Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I'm Not Crazy (I Promise)

CHAPTER 4: Silent Sneak

by MikeyIsntReal 1 review


Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Fantasy,Romance - Published: 2020-05-21 - 2969 words

Have you ever crouched down in front of a fish tank and gotten eye to eye with a goldfish? It just stares back at you and opens and closes its mouth, making a ‘gloop’ like noise. Well, obviously you can't hear the ‘gloop’ noise but I know that's the kind of noise it's trying to make. If you could hear underwater, that is the sound you will hear. But, to the point, that's the only way to describe how everyone was looking at me, markman especially. She was the one opening and closing her mouth in shock. I was almost expecting to hear the ‘gloop’ noise and was slightly disappointed when I didn't.

I turned away to read the clock and was pleased to note it was precisely four minutes until three o’clock. At three o’clock this stupid group terapy session ended and it as free time. I settled back in my chair and folded my arms, avidly watching the clock. Because I could, I began to count the seconds. It irritated me that the clock was faulty. For every minute, the clock only counted 59 seconds. It was a whole second out. Jeez, that means every hour, the clock misses a cumulative of sixty seconds. This clock had been there for years. Christ, I can't imagine how much time it had been losing all these months.

If every minute lost one second, it therefore meant every hour was sixty seconds out, or one minute. Everyday I lost a total of twenty four minutes. That means that in one year (I quickly calculated in my head) it was a total of 8736 minutes out. That means for the two years, six months, twelve days, eleven hours and thirty- four minutes I have been forced to dwell in this place I have lost over….

“gerard !” I jumped violently, my train of thought rudely interrupted.

Scowling, I rotated my neck and looked at Markman, exasperated. Thankfully she had composed herself and was staring at me like a stupefied goldfish. Good thing too; she looked rather foolish. I raised an eyebrow in question. She considered me for a moment then looked too frank. I rolled my eyes and sighed, annoyed. I slumped down in my seat, folding my arms tightly across my chest, waiting for her to return her attention to me.

I glanced at the clock again. It was exactly three o’clock. Excellent. Time to make an exit. I leapt up and stalked from the room. I was so glad to get out of there. I now knew what an animal in a zoo or aquarium felt like. The staring, unblinking eyes were quite unnerving after a while.

I had walked less than ten metres from the doorway when:


I jumped in fright and spun to face the direction the noise had come from. It took a second for me to register that I was facing the west wing. The west wing of this place was the oldest and the weakest, compared to the rest of the facility. It was the perfect place for them to break in. I had been discovered. I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth. They had tracked my voice and now they had come to collect. And they would not fail. I took a fearful, half-step backwards. I felt the fear well up in my throat. I gasped for air, my airway closed in terror. I had to force myself to keep walking backwards. I tried to turn and run but my body had seized up painfully.

Everyone ran out from the different rooms and stood around me, staring in the direction of the west wing. However , they didn't know what they were watching, like I did.

Ben drowned, unable to work out what had made the noise. He began to walk toward the corridor that would eventually lead to the west wing. Zach joined him and they strode down the corridor and then disappeared as they rounded the corner. I tried to warn them but it went unnoticed.

I started thinking about the needles. Hundreds of them. I began to imagine their metal tips being pressed into my skin and depositing all manner of drugs into my bloodstream and muscles. Then I thought about the countless blood tests, experiments and assessments. I will suffer greatly as they struggle to keep me alive with whatever watchful machines and pumps. The metal clamps and chains will keep me in place as they inflict unimaginable pain on my already bruised and broken body. They will try to make me tell them all my secrets. But I will never let them know. So they will force they’re way in with saws and knives. The terrifying razor-sharp scalpels will slice open my head and they will take the secrets from my brain. Then, the world will end.

Ben and Zach returned. They both trudged back to the group, strangely wet. I looked them up and down, alarmed.

“Damn roof collapsed,” Zach muttered, shaking out his soaking wet boots. “Bloody rain caused the supports to fall in.”

Rain? Rain? RAIN! Not them! Just rain! Wait! I didn't notice it was raining. I hoped to god zach was right. Wait, no, he must be because I would've known if they were here by now. I probably wouldn't be standing here gawking at Ben and Zach if they were somewhere in the facility. I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I had never actually thought about what I would do if they did ever come for me. But now that it had been a very real possibility I had gone blank. I don't think my mind had ever gone blank before in my entire life. But that's what fear does to you. I couldn't move and I couldn't think. I would've been a sitting duck if it had been them. I am never not in control. I never not notice if it's raining. See what this damn kid is doing to me?

