Categories > Original > Humor
A Midsummer's Nightmare
0 reviewsIntroducing a fanfiction that is based on the new FOX cartoon series: Duncanville!
0Unrated
The first ever Duncanville fanfiction! The residents of Oakdale are in the midst of a heatwave. Jack enters a trivia contest where he wins lots of money. Instead of getting a new air conditioner like he promised. He spends some of the winnings by taking Duncan, Jing, Kimberly, and Annie to a posh hotel. From there more trouble brews.
Can't help myself! I love Duncanville! Three episodes shown and I'm already hooked! The news anchor Michael Carmichael, The Funners, and the camera man I.M. Lessening are not actual characters from the cartoon. They're just OCs I made up for the fanfiction!
Duncanville Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
A Midsummer's Nightmare.
It was middle of July. The biggest heatwave on record in the city of Oakdale. The ones who suffered the most from the ongoing heat were the Harris Family. Their air conditioning was broken beyond repair. The Harris family were sweating like pigs. All expect Jack. Annie kept demanding Jack that he fixes it. "HEY! HELLO! JACK! IS JACK HOME!" screeched Annie at Jack. Being mesmerized by the television where the local news affiliate had a Classic Rock Trivia Contest. "Not right now, Annie! I'm busy! Don't bother me!" Jack tells his wife. "You're supposed to be a repair man and you don't fix an air conditioner!" Annie yells. "I'm a plumber! That's all I know how to do! Now be quiet! I want to call in to the tv station to answer a trivia question!" Jack said.
Jing walks into the living room with a juice box in her hand. "Why are you so sure you're going to win, Daddy?" Jack answers his adopted daughter, "It's about my favorite subject ever! Classic Rock!" "No shit there," Annie begins. "There's evidence of your obsession in our garage!" A news anchor who's name is Michael Carmichael says, "Whoever calls in and gets his question right will win $100,00!" Jack wrings his hands, "It's all mine! I can taste it!" "Has anyone seen Duncan and Kimberly?" asked Jing. In his bedroom, Duncan was sleeping in. Having his usual fantasy dreams. In this dream, Duncan was a cowboy and his crush Mia was a cowgirl. Duncan and Mia were both riding in a desert being chased by Indians. Duncan had a gun that was shooting the Indians dead in their tracks as Mia had a lasso. "Ride 'em cowgirl!" Duncan said.
Mia was lassoing the the last of the Indians. Then Duncan stood on top of the Indians tall and proudly. "This was the Last of The Mohicans!" laughed Duncan. Mia laughs with him then sees more Indians chase after them. "Oh no! Let's get ready! There's more!" Mia warned Duncan.
The Indians this time were faster and Duncan and Mia could not keep up. So Duncan and Mia get off their horse, and climb onto a train. "What're you doing?" asked Mia. "Let's get away" said Duncan. So Duncan and Mia both jump off the train and into a water culvert. When Mia was about to kiss Duncan, he hears his name called. Duncan then gets woken by his mother's demanding voice. "DUNCAN! WHAT'RE YOU DOING UP THERE!" Feeling startled, Duncan finds himself covered in a massive amount of perspiration. "What a bad time to wake me up from an awesome dream! Better get on my Speed Stick!" Duncan said. Rushing downstairs.
Kimberly walks out of her bedroom and teases her older brother, "Hey, Duncan! If Mom called you like that you must already be in trouble! And the day hasn't even started yet!" Shoving Kimberly aside, Duncan joins Annie and Jack in the living room.
"What is it Mom?" asked Duncan. "The air conditioning is broken. You've taken Shop Class in school." said Annie. "But...but...we didn't fix air conditioners!" said Duncan. "Now's a good chance for you to learn. Your father won't get off his ass to fix it!" Annie tells Duncan. "How am I supposed to do that? And why me?" asked Duncan.
Annie says, "Every boy just learn how to fix appliances so they won't become criminals later in life!"
"AWWWWW," Duncan hangs his head.
"Forget the air conditioner, Duncan!" Jack said. "I need all the support I can get when I call into this Trivia Contest! If I win, I'll get us a new air conditioner!" promised Jack. However, will he keep his word. Jack grabs the phone. Kimberly tries to inform her parents, "Mom! Dad! Duncan pushed me!"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Jack said dialing the phone to the television station. Michael Carmichael said, "Okay we got our first caller. What is your name, sir!"
"Jack Harris! I'm here to answer a trivia question!"
Michael Carmichael said, "All righty Jack Harris. See if you can answer this."
"I'm listening," said Jack.
"Finish these lyrics to this Led Zeppelin song, "I Got To Roll, I Can't Stand Still! We'll give you :30 seconds on the clock! Good luck!" Michael said.
Jack instantly answers, "Got A Flaming Heart Can't Get My Fill! Eyes That Shine, Burning Red, Dreams of You All Through My Head!"
A bell ring is heard and the and Jack is the winner. "Congratulations! Jack Harris! You are our Grand Prize winner!"
Cheers erupted in the Harris house. "Give us your address and we'll give you a check for $100,000!" said Michael Jack gives his address. Annie hugs him. "Oh Jack! You really came through for us!" "I've toured with Led Zeppelin after I got back from The Gulf War! So I know all their songs!" said Jack.
Everyone was happy for Jack that he won $100,000 for the Classic Rock Trivia Contest. "Now this means you'll get us a new air conditioner!" asked Jing. "Yes, I will. First, to celebrate. I want to treat my family to a weekend getaway." said Jack.
"What? Family Weekend Getaway?" asked Kimberly. "Do we have to come too?" asked Duncan. Both of them did not like the idea of spending a weekend with their parents.
"Yes you do have to come kids!" said Annie. "But...but.. we don't want to go." protests Kimberly. "You guys are coming and that's that!" Annie demands. "Just take Kimberly and Jing, I'll be fine here." said Duncan. "Why don't you kids want to come?" asked Jack astoundedly. "The more teenagers spend with their families, the less likely they are to make bad decisions!" Annie tells a distraught Duncan and Kimberly. "AAAWWWGGGHHHH!" Kimberly moaned.
"What if I were to tell you with this money I won. All of us are going to stay at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City!" Jack said excitedly. Jing was excited, Duncan and Kimberly were not. "Oh, come on! Stop with the long faces! Duncan all your friends are away for the summer." Jack tells them.
"I know," begins Duncan rolling his eyes. "It's like you both reminded me all summer. Bex is volunteering at a nursing home with her Grandma. Wolf is in Denver with his family, and Yengzi is in California interning for Google." Jack says putting his arm around Duncan's shoulder, "I just want to be a cool father. This is something my old man never would've done for me." Jack said.
Duncan gives in, "All right. We're in. Let's pack our bags, Kimberly." Kimberly goes into her room and opens a closet. She kisses a picture of Wolf she has in there and whispers, "I miss you, Wolf. Wish you were coming with me to New York City."
The doorbell rings and it was a cameraman from the local news station, his name is I.M. Lessening. "Jack Harris is it?" "That's me!" Jack said. "This huge check is for you! $100,000!" said I.M. Lessening. Annie says, "Now don't forget. Let's be responsible and get an air conditioner first." Jack retorts, "It's my money. I was the one who won this! We'll get one after our weekend trip." Annie said, "I'm going to trust you on this. Like a have a choice."
Duncan was packing until he gets distracted by one of his dreams. His dream was he and Mia were doing parkour in Downtown Manhattan. "Hey, Mia!" said Duncan. "Yes, my love?" asked Mia. "We're in a New York state of mind, aren't we!" said Duncan. Mia says, "Kiss me, Duncan!" Annie walks into Duncan's room and says, "Are you done packing yet!" "Uh, yes Mom! I'm done!" Duncan said. Being in a hurry to pack for the trip, Duncan rushes downstairs. The Harris Family all gathered into the car. Jing says, "Hey, Mommy hey Daddy! Look at me! I'm the Statue of Liberty!" "That's cute, honey. Now get inside so we can see the real thing!" Annie said. Jing gets inside the car with her family.
"Start Spreading The News! The Harris Family is going to New York!" Jack announces as he drives down the street. Duncan still disapointed says, "This is going to be one long ass weekend." "Hope they have WIFI there at least." said Kimberly. Jing hugs Duncan and says, "Don't worry. Your friends may be gone for the summer, but you always have me!" Duncan and Kimberly both sigh but not loud enough for their parents to hear.
