Categories > Original > Humor
Introducing a story about the short lived Family Guy-esque 2016 animated series Bordertown.
by: Zoey Webber
In the middle of the Mexifornia desert there was Border Patrol Agent Bud Buckwald. Manning his post, always on the lookout to stop any illegal immigrants from passing the border. There was always this one man Bud has had the most trouble with. El Coyote. Bud Buckwald was watching. He had El Coyote in his sights as he was hiding in one cactus to another. Or at least he thought it was El Coyote.
A car was coming in Bud's direction. Driving up the the window of Bud's post. Inside was an innocent looking old lady. Bud decides to investigate.
BUD: May I help you old lady?
OLD LADY: Do you know where I can get to my friends' house to play Bingo?
BUD: Uhhh, sorry. Miss. I don't know who your friend is or where she lives.
OLD LADY: That's fine. I'll get someone else to find it.
BUD: You seem to know what you're doing. Move along.
OLD LADY: My friend is...
Bud watches the old lady take off her mask and it was El Coyote the whole time.
EL COYOTE: El Coyote!
BUD: You son of a bitch!
EL COYOTE: Try and catch me if you can!
BUD: I'll catch you faster than they caught Leonardo DiCaprio!
Jumping into his car, Bud chases El Coyote who was driving away as fast as possible.
EL COYOTE: I'll be at the border faster than you can say La Bamba!
BUD: It'll be a long cold day in hell before I let you....
El Coyote and Bud were chasing each other in their cars. The chase soon comes winding down as El Coyote throws some Oil Slick in Bud's path where he was chasing him.
BUD: Oil slick? From that Nintendo game, Spy Hunter? That asshole......
The car Bud was driving in soon skids into the oil slick and Bud finds himself going around in circles.
BUD: DAMN YOU, Coyote!
EL COYOTE: Viva Coyote!
The car was still going around until it crashes into a cactus.
BUD: I'll get you next time, Coyote! Next time!
Reporting for another day of work at the Border Patrol. Bud walks out to his car. As usual his neighbor Ernesto greets him as always.
ERNESTO: Hola, Bud!
BUD: Oh hey, Ernesto.
ERNESTO: Looking good!
BUD: Why do you Mexicans still quote Freddie Prinze even though he's been dead since 1977?
ERNESTO: He's like a God to us.
BUD: I bet you even like that guy in a bee suit on Univision.
ERNESTO: Oh yes! We loved him in Mexico! He was the best.
BUD: Well, I gotta go now.
ERNESTO: Guess I'll get going too, Adios!
Maria watches as her Ernesto goes to work. Ruiz was beside her.
RUIZ: You forgot to tell him.
MARIA: Tell him what?
RUIZ: That earthquake that is supposed to come.
MARIA: GASP! OOOOHHH! I'm too late!
Ernesto and Bud talk some more until they leave for work. Bud gets the final word.
BUD: This is America! Say Goodbye!
Janice runs out to Bud's car.
BUD: Janice? What is it? I'm going to be late for work.
JANICE: Have you heard the news lately?
BUD: News? What did you hear?
JANICE: There could be an Earthquake coming to Mexifonia.
BUD: Earthquake? That's a load of shit. The local news always predicts Earthquakes every year. It never happens.
JANICE: But this year it could....
BUD: I don't have time for this. I'm going to work now. Goodbye.
Janice stands in the driveway looking all worried about the Earthquake that could be hitting. Becky comes out to join her.
BECKY: You scared of the Earthquake too?
JANICE: The news says it could happen...
BECKY: Dad didn't believe, I bet.
JANICE: No he never does.
BECKY: Ooooh! If this earthquake hits. What's going to become of poor JC?
JANICE: Yep. Us women are worry warts when it comes to our husbands and boyfriends.
SANFORD: Later, dudes. I'm on my way to an Earthquake party!
JANICE: JC will be fine.
BECKY: What is things take a turn for the worse? JC can fall into a crack and scream, "BBBEEECCCCKKKKKYYYY!"
