Categories > Games > Final Fantasy X > Drawn Toward Unity
Zanarkand is just before them, and Cid still hasn't caught up. Lulu speaks to him one last time before she and the others on the pilgrimage enter the city.
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Drawn Toward Unity
(#) helluin 2007-03-29
Again, your insight into Lulu's mind and world is refreshing and vivid. The defeat she feels in not keeping Yuna back here is moving without being over-angstful. Likewise her disillusionment with Yevon. Her formal turns of phrase bounce off Cid's very different manner of speech in an interesting way.
I'm enjoying this quiet style of storytelling, but it occurs to me that one might want a little more action between conversations with Cid. Of course, the problem is, you're trying not to regurgitate the game. Also, while I find it believable that Lulu is being a little more open with Cid here, she strikes me as such a private person that I somehow expect her to keep using rather formal turns of phrase -- maybe even moreso -- when letting down her guard. Then again, she does know how to laugh and she isn't ALWAYS being miss eloquence.
Beta-readerish nitpicks -- at the beginning of this chapter Cid asked her a question; it needs ? at the end. Miss isn't an abbreviation, so no . after it. Also, last chapter, I believe there was an "elses" that should've been "else's".
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