"While we're there, let's look for an air conditioner." Annie suggested trying to get Jack not to forget what the real purpose of the prize money was for.
*
Jack drove to New York City until he found the Waldorf Astoria. Taking his huge check with him to check in for the weekend. "Here we are kids! Waldorf Astoria! Sounds like Waldorf salad." laughed Jack happily. Duncan still felt no relief from the heat. "Just as hot here as it is back home." "Tell me about it." Kimberly agreeing with her older brother. Walking inside, Duncan, Jing, and Kimberly look around. "This is nothing like they have in Oakdale." said Duncan. "Yep, this is where I want us to go on our future honeymoon, Duncan!" Jing said. Kimberly tries to hook up the WIFI to her iphone. "Ha. Good. At least I'll be able to survive here." Jack walks up to the front desk and the desk clerk asks, "Can I help you." "Uh, yes. You can! But talk to my husband!" said Annie thumbing at Jack.
"We want you to book us a room for my family and myself to stay for the weekend." Jack told the desk clerk. "How are you going to pay for that?" asked the desk clerk. Jack displays the huge check given to him from the local news affiliate for $100,000. "With this of course!" The desk clerk says, "Hmmm. Am I to understand you won the lottery or something?" "Nope, but you're close!" Jack said. Taking the huge check, the desk clerk says, "Since you're all staying just for the weekend, it's going to be $20,000!" Annie gulped. Jack assures her, "Don't worry my love. We still some left to get our AC!" Jack said.
Jing sees a water fountain and was about to jump in. "I'm gonna do a swan dive!" Kimberly grabs her in time. "Let's not make an ass of yourself. This looks like the hotel Macaulay Culkin stayed at in Home Alone 2." said Kimberly. "You said a bad word! I'm telling mom!" Jing said. "STOP IT!" Annie said getting in Kimberly's and Jing's faces. "Who?" asked Kimberly. "BOTH OF YOU!" Annie shouted. Kimberly and Jing both heeded their mother's warning.
A bellhop shows the Harris Family to their hotel room. "If they can see us now! We're like that family in the Booking dot com commercial!" "Only there's no air sickness bags and I have my shoes on." said Duncan sarcastically. "Enough with the attitude young man! We are here in New York and we're going to have fun!" Annie said.
Entering their room, they see a canopy bed. A luxury bathroom, a vase, and a mini kitchen. "Are you seeing this, kids! Isn't it awesome!" Jack said.
"Yeah, in a 1408 kind of way." said Duncan. "There better be places here in this joint for teenagers!" "And don't forget preteens!" added Kimberly. Turning on the thermostat Jack says, "We have air conditioning here!" "Great! Wonderful!" Duncan said.
As soon as the Harris Family gets settled. Jack says, "So what do you all want to do first?"
Jing sees the bathtub in the bathroom. "Can I take a bath! Maybe people can go swimming in it!" Annie said to Jing, "You can take a bath, but no diving or swimming! It's not a pool!" Jing goes in the bathroom to take a bath. Annie then smells something stinky. "Oh my! Jack! You can use a bath yourself after Jing is done."
"Lighten up. Probably just the smell of the New York summer air. The Lovin' Spoonful said The Days Can't Be Like the Nights." Jack said. "Oh really." begins Annie, "When was the last time you had a bath, Jack?" Jack answers, "July 4th 2010. I was too naive to fight about it then." Annie comes up to Duncan and Kimberly. "What're you kids going to do?"
"See if there's anything cool here." said Duncan. "This place doesn't seem to be very kid or teen friendly." said Kimberly.
Duncan and Kimberly go outside their hotel room to explore. Annie takes a look at the bed. "Oh, a double bed. Just what we need." Jack said, "I call the top bunk!" "Jack! No! It's a canopy bed." Annie warned him. "Fine." Jack said.
Gone for a half hour, Duncan and Kimberly came back to their hotel room feeling very chagrined. "What's wrong, kids?" asked Annie. "Thought there would be at least a game room in this place." said Duncan with a hint of edge in his voice. "There's not even a pool here." Kimberly said. "You always can go to the beach." Jack said.
"Will this weekend ever end?" Duncan shouted. "Can't we just have stayed home?" asked Kimberly. "NO! We just got here and we're going to appreciate what your father is doing. After this, he promised to get a new AC!" "That's right. How about we watch a movie!" Jack said turning on the TV.
In another hotel room next door. There was a well-to-do married couple known as The Funners. An older middle aged man and woman who's names were Nick and Kathy. The wife Kathy walks into the room and tells Nick, "Did you see? Did you hear?" she asked. "See or hear what?" asked Nick. "A newly rich family is right next door to us. We should be friends with them!" Kathy said excitedly. "Yes, you're right. We'll go over and introduce ourselves as soon as we send Bananas over.
Bananas was The Funners pet monkey. "Here's the plan, Bananas will waltz into their room. Then we go to their hotel room and ask if they've seen our pet monkey." "Perfect! We'll tell them Bananas went missing and we were distraught when he got lost! Great way to make friends with The Funners!" said Nick who was full of enthusiasm with the idea of meeting the Harris Family. The Funners were not your typical rich couple. They were like irresponsible teenagers who never grew up. Always on the prowl to make friends with other couples and even couples with kids so they can have a rip roaring good time.
*
Jack turned on the television to pick a movie for them all to watch. "Here's a good one. Why not this classic with Damon Wayans and Adam Sandler, Bulletproof?" "Sure, sounds like fun." Duncan said rolling his eyes. Kimberly climbed onto the canopy bed. "How about I watch it from up here?" Annie freaks out and tells her, "KIMBERLY! GET DOWN! This is a 5 star hotel! You don't want to be breaking anything!" "Relax, Annie. If they do, we have the money to fix it!" Jack said. "Oh come on, what's the worst that can happen?" Kimberly said as she tried to lay across. The canopy cracked in half and Kimberly jumped off immediately. The bed was still intact as was the canopy which now had a crack down the middle. Duncan shook in fear and by accident tips over the vase that was on a stand.
Annie was mad like hell won't have it. "All right you two! It's rather obvious you guys don't want to be here! Jing shouted from the bathroom, "Keep it down in there. I'm trying to have quiet bath time!"
Marching up to Duncan, Annie reads him the riot act, "You're the one who taught Kimberly to be this way, weren't you? That vase you broke. You did that on purpose!" Duncan protests, "No I didn't. It's not my fault...." "Spare me your excuses why don't you both go and do some sightseeing! Just stay out of trouble!" Annie tells both Duncan and Kimberly. Jack adds in, "Get out of our hair for a while!" Jack calls room service, "Now that we'll have some time alone, why not get a bottle of some of the good stuff! Hello, room service! Send us some champagne!"
"Come on, Kimberly. Want to go see the Statue of Liberty or something?" asked Duncan. "Okay." Kimberly said. As Duncan and Kimberly depart they leave the door open. A hotel worker came in and gave Jack and Annie some champagne. "Did one of you want some champagne?" "Yo right here!" Jack raised his hand. The hotel worker sets down the bucket of ice with champagne inside, "It's on the house." "Now that the kids are gone, let's get wasted! We can live like a rock star!" Jack said. Annie agrees to it. Bananas the monkey secretly walks into their hotel room.
Overtime, Jack and Annie were nearly drunk. "New York City! Did you know Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen stayed in a place like this?" Jack said. Annie slurred, "Just hope Duncan and Kimberly don't cause anymore......we....hick.....sent them off in a strange city!"
Still feeling shaken after Annie yelled at them, Duncan and Kimberly were waiting for a tour bus. "One of these buses should take us to the Statue of Liberty." said Duncan. "How about we take selfies of ourselves on top of the monument. Then we send pictures of us to all our friends!" said Kimberly. "It's not very often you have good ideas! Let's do it!" Duncan said.
A tour bus rides beside then, Kimberly and Duncan enter. Back at the hotel room, Jack and Annie were drunk they didn't notice Bananas the monkey was in the room. Jack was on his last bottle and drinks it down. "Ten years of plumbing school! Just like college!" Jack slurred his words. Annie reaches into her purse, "Time for me to go back to being....hick responsible. So I'll take these pills I got to sober up! You take some too! hick!" Jack downed the last bottle of champagne. Annie took her pills and gave some to Jack.