JC comes to Becky to console her. Gert comes outside to practice some dance moves for her pageant.
GERT: Shut the hell up! You're not losing nobody, big sister! Your boyfriend isn't going anywhere!
JC: You heard her, Becky. I'll be okay no matter what.
BECKY: Hope so.
GERT: You're worried about JC? What about my pageants? I won't be able to compete in them if the Earthquake comes!
JANICE: JC is right. Everything will work through. Just as long as we have each other. We ought to worry about Bud, not JC.
BECKY: Aww, Mom! You always thought Dad was more important than JC.
JC: We're both equally important.
BECKY: Yeah you're right. Never thought of it that way.
At Border Patrol, Bud was at his post. His Co-Worker Bryce ties himself up to a pole.
BUD: Bryce, What the hell are you doing?
BRYCE: Why do you think?
BUD: Please don't tell me you're falling for his Earthquake nonsense.
BRYCE: No I'm playing Fifty Shades of Grey with myself. Of course I'm protecting myself from the Earthquake.
BUD: Today Janice warns me about Earthquake and now I have to hear about it here at work?
BRYCE: You know the news always predicts one every year. This time it really could happen.
BUD: You too are buying into this earthquake crap? Can't you just prevent yourself from getting kidnapped by aliens like you always do?
BRYCE: Not this time...
Steve enters the post.
BUD: Hey, Steve. Everybody is going batshit crazy about this Earthquake shit, aren't they.
STEVE: Don't give in. Every year the prediction is wrong.
BUD: At least there's some sane people around here.
Steve and Bud feel a sudden light jolt.
BUD: What was that?
STEVE: Could be just this Santa Ana winds.
The jolt suddenly gets bigger. The Earthquake has began. Steve and Bud were moving side to side. Gert, Becky, and Janice back at the Buckwald house shake all around. The Earthquake stopped. No damage was done to the town of Mexifonia.
BECKY: Oh, JC! Thank God you're okay.
JC: I told you would be.
BECKY: I really ought to stop treating you like a child.
JANICE: The Earthquake was a short one. Lucky for us we're alive and our house is still intact.
GERT: WWWAAAAAHHH! What happened to my 4 Loco?
JANICE: We'll get you some new 4 Loco soon.
GERT: But Daddy always gets it.
Janice suddenly grew worried.
BECKY: Oh no! DAD!
JANICE: Bud! Poor poor Bud! Oh, please let him be alright.
Sanford who was still at the Earthquake Party. He and his friends were so high they didn't even feel the Earthquake. Ernesto who was at his Landscaping job felt the effects of it very strongly. Ernesto got hit on the head with a piece of roof.
ERNESTO: AYE CARBUMA!
The landscapers who Ernesto worked for came to check on him. Ernesto was in a coma. Bud Buckwald was about to meet the same fate. When the earthquake hit, Bud hit his whole body on the side of the wall to the post in which he worked. Bryce untied himself.
BRYCE: Is he okay?
STEVE: I think so. Call an ambulance.
An Ambulance came for both Bud and Ernesto. Janice, Becky, JC, and Gert were at the scene of the Border Patrol Guarding Post.
JANICE: Steve! What of my husband, Bud?
STEVE: He got hurt pretty badly.
Becky saw her father get carted away on a stretcher into the ambulance.
GERT: DADDY! You need to pull through? Who's going to take me to my next pegeant!?
JC: That's not important right now.
BECKY: You're right, JC. As glad as I am that you survived. We'll focus on Dad.
JC then suddenly thought of his uncle.
JANICE: You seem to be in a trance, JC.
JC: UNCLE ERNESTO!
The local news reported that the Earthquake was minor. Just a 3.4 on the Richter Scale. No damage was done to the town of Mexifornia. No one was hurt. The only ones who were hurt from the Earthquake were Bud and Ernesto. Five days after the Earthquake hit. Bud and Ernesto were both in comas. The two families Buckwalds and the Gonzalez were visiting Bud and Ernesto at the hospital. Every day since. Janice was at Bud's bedside.
