Categories > Movies > Star Wars

Stark Wars

by LadySif 0 reviews

Tony Stark and his assistant Rio Taylor ( OC ) accidentally create a wormhole and travel to Kylo Ren's ship by mistake. The Sith-lord is not pleased and has no idea what to do with our silly heroes.

Category: Star Wars - Rating: G - Genres: Crossover,Humor,Sci-fi - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2018-09-15 - 2791 words - Complete

“Rio! The machine is sparking, it’s not supposed to do that!”

“I know, Tony! What do you think I’m trying to do here?”

“Watch out!”

There was a flash, a bang and our heroes were launched into a metallic hallway that they’d never seen before. Rio got up and coughed, to get the smoke out of her throat. She looked around to determine what exactly happened, but rushed to Tony’s side when she noticed that he was bleeding.

“Tony! Are you alright?” She asked worried, getting a paper tissue out of a pack from the back of her pants. She held it against his temple, to stop the bleeding and guided his hand to it, so he could do it himself.

“Tony?” Rio asked as she helped him up and took a good look at her surroundings.

The man groaned and grunted, feeling that his body suffered a bigger blow than he initially thought.


“Where are we? This is not your lab…”

Now Tony looked around as well and a look of horror came over him. “We are…eh…we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto…” He answered and rubbed his painful hip as he took a few steps to see if he could find anything that could help them.

Rio started to breath faster and louder and Tony grabbed her hand, squeezing it a little as they walked further into the hallway they ended up in.

“Relax, Dexter, I’m here. I’m sure JARVIS is working on it.” He said softly, making sure to keep squeezing her hand every now and then. Rio had anxiety attacks when things got rough, but Tony was usually able to keep her calm. Calling her by her nickname ‘Dexter’ helped. A little.

A group of men walked towards them, dressed in some sort of white armour, with large helmets that covered their heads. In their hands they had strange looking guns. Rio felt that she started to breath even faster. The men saw them and pointed their guns at them and she and Tony held up their hands carefully.

“Identify yourselves!” One of them ordered. Rio looked at Tony, panting like a dog at this point. Tony knew he had to take charge of the situation.

“Hey there, I’m Tony Stark, you may know me as Iron Man. This ginger here is Rio Taylor, my assistant. She works for me.”

“With you.” Rio responded and Tony smirked, he always got her worked up by saying Rio worked for him instead of with him. It was a little trick though, cause the annoyance made her forget about her anxiety attack.

“She’s a Harry Potter fan, mostly Snape,” he continued to list. “even though he was a total jerk to those kids and didn’t deserve Lily...”

“I will end you…” Rio hissed and squeezed his hand tighter and tighter.

“Ouch, ouch, there it is. Rio? Let go. Let go.” Tony retorted, trying to get his hand out of her grip. His trick worked though, her breathing had gone back to normal and she forgot why she was upset in the first place.

“You are infiltrating in our ship, we are imprisoning you and alerting the general.” Another soldier said and nodded at a door, a bit further down the hall.

“Wait, we don’t even know where we are!” Rio exclaimed, feeling well enough to answer again. “We were working on a machine and…”

“What’s going on here?” A dark and annoyed voice sounded. A man dressed in all black, a black helmet that covered his face and a long black cape walked over to them. Both Rio and Tony could sense that he was in charge.

“Sir, we got lost. Me and my partner Tony..” Rio started to explain, Tony mumbled under his breath.

“She works for me.”

“With you. Shut up. Anyway, we were working on -our- machine and something went wrong. Could you please tell us where we are?”

“Where you are? What do you mean? You are on my ship.” The stranger said, sounding even more annoyed. “And I’d like to know where you are from and how you got here, before I have you killed.”

Tony facepalmed and sighed, he had a hunch of what they got themselves into. “Earth. We’re from Earth.”

The soldiers and the black-clothed stranger exchanged looks. If that was even possible through the large helmets they were wearing.

“From the Milky Way galaxy? But that is impossible! That is light-years away!”

“Light-years?” Rio asked him, the speed of her breath picking up again. “Light-years? Light-years. Tony? LIGHT-YEARS!” Her volume started to pick up as well and now she was shoving Tony around. She had begged him to check the fluids of the machine for weeks now, since she calculated that he had used too much of a certain kind but he kept saying that she was wrong. And now they were in a different galaxy.

“Hey, hey, hey, I heard the man, relax!” Tony protested and Rio sighed as she started to pace around.

“What the hell are we going to do? How are we going to get back?”

