Categories > Cartoons > BoJack Horseman

X Marks The Point

by narwhalpuppy 0 reviews

Bojack Horseman and Princess Carolyn rekindle their romance. Rated R for sexual themes.

Category: BoJack Horseman - Rating: R - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2019-09-24 - 3268 words - Complete

My 50th fanfiction! YAY for me!!!!! Bring out the cake and confetti! So I thought I would do something a little bit new. A fanfiction of the romance genre.

Now remember this is only a 'What If' type of fanfiction.

Bojack Horseman Presents:

A Narwhal Puppy Production

X Marks The Point

At the Vigor Building. Princess Carolyn was calling it a night. After a long hard day on the job. About ready to leave, Princess Carolyn hears a beep on her computer. "Is that Alexa?" she thought. Coming closer to her computer, she sees she has an email to answer. Before going home, Princess Carolyn agrees to open it. The email read:



Princess Carolyn sees there was no return email on it. "Looks like I'm going to Death Valley." she said to herself as she left her office. "But who sent that email?"

At Bojack Horseman's house, it is shown that he sent the email. Todd (who was back living with Bojack) gets up from the couch in which he slept. "Hey Bojack. You on the internet?" asks Todd. Bojack says, "Yes, I want her back. So bad." "Who do you want back?" Todd inquisited. "Princess Carolyn. I miss her so much." said Bojack. "Didn't you guys break up long ago?" Todd implies. "We have, but now I can see that was a big mistake." answers Bojack. As Bojack leaves the computer, Todd sees that Bojack didn't send a return email. "She's not going to know who wrote her!"

"That's the whole point. I want to surprise her." said Bojack.

"Wow! How in the world did you manage to email her anonymously?" Todd asked.

"It's that new APP called Anon-App. I told her to meet me at a place in Death Valley called Zabriskie Point." explains Bojack.

Todd looked worried, "If you and her get hitched, I won't have to move out, will I?"

Bojack promises, "You can stay. Princess Carolyn knows you live here. We can have a guest house built."

"It won't be like You, Me, and Dupree, will it?" Todd says.

Bojack bolts to his door and tells Todd, "Absolutely not." "That's okay I can just move in with Yolanda." said Todd. "Or back with Mr. Peanutbutter."

Going outside, Bojack maps out a plan to meet Princess Carolyn. Going on his cellphone, Bojack calls Mr. Peanutbutter.

"You've reached Mr. Peanutbutter." the song Mr. Peanutbutter's House begins to play until he answers it. "Hello."

"Yes, Mr. Peanutbutter. This is Bojack. Do you still have that plane you used when you were running for Governor."

Mr. Peanutbutter answers, "Oh sure. It's in that hanger where John Travolta keeps his plane. Just go to the DMV and get a licence first. What do you need it for?"

"Personal reasons, goodbye." Bojack said hanging up his cellphone.

Not wanting Princess Carolyn to know it was he who had sent the email. Bojack decides to fly Mr. Peanutbutter's plane to Zabriskie Point.

Morning had arrived, Princess Carolyn is in her car driving to Death Valley's Zabriskie Point. "Who could've sent me that email?"

Driving to the Hollywoo DMV, Bojack drives there decides to get the flying licence first as Mr. Peanutbutter had advised him. Bojack goes up to the desk but is interrupted by some noise next door.

"Holy shit! What the fuck is all that noise next door?" shouts Bojack. The man at the DMV desk says, "Oh we are now next door to a police department. They just arrested a bunch of protesters wanting climate change." "To hell with this!" Bojack storms out of the DMV and just take a peek inside the police department for curiousity. Inside Bojack sees Meow Meow Fuzzyface throwing the protesters into a cell. One protester who wasn't arrested that was an ostrich came up to the cat police officer. "Meow Meow Fuzzyface is it?" asked the Protester. "You just arrested one of my friends. The cheetah. I want to see him."

"Are you one of the climate change protesters?" asks Meow Meow Fuzzyface. "I am! Was protesting with my friends then......"

Meow Meow Fuzzyface grabs the ostrich by the wing and throws him into the cell with all the other protesters who were both humans and animals.

"NOW YOU CAN SEE YOUR FRIENDS!" Meow Meow Fuzzyface screams at the ostrich locking the celldoor in his face.