JANICE: Oh, Bud. Please come out of this.
JC was at his uncle's side. Becky consoles him.
GERT: Daddy's always been a stubborn one, isn't he Mommy?
JANICE: He always is, Gert.
Ernesto had his wife Maria by his side.
MARIA: This is all my fault. I totally forgot about this whole Earthquake business.
JANICE: How could you have known, Maria? If anything Bud should've listened to my warning about the Earthquake.
MARIA: If our husbands die, their blood will be on our hands.
JANICE: Maria. That's not true. We need to believe that they will both wake up.
BECKY: Daddy should've known that this time, it was the real deal.
JC sighs in sadness.
JANICE: JC? I know you're concerened for your uncle.
JC: I just hope he makes it....he's done so much for me....
Sunlight peeped through the windows of the hospital room. Onto Ernesto's and Bud's eyes. The sun woke up Bud and Ernesto.
BECKY: They're waking up!
JC: Ernesto too! In time for him to walk you down the aisle at our future wedding, Becky!
GERT: It's a miracle!
Bud and Ernesto had awaken from their comas caused by the Earthquake. The Buckwalds and the Gonzalezs rejoice.
MARIA: FIESTA! Ernesto is alive!
JANICE: BUD! Oh I knew you were going to be....
There was something off about Bud and Ernesto.
BUD: Where am I? Who am I?
ERNESTO: Who are you all people?
JANICE: You know me. I'm your wife, Janice! This is Becky, Gert, and JC. Your son Sanford went to an Earthquake party.
BUD: How do you all know me?
ERNESTO: I've never seen any of you before in my life!
JC: Oh no! Is this going to become like the movie Awakenings, isn't it?
BECKY: Dad doesn't know any of us...
GERT: Daddy! Daddy! Don't you know me! I'm your little baby girl!
BUD: I don't have a family. Or a wife, or any kids.
MARIA: Por favor Ernesto. Tell me you're joking.
ERNESTO: Why would I joke with somebody I've never even meet before.
JC: It all boils down to one thing......Learned about this when I was in college....
BECKY: You don't mean what I think you're going to say....
JC: It seems like your Dad and my Uncle are both suffering from memory loss.
JANICE: I have a plan. While Ernesto and Bud are recovering. We all will pitch in and do everything we can to help jog their memories.
BECKY: I'm in! I want to help your family, too. JC.
ERNESTO: What is this place? Where am I! Who are all of you? And you? Who is everybody!
The next day, Bud and Ernesto were both discharged from the Mexifornia Hospital. Sanford heard the news when he came back from the party. Sanford was trying to jog Bud's memory. Doing so in a patronizing way. Clapping his hands in Bud's face.
SANFORD: DAD! DAD! It's me! SANFORD! SAN-FORD! CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THERE?
BUD: I don't know any Sanford.
Gert tries to get Bud to remember her. She had on a ballerina outfit.
BECKY: Are you sure you want to try this, Gert?
GERT: This will be the thing that'll get him to remember us!
Becky turns on a radio. Gert dances to the song Superfreak.
SANFORD: Give it up, Gert! A Little Miss Sunshine scenario isn't going to help.
BUD: Why is this girl dancing for me? I don't get it?
Gert sadly turned the radio off. Janice enters the room.
JANICE: Hi, Bud. Do you remember who you are yet?
BUD: Actually, I don't know my name. Where do I work? Who are my family?
BECKY: We're your family, Daddy.
SANFORD: You work at the Border Patrol.
BUD: Border Patrol? That sounds kind of cruel.
JANICE: It's your job to keep illegal immigrants out.
BUD: That's even more terrible.
BECKY: You bet it's cruel and terrible. Your name is Bud Buckwald.
BUD: Never heard that name. Whoever it is. He sounds like a pain in the ass!
GERT: Nothing we do is getting through to him, Mama!
JANICE: I know dear. We'll just all need to be patient and give it some more time.
BECKY: You're right, Mom. We don't want to rush him.
