FicWad

I awoke feeling distressed and disoriented. I couldn't quite grasp at first where I was or what had happened. I suddenly felt like crying, like I had done something wrong. But right then, it all came back to me. My long walk outside, the dancing, the kiss, and the looks on Charlie and Amanda's faces. I felt ashamed, stained with the guilt of hurting two friends. I tucked my knees in close to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, and laid back down in my bed. I shut my eyes as tight as I could and tried to forget about everything that occurred last night.. But something inside kept telling me it was my fault all this happened, and I should be the one to fix it. I reopened my eyes and took myself out of the position I was in. climbing out of the tub, I trudged my weary body into the kitchen for breakfast.
"Hey, Kyle," Josh said enthusiastically, "Whoa, what happened to you? You look like a train wreck!"
My eyes widened with panic. "Train wreck??"
"It's an expression," Lori said with a tiresome tone. "It means you look terrible. By the way, what did happen to you?"
What?" I questioned, worried that they could see what I have done.
"Well, for one thing, you looked like you haven't slept in weeks. Your eyes are all red," Lori pointed out.
"Yeah, and weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday?" Josh noticed. His eyes suddenly widened and a smirk spread across his face. "Oh, Kyle! You didn't!"
"Did what?"
"Spend the night? At someone else's house?"
"Josh!" Lori scolded, "He doesn't even know about... that."
"Know about what?" I still had no clue what they were talking about.
"Nothing," Lori said, apparently trying to get off this subject.
"So, did you?" Josh anticipated.
"Um... no. I slept here."
"Then why do you look so... out of it?" Josh interrogated.
"I didn't sleep well."
"Are you having trouble sleeping again?" asked Lori. "Did you have another dream?"
"No, I just didn't sleep well last night, okay?" I was starting to get irritated as they prodded into my personal business.
"Jeez, sorry, man," josh apologized, acting a little strange about my outburst. Lori just shrugged her shoulders and left the room. Josh turned away and set to raiding the refrigerator. I could tell it was Saturday because Josh always found leftover dessert from the past week's dinners for his late morning breakfast. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and garnished it with the bag of Sour Patch Kids. Josh stared at me as the candies overflowed onto my meal. I don't know why he cared so much, but when I finished pouring the candy, I looked up to see his watchful eyes roll around in a circle, and he lost interest and stuck his head back into the fridge. I was unfamiliar of the expression he made with his eyes. Eventually I gave up trying to figure it out and I moved my attention back to my breakfast.
Normally on weekends, I would go with one of the Trager's on their errands or outings with their friends, but today I had no intention of leaving the confines of this house. I would rather sleep the rest of the day away. My head spun when I stood up, and my stomach reeled when I opened my mouth to talk. I thought the only way to make myself feel better was if I hid away in a dark corner, out of everyone's way. My life felt less than important, I only hurt people. I am just a distraction, another burden to slow the ordinary, useful people. Before I dove deeper into a depression, I thought, Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I need to make the things I wronged, right. It was more than obvious that I should start with fixing the gap I ripped open between Amanda and Charlie.
I worked up the courage and stability to step outside and make my way over to the Blooms' house. When I reached their driveway, I noticed a red car parked on it. I had never seen this red car before, it couldn't have belonged to the Blooms. It wasn't even Charlie's car. I felt uneasy, like this car meant bad news. Just then, someone walked out of the house through the front door. It was a woman: her head was hung low, and she took long strides towards the car. When she looked up at me, I saw grey circles under her clouded eyes. Her face showed age, probably more than she actually had. Behind her, a man emerged from the front door with equal looks of the woman's. He gave me the same vacant stare the woman gave me. Those piercing eyes went right through my heart, causing me to feel their agony. I stepped away from the driveway so they could drive down it and leave the premises. I wondered why they looked so hurt. Maybe someone was hurt. Maybe Amanda.
With that grueling thought, I leapt out of my stance and sprinted towards the door. I vigorously pounded my fists against the oak barrier that separated Amanda and me. My heart ached terribly. She has to be okay, she has to. My vision blurred with hot tears. I didn't even realize my hands were bleeding. I quit the racket I was making and tried to cool myself down with long, deep breaths. The doorknob jostled and the door flew open.
Amanda appeared, looking shocked. I must have scared her with my furious banging. But beyond her surprise, I saw sorrow in her eyes.
"Kyle! Is everything alright? You sounded like- oh my gosh!" she cried, spotting my bloody fists. "Oh my... c-come in, let me help you."
She led me into her bathroom, where she rinsed off the blood on my knuckles and palms and bandaged them up tightly. I could feel my heartbeat pumping in my wrists. "How come you...why...?" Her voice trailed off, unable to say the right words.
"I saw a couple leaving your house. They looked upset, and I thought... something was wrong."
"No. I'm okay."
"Who were they? Why were they here?"
"Those were Charlie's parents," she said with a dazed look in her eyes. She looked as if she was recalling a memory of some sort that was troubling her.
"Why were they here?" I repeated anxiously.
She came back into reality, and looked right through me. "Kyle... Charlie's dead."
My heart stopped. She wrapped her arms around me and buried her head in my chest and sobbed. "He was killed in a car accident last night," she said, choking on her words. "He was still steamed and he was driving too fast and he ran a stop light and-" she cut off her sentence only to continue her hysterical crying. I hardly understood what she had said after "Charlie's dead." When she calmed down, she unhooked her arms fro around me, took a few steps back, looked me square in the eye, and said, "This isn't your fault."
"Yes it is!" I shouted, not meaning to yell. "I screwed up everything! I was the one who made him upset in the first place! I killed him!" Tears stung my eyes and streamed down my cheeks.
"I know you may think that, but-"
Don't say it isn't my fault! I'm a worthless person who ruins everyone's lives!" I didn't notice how fast my heart was racing and how short and quick my breathing was. My temper went off the charts. I just made things worse for Amanda. I am worthless.
"Kyle," Amanda began, her eyes wide but sharp, "I never want to hear you say that again! You are not worthless! You are here on Earth for a reason. No matter how bad things seem to get, it is your destiny. Do not tell yourself you are worthless, because you have a purpose in life, though it may not be obvious to you. God has intended for all this to happen. You need to know that you are loved and wanted. The Trager's love you, He loves you, and I love you. We all need you."
She stopped lecturing me and hugged me again, locking her arms tightly around my waist. I squeezed her back, to return her compassion. We both needed each other then, just someone to hold on to. We held each other in silence that entire night. That was the first time I had ever felt so safe and secure.