As soon as they took the pills, they automatically sobered up. Jack screams when he sees the monkey next to Annie. "ANNIE! ANNIE! LOOK OUT! I think you might have coronavirus!" "What're you talking about?" Annie demands. "A monkey is right beside you! It's the coronavirus! Stay away!" Jack warns her. "First off, coronavirus was not caused by monkeys. It was bats, snakes, and God knows what else. Second, I think you got it confused with that movie Outbreak!" Annie informed him. Jing was done with her bath. "What's going on?" asks Jing. "There's a monkey in our room and we have no idea how it got here!" Jack tells Jing.
Annie said, "Let's get it out of here. It can cause more destruction than Duncan and Kimberly ever could." "I wanna help! Can I!" Jing asks. "Sure you can!" said Jack. Bananas was running around the hotel room breaking everything in sight. A knock is heard at the door. "Last thing we need!" said Annie. "Starting to regret ever coming here! Should've stayed home and got us a new AC!" Jack said. "Now look who's finally using some common sense!" shouted Annie, she opens the door and there were Nick and Kathy Funner. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!"
"We're looking for our monkey? Have you seen him?" asked Nick. "If you're looking for the monkey, he's right on Daddy's head!" said Jing. Bananas was square on top of Jack's head as he says, "This simian lunatic wreaked our room. You can't miss him!" Kathy runs up to Bananas, "You bad boy! You ought to be.....oh I can't stay mad at you!"
"This monkey is our pet." begins Nick. "We heard you were in town, so we were going to meet you and introduce ourselves then our baby Bananas went missing." explains Kathy.
"Would you like to get together sometime?" asked Jack. "Yes, that's the whole reason why we wanted to meet you. We're right next door in case you if you're looking for a good time!" said Kathy. "Thanks so much, we'll think about it." said Annie. Bananas went back to his hotel room and Nick and Kathy. Jing looks around at the mess. "We need to clean this up before anyone sees."
"You're right." said Jack. As Annie, Jing, and Jack were about to clean the mess that was made by Bananas another knock was heard at the door. Jack answers it. And it was the hotel clerk. "Are you Jack Harris?"
"Well, yes I am. What seems to be the matter.?" he asked the hotel clerk. "This check you used to pay for your room for the weekend. It's a fake one." said the hotel clerk.
"WHAT! BUT HOW! WHY!!!! I DON'T GET IT! It seemed like a real check to me!" Jack spat out. "We're getting the police here as soon as possible." said the hotel clerk to Jack. "For what!" Jack shouts. "For check fraud!" the hotel clerk tried to continue the conversation then sees the broken mess in the hotel room. "THE VASE! THE BED!" "Don't take my daddy to jail. He never did anything bad in his life!" Jing begged the hotel clerk.
"Nothing I can do about that. I'm calling the police and that's it!" the hotel clerk left in a rage. Jack was on the floor in fetal position. "OH SHIT! OH SHIT!! OH SHIT! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A DREAM! PLEASE LET THIS BE A DREAM! AUNTY EM! AUNTY EM!"
"It's not your fault. Someone wrote you that fake check and I'm going to find out who!" Annie said. "Can I come! I wanna help mommy play detective!" said Jing. Annie stands up and says, "I am going to clear you name! I'm going to find the real culprit you did this! Like Scarlet O'Hara once said. As God as my witness! My family will not suffer!" "This is a good time as ever to put your detective skills into good use, mommy!" said Jing.
The tour bus dropped off Duncan and Kimberly at the Statue of Liberty. "When I send a selfie I'm sending one to Mia!" said Duncan. "I'll send one to Wolf!" Kimberly added. Duncan and Kimberly were about to enter the Statue of Liberty until they were stopped by a security guard. "Sorry kids. You guys can't come unless you're accompanied by a parent and or legal guardian."
"SHIT! What's the use of going to New York City without seeing the Statue of Liberty!" Duncan spits out in anger. "I know, right! What are we supposed to be act out Liberty Mutual Insurance commercials!" Kimberly said. Duncan sees a souvenir store that had a sign that reads, NOW SELLING PRESIDENT MASKS. Reaching into his pocket Duncan says, "If they only want adults to come, they're going to get adults!" "Your birthday money is going to come in handy for this." Kimberly said.
*
Back at the Waldorf Astoria. The police came and scoped out the messy and broken apart hotel room, and arrested Jack. "You're under arrest for check fraud, and we'll charge you with vandalism!" Jack said, "I might as well get arrested by Detective Elliot Stabler!" The cop said, "He's my role model! You will not speak ill of him!" said the police officer who lead Jack away in handcuffs. Jing cries, "I want my daddy back! This is the worst weekend ever!" Annie assures her daughter, "I'm going to bring Daddy back very soon! Wanna be my partner! We'll play a fun game called Who Framed Daddy!" Annie said. "Okay." Jing cries trying to hold back her tears.
Running out of the souvenir store, Duncan and Kimberly came out wearing President masks. Duncan was wearing a Gerald Ford mask, Kimberly a Richard Nixon one. The brother and sister had absolutely no clue that their father got wrongfully arrested for check fraud. "This is bullshit," protested Kimberly, "Why do I have to be Nixon? My history teacher once said Nixon was the worst President ever!" Duncan said, "At least you got the better deal. I'm being Gerald Ford. The clumsiest President of all!" Going back to the Statue of Liberty, Duncan and Kimberly try to sneak inside. "I got this idea from Point Break. One of Dad's favorite movies." Duncan informs her.
The security guard sees Duncan and Kimberly in the President Masks. They were lucky that the guard was a idiot. "No way! Former President Nixon and Former Presient Gerald Ford!" the guard said. "Yes we are!" Duncan said in a disguised voice. "I thought you guys were long gone dead. What would you like to do on the Statue Of Liberty?" asks the guard. "Just want to go on the top. By the way, I am not crook!" Kimberly said also with a disguised voice. The security guard leads them inside the Statue of Liberty and lets them walk up the staircase to the top. "Remember, only a ten minute time limit!" the guard said. "Rules even apply for ex-Presidents!" Duncan pretended to tumble over to get the feel of being of Gerald Ford.
Finally reaching the top of the Statue of Liberty, Duncan and Kimberly take off their masks and proceed to take selfies of themselves on their iPHONEs. Duncan sends all his selfies to Bex, Yangzi, Mia, and Wolf. "You're friends with Wolf, do you know his email?" asked Kimberly. "Hey, you leave Wolf alone. You're too young for him. Stick with friends your own age." Duncan told her. "Sheez! You sound just like Mom!" Kimberly said as she was sending her selfies to all her friends.
At the New York City Precinct, Annie was visiting Jack. Jing was there too. They were both talking to each other through a phone and plexiglass.
"We're doing all we can get set you free, Daddy!" Jing said. "Awww, You're very sweet, Jing! Seriously! I've been in here for an hour and everyone is already trying to rape me!" Jack yelled. Annie told him, "Justice will be served. We're going to set out and find the shitbag who wrote that fake check!" A Prison Guard came from behind, and manhandled Jack taking him back to his cell, "Visiting hours are over! Back to your cell, buddy!"
Ten minutes had passed and Duncan and Kimberly still were taking seflies on top of the Statue of Liberty. Duncan hears footfalls and quickly puts his mask back on. Kimberly does the same. "I think he's coming, quick!" Duncan said. The security guard tells them, "It's been 10 minutes now. You have to leave." Duncan says, "Uh, yeah yeah, we were just leaving!" A twist of fate bestowed upon them as a brisk wind pulls off their masks. "A-ha! It was you two! You played me for a fool!" the security yells at both Duncan and Kimberly. "Come on, Duncan! Let's go!" Kimberly said with fright.
The security guard tries to block them but Duncan and Kimberly both slide under him. Then the security guard chases them as he yells, "YOU DAMN KIDS! GET BACK HERE!"
Annie was walking around the outside of the Waldorf Astoria. Jing has a magnifying glass. "Mommy! I'm Sherlock Holmes! Get it!" Annie peaks around, "Hmmmm, the criminal who did this must be around here......." A car drove up to Annie and Jing and it was Nick and Kathy, aka the Funners.