Janice gets upset when Sanford kept screaming in Bud's face. Bud remained unresponsive with his memory.
SANFORD: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO DAD!
JANICE: Sanford? What did I just say?
SANFORD: Have patience. Heard you the first time.
BECKY: I wonder if JC is having this much trouble with his Uncle.
The Gonzales house was no different. They too were trying everything for Ernesto to get his memory back.
ERNESTO: Where was I born? What's my name?
MARIA: You're Ernesto Gonzales. You're from Mexico.
ERNESTO: Mexico? Is that in outer space.
JC: No, Uncle it's here on Earth.
MARIA: We'll demonstrate.
JC and Maria have Ruiz and Peptio dress as a Mariachi band and play a Mexican song for Ernesto.
RUIZ AND PEPTIO: LA CUCARACHA! LA CUCARACHA!
ERNESTO: Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.
JC suddenly devises a scheme.
Peptio: Why do you look so evil?
JC: Think it's about time I put my 'college' skills into good use....
Bud and Janice were both sleeping in their separate beds in their rooms. JC disguises himself and sneaks into their bedroom. JC then puts some headphones on Bud and presses a PLAY button on a CD Player. Bud listens to the voice on the CD.
CD VOICE: You are Bud Buckwald! You work at the All Mattresses store. You are okay with your daughter Becky dating JC!
Getting away with what he did, JC does the same to his uncle.
CD: You are Ernesto Gonzelas. You work at the All Mattresses store. You are okay with your nephew JC dating Becky.
When he was done, JC was proud of what he did.
JC: YES! This time I can be with Becky then Bud and uncle will approve. Most important, immigrants can come into the country all they want!
The sun rose in the Mexifornia sky. Bud was the first to get out of bed. Becky got a phone call. She goes to answer it.
JC: Becky! It's me.
JC: You won't believe what I did!
BECKY: Tell me. I'm all ears.
JC explains everything to Becky who was very happy about his plan to have Bud and Ernesto work at a Mattress store and approve of them dating.
BECKY: Oh, JC! You're the best!
JC: Graias Becky. Now remember. Don't tell anyone what I had done. It'll be our secret.
BECKY: I won't tell a soul! What you did there was very sexy!
JC: Sexy indeed. Gotta go now, adios!
Hanging up the phone. Becky was more happy than she's ever been. Knowing about what JC had planned for them to be together and let immigrants in now that Bud Buckwald won't be working there. Janice was preparing breakfast.
JANICE: Woah. Look who's in a good mood this morning!
BECKY: Morning Mom! Beautiful day, isn't it?
JANICE: Be even more so if Bud gets his memory back.
Popping out of bed, Bud runs to the kitchen table.
BUD: Uhhh, Janice is it?
JANICE: That's a first step!
BUD: I finally remember who I am!
JANICE: Wonderful! Knew that amensia would not be long term.
BUD: It's all coming back to me. I'm Bud Buckwald!
GERT: hugs Bud: Daddy! You're back!
BUD: Yes I am back. I now remember where I work.
BECKY: Where do you work, Dad?
BUD: I am an employee at the All Mattresses store!
Gert, Janice, and Becky all look at Bud with shock.
BUD: Uhhh, why are you acting all surprised?
Sanford runs into the kitchen.
JANICE: Good morning, Sanford.
SANFORD: Did Dad get his memory back?
BECKY: Uhhh, sort of....
SANFORD: He just said something about a Mattress store.
GERT: Yeah, weird isn't it?
SANFORD freaks out: OH NO! That's where my weed dealer is! I can't let Dad know I go there to score some cheap grass! Gotta go find someplace else now!
When Sanford ran out of the house. Bud was very confused.
BUD: What's with him?
JANICE: How about we take you to work at the..
BECKY: Why don't you relax today. I'll take Daddy to work.
BUD: Aww, what a very thoughtful daughter I have. Whoever you are. Let's go.
Becky has Bud follow her to her car. Next door, JC was leading Ernesto to his car to drive him to work.
ERNESTO looks at Bud: Uhhh, excuse me. What do I usually say to you? Hello or Hola?