Another man walked their way, also dressed in black. He glowered at the lot and Rio sighed more.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re on your ship. We’re very sorry and would like to go home now. I’m Rio, this is Tony. What are your names?” Rio hoped that if they were friendly and apologetic, it would get them home faster. If that was even still an option.

“I’m general Hux. This is Kylo Ren. Those men are our storm troopers and their weapons kill instantly.”

“You look familiar.” Rio pointed out as she stared at Hux, ignoring the fact that he just threatened to have them killed. The man that was identified as Kylo Ren got fed up with the situation.

“Enough. Take the prisoners to their cells. We will deal with them later.”

Rio and Tony protested heavily, but no one would listen to their pleas. They were placed in a cell across from each other, so at least they would be able to talk.

The storm troopers left and Rio crossed her arms over her chest, staring at Tony with ‘The Look’. ‘The Look’ was a special kind of facial expression she and Pepper saved for when Tony really screwed up.

“I know, alright?!” Tony said in a raised voice when he saw Rio look at him like that. She turned her back to him, to hide the fact that he made her cry. He sighed and rubbed his temples, hissing a bit when the wound there opened up again.

“Rio, I’m sorry, okay? I’ll get us out of here, I promise.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Rio retorted in a voice that indicated she obviously didn’t believe him. Tony shook his head at her stubbornness and sat down on the little bench attached to the wall. There was no talking to her when she was like this. But he could hardly blame her.

“Now. Speak. How did you come to be here?” A machine-like voice asked them. Both Rio and Tony looked up a bit shocked, neither of them had heard Kylo Ren approach.

“We told you, we’re from Earth, we mean no harm. All we wanna do is go back to our own eh…” Rio started, but wasn’t able to explain what is was they wanted to go back to.

“Planet.” Tony added. Rio glared at him. “Planet.” She then repeated, venom dripping from her voice.

“Very well. I will release you from your bonds, since I can see in your minds that you are honest. But at the smallest form of disobedience, your pitiful lives will be ended. Am I clear?” Kylo asked them, staring from one to the other.

“You went in my mind? Could have bought me dinner first…” Tony answered, pretending to be insulted. “You beat me by one second.” Rio added with a snicker. Tony smiled, happy that her bad mood was disappearing. Kylo found them less funny and glared at them both, taking out his lightsaber. He turned it on at the same second that he opened up their cells, to intimidate them.

“That’s a big red sword you got there, lover.” Rio said with a wink and a smile, her voice having a flirtatious tone as she walked out of the cell. Kylo frowned, a little unsure how to react to her remark.

“I eh…it’s my weapon.” He said after clearing his throat.

“Sure is, I bet it’s the biggest weapon on the ship, isn’t it?” Rio went on and put her head on Kylo’s shoulder, staring into his eyes intently.

“Well…yes..I…eh..” The young man answered, now seeming a little flattered.

“Rio, stop dicking around, we need to go back to that spot we were in earlier.” Tony interjected. He didn’t like Rio flirting with this guy. Wherever they were, this guy was bad news. Messing with him was one thing, but Rio had a knack for getting herself into trouble with the wrong men.

“Keep your pants on, Stark.” Rio said in a bored tone, glancing his way for a moment before turning back to Kylo. “Say, sugar, could you bring us back to that place you found us in earlier?” She asked him in a sweet tone.

“No can do, general Hux is inspecting it now. But I’ll take you there later.” He promised and hesitated. “I can…give you a tour, if you like? To pass the time?”

Rio and Tony looked at each other. It seemed like the biggest threat was somehow contained now, he didn’t want to kill them anymore. Plus they were promised a tour on a spaceship they would never see again, how could they say no?

“Sure, let’s do it, Zorro.” Tony answered the young man and smirked. Kylo narrowed his eyes at the scientist, not liking his snarky tone. He hoped he would be able to show the girl around alone. Rio felt his disappointment but didn’t protest, she’d feel a whole lot better if Tony were there.

“Good. Come now, we have much to see.” The Sith-lord stated and turned on his heels, Tony and Rio following close after.

He stopped walking when he came to a certain door and led the two scientists through it. Once they stepped through, they saw that they arrived in the cockpit of the ship.

“This is the main area, where the most important things happen. My crew is flying the ship, keeping an eye on threats, taking action when needed.” Kylo Ren explained, clasping his hands behind his back to seem a bit taller. He seemed proud when he explained it all, Tony could see that he was trying to impress Rio. Rio did not see this. She was…distracted.

“Can I fly the spaceship?” She asked him wide-eyed as she rushed over to the main steering panel.

“Eh, well, no…the crew had to be properly educated and…” Kylo declined and frowned in worry.