"HEELLLOO! Are we still on for that good time?" asked Nick. "Ummm, not right now. I'm trying to solve a mystery." said Annie. Kathy jumps out of the car as does Bananas the monkey, "Mystery? I love a good mystery! Want us to join in?" Jing hears some muffling in the Funners car. "Uhhh, Mommy. There might be somebody inside the car!"
Annie hears the muffling, "Why so there is!" Kathy and Nick grew worried. "Uhhhh, please don't look in there!" Jing opens the trunk and Annie looks inside. Two hostages in the trunk who worked for the Local Affiliate in Oakdale Michael Carmichael and I.M. Lessening. They were both bound and gagged. Beside them there was a bag full of money. Not to mention there were fake checks inside.
"This looks suspicious!" Annie sneers at the Funners. "We can explain!" "We're actually pranksters!" "Spare me the sweet talk! I can smell a criminal from miles away! You two are the ones who set up my husband!" Annie said. Jing starts kicking their legs, "Gimmie my Daddy back! Gimmie my Daddy back!" Nick and Kathy then took out guns, "Looks like we're going to commit another crime besides fraud! MURDER!" shouts Nick. "We'll kill the kid, too!" Kathy said. Bananas the money comes up from behind and knocks both Nick and Kathy out cold.
"Good police work, Jing! Now help Mommy take this evidence and these assholes to the police!" Annie tells Jing. "When I grow up, I wanna be just like you, Mommy!" Jing tells Annie. Jing and Annie untie Michael and I.M. "Thanks so much!" they both say.
*
Running down the streets of New York City, Duncan and Kimberly were trying like crazy to get away from the security guard. "You damned kids! You made a mockery out of a historical monument! And the best Presidents ever! " Duncan said to himself, "New York City is a police state! Things sure would be different if I were the mayor here!" Duncan was running in his usual floppish manner.
Going into one of his fantasies, Duncan dreams that he is the newly elected mayor of New York City. Mia by his side. A bunch of people gathered around and one of them has Duncan swear on a Bible. "I, Duncan Harris do solemnly swear to be the greatest and coolest mayor of all New York!" Duncan gets the key to the city. Crowds cheered, threw confetti and balloons all over. Mia and Duncan kiss. "Hey! Snap out of it!" Kimberly shouted interrupting Duncan's dream. "Got any bright ideas?" Kimberly shouted at her brother. "Not at the moment! Just keep running!" Duncan screamed.
At a New York City courthouse, Jack was being arraigned. The judge who's name was Hangman, looks at him with contempt. "Jack Harris, you're from Oakdale, is that right?" asked Judge Hangman. "Correct." Jack answered.
Judge Hangman continues with the testimony, "Are you aware and do you understand the charges against you. How do you plead?" "Not guilty! Because I didn't do it!" Jack said.
The door to the courtroom got kicked down. In came Annie with the bag of money and a still knocked out cold Nick and Kathy. "Your honor, if I may!" Annie said. "I'll allow it!" Judge Hangman said.
"These two sons of bitches made my husband think he won a tv station contest. Did a background check on these punks. They're Nick and Kathy Funner. They're the Bonnie and Clyde of check and money fraud!" Annie explains to the judge.
Jing said, "My Daddy didn't do no wrong! He thought it was real money he won! Please let my Daddy go! I helped Mommy clear his name!"
Judge Hangman said, "I hereby acquit Jack Harris from all charges against him. I also give Jack Harris $100,000. Nick and Kathy Funner are the guilty ones. The evidence is here right in front of my eyes! I will have them placed in a jail cell and have a $1000000 bail is set for the both of them. Dismissed!" The judge hit his hammer on the gavel. Jack ran and hugged Annie. "You saved me! You saved my ass back there!" The bailiffs pick up Nick and Kathy to take them to jail.
"You would've done the same for me!" Annie said as she and Jack kissed.
Outside of the courthouse, Jack, Jing, and Annie walked outside. A bailiff handed Jack a real check for $100,000! Jack soon feels regretful. Jing jumps onto Jack's shoulders, "Good to have you back, Daddy! Thought you were going to be gone forever!"
"I never should have dragged you all here to New York." Jack said. "Maybe it's good that you did. If you hadn't we'd still be..." Annie was about to finish. Blok Party's Helicopter plays as they see two figures run toward them calling, "MOM! DAD!" They were Duncan and Kimberly.
"Oh great! Do I have to bail THEM out now!" Annie shouted.
"A few more yards to go." Duncan said out of breath. Kimberly and Duncan finally caught up with Jing, Jack, and Annie.
"Hey, kids! You won't believe what just happened to us!" Jack said.
"What're you all doing outside a court house?" asked Kimberly.
"That another story for another day! What's going on with you two!" Annie screeched. "Uh oh! Maybe Duncan and Kimberly will go to jail now!" giggles Jing.
"We went to the Statue of Liberty and..." Duncan was cut off by Annie.
"Let's take a guess here, you made a decision that ruined your whole future!"
"No no! That's not it! Kimberly and I wanted to take some selfies and show off to our friends. Then a guard wouldn't let us inside because we didn't have our parents with us...." Duncan says nervously.
"See what happens when you don't have parental supervision? And you Kimberly. I thought you were smarter than to give into Duncan's negative influence!" Annie tells both of them.
"We're going back home and...." before Jack could go on, the security guard from the Statue of Liberty was running up to them. "THERE YOU ARE! YOU LITTLE SHITS! YOU'RE IN BIG...."
The security guard was going to catch up to Kimberly and Duncan, then Bananas the monkey jumps on top of him and shoves him into a sewer. "Even you two got off lucky." laughs Jack. "What is he talking about?" asked Duncan. "We're all going home now. What do you say." said Jack with a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm for it. Why are you sad?" asked Kimberly.
"Very sorry that I dragged you kids out here after I won that contest," Jack begins. "I just wanted to show my children the good time my father never showed me. Had my father won money the way I had, he would've spent it all on himself." "That's fine we all have our regrets." said Annie, "How about on the way back we get a new AC with that money you got!"
"Good idea." said Jack. Duncan and Kimberly could not be more happier to be going home. Driving on the way back, Jack and Annie told Duncan and Kimberly about the whole fake check fiasco. Duncan and Kimberly told the whole story about what had occurred at the Statue of Liberty.
The heatwave was still going on strong back in Oakdale. This time, the Harris family were not suffering from it. On the way home Jack stopped into a Home Depot and got the family a new AC with his check he got from the court for $100,000. Nick and Kathy Funner remained in jail. Then when they went to trial, other people who got scammed by them testified against them both. Facing charges such as fraud as well as kidnapping. The Funners were both sentenced to 10 years in prison. The Harris Family never heard from the Funners again. In the meantime, Annie had Jack put the rest of his check in the bank and scolded him, "You're going to use your money wisely next time." "Thanks, I needed that." said Jack to Annie. Michael Carmichael and I.M. Lessening were back to work at the Local TV station.
Finally, back in Oakdale, the Harris Family were enjoying their new AC. They all breathed a sigh of relief.
"We are not the only family suffering from the heat anymore!" said Jack. "It's so great! How were you able to build the new AC, Jack?" asked Annie. "I didn't fix it! A friend did it." Jack pointed. It was Bananas the monkey who had on a tool belt.
"That monkey isn't going to stay with us is he?" asked Duncan. "Last thing I need to effect my social status." said Kimberly. "Can monkey stay, please?" Jing begged. "That's up to him. For now, let's enjoy this AC!" said Jack.
"Can he?" said Jing "As I just said, that's up to him for decide, Jing." said Jack. Duncan and Kimberly both got emails from their friends on their iPHONES.
"All right!" cheered Duncan. "My friends are back from vacation! They're jealous of my selfie!" Referring to the selfies him and Kimberly took on the Statue of Liberty.
"I just got invited to a pool party!" said Kimberly. "All my friends loved my selfie!"
Duncan and Kimberly get out of their house. Annie tells them, Be back by 3! Or else you'll be grounded!"
"Sure thing, Mom! Anything is better than being in New York." said Duncan. Kimberly gets on her bike to go to the pool party. "Later loser!" she said, "I'm going to a cool kids party!" Duncan gets on his scooter and glides down the road to meet with his friends Yangzi, Wolf, and Bex. Who were waiting for him at their hangout in the empty trailer. Duncan was having a dream where he is on a motorcycle driving down the farmfield roads.