BUD: Think it may be Hello?
JC: No, say Hola! We're Mexican. jabs Ernesto in the ribs
ERNESTO: Oh yeah that's right. This man who claims to be my nephew says I say Hola! So, Hola Bud!
BUD: Hey, neighbor who's name I can't remember.
BECKY: Get inside, Daddy. You don't want to be late for your job.
JC: You get in the car too, Uncle!
Becky and JC both give each other an eye wink and a thumbs up. Over at the All Mattresses store. There was a sign that reads HELP WANTED. A manager inside who's name was Adam Springs was looking depressed.
ADAM: What does it take to get people to want a job at a Mattress Store!
JC and Becky run inside.
BECKY: Hello, good sir. Did you say you wanted some employees to work at your Mattress Store?
ADAM: Yes please. Show them in!
JC: Before we do, we want you to pretend you've known them forever.
ADAM: Sure! I'll do anything! Anything to have this store up and running! I'll hire illegal immigrants if I have to!
BECKY: Well, you're in luck! Come on in you guys!
Ernesto and Bud walk inside the Mattress Store.
BUD: So, this is where I....
BECKY: Ahem! You know this place like the back of your hand!
BUD: Oh, right right right! Hello boss! Ready to start a day at work!
ERNESTO: Hola Boss! I've known you almost all my life!
ADAM: Of course you have! You both do work at my store! Now get to it!
BUD AND ERNESTO: YES! SI SENOR!
Adam begins to push Bud and Ernesto around.
BECKY: Did you tell him we're dating yet?
JC: I will once their work day is done.
BECKY: This plan you have is working out perfectly so far!
JC: I know! Very devious! Guess you can say I'm El Diablo!
BECKY giggles: I hope Dad and Ernesto never get their memories back!
JC: Me too! That way you and I can be together. I won't have to work at Ernesto's Landscaping Business!
BECKY: Yes. And now there's nobody to keep out the Mexicans who want to enter the country at Border Patrol!
JC: With their memories gone, your dad and my uncle will have no choice but to let us get married!
Becky and JC high five and share a kiss. At the Border Patrol. Steve and Bryce are wondering why Bud isn't at work?
STEVE: Seen Bud lately?
BRYCE: Maybe the aliens got him when they were supposed to get me!
Steve sees Bryce scream at the sky.
BRYCE: You took the wrong guy, asshole aliens! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET ME!!!!
STEVE: Bud took the earthquake really hard. So it could be he's still recovering in the hospital.
BRYCE: I don't believe you! YOU DUMBASS ALIENS! WHAT DOES BUD BUCKWALD HAVE THAT I DO NOT!!!!!
At the Landscaping Company, everyone was looking around wondering where Ernesto went. At the end of the day. The Buckwalds were watching TV.
TV: We now return to Chicago PD. Wait? What? We can't call it that anymore? Oh, sorry. Excuse me. We now return to Chicago First Responders!
JANICE: Hey, Bud. How was your day at the Mattress store?
BUD: It was wonderful! Love working there!
GERT: Is it going to be Take Your Daughter To Work Day pretty soon, Daddy?
BUD: I can look into that.
GERT: I want to jump on all the mattresses there. Can I come where you work? Can I? Can I? Can I?
BUD: Of course you can, sweetie! You can come tomorrow!
GERT: YAY! I get to jump on mattresses!
SANFORD turns off TV: This is boring ass shit. I want to watch a porn!
JANICE: Take your porn and watch it in your room. We have a five year old living with us!
BECKY: You heard Mom.
SANFORD: WHAT! I can't watch porn in my living room and Gert gets to go to work with Dad to play on his mattresses? BEEP this family! runs off
At the Gonzelas house. They too were watching TV.
TV: Mexican Accent We now return to Tijuana PD!
MARIA: So, how was work!
ERNESTO: It was fine. Selling mattresses is a cinch!
MARIA: Glad to hear it.
JC: Uhh, uncle. I have something really important to tell you.
ERNESTO: Okay. What is it?
