's Eating Gilbert Grape!" Peenie Squeezie told French.

Confused about how he was shrunk French asked his captors, "Why did you shrink me for? Look at me! I'm smaller than a Fisher Price figurine for Gods Sake!"

"That's the whole idea, David!" Estella spurted off.

"It's DONALD! Get it right!" shouted French.

"When I used that resurrection unit on your wife here. Once someone comes back from the dead, they have the power to turn a stick into a magic wand." explains Peenie Squeezie.

"That's how I was able to shrink you! Now this way, you will never leave me again! You will be mine forever and never cheat on me with other women!" laughed Estella.

"For the fifth and final time, I never cheated on you! Sheesh! You even used to point to other women walking down the street and thought I was doing them!" French said. "I loved you, Estella! All you did was abuse me! Everytime I left I was really going to work on Hot Streets cases!" French replied.

"Explain all you want, I will NEVER believe you! Now you can't depart from me, shithead!!" Estella chuckles.

"If your friends from Hot Streets come to save you, those sons of bitches won't get past the front door!" laughs Peenie Squeezie.

"You are mine, David! Forever! And ever! And ever! And ever!" said both Peenie Squeezie and Estella.

French wondered fearfully, "Where are you Branski, Jen, and Chubbie? They should've been here by now!"

Estella and Peenie Squeezie had the Resurrection Unit in their posession as well. "We need to make certain that Hot Streets and the FBI never get this back!" said Estella.

"Of course, just think of who else we can make come back from the dead!" Peenie Squeezie agrees holding the stick that was used to shrink French in his paws.

"Marrying you was a big mistake!" French shouted.

"Shut up you cheating asshole!" Estella roared.


Having followed the tracks. Branski, Jen, and Chubbie Webbers were at the mountain cabin where French was being held. "The tracks lead here." said Chubbie Webbers. "You used your bloodhound skills to lead us here!" said Jen. "The fact remains is this where they are?" asked Branski. Jen gets out her J.A.S.O.N. iPhone. "J.A.S.O.N. who is residing in this mountain cabin?" J.A.S.O.N. was doing some scanning and told Jen, "This is where the suspects you're after are. They also have the Resurrection Unit that was stolen with them. Anyone who come back from the dead has the power to shrink people with a stick."

"Interesting. I never knew that about the Resurrection Device!" said Branski. "That's good to know." Chubbie Webbers agrees. Branski advises, "We need to keep quiet! We don't want our cover blown by these asses!" Jen sees a curtain open and it's opened by Peenie Squeezie.

"Oh no! He saw us! It's Peenie Squeezie!" Chubbie Webbers panics.

"Now he heard us too! Thanks a lot, Chubbie!" Branski said getting mad.

"Don't get upset with him, Uncle Mark. He can't help it sometimes!" said Jen.

Branski hands Jen and Chubbie Webbers some guns. "Never understood that dog of yours anyway. They could shoot at us, so we better be prepared."

Peenie Squeezie goes to warn Estella. "The Hot Streets people are here! Can we shrink them too?"

"No, we shall use guns!" said Estella as she arms herself with a gun and gives one to Peenie Squeezie. "We will kill them of course! Then I shall have French all to myself!"

A gunfight breaks out. Estella and Peenie Squeezie were shooting at Jen, Chubbie Webbers, and Branski. "Look who it is! Chubbie Webbers! Gonna enjoy shooting his shitty ass!" Peenie Squeezie said.

"Get down! Go behind some trees!" Branski orders his niece and her dog. French hears the gunfire and begins to root for his partner. "Go Branski Go! Go Branski Go! Go Branski Go!"

Jen, Branski, and Chubbie Webbers used their guns to shoot back. "This isn't getting us anywhere!" Chubbie Webbers said. Estella had a plan. "Peenie Squeezie! Go get a dart! We'll capture Branski, too!" "Awesome! On it!" Peenie Squeezie said.

"This is what I call being caught in the cross hairs!" Branski said. Jen tells him, "They're not going to give up, Uncle Mark. There has to be another way." "I prefer it this way!" Branski told his niece. As Branski tries to shoot again, he discovers his gun has run empty.

"SHIT! Ran out of bullets. You're going to have to take over from here, Jen." Branski said.

Chubbie Webbers sees Peenie Squeezie with his head out the window to the cabin and was armed with a dart. "Look out, Branski!" Chubbie Webbers shouts.

Peenie Squeezie throws the dart and it lands on Branski's chest knocking him out cold. "UNCLE MARK! My only living relative." Jen shouted.

Estella and Peenie Squeezie run out of the cabin and grab Branski. Jen and Chubbie Webbers hid between the trees, "We can't let them get us too!" Jen tells Chubbie Webbers.

"Is he dead?" asked Estella. "Nah, he will be sleeping for a while." said Peenie Squeezie. "When he wakes up, we will torture him!" Jen sees the stick the bulldog was holding. "Now we have to rescue Uncle Mark and French." said Jen.

"Worst day of my life!" cries Chubbie Webbers.

"It will be fine. Thanks to Uncle Mark, he taught me some skills. All you need to do is get that stick away from Peenie Squeezie. Then restore French back to normal." Jen said.

"Oh my gosh! How could this day get any traumatic!" screamed Chubbie Webbers.

"Perhaps that stick can maybe even reverse the shrinking. It's worth a shot." Jen theorized.

Jen and Chubbie Webbers now had two people to save. Branski and French. Chubbie Webbers was hollowing and moaning. "We don't have a choice, Chubbie Webbers. It's them or us!" Jen replies.

Chubbie Webbers gets a sudden feeling of empowerment. "Let's get those pieces of shit!"