"Environmental whackos are complete assholes!" Bojack chuckled at the whole scene, "I remember when I was in a holding cell. Princess Carolyn had to bail me out! Boy was she mad!" As he was walking to his car Bojack decides to forego getting the licence. "Screw the flying licence. I took fucking airplane flying classes when I was on Horsin' Around for that episode where I took Sabrina, Ethan, and Olivia for a plane ride." Bojack was now driving to the hanger. Princess Carolyn was driving in her car. Once she reached Joshua Tree she sees a roadhouse up ahead. "Don't know where this Zabriskie Point is. Might as well ask for directions. Driving past the town of Yuma, Princess Carolyn finally reached the roadhouse. Getting out of her car, she finds herself mobbed by a bunch of kids who were all boys. Both human and animals.

"Hey, lady! We're looking for a piece of ass!" said one of the kids. "Do you have any?" asked another.

"Do you know what to do with it?" asked Princess Carolyn sarcastically entering the roadhouse. The kids lost interest in Princess Carolyn and ran off to play. Walking into the roadhouse, Princess Carolyn asks for directions to Zabriskie Point. A bartender who was an elephant said, "What's an attractive dame like you doing in a joint like this?"
"Where is Zabriskie Point? I need to get there to meet somebody." implies Princess Carolyn. "Oh, that place! It's in Death Valley. Not too far away." said the elephant bartender. He shows the persian feline a map to get there.

Meanwhile at the hanger, Bojack Horseman parks his car at the lot. Going to the hanger that had Mr. Peanutbutter's plane for his run for the Governor seat. Once he gets there, he sees the Hanger is already open. "The hell? Why isn't this locked?" pondered Bojack. Thinking he didn't have anything left to lose to win back Princess Carolyn, Bojack goes into the plane and seats himself in the pilot seat. Bojack shouts, "I'M TAKING THIS PLANE TO ZABRISKIE POINT IF ANYBODY CARES!" John Travolta was nearby hiding away when he heard Bojack shout out like that. "A-ha! Nailed his sorry ass! Wait'll the police hear about this!" The plane reads, "Mr. Peanutbutter for Governor" with a picture of his face on it. Beside the horse actor was character actress Margo Martindale who was passed out cold. "Not her! Really? What's she up to now?" Bojack said in shock, then proceeds to try to wake her up with no luck. "Come on! Margo! Get up! Time for you to...not ruin this for.......never mind." Margo Martindale was still passed out, but that didn't stop Bojack Horseman from wanting to fly the plane. Driving it out of the hanger then flying it into the sky. Bojack said, "Princess Carolyn! I'm coming home!"

Todd and Mr. Peanutbutter see the plane Bojack was flying.

"He actually is going through with it!" said Todd.

"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch!" said Mr. Peanutbutter.


On the road to Death Valley, Princess Carolyn was driving in her car. Bojack Horseman was above her flying the plane. "That's her! It's has to be! Hang on tight! Margo! Here I come!" Minding her own business and still wondering who wrote her the email, Princess Carolyn was following the road signs to Death Valley. "When I get to Death Valley, I'm home free!" said Princess Carolyn to herself. In the plane Bojack spots her driving in the car. "Hang onto your hat, Margo! I'm going down!" Bojack lowers the plane and flies by Princess Carolyn in the car. "Aw fish! What the fuck was that!" Princess Carolyn shouts startled and nervous. Bojack cracks up! "Hey Margo! Look at me! I'm Dean Martin in Airport! You're George Kennedy!!" Flying the plane back up into the sky, Bojack decides to dip down towards Princess Carolyn again. "Geez, hope that plane don't....." Princess Carolyn muttered quietly until Bojack flies down over her once more. "AAAAHHH! Son of a bitch! All I want is to get to Death Valley and find out who wrote me that email!"

Flying back up, Bojack flies over Princess Carolyn. "I'll give her a little break and just follow her for now! I'll show her to get there!" Princess Carolyn breathed a sigh of relief that the airplane wasn't flying over or next to her. "Gosh, I hope I don't have to see that plane again." Up in the plane, Bojack decides once more to fly down. "We're almost there! Man, I'm loving this! Haven't felt this good since I auditioned for Secrectariat! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! HA! HA! HA!" Loving the thrill of flying the plane, Bojack had never felt so alive. Flying down above Princess Carolyn once more, she screams, "Not again! Who keeps doing that!" Princess Carolyn sees a road sign that says, "DEATH VALLEY" and another a little ways down that reads, "ZABRISKIE POINT." Parking her car and getting out, Princess Carolyn out of breath filled with fear of that plane that flew above her. "Shit! Almost got killed coming here by that stupid airplane!"