JC: I'm dating the white girl that lives next door. Her name is Becky Buckwald!
ERNESTO: That's great man who claims to be my nephew.
JC: So are you fine with me dating a white girl?
ERNESTO: Of course! I'm all for it!
Ruiz and Pepito look at JC suspiciously.
PEPITO: There's something weird going on with JC.
RUIZ: You're right, how about you and I team up to find out what it is?
PEPITO: Yeah, good idea.
RUIZ: We'll find out what JC had done.
At the Buckwald house, Janice was trying to make Bud get his memory back.
JANICE: I'm your wife..
BUD: I know that. You don't have to tell me.
BECKY: Uh, hey Dad! I want to tell you something.
BUD: All right. Tell me.
BECKY: Uhh, I'm dating that Mexican who came back from college next door who lives with Ernesto. Are you okay with me dating a Mexican?
BUD: Why sure I am! Why wouldn't I be!
JANICE: Hmmm, that was odd. You usually are against...
The Buckwalds soon get distracted when their window shatters and a baton was thrown inside the house.
GERT: Uhh, sorry. Just practicing for my next rehearsal!
Becky was relieved about the broken window. Thus the fact that Janice was about to tell Bud he was against Becky dating JC.
NARRATOR: Long about this time, Bud and Ernesto memories still haven't come back. Along the way, they're making some really big bucks at the Mattress Store. But, what about the Border Patrol?
At the Border Patrol, Steve and Bryce see Bud coming to work. Was it Bud?
STEVE: Bud! Glad to see you've recovered and come back to work!
BRYCE: We missed you, dude!
BUD: sotto voice: Yes indeed. It is I! Bud Buckwald!
STEVE: Welcome back to work!
BUD: sotto voice: Yes! Yes! Yes! Here I am! Going back to work!
As Bryce and Steve leave Bud to have him work, "Bud" takes off his disguise and it was really El Coyote all along.
EL COYOTE laughing: Viva Coyote.
Putting back on the Bud disguise, El Coyote brings in a whole bunch of Mexicans who were disguised as whites into the country.
At the All Mattresses Store, in a week's time. Business was blooming as the Mexicans whom El Coyote let into Mexifornia all applied for work at the Mattress Store. Adam Springs was beyond impressed. Gert came with Bud to work so she can jump on the mattresses.
GERT: Weeeee! Weeeeee! I'm a mattress tester! My pageant rivals are going to be so jealous!
ADAM: Wow! Think you two, my star employees Bud and Ernesto really brought me good luck.
BUD: You can say that again! Selling mattresses is loads of fun! It's my dream job!
ERNESTO: Business is really picking up since we came to work here!
JC and Becky were watching from afar.
BECKY: Wow! This plan of yours is really working out well.
JC: Oh yes Becky! Nobody suspects a thing!
BECKY: In no time at all, Mexifornia will be a culturally diverse town!
JC: That was all part of the plan!
Ruiz and Pepito sneak up behind them.
RUIZ: We caught you!
JC: What do you mean, caught me?
RUIZ: We're onto you! We've been watching your every move!
BECKY: What are you guys talking about?
PEPITO: You JC are the one who brainwashed Papa into working at the Bed Store!
RUIZ: You also brainwashed Bud into being fine with you dating Becky!
BECKY panicked gasp: Oh dammit! They know! We're going to be exposed! What'll we do?
JC: Never you worry, Becky. I got this.
Deciding to turn the tables on his cousins, JC was going to resort to emotional blackmail.
JC: Listen you two. If you breathe a word of this to anyone! Especially to the Buckwalds or Maria! I will tell the authorities that you Ruiz smuggled that Heauvos Energy Drink that was banned in Mexico into the United States. You Pepito, I will blow the whistle on you at your classmates and tell them all you like Power Rangers!
RUIZ and PEPITO: NADA! NADA! NADA! POR FAVOR! Not that!
Pepito and Ruiz run into the desert back their their home.
BECKY: Wow, JC! That was very brave and noble of you!