Jack and Annie shared some alone time with Duncan and Kimberly gone. Jack got out one of his records and played Jethro Tull and ELO. Bananas entertained them by dancing to the music. Jing joined in on Bananas dancing.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
Can't help myself! I love Duncanville! Three episodes shown and I'm already hooked! The news anchor Michael Carmichael, The Funners, and the camera man I.M. Lessening are not actual characters from the cartoon. They're just OCs I made up for the fanfiction!
Duncanville Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
A Midsummer's Nightmare.
It was middle of July. The biggest heatwave on record in the city of Oakdale. The ones who suffered the most from the ongoing heat were the Harris Family. Their air conditioning was broken beyond repair. The Harris family were sweating like pigs. All expect Jack. Annie kept demanding Jack that he fixes it. "HEY! HELLO! JACK! IS JACK HOME!" screeched Annie at Jack. Being mesmerized by the television where the local news affiliate had a Classic Rock Trivia Contest. "Not right now, Annie! I'm busy! Don't bother me!" Jack tells his wife. "You're supposed to be a repair man and you don't fix an air conditioner!" Annie yells. "I'm a plumber! That's all I know how to do! Now be quiet! I want to call in to the tv station to answer a trivia question!" Jack said.
Jing walks into the living room with a juice box in her hand. "Why are you so sure you're going to win, Daddy?" Jack answers his adopted daughter, "It's about my favorite subject ever! Classic Rock!" "No shit there," Annie begins. "There's evidence of your obsession in our garage!" A news anchor who's name is Michael Carmichael says, "Whoever calls in and gets his question right will win $100,00!" Jack wrings his hands, "It's all mine! I can taste it!" "Has anyone seen Duncan and Kimberly?" asked Jing. In his bedroom, Duncan was sleeping in. Having his usual fantasy dreams. In this dream, Duncan was a cowboy and his crush Mia was a cowgirl. Duncan and Mia were both riding in a desert being chased by Indians. Duncan had a gun that was shooting the Indians dead in their tracks as Mia had a lasso. "Ride 'em cowgirl!" Duncan said.
Mia was lassoing the the last of the Indians. Then Duncan stood on top of the Indians tall and proudly. "This was the Last of The Mohicans!" laughed Duncan. Mia laughs with him then sees more Indians chase after them. "Oh no! Let's get ready! There's more!" Mia warned Duncan.
The Indians this time were faster and Duncan and Mia could not keep up. So Duncan and Mia get off their horse, and climb onto a train. "What're you doing?" asked Mia. "Let's get away" said Duncan. So Duncan and Mia both jump off the train and into a water culvert. When Mia was about to kiss Duncan, he hears his name called. Duncan then gets woken by his mother's demanding voice. "DUNCAN! WHAT'RE YOU DOING UP THERE!" Feeling startled, Duncan finds himself covered in a massive amount of perspiration. "What a bad time to wake me up from an awesome dream! Better get on my Speed Stick!" Duncan said. Rushing downstairs.
Kimberly walks out of her bedroom and teases her older brother, "Hey, Duncan! If Mom called you like that you must already be in trouble! And the day hasn't even started yet!" Shoving Kimberly aside, Duncan joins Annie and Jack in the living room.
"What is it Mom?" asked Duncan. "The air conditioning is broken. You've taken Shop Class in school." said Annie. "But...but...we didn't fix air conditioners!" said Duncan. "Now's a good chance for you to learn. Your father won't get off his ass to fix it!" Annie tells Duncan. "How am I supposed to do that? And why me?" asked Duncan.
Annie says, "Every boy just learn how to fix appliances so they won't become criminals later in life!"
"AWWWWW," Duncan hangs his head.
"Forget the air conditioner, Duncan!" Jack said. "I need all the support I can get when I call into this Trivia Contest! If I win, I'll get us a new air conditioner!" promised Jack. However, will he keep his word. Jack grabs the phone. Kimberly tries to inform her parents, "Mom! Dad! Duncan pushed me!"
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Jack said dialing the phone to the television station. Michael Carmichael said, "Okay we got our first caller. What is your name, sir!"
"Jack Harris! I'm here to answer a trivia question!"
Michael Carmichael said, "All righty Jack Harris. See if you can answer this."
"I'm listening," said Jack.
"Finish these lyrics to this Led Zeppelin song, "I Got To Roll, I Can't Stand Still! We'll give you :30 seconds on the clock! Good luck!" Michael said.
Jack instantly answers, "Got A Flaming Heart Can't Get My Fill! Eyes That Shine, Burning Red, Dreams of You All Through My Head!"
A bell ring is heard and the and Jack is the winner. "Congratulations! Jack Harris! You are our Grand Prize winner!"
Cheers erupted in the Harris house. "Give us your address and we'll give you a check for $100,000!" said Michael Jack gives his address. Annie hugs him. "Oh Jack! You really came through for us!" "I've toured with Led Zeppelin after I got back from The Gulf War! So I know all their songs!" said Jack.
Everyone was happy for Jack that he won $100,000 for the Classic Rock Trivia Contest. "Now this means you'll get us a new air conditioner!" asked Jing. "Yes, I will. First, to celebrate. I want to treat my family to a weekend getaway." said Jack.
"What? Family Weekend Getaway?" asked Kimberly. "Do we have to come too?" asked Duncan. Both of them did not like the idea of spending a weekend with their parents.
"Yes you do have to come kids!" said Annie. "But...but.. we don't want to go." protests Kimberly. "You guys are coming and that's that!" Annie demands. "Just take Kimberly and Jing, I'll be fine here." said Duncan. "Why don't you kids want to come?" asked Jack astoundedly. "The more teenagers spend with their families, the less likely they are to make bad decisions!" Annie tells a distraught Duncan and Kimberly. "AAAWWWGGGHHHH!" Kimberly moaned.
"What if I were to tell you with this money I won. All of us are going to stay at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City!" Jack said excitedly. Jing was excited, Duncan and Kimberly were not. "Oh, come on! Stop with the long faces! Duncan all your friends are away for the summer." Jack tells them.
"I know," begins Duncan rolling his eyes. "It's like you both reminded me all summer. Bex is volunteering at a nursing home with her Grandma. Wolf is in Denver with his family, and Yengzi is in California interning for Google." Jack says putting his arm around Duncan's shoulder, "I just want to be a cool father. This is something my old man never would've done for me." Jack said.
Duncan gives in, "All right. We're in. Let's pack our bags, Kimberly." Kimberly goes into her room and opens a closet. She kisses a picture of Wolf she has in there and whispers, "I miss you, Wolf. Wish you were coming with me to New York City."
The doorbell rings and it was a cameraman from the local news station, his name is I.M. Lessening. "Jack Harris is it?" "That's me!" Jack said. "This huge check is for you! $100,000!" said I.M. Lessening. Annie says, "Now don't forget. Let's be responsible and get an air conditioner first." Jack retorts, "It's my money. I was the one who won this! We'll get one after our weekend trip." Annie said, "I'm going to trust you on this. Like a have a choice."
Duncan was packing until he gets distracted by one of his dreams. His dream was he and Mia were doing parkour in Downtown Manhattan. "Hey, Mia!" said Duncan. "Yes, my love?" asked Mia. "We're in a New York state of mind, aren't we!" said Duncan. Mia says, "Kiss me, Duncan!" Annie walks into Duncan's room and says, "Are you done packing yet!" "Uh, yes Mom! I'm done!" Duncan said. Being in a hurry to pack for the trip, Duncan rushes downstairs. The Harris Family all gathered into the car. Jing says, "Hey, Mommy hey Daddy! Look at me! I'm the Statue of Liberty!" "That's cute, honey. Now get inside so we can see the real thing!" Annie said. Jing gets inside the car with her family.
"Start Spreading The News! The Harris Family is going to New York!" Jack announces as he drives down the street. Duncan still disapointed says, "This is going to be one long ass weekend." "Hope they have WIFI there at least." said Kimberly. Jing hugs Duncan and says, "Don't worry. Your friends may be gone for the summer, but you always have me!" Duncan and Kimberly both sigh but not loud enough for their parents to hear.
"While we're there, let's look for an air conditioner." Annie suggested trying to get Jack not to forget what the real purpose of the prize money was for.