Once the news of the collapsed roof had spread through the group everyone wandered off. It wasn't that interesting anymore. I didn't leave. I stayed where I was, staring at nothing in particular. I ran my hands over my head, double checking that my brain was still there. Several security guards joined the small gathering. I hadn't seen them inside the building for months.they usually just patrolled the outside making sure no one escaped or ran away. Ben and Zach along with the guards and some other people I hadn't seen before huddled into a group.I frowned, obviously excluded from their little meeting. I took a half step backwards and turned around to face frank.

At first I thought he was staring at me, but that was just my vanity talking. He was actually staring helplessly down the corridor. It took a second for me to realise that of course Frank's room was located in the west wing. His room was literally three steps away from the showers. I know because I saw his room number on his file and I knew this place inside and out. He looked down the corridor for another long minute before he walked away, looking oddly morbid. That kid really confused me.

I walked to my table and sat down, thinking about everything that's happened in the last ten minutes.

“Gerard, gerard! Hey!” I had barely been alone a minute when Ray came up to me and plonked himself down at my table. I cringed. He can be really, really infuriating. I kept my head down, pointedly ignoring him. “I didn't know you could speak,”he said amazed.

I think that even a day-old fetus with no brain or mental capacity would be able to tell that I was pissed off and wanted to be left alone. I wish that this brain-dead fetus would catch on to the fact that I was purposely ignoring them. But then again, sometimes, rays mental capacity is less than a day old, brain dead fetus.

“I wasn't expecting you to speak, you know? I was shocked. I heard a voice I had never heard before and it took ages to realise it was you. Why, gerard? Why did you say that to frank? Did you mean it? Do you like him? Do you like, like him? More than a friend?”

I felt the fury building up inside of me. I ripped out my sketchbook and flipped it savagely to a blank page. I pressed my pencil to the page so hard the sharp point snapped. I wrote in angry block letters: GET LOST! I even underlined it twice to get the point across.

I think it was the double underline that made ray realize. Good thing I decided to put them in or else he would've thought we were playing hide and seek, the idiot. I didn't look up at him once. I am good at ignoring people. I could win a national award for superior ignoring if there was such a thing.

“Gerard? Might we have a private word, please?” Ignoring Markam was a lot harder than ignoring ray. I tried. I tried so hard. But she was a lot more persistent than ray. I nudged the note I had shown ray forward slightly, indicating what I wanted. Now I wish I had not underlined it twice. Now two lines made me look like a rude, arrogant ass. ( even though that's what I was.)

Markam leant in closer so no one except I could hear what she was saying.”go to my office now.” her tone meant she was dead serious. I glanced up straight into her eyes, daring me to make her ask again. I wouldn't go.

“Go, or you know what. Don't think I won't do it,” she threatened and I believed her.

I know I told myself I wouldn't go. But she was blackmailing me. Freaking blackmailing me. The corrupt bitch. I slammed my fist on the table, defeated. I gave her a look of the utmost loathing and stalked away from the table towards her office.

I wasn't really angry at her. And she wasn't really angry at me. We have a sort of love hate relationship. I know she loves me. Not that kind of love though. More so, I intrigue her, as she once said. I don't mind her but of course she doesn't believe me. She thinks they are a figment of my imagination. But she's wrong. They're real, whether she's going to admit it or not.

I banged the door open, hoping to annoy Markham but instead scaring the shit out of frank. He leapt to his feet when he saw me and took a step backwards. I frowned and turned to markam who had caught up to me. I raised an eyebrow questioning Frank's presence. She gave me an exasperated look and quickly moved into the room. I swear she kept that look just for me. If looks had a name it would most likely be dubbed the “Gerard” look. Considering she only used it for me.

“Don't go, Frank, I want you both here,” Markam said, coaxing Frank to sit back down. She managed to get him to re seat and then directed her attention towards me.

Ooh, that's another glare. I think I will begin to count them. (one)

“Come sit,”she said. (two)

I wondered what would happen if I decided to run away. It would be funny to watch her run after me. In those shoes, I'd be halfway to Antarctica before she could take two steps. (three)

I sauntered over to the plush leather chair and ungracefully sat down. These expensive chairs were the only reason I liked this office. Compared to the hard, plastic, moulded, uncomfortable, bolted down furniture of the rest of this place, it was heaven. I made myself comfortable, tucking my legs up under my bottom. Markam made a disapproving noise that reverberated from her throat, but made no actual comment about my feet on her furniture. (four)

She cleared her throat. (five)

“I gathered you both here because of what occurred during the group therapy. Do you both remember? “ Markham asked.