Landing the plane miles away from where Princess Carolyn parked, Bojack lands the airplane. Looking around as if not knowing where to see, Princess Carolyn is confused as ever. "Where the hell is this 'old friend' I was promised to see?" Jumping out of the plane, Bojack runs to Princess Carolyn, leaving Margo Martindale behind in the plane. "Guess this was a crap shoot!" Princess Carolyn says until she sees a figure running to her. Slowly forming into Bojack Horseman. "WHAT! HIM! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!" Princess Carolyn yelled but Bojack didn't hear her.

"Princess! Princess! Princess Carolyn!" Bojack runs to her and caught up with her. "BOJACK! You better have a good reason for nearly causing me to crash and get killed!" Princess Carolyn demands.

"Princess, just hear me out. It was me! I was the one who sent you the email. It was me up in that plane." explains Bojack. "THAT WAS YOU?! You actually stole Mr. Peanutbutter's......"

"It's not what you precieve! He gave me permission to use it." said Bojack. "You never had a licence to fly. You can get in trouble for this no matter what." Princess Carolyn states. "I've done crazier things. I stole the D to the Hollywoo sign to impress Diane......." Bojack said. "I remember. I don't get it. Why are you here?" asked Princess Carolyn.

"See, the thing is.....I've missed you. I want you back. Now I'm not being some stalker possessive ex-boyfriend. Just remember all the fun and good times we've had when we were in love. Please take me! I'm sorry for all the times I've been such a pain in the ass with my drugs and drinking......" said Bojack. Princess Carolyn admits, "A lot has changed over the course of years since we broke up. We even found new lovers since then."

"I know! There was Wanda Pierce. Then Ana Spanakopita." said Bojack. Princess Carolyn recalls her loves, "I've had some bad luck dating myself. On my part, there was Vincent Adultman, then Ralph Stilton....."

"Let's not take a trip down memory dating lane. See what I'm trying to say is, all those women I've dated, all had the same problem." Bojack says. "What was the problem?" asked Princess Carolyn. "They all weren't you." Bojack tells her. "Sounds like you're quoting Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull." jokes Princess Carolyn. "Oh hell. I can forgive all that you have done."

Bojack and Princess Carolyn hug and kiss then walk around Death Valley until they reach Zabriskie Point.

"Now that we're here, what do you want to do? You make the call." said Bojack.

Back in Hollywoo, Meow Meow Fuzzyface got a report about a stolen airplane. He and his fellow cops surround the hanger where Bojack was. John Travolta came out and tells him, "I saw someone fly that Mr. Peanutbutter plane. Something about going to Zabriskie Point!" Meow Meow Fuzzyface calls on his radio "We have a report of a stolen plane on route to Death Valley!"

Meow Meow Fuzzyface was about to find out that the plane Bojack had borrowed was in Death Valley.

Rolling around the open desert grounds, Bojack Horseman and Princess Carolyn felt young again. They were having sex. "This feels right." said Princess Carolyn. "I'm shit without you, Princess!" said Bojack. After hours of making love, Bojack finds some empty paint where what used to be a construction site. "Want to know what would be funny?" asks Bojack. "What are you thinking?" asked Princess Carolyn. "Let's paint Mr. Peanutbutter's airplane all different colors!" laughs Bojack. Princess Carolyn agrees to go along with this fun Bojack suggested. Running back to the plane, Bojack and Princess Carolyn take the paint cans and throw the paint and smear it all over Mr. Peanutbutter's airplane.

The Rolling Stones She's A Rainbow plays. Bojack and Princess Carolyn were filled with carefree laughter for the first time in a long time.

Cackling Princess Carolyn says, "Mr. Peanutbutter is going to be so pissed at us!" "No shit! Can't wait to see the look on his face!" laughs Bojack. Margo Martindale was still inside the plane sleeping, but she slowly wakes up. Sirens were heard and were coming in the direction into Death Valley. Princess Carolyn panics. "Oh no! The cops are after you!" "Come on, let's hide." said Bojack. The police cars surrounded the airplane. Meow Meow Fuzzyface sees the mess the plane was in after the extreme paint job Bojack and Princess Carolyn did.

"What the FUCK just happened!" Meow Meow Fuzzyface could not believe his eyes. One of the police told him, "Maybe this is the wrong plane, sir. We were looking for Mr. Peanutbutter's plane." "You're right. This doesn't look like his plane at all. Perhaps maybe John Travolta gave us a false lead!"