*
Jack drove to New York City until he found the Waldorf Astoria. Taking his huge check with him to check in for the weekend. "Here we are kids! Waldorf Astoria! Sounds like Waldorf salad." laughed Jack happily. Duncan still felt no relief from the heat. "Just as hot here as it is back home." "Tell me about it." Kimberly agreeing with her older brother. Walking inside, Duncan, Jing, and Kimberly look around. "This is nothing like they have in Oakdale." said Duncan. "Yep, this is where I want us to go on our future honeymoon, Duncan!" Jing said. Kimberly tries to hook up the WIFI to her iphone. "Ha. Good. At least I'll be able to survive here." Jack walks up to the front desk and the desk clerk asks, "Can I help you." "Uh, yes. You can! But talk to my husband!" said Annie thumbing at Jack.
"We want you to book us a room for my family and myself to stay for the weekend." Jack told the desk clerk. "How are you going to pay for that?" asked the desk clerk. Jack displays the huge check given to him from the local news affiliate for $100,000. "With this of course!" The desk clerk says, "Hmmm. Am I to understand you won the lottery or something?" "Nope, but you're close!" Jack said. Taking the huge check, the desk clerk says, "Since you're all staying just for the weekend, it's going to be $20,000!" Annie gulped. Jack assures her, "Don't worry my love. We still some left to get our AC!" Jack said.
Jing sees a water fountain and was about to jump in. "I'm gonna do a swan dive!" Kimberly grabs her in time. "Let's not make an ass of yourself. This looks like the hotel Macaulay Culkin stayed at in Home Alone 2." said Kimberly. "You said a bad word! I'm telling mom!" Jing said. "STOP IT!" Annie said getting in Kimberly's and Jing's faces. "Who?" asked Kimberly. "BOTH OF YOU!" Annie shouted. Kimberly and Jing both heeded their mother's warning.
A bellhop shows the Harris Family to their hotel room. "If they can see us now! We're like that family in the Booking dot com commercial!" "Only there's no air sickness bags and I have my shoes on." said Duncan sarcastically. "Enough with the attitude young man! We are here in New York and we're going to have fun!" Annie said.
Entering their room, they see a canopy bed. A luxury bathroom, a vase, and a mini kitchen. "Are you seeing this, kids! Isn't it awesome!" Jack said.
"Yeah, in a 1408 kind of way." said Duncan. "There better be places here in this joint for teenagers!" "And don't forget preteens!" added Kimberly. Turning on the thermostat Jack says, "We have air conditioning here!" "Great! Wonderful!" Duncan said.
As soon as the Harris Family gets settled. Jack says, "So what do you all want to do first?"
Jing sees the bathtub in the bathroom. "Can I take a bath! Maybe people can go swimming in it!" Annie said to Jing, "You can take a bath, but no diving or swimming! It's not a pool!" Jing goes in the bathroom to take a bath. Annie then smells something stinky. "Oh my! Jack! You can use a bath yourself after Jing is done."
"Lighten up. Probably just the smell of the New York summer air. The Lovin' Spoonful said The Days Can't Be Like the Nights." Jack said. "Oh really." begins Annie, "When was the last time you had a bath, Jack?" Jack answers, "July 4th 2010. I was too naive to fight about it then." Annie comes up to Duncan and Kimberly. "What're you kids going to do?"
"See if there's anything cool here." said Duncan. "This place doesn't seem to be very kid or teen friendly." said Kimberly.
Duncan and Kimberly go outside their hotel room to explore. Annie takes a look at the bed. "Oh, a double bed. Just what we need." Jack said, "I call the top bunk!" "Jack! No! It's a canopy bed." Annie warned him. "Fine." Jack said.
Gone for a half hour, Duncan and Kimberly came back to their hotel room feeling very chagrined. "What's wrong, kids?" asked Annie. "Thought there would be at least a game room in this place." said Duncan with a hint of edge in his voice. "There's not even a pool here." Kimberly said. "You always can go to the beach." Jack said.
"Will this weekend ever end?" Duncan shouted. "Can't we just have stayed home?" asked Kimberly. "NO! We just got here and we're going to appreciate what your father is doing. After this, he promised to get a new AC!" "That's right. How about we watch a movie!" Jack said turning on the TV.
In another hotel room next door. There was a well-to-do married couple known as The Funners. An older middle aged man and woman who's names were Nick and Kathy. The wife Kathy walks into the room and tells Nick, "Did you see? Did you hear?" she asked. "See or hear what?" asked Nick. "A newly rich family is right next door to us. We should be friends with them!" Kathy said excitedly. "Yes, you're right. We'll go over and introduce ourselves as soon as we send Bananas over.
Bananas was The Funners pet monkey. "Here's the plan, Bananas will waltz into their room. Then we go to their hotel room and ask if they've seen our pet monkey." "Perfect! We'll tell them Bananas went missing and we were distraught when he got lost! Great way to make friends with The Funners!" said Nick who was full of enthusiasm with the idea of meeting the Harris Family. The Funners were not your typical rich couple. They were like irresponsible teenagers who never grew up. Always on the prowl to make friends with other couples and even couples with kids so they can have a rip roaring good time.
*
Jack turned on the television to pick a movie for them all to watch. "Here's a good one. Why not this classic with Damon Wayans and Adam Sandler, Bulletproof?" "Sure, sounds like fun." Duncan said rolling his eyes. Kimberly climbed onto the canopy bed. "How about I watch it from up here?" Annie freaks out and tells her, "KIMBERLY! GET DOWN! This is a 5 star hotel! You don't want to be breaking anything!" "Relax, Annie. If they do, we have the money to fix it!" Jack said. "Oh come on, what's the worst that can happen?" Kimberly said as she tried to lay across. The canopy cracked in half and Kimberly jumped off immediately. The bed was still intact as was the canopy which now had a crack down the middle. Duncan shook in fear and by accident tips over the vase that was on a stand.
Annie was mad like hell won't have it. "All right you two! It's rather obvious you guys don't want to be here! Jing shouted from the bathroom, "Keep it down in there. I'm trying to have quiet bath time!"
Marching up to Duncan, Annie reads him the riot act, "You're the one who taught Kimberly to be this way, weren't you? That vase you broke. You did that on purpose!" Duncan protests, "No I didn't. It's not my fault...." "Spare me your excuses why don't you both go and do some sightseeing! Just stay out of trouble!" Annie tells both Duncan and Kimberly. Jack adds in, "Get out of our hair for a while!" Jack calls room service, "Now that we'll have some time alone, why not get a bottle of some of the good stuff! Hello, room service! Send us some champagne!"
"Come on, Kimberly. Want to go see the Statue of Liberty or something?" asked Duncan. "Okay." Kimberly said. As Duncan and Kimberly depart they leave the door open. A hotel worker came in and gave Jack and Annie some champagne. "Did one of you want some champagne?" "Yo right here!" Jack raised his hand. The hotel worker sets down the bucket of ice with champagne inside, "It's on the house." "Now that the kids are gone, let's get wasted! We can live like a rock star!" Jack said. Annie agrees to it. Bananas the monkey secretly walks into their hotel room.
Overtime, Jack and Annie were nearly drunk. "New York City! Did you know Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen stayed in a place like this?" Jack said. Annie slurred, "Just hope Duncan and Kimberly don't cause anymore......we....hick.....sent them off in a strange city!"
Still feeling shaken after Annie yelled at them, Duncan and Kimberly were waiting for a tour bus. "One of these buses should take us to the Statue of Liberty." said Duncan. "How about we take selfies of ourselves on top of the monument. Then we send pictures of us to all our friends!" said Kimberly. "It's not very often you have good ideas! Let's do it!" Duncan said.
A tour bus rides beside then, Kimberly and Duncan enter. Back at the hotel room, Jack and Annie were drunk they didn't notice Bananas the monkey was in the room. Jack was on his last bottle and drinks it down. "Ten years of plumbing school! Just like college!" Jack slurred his words. Annie reaches into her purse, "Time for me to go back to being....hick responsible. So I'll take these pills I got to sober up! You take some too! hick!" Jack downed the last bottle of champagne. Annie took her pills and gave some to Jack.