JC: So, where would you like to go?
At the Buckwald household. A week later. All Mattresses was now the best business in the all of Mexifornia. Janice made dinner and wanted to know why Bud was late.
JANICE: For the past week. Sleeping with Bud was like sleeping with a stranger. I know he knows who he is and......
GERT: Guess what, Momma! I got a promotion!
GERT: I'm the assistant manager of All Mattresses. I worked my way from the ground up! I started off as a Mattress Tester!
JANICE: That's wonderful dear!
SANFORD: WHAT THE HELL! A five year old gets a promotion, and I can't get a decent place to buy my weed? Beep this family!
JANICE: It's not like Bud to miss dinner coming back from work.
JC: This dinner you made is delicious, Mrs. Buckwald.
JANICE: Well thank you.
Bud comes home from work.
BECKY: Hi, Daddy! You're just in time!
BUD: Hey, family. You are my family? Right?
JANICE: Of course we are.
BUD: Hey, JC!! You are the best man for my daughter! You're the greatest of my daughter's boyfriends I have ever known!
JC: The pleasure is mine!
BECKY: JC is the only man for me!
The doorbell rang. Janice goes to answer it.
JANICE: I'll get that.
At the front door it was Steve and Bryce.
STEVE: Hello, Janice!
JANICE: Oh, hello Steve. What brings you two here?
BRYCE: Your husband is doing a terrible job.
JANICE: What are you talking about?
STEVE: Because of him, he's letting some Mexicans disguised as Americans in.
BRYCE: Now, that Mattress Store is doing better than we are!
Bud hears a voice echo in his head.
JANICE: I don't get it. What's going on?
BUD voice echoes: Mexicans.....Mexicans.....Mexicans.
Slowly, Bud was beginning to remember who he was and where he worked. JC runs away in fear.
JC: Gotta go! I'll call you, Becky.
BECKY: Bye, JC! Don't forget to email too!
At the Gonzelas's house. Their doorbell rings. Maria goes to answer. It was the landscaper company.
MARIA: May I help you?
LANDSCAPER: Your husband hasn't been at work for a week.
MARIA: What in the world? He's working at that mattress store. Of course he's been at work.
LANDSCAPER: He's our best landscaper and he hasn't shown up for his Landscaper job.
MARIA: But I assumed......
Ernesto then was beginning to get his memory back.
LANDSCAPER: Since he's been gone, most of our workers have been terribly injured with the lawn mowers and rakes.
ERNESTO: Lawn mowers and rakes?
A swirly white and red vortex is seen. Both Bud's and Ernesto's heads were floating around in a creepy transparent way. To indicate that their days of having amnesia were over.
BUD'S HEAD: MEXICANS! MEXICANS! BORDER! BORDER!
ERNESTO'S HEAD: LAWN MOWERS AND RAKES! LAWN MOWERS AND RAKES!
BUD bolted up I gotta go talk to Ernesto!
ERNESTO: I gotta go talk to Bud!
Janice, Sanford, and Gert were happy that Bud has his memory back. Only Becky was worried.
BECKY worried tone: Dad's back!
JANICE: Why did you say it like that, Becky?
BECKY: Because.......hee hee...I'm just as rejoiced as you are that we got the old Bud Buckwald back? hee hee?
Bud and Ernesto make a pact.
ERNESTO: Hola Bud!
BUD: Hello Ernesto.
ERNESTO: Get our jobs back?
BUD: Yes we'll work together to do so!
Stevie Nick's Stand Back starts to play when Ernesto reports to work at the Landscaping Company. The workers all rejoice when they see him.
LANDSCAPERS: Ernesto's back! FIESTA!
Driving to Border Patrol, Bud walks into his post and confronts his imposter. Bud and his imposter soon get into a fight. Steve and Bryce break into break it up.
BRYCE: Dude! I think that other Bud could be an alien clone.
STEVE: Enough of playing games. Will the real Bud Buckwald please stand up!
BUD: I'm the real Bud! I ain't nothing but the real thing, baby!