I hastily fumbled in my inner jacket pocket for my sketch pad and a pencil. I flipped to a blank page. Man, I was going through these blank pages lately. I think i'm going to need a new book soon.

‘No’ I wrote quickly. ‘In the half an hour since the group therapy my memory has strangely gone blank. I think I should leave. I am obviously no use in this conversation.’ I could see Frank reading it while Markham was since I had slid it across the desk. (six)

Two things had happened straight after and both I was not expecting. I had expected Markham to go off. She goes off on me alot. I have received more lectures and preachings than all of her other patients combined. But she didn't. She just gave me a look and then looked away. She had a look of disappointment on her face. The other thing I wasn't expecting was Frank's laugh. It wasn't a full blown laugh, not even a chuckle. It was more of a ‘humph’. I glanced sideways at him, mystified. He had this slight smile on his face. Did he just laugh at something I said?

And I must say. He does look very good when he smiles. Even if it was just a tiny curl of the lip. His face seems to light up. I don't really know, but when he smiles my heart suddenly begins to beat a little faster and that strange wave begins to form inside of me.I made to get up; to follow through on my statement of my unnecessary presence in this room. (seven)

I sat back down. This time the look was pretty severe. I think she was getting pretty angry now.

Her attention was diverted from me as her blackberry went off. She looked embarrassed and apologized but still proceeded to look at the message anyway. She groaned and typed out a reply.

“Half of the rooms in the west wing are completely water damaged,” she told us both. “Including yours, frank.”

Frank didn't really react. In fact, he looked quite nauseated.

“It's okay,” he breathed.

“We don't any rooms free,”she continued regretfully. “We may have to transfer you.”

Frank sat forward, alarmed. I leant forward too. I didn't want Frank to leave. I don't know why. I just wanted him around. If he transferred I would probably never see him again. That made me quite distressed.

Although it killed me to admit it and it was extraordinarily hard to put on paper, i wrote in small precise letters:

‘He can't leave. He can stay in my room.’

I slid it across the table to markham, careful this time not to let Frank see it. At first i think she was disappointed that i didn't speak.

The look on her face was priceless. I watched her as she read what I had written. She looked absolutely floored. She even started to do the goldfish thing again.

“Gerard. Y-y-you don't have to. You know that? No one is asking you.

I nodded. Yeah, I knew. She slid the paper back and I had written: ‘I want to.’

Markham considered it for a while. I think Frank had caught on to what was going on because he was looking back and forth between us, seeking further enlightenment.

She turned to him. “Gerard has offered to share his room until we fix your old room, frank.”

He bit his lip and gazed at me through those beautiful hazel orbs.

“Really?” he whispered. I nodded In response to him.

“Okay.”I had to strain to hear the soft reply.
Markhams blackberry was out again and she quickly typed a message to an unknown recipient. She stood back up and gestured for frank to do the same. When I moved to copy them she shook her head. (eight)

“Wait.” that was all she said before she and Frank left the room.

I poked my tongue at her back and earnt a stifled snicker from frank. Again that was twice in ten minutes that I'd been able to pry a flicker of happiness from him.

I started snooping around markhams desk, looking for anything interesting, but there was nothing. On her desk were a bunch of papers but none of them had relevance to me. There was also a photo of a young girl, but i didn't know who she was. I wondered if she was her daughter. I could tell they were not biologically related since they looked nothing alike.

“Do you not have an ounce of self control or common sense, gerard? Markham snapped. (nine)

I pointed to the picture of the young girl.

“None of your business,” she brushed the matter aside. “Are you doing this to be spiteful or do you actually have a heart?”

I feigned to act hurt and pretend to be offended. I sniffled hauntingly and folded my arms.

“Is there something going on between you and frank? She carefully asked.

I shook my head. I pulled the paper close to the edge of the desk and picked up the pencil. As I was writing, Markham asked, “Why did you speak to frank?”

I wrote: ‘nothing is going on. Don't stress your weak little heart. I had to speak. He was tearing himself apart.’

She read it and nodded. “You know what happened to him?”

I nodded. In big letters i wrote one word: ‘RAPE’ (ten)

A/N: Sorry i haven't updated in so long on this story. a lot of things just haven't been the best
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