As soon as they took the pills, they automatically sobered up. Jack screams when he sees the monkey next to Annie. "ANNIE! ANNIE! LOOK OUT! I think you might have coronavirus!" "What're you talking about?" Annie demands. "A monkey is right beside you! It's the coronavirus! Stay away!" Jack warns her. "First off, coronavirus was not caused by monkeys. It was bats, snakes, and God knows what else. Second, I think you got it confused with that movie Outbreak!" Annie informed him. Jing was done with her bath. "What's going on?" asks Jing. "There's a monkey in our room and we have no idea how it got here!" Jack tells Jing.
Annie said, "Let's get it out of here. It can cause more destruction than Duncan and Kimberly ever could." "I wanna help! Can I!" Jing asks. "Sure you can!" said Jack. Bananas was running around the hotel room breaking everything in sight. A knock is heard at the door. "Last thing we need!" said Annie. "Starting to regret ever coming here! Should've stayed home and got us a new AC!" Jack said. "Now look who's finally using some common sense!" shouted Annie, she opens the door and there were Nick and Kathy Funner. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!"
"We're looking for our monkey? Have you seen him?" asked Nick. "If you're looking for the monkey, he's right on Daddy's head!" said Jing. Bananas was square on top of Jack's head as he says, "This simian lunatic wreaked our room. You can't miss him!" Kathy runs up to Bananas, "You bad boy! You ought to be.....oh I can't stay mad at you!"
"This monkey is our pet." begins Nick. "We heard you were in town, so we were going to meet you and introduce ourselves then our baby Bananas went missing." explains Kathy.
"Would you like to get together sometime?" asked Jack. "Yes, that's the whole reason why we wanted to meet you. We're right next door in case you if you're looking for a good time!" said Kathy. "Thanks so much, we'll think about it." said Annie. Bananas went back to his hotel room and Nick and Kathy. Jing looks around at the mess. "We need to clean this up before anyone sees."
"You're right." said Jack. As Annie, Jing, and Jack were about to clean the mess that was made by Bananas another knock was heard at the door. Jack answers it. And it was the hotel clerk. "Are you Jack Harris?"
"Well, yes I am. What seems to be the matter.?" he asked the hotel clerk. "This check you used to pay for your room for the weekend. It's a fake one." said the hotel clerk.
"WHAT! BUT HOW! WHY!!!! I DON'T GET IT! It seemed like a real check to me!" Jack spat out. "We're getting the police here as soon as possible." said the hotel clerk to Jack. "For what!" Jack shouts. "For check fraud!" the hotel clerk tried to continue the conversation then sees the broken mess in the hotel room. "THE VASE! THE BED!" "Don't take my daddy to jail. He never did anything bad in his life!" Jing begged the hotel clerk.
"Nothing I can do about that. I'm calling the police and that's it!" the hotel clerk left in a rage. Jack was on the floor in fetal position. "OH SHIT! OH SHIT!! OH SHIT! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A DREAM! PLEASE LET THIS BE A DREAM! AUNTY EM! AUNTY EM!"
"It's not your fault. Someone wrote you that fake check and I'm going to find out who!" Annie said. "Can I come! I wanna help mommy play detective!" said Jing. Annie stands up and says, "I am going to clear you name! I'm going to find the real culprit you did this! Like Scarlet O'Hara once said. As God as my witness! My family will not suffer!" "This is a good time as ever to put your detective skills into good use, mommy!" said Jing.
The tour bus dropped off Duncan and Kimberly at the Statue of Liberty. "When I send a selfie I'm sending one to Mia!" said Duncan. "I'll send one to Wolf!" Kimberly added. Duncan and Kimberly were about to enter the Statue of Liberty until they were stopped by a security guard. "Sorry kids. You guys can't come unless you're accompanied by a parent and or legal guardian."
"SHIT! What's the use of going to New York City without seeing the Statue of Liberty!" Duncan spits out in anger. "I know, right! What are we supposed to be act out Liberty Mutual Insurance commercials!" Kimberly said. Duncan sees a souvenir store that had a sign that reads, NOW SELLING PRESIDENT MASKS. Reaching into his pocket Duncan says, "If they only want adults to come, they're going to get adults!" "Your birthday money is going to come in handy for this." Kimberly said.
*
Back at the Waldorf Astoria. The police came and scoped out the messy and broken apart hotel room, and arrested Jack. "You're under arrest for check fraud, and we'll charge you with vandalism!" Jack said, "I might as well get arrested by Detective Elliot Stabler!" The cop said, "He's my role model! You will not speak ill of him!" said the police officer who lead Jack away in handcuffs. Jing cries, "I want my daddy back! This is the worst weekend ever!" Annie assures her daughter, "I'm going to bring Daddy back very soon! Wanna be my partner! We'll play a fun game called Who Framed Daddy!" Annie said. "Okay." Jing cries trying to hold back her tears.
Running out of the souvenir store, Duncan and Kimberly came out wearing President masks. Duncan was wearing a Gerald Ford mask, Kimberly a Richard Nixon one. The brother and sister had absolutely no clue that their father got wrongfully arrested for check fraud. "This is bullshit," protested Kimberly, "Why do I have to be Nixon? My history teacher once said Nixon was the worst President ever!" Duncan said, "At least you got the better deal. I'm being Gerald Ford. The clumsiest President of all!" Going back to the Statue of Liberty, Duncan and Kimberly try to sneak inside. "I got this idea from Point Break. One of Dad's favorite movies." Duncan informs her.
The security guard sees Duncan and Kimberly in the President Masks. They were lucky that the guard was a idiot. "No way! Former President Nixon and Former Presient Gerald Ford!" the guard said. "Yes we are!" Duncan said in a disguised voice. "I thought you guys were long gone dead. What would you like to do on the Statue Of Liberty?" asks the guard. "Just want to go on the top. By the way, I am not crook!" Kimberly said also with a disguised voice. The security guard leads them inside the Statue of Liberty and lets them walk up the staircase to the top. "Remember, only a ten minute time limit!" the guard said. "Rules even apply for ex-Presidents!" Duncan pretended to tumble over to get the feel of being of Gerald Ford.
Finally reaching the top of the Statue of Liberty, Duncan and Kimberly take off their masks and proceed to take selfies of themselves on their iPHONEs. Duncan sends all his selfies to Bex, Yangzi, Mia, and Wolf. "You're friends with Wolf, do you know his email?" asked Kimberly. "Hey, you leave Wolf alone. You're too young for him. Stick with friends your own age." Duncan told her. "Sheez! You sound just like Mom!" Kimberly said as she was sending her selfies to all her friends.
At the New York City Precinct, Annie was visiting Jack. Jing was there too. They were both talking to each other through a phone and plexiglass.
"We're doing all we can get set you free, Daddy!" Jing said. "Awww, You're very sweet, Jing! Seriously! I've been in here for an hour and everyone is already trying to rape me!" Jack yelled. Annie told him, "Justice will be served. We're going to set out and find the shitbag who wrote that fake check!" A Prison Guard came from behind, and manhandled Jack taking him back to his cell, "Visiting hours are over! Back to your cell, buddy!"
Ten minutes had passed and Duncan and Kimberly still were taking seflies on top of the Statue of Liberty. Duncan hears footfalls and quickly puts his mask back on. Kimberly does the same. "I think he's coming, quick!" Duncan said. The security guard tells them, "It's been 10 minutes now. You have to leave." Duncan says, "Uh, yeah yeah, we were just leaving!" A twist of fate bestowed upon them as a brisk wind pulls off their masks. "A-ha! It was you two! You played me for a fool!" the security yells at both Duncan and Kimberly. "Come on, Duncan! Let's go!" Kimberly said with fright.
The security guard tries to block them but Duncan and Kimberly both slide under him. Then the security guard chases them as he yells, "YOU DAMN KIDS! GET BACK HERE!"
Annie was walking around the outside of the Waldorf Astoria. Jing has a magnifying glass. "Mommy! I'm Sherlock Holmes! Get it!" Annie peaks around, "Hmmmm, the criminal who did this must be around here......." A car drove up to Annie and Jing and it was Nick and Kathy, aka the Funners.
"HEELLLOO! Are we still on for that good time?" asked Nick. "Ummm, not right now. I'm trying to solve a mystery." said Annie. Kathy jumps out of the car as does Bananas the monkey, "Mystery? I love a good mystery! Want us to join in?" Jing hears some muffling in the Funners car. "Uhhh, Mommy. There might be somebody inside the car!"