Jen and Chubbie crawl to the cabin and were cautious. Lucky for them they weren't going to be spotted by Estella and Peenie Squeezie. Who were both too busy tormenting French.

It was all up to them now.


Before he knew it, Branski found himself in a human sized cage. Right next to him was French encased in the dollhouse. French could not believe for the life of him that Branski was captured. French has always seen his partner as an unstoppable older brother figure who never had any vulnerabilities whatsoever.

"Pssst! Branski! Over here! Can you see me!" French called out to his partner and superior.

"Yes I can! We knew you got shrunk. Jen's J.A.S.O.N. iphone told us." Branski said.

"So they got you too, huh?" asked French.

"Don't have much faith or hope that Chubbie Webbers will save us!" stated Branski sarcastically.

French said, "I can't quite concieve how you were kidnapped! You never get kidnapped!"

"News flash! I'm not perfect! I DID get kidnapped!" Branski said as him and French have their usual back and forth.

Peenie Squeezie and Estella enter the room where Branski and French were being held.

"So, So So! Two for the price of one! Capturing both Hot Streets agents!" Estella proudly bolds.

Beating against the bars of the cage, Branski replies, "Just let French go! You can do whatever you want with me! You don't kill French you bitch!"

Peenie Squeezie had the stick in his belt and now had a butcher knife and a steak knife in his paws.

"Since you say I can do whatever I please, I just intend to kill you and make David watch!" Estella tells Branski.

"IT'S DONALD!" French shouted. "Enough out of you!" Estella shouts back.

"Do your worst! I'm not afraid of a psychotic zombie woman!" Branski rages.

"Once you are out of the way, French is mine for all eternity! Here's what we're going to do!" Estella said carrying out her plan.

Peenie Squeezie slowly walks towards Branski sharpening the knives. "You going to crave me like a (beep)ing turkey?" asked Branski.

"Come on, Branski! Save us!" French begged.

Estella explains to Branski, "Now that your curiousity has aroused. As you can see, we are going to kill your sorry ass slowly and painfully! Those instruments that Peenie Squeezie is going to use. We are going to perform on you the Ancient Oriental rite called 'Cutting of the Hide'. What is that lovely name called in Chinese, Peenie Squeezie?!"

"Qiege pige!" Peenie Squeezie answers on the spot. French had no idea what the bulldog said.

"Come again?" French asked.

"Qiege pige!" Peenie Squeezie repeated himself.

"Say that once more?" asked French.

"Qiege pige!" Peenie Squeezie said once more.

"WHAT?" asked French.

"Qiege pige!" Peenie Squeezie said with a tone of anger.

"Say what?" French inquired still confused.

"QIEGE PIGE!" Peenie Squeezie hissed and growled.

"I still don't understand! What did you say?" French demands.

"QIEGE PIGE.....TO HELL WITH IT! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Peenie Squeezie explodes in frustration as he uses the butcher knife to break the dollhouse in half thus freeing French.

"Awesome! I'm free! Shit! You're all so huge!" French observes.

"Get a glimpse at what you did! You ruined everything!" Estella roars at French.

Jen and Chubbie Webbers barge in through the door. "You messed with my uncle! Now you're going to have to deal with me! Chubbie! Go get Peenie Squeezie!"

"Ready or not Peenie Squeezie! Here I come!" Chubbie Webbers attacks Peenie Squeezie with force then begins to seduce him. Moaning with pleasure as he was raping Peenie Squeezie, Chubbie Webbers now has the stick. "Got the stick!" Peenie Squeezie runs away.

"Good boy, Chubbie Webbers!" Jen said as she turns over the Estella, "As for you!"

"You filthy shit headed whore! Destroying my plans to get rid of Hot Streets!" Estella said as he tries to dodge at Jen. However, Jen picks up the steak knife and cuts Estella's head decapitating her. Estella was dead. "Uncle Mark! Are you okay!"

Chubbie Webbers uses the stick on French to grow him back to his original size. French was back to normal. "Holy shit! I'm back to my old French self again!"

"You saved our asses, Jen! I'm proud!" Branski complements his niece. "It was nothing really!" Chubbie Webbers says. "Was glad rescue you!" Jen unlocks the cage and Branski comes out. Branski grabs the resurrection unit and calls Soo Park. "Hello, Soo Park! We got the resurrection unit back! It was a great fight!"

French sees a hot air balloon. "Branski come out here!"

Inside the hot air balloon was Peenie Squeezie. Jen, Chubbie Webbers, Branski, and French ran outside the cabin in the mountains only to see Peenie Squeezie trying to get away.

Branski picks up a rock and hands the butcher knife to Chubbie Webbers.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Try and get me this time, Hot Streets! You never will now!" laughs Peenie Squeezie. "Shall we do the honors, Chubbie?" asked Branski.

"Let's get this son of a bitch!" Chubbie Webbers demands. Branski and Chubbie Webbers throw the rock and the butcher knife at the hot air balloon that causes Peenie Squeezie to crash land in the vacant mountains.

Jen cooed, "That's a good boy, Chubbie Webbers! You finally stood up to your bully!" Chubbie Webbers cheers with delight. "I raped him in the ass!" Chubbie Webbers said.

"He'll be lost for a while!" said Branski. "This way he will be out of our hair!"

French now feels better knowing he never has to feel past traumas about Estella. "You know what? I actually feel better now! I will never let Estella haunt me ever again!"

"There you go over thinking things again! What's worst is going on about your feelings! Don't do that. I hate it." Branski tells French.

"Oh, okay!" said French.

"That's my uncle!" laughed Jen. "There's your car, Branski." Chubbie Webbers points out.

Branski, French, Jen, and Chubbie Webbers all go inside Branski's car that was stole earlier and go back to the FBI Hot Streets Division.

The End

The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production.
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