“Can I shoot a rocket?” The girl went on, hovering her hand over the buttons as if she was picking one to press.

“….we don’t really have rockets and…” He declined again, extending his hand to stop her.

“What’s this for?” The girl asked now, running over to a control panel against a wall?

Kylo took a deep breath and rubbed his temples. Tony snickered. “You sure you wanna hit on her, my man? I promise you it only gets worse from here.” He told the other with a wink.

“Why can’t she focus?” He asked Tony in a frustrated manner. “Her energy is all over the place.”

Tony tilted his head. “Energy? What do you mean?”

“The Force. Can’t you feel it? It’s what moves our universe, the balance between good and evil.” Kylo summed up, remembering his lessons from Ben Solo. But what would this stranger know about the Force?

“Well, you know…can’t force her.” Tony stated, waiting a few seconds for his joke to drop before he chuckled some.

“Can’t force what?” Rio asked, joining their side again. Somehow the crew was in total panic and she was wearing a Stormtrooper helmet, sucking juice from a juice packet through a straw.

“Where did you…how…” Kylo Ren started to ask but Tony interjected. “Where did you get juice? I want juice.”

“Nu-uh, this is my juice!” Rio objected and turned away from him when he tried to take it from her.
“Gimme some! I want juice!” Tony repeated and tried to take it from Rio from the other direction. Of course now she turned the other way, again preventing him from taking it. “Cut it out! This is my juice!”

“Stop it!” Kylo said in a raised voice and took another deep, frustrated breath when Rio and Tony took a step back from each other. Slowly, the crew started to calm down and went back to work. But not before general Hux came back to behold the chaos.

“What is going on? Why…why are you wearing that helmet?” He asked Rio with a frown.

“I got it from that one guy…I could borrow it..” Rio answered, pointing in the direction of a Stormtrooper without his helmet. With a frustrated sigh, general Hux took the helmet off of her and returned it to its rightful owner.

“I wanted to try it on.” Tony said accusatory. “Not my fault!” Rio hissed back in a grumpy manner.

“Alright. We have a problem. Snoke wants to see them.” Hux told the younger male, making him fidgety. “But he will end their lives…” Ren mentioned, frowning at the girl.

“End what? Who’s lives? Who’s Snoke?” Tony rapidly fired these questions at them, when he overheard their little get-together.

“How have you not incinerated these fools yet?” Hux hissed at Kylo Ren, who just shrugged, unsure on how he should handle the situation.

“Cause he likes us. Right, Rumpo?” Tony asked with a smirk. Kylo narrowed his eyes at the man.


“Right, that’s what I said. So, Snoke. Sounds like bad news. What do we do to avoid him?” Tony went on, his secure look fading from his face when he heard a voice in the room that hadn’t been there yet.

“You do not avoid me, you obey me.” The voice said and went Tony turned towards the sound, he saw some sort of hologram from a deformed man in a robe, watching them all.

“Yikes.” Tony stated, looking at Snoke. Hux looked smug, he fully expected Snoke to end Tony right in front of them. He was going to enjoy watching that.
“General Hux, Kylo Ren, why was I not informed about these intruders in our ship?” He asked the two men and the smug look evaporated from Hux’s face.

“We did not want to bother you with such insignificant details.” Hux answered, adjusting the collar of his coat.

“Intruders are not a detail, general Hux!” Snoke retorted with a growl. “I want you to bring them to me at once so that I can end them! Nobody enters my ship unpunished…”

He got distracted when there was a big flash of light in the hallway outside. “What was that? Go and check that out, you fools!”

Kylo Ren rushed out of the room to see what was going on there. He saw that Tony and Rio managed to open a wormhole and they were about to jump through it. Rio probably snuck away while Tony was chatting him and Hux up. Both Rio and Tony looked shocked, afraid that Kylo would try and stop them.

“Be safe, Rio. May the Force be with you.” He told them instead. Then he raised his voice. “Quick, quick, stop the prisoners, they are escaping!” He shouted, winking at them both.

With a grin, Rio and Tony jumped through the wormhole and rolled back into Tony’s lab, safe and sound.

Pepper gasped in shock, running over to them and hugging them tightly. “Where have you two been, we were so worried!” She told them, her voice hoarse from crying and talking with J.A.R.V.I.S.

“Welcome home, sir.” The program stated, also relieved that his master and his employer were home safe. “May I ask where you have been? I wasn’t able to find you on my radar.”

Tony kissed Pepper and then smiled. “In a galaxy far, far away.” He replied.
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