Annie hears the muffling, "Why so there is!" Kathy and Nick grew worried. "Uhhhh, please don't look in there!" Jing opens the trunk and Annie looks inside. Two hostages in the trunk who worked for the Local Affiliate in Oakdale Michael Carmichael and I.M. Lessening. They were both bound and gagged. Beside them there was a bag full of money. Not to mention there were fake checks inside.
"This looks suspicious!" Annie sneers at the Funners. "We can explain!" "We're actually pranksters!" "Spare me the sweet talk! I can smell a criminal from miles away! You two are the ones who set up my husband!" Annie said. Jing starts kicking their legs, "Gimmie my Daddy back! Gimmie my Daddy back!" Nick and Kathy then took out guns, "Looks like we're going to commit another crime besides fraud! MURDER!" shouts Nick. "We'll kill the kid, too!" Kathy said. Bananas the money comes up from behind and knocks both Nick and Kathy out cold.
"Good police work, Jing! Now help Mommy take this evidence and these assholes to the police!" Annie tells Jing. "When I grow up, I wanna be just like you, Mommy!" Jing tells Annie. Jing and Annie untie Michael and I.M. "Thanks so much!" they both say.
*
Running down the streets of New York City, Duncan and Kimberly were trying like crazy to get away from the security guard. "You damned kids! You made a mockery out of a historical monument! And the best Presidents ever! " Duncan said to himself, "New York City is a police state! Things sure would be different if I were the mayor here!" Duncan was running in his usual floppish manner.
Going into one of his fantasies, Duncan dreams that he is the newly elected mayor of New York City. Mia by his side. A bunch of people gathered around and one of them has Duncan swear on a Bible. "I, Duncan Harris do solemnly swear to be the greatest and coolest mayor of all New York!" Duncan gets the key to the city. Crowds cheered, threw confetti and balloons all over. Mia and Duncan kiss. "Hey! Snap out of it!" Kimberly shouted interrupting Duncan's dream. "Got any bright ideas?" Kimberly shouted at her brother. "Not at the moment! Just keep running!" Duncan screamed.
At a New York City courthouse, Jack was being arraigned. The judge who's name was Hangman, looks at him with contempt. "Jack Harris, you're from Oakdale, is that right?" asked Judge Hangman. "Correct." Jack answered.
Judge Hangman continues with the testimony, "Are you aware and do you understand the charges against you. How do you plead?" "Not guilty! Because I didn't do it!" Jack said.
The door to the courtroom got kicked down. In came Annie with the bag of money and a still knocked out cold Nick and Kathy. "Your honor, if I may!" Annie said. "I'll allow it!" Judge Hangman said.
"These two sons of bitches made my husband think he won a tv station contest. Did a background check on these punks. They're Nick and Kathy Funner. They're the Bonnie and Clyde of check and money fraud!" Annie explains to the judge.
Jing said, "My Daddy didn't do no wrong! He thought it was real money he won! Please let my Daddy go! I helped Mommy clear his name!"
Judge Hangman said, "I hereby acquit Jack Harris from all charges against him. I also give Jack Harris $100,000. Nick and Kathy Funner are the guilty ones. The evidence is here right in front of my eyes! I will have them placed in a jail cell and have a $1000000 bail is set for the both of them. Dismissed!" The judge hit his hammer on the gavel. Jack ran and hugged Annie. "You saved me! You saved my ass back there!" The bailiffs pick up Nick and Kathy to take them to jail.
"You would've done the same for me!" Annie said as she and Jack kissed.
Outside of the courthouse, Jack, Jing, and Annie walked outside. A bailiff handed Jack a real check for $100,000! Jack soon feels regretful. Jing jumps onto Jack's shoulders, "Good to have you back, Daddy! Thought you were going to be gone forever!"
"I never should have dragged you all here to New York." Jack said. "Maybe it's good that you did. If you hadn't we'd still be..." Annie was about to finish. Blok Party's Helicopter plays as they see two figures run toward them calling, "MOM! DAD!" They were Duncan and Kimberly.
"Oh great! Do I have to bail THEM out now!" Annie shouted.
"A few more yards to go." Duncan said out of breath. Kimberly and Duncan finally caught up with Jing, Jack, and Annie.
"Hey, kids! You won't believe what just happened to us!" Jack said.
"What're you all doing outside a court house?" asked Kimberly.
"That another story for another day! What's going on with you two!" Annie screeched. "Uh oh! Maybe Duncan and Kimberly will go to jail now!" giggles Jing.
"We went to the Statue of Liberty and..." Duncan was cut off by Annie.
"Let's take a guess here, you made a decision that ruined your whole future!"
"No no! That's not it! Kimberly and I wanted to take some selfies and show off to our friends. Then a guard wouldn't let us inside because we didn't have our parents with us...." Duncan says nervously.
"See what happens when you don't have parental supervision? And you Kimberly. I thought you were smarter than to give into Duncan's negative influence!" Annie tells both of them.
"We're going back home and...." before Jack could go on, the security guard from the Statue of Liberty was running up to them. "THERE YOU ARE! YOU LITTLE SHITS! YOU'RE IN BIG...."
The security guard was going to catch up to Kimberly and Duncan, then Bananas the monkey jumps on top of him and shoves him into a sewer. "Even you two got off lucky." laughs Jack. "What is he talking about?" asked Duncan. "We're all going home now. What do you say." said Jack with a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm for it. Why are you sad?" asked Kimberly.
"Very sorry that I dragged you kids out here after I won that contest," Jack begins. "I just wanted to show my children the good time my father never showed me. Had my father won money the way I had, he would've spent it all on himself." "That's fine we all have our regrets." said Annie, "How about on the way back we get a new AC with that money you got!"
"Good idea." said Jack. Duncan and Kimberly could not be more happier to be going home. Driving on the way back, Jack and Annie told Duncan and Kimberly about the whole fake check fiasco. Duncan and Kimberly told the whole story about what had occurred at the Statue of Liberty.
The heatwave was still going on strong back in Oakdale. This time, the Harris family were not suffering from it. On the way home Jack stopped into a Home Depot and got the family a new AC with his check he got from the court for $100,000. Nick and Kathy Funner remained in jail. Then when they went to trial, other people who got scammed by them testified against them both. Facing charges such as fraud as well as kidnapping. The Funners were both sentenced to 10 years in prison. The Harris Family never heard from the Funners again. In the meantime, Annie had Jack put the rest of his check in the bank and scolded him, "You're going to use your money wisely next time." "Thanks, I needed that." said Jack to Annie. Michael Carmichael and I.M. Lessening were back to work at the Local TV station.
Finally, back in Oakdale, the Harris Family were enjoying their new AC. They all breathed a sigh of relief.
"We are not the only family suffering from the heat anymore!" said Jack. "It's so great! How were you able to build the new AC, Jack?" asked Annie. "I didn't fix it! A friend did it." Jack pointed. It was Bananas the monkey who had on a tool belt.
"That monkey isn't going to stay with us is he?" asked Duncan. "Last thing I need to effect my social status." said Kimberly. "Can monkey stay, please?" Jing begged. "That's up to him. For now, let's enjoy this AC!" said Jack.
"Can he?" said Jing "As I just said, that's up to him for decide, Jing." said Jack. Duncan and Kimberly both got emails from their friends on their iPHONES.
"All right!" cheered Duncan. "My friends are back from vacation! They're jealous of my selfie!" Referring to the selfies him and Kimberly took on the Statue of Liberty.
"I just got invited to a pool party!" said Kimberly. "All my friends loved my selfie!"
Duncan and Kimberly get out of their house. Annie tells them, Be back by 3! Or else you'll be grounded!"
"Sure thing, Mom! Anything is better than being in New York." said Duncan. Kimberly gets on her bike to go to the pool party. "Later loser!" she said, "I'm going to a cool kids party!" Duncan gets on his scooter and glides down the road to meet with his friends Yangzi, Wolf, and Bex. Who were waiting for him at their hangout in the empty trailer. Duncan was having a dream where he is on a motorcycle driving down the farmfield roads.
Jack and Annie shared some alone time with Duncan and Kimberly gone. Jack got out one of his records and played Jethro Tull and ELO. Bananas entertained them by dancing to the music. Jing joined in on Bananas dancing.
The End
The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
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