IMPOSTER: NO It's me!
The imposters Mexican accent gave it away. Bud takes off the mask from his imposter revealing that it El Coyote!
BRYCE: El Coyote?!
STEVE: No wonder all those Mexicans were let in illegally.
El Coyote sneaks away as Bud gets reinstated back to his job.
STEVE: Great to have you back, Bud.
BUD: You would not believe this. I had lost my memory and ended up working at a Mattress store.
BRYCE: That one where those illegals are working?
BUD: That's the one.
STEVE: Well, Bud. It's your job to send them back where they came from!
BUD: That I will.
NARRATOR: Well, what do you know. Bud and Ernesto got their memories back as well as their jobs. Will they ever find out that JC brainwashed them?
Over at the All Mattresses Store. JC and Becky were there looking for a mattress.
JC: You know, I've been looking for a new bed.
BECKY: Maybe your uncle or my father can help us with that! giggles
Going inside All Mattresses, JC and Becky see that Ernesto and Bud were no longer working there.
JC: What in the world....
BECKY: Where's Dad? Where's Ernesto?
JC: This had to happen sometime.
BECKY: Don't tell me they got their memories back.
JC: Well, at least these immigrants have a job...
BECKY: That's true.
BUD: Immigrants have a job? Not anymore!
BECKY: DAD? Are you back to working at Border Patrol.
BUD: You bet I am. I got all my memories back. So did Ernesto.
Ernesto drives by in his Landscaping Truck.
JC: Guess Uncle did too.
ERNESTO calls out: Hold Bud! Isn't this great that we don't have to work at the Mattress Store anymore?
BUD calls back: Yes it is! We got our old lives back! I'm not like Will Ferrell in The Internship anymore!
BECKY: So, you're going to send all these Mexicans back?
JC: Is that why you're here.
BUD: Yes it is.
JC: But why? Don't you know lots of companies and small businesses strive with immigrants working in them?
BUD: Not if they're in illegally which is what I'm about to prove!
ADAM: Hey, Bud! How's my star player?
BUD: I don't work here anymore. I'm back at Border Patrol. My real job! These immigrants you hired are here illegally and they're going to be slipping on ICE! If you know what I mean!
ADAM: Actually, before they came to work. They showed me some documents for their citizenship. None of them have criminal records, or on drugs and nothing like that.
BECKY: Oooh! He's got you there, Dad!
ADAM: Therefore, they're here to stay. There's nothing you can do about it.
BUD dejectedly: Fine. Oh well.
JC: Oh cheer up, Bud. They'll be other times.
BECKY: Have to accept defeat for now.
BUD: I guess. You're right. I got a new mission now.
BECKY: What would that be?
BUD: To find out the son of a bitch who beeped with my memory and convincing me that I work here.
JC and Becky both gasp in fear.
Bud was about to run off to find the culprit not knowing it was JC the whole time. JC and Becky run to stop him.
JC: Wait! Wait!
BECKY: DAD! STOP! We have something to say.
BUD: I'm listening.
JC: I know the guy who messed with your memory.
Becky looked worried that JC will spill the beans about their plans.
JC: It was.....
Suspenseful music plays as JC struggles to reveal who it was that brainwashed Bud and Ernesto. Remembering before Ruiz and Pepito threatened to tell on JC, he decides to lie they were the ones who masterminded the whole thing.
JC: My cousins, Pepito and Ruiz.
Becky breathed a sign of relief.
BUD: Oh them? So what? I'm not going to bust a couple of kids. Well, back to Border Patrol I go!
BECKY: Oh, thank you. Or should I say Graisas?
JC and Becky watch as Bud goes back to Border Patrol.
BECKY: Thank god you didn't tell.
JC: Just couldn't bring myself to do it.
BECKY: Why did you lie?
JC: Because I knew if I told the truth, Bud would kill me. And I'd never see you again. Bud would never let you go out with me.
BECKY: Aww, that was sweet.
JC: I put the frame on my cousins. Bud doesn't give a shit about them.
BECKY: Sweet