Hiding behind a portapotty Bojack and Princess Carolyn watched the whole thing. Their tensions were rising high. "Oh, Bojack. I hope they don't find out this was you." said Princess Carolyn. "Oh they won't," Bojack said without worry. "Why aren't you concerned about this?" asks Princess Carolyn. "Oh, let's say somebody will take the rap!" said Bojack. "Don't know who it could be. We're the only two animals here!" said Princess Carolyn. Bojack whispers, "When I took this plane, Margo Martindale was in there. She was sleeping. Maybe she'll get!" "ooooh! You naughty boy!" laughs Princess Carolyn.

The plane was moving, Margo Martindale had taken control of the plane and was racing it down the street. "Come and get me coppers!" cracked up Margo. "I knew it! Men! Don't let her get away! We have a suspect! It's Margo Martindale! John Travolta wasn't bullshitting us!" called out Meow Meow Fuzzyface.

The police were shooting at the now messed up airplane. Margo Martindale even flew the plane 2 feet in the air. "Check me out! I'm the Aviator!" laughs Margo. Meow Meow Fuzzyface and his policemen were now chasing the airplane being flown by Margo Martindale. "You'll never take me alive, coppers!"

Just for a cheap thrill, Bojack throws a rock at one of the seceeding police motorcycles knocking the cop off. The policeman got back on and drove off on the motorcycle. Bojack and Princess Carolyn run to her car.

"I forgot how much fun you were!" said Princess Carolyn. "At least I won't have to worry! Margo Martindale will go down for my so-called 'crime'!" Bojack says. Over a megaphone Meow Meow Fuzzyface yells at Margo, "MARGO MARTINDALE! YOU MUST TURN YOURSELF IN AND SURRENDER TO THE AUTHORITIES!" "KISS MY ASS!" Margo screams back.


Bojack Horseman and Princess Carolyn drive down Death Valley in her car. "That was a wild ride! Best date ever!" Bojack said. "I say it is! You're still the same asshole you always were! I forgot why I fell in love with an asshole like you in the first place! Now I remember. Where do you want to go now?" asked Princess Carolyn. "Drive around a little." answers Bojack. They decide to drive to Arizona and they find a housing complex. "How about we get off here and just watch the sunset." suggests Bojack. "Lovely idea." said Princess Carolyn.

Getting out from the car, they watch the sunset. Bojack says, "I'm really sorry that I have ever told you that you wasted your 30s with me." "It's fine. I forgot about that. As long as we made up and we're together." said Princess Carolyn. "Like I said to Sarah Lynn before she died of an overdose. It's this moment that matters." said Bojack. They see the housing complex and say, "Someday I hope to get a place like that. Maybe when I retire from acting." said Bojack. "IOr you could get a place like that now. You got money! So very happy that we rekindled our romance." said Princess Carolyn. There were workers around the housing complex who eventually got into their vechicles and drove off. Bojack Horseman and Princess Carolyn were enjoying the view as they kissed. Up in the sky, Mr. Peanutbutter's airplane still being flown by Margo Martindale and police cars were still chasing her. As was a police helicopter.

"This turned out to be an interesting day." laughed Princess Carolyn. "As for that plane, guess my hands are clean! I got away with a crime!" Bojack laughs along with his lover. From far away, they were Meow Meow Fuzzyface over his megaphone in the helicopter. "DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO PRISON! THAT IS WHERE YOU'RE HEADED! GIVE YOURSELF UP AT ONCE!" Police sirens were heard all over the area. Margo Martindale jumps out of the plane and the plane crashed into the housing complex giving off a huge explosion. Blown apart in billows of orange flame and household items. Bojack and Princess Carolyn kissed and then had more sex. "This just feels right." moaned Princess Carolyn.

"When do you want to go back to Hollywoo?" asked Bojack. "Let's stay here longer." suggested Princess Carolyn. "Would you like to move in with me?" asked Bojack. "I'd love that, but what about Todd?" asked Princess Carolyn. "I'm getting a guest house built so he can have his own place." said Bojack. "Excellent! Come here you big bad hunk of horse, you....." Princess Carolyn says.

A news report at MSNBSea was played on TV. Tom Grumbo-Jumbo was reporting. "It appears that character actress Margo Martindale has gone completely batshit crazy! Insane as one would say. Our reports show that Margo Martindale had stolen Mr. Peanutbutter's Airplane from when he was running for Governor and then painted all over it. Now she crashed the plane into a housing complex in Arizona!"

Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd watched the news report. "I'm suing that bitch!" Mr. Peanutbutter screams. "I'll go get a lawyer for you." said Todd racing to the phone. Vans and trucks from MSBNBSea news were reporting driving up to the blown up housing complex. Bojack Horseman and Princess Carolyn enjoyed the scene as they watched. Very deeply in love.

The End

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
Sign up to rate and review this story