FicWad

shes truly broken,
her fingers shake and her lips tremble when she looks in the mirror.
she cant help but shed a tear when some asks, "are you okay?"
she wishes she wasn't so sensitive and weak.
the people around her have always seen her strong
well put together, but underneath all of it
shes breaking with every word she speaks.
i am her, and she is me.
she is my other half.
i hate her. and i hate him.

i hate him because he may have a name, a name that i had given him, but no face
in the middle of the night he sits in the corner of my room
every regret, lie, mistake, or tragic event to have come along
he forces me to remember, he tells me why it was all my fault.
how my skin isnt clear enough
how i am a failure
too fat
too skinny
not productive
unworthy
unloved
not needed
better off dead
every night these words run through my head with his voice
i hate him but love him at the same time
we've been together for four years
i would be dead without him, but without him i would be alive as well
hes the demon of my dreams, a restless entanglement of my mind that is never at ease

her.
i hate her, and i am her
she fuels the fires to my pain and lonliness
she wants freedom
freedom to use my body to use people
hurt people
she is angry and wants revenge
i stuff her down suffocating her for months at a time
but she is thirsty
she wants someones blood on her hands
she wants control
but i wont allow it
i hate her, and i am her
but i am not at the same time

maybe one day i can be saved from the cold cell that has become nothing but comfort
but for now
ill sit at my window
and wait for my revoultion
my demons will not define me or control me forever
but for now
ill stay in my place
as nothing more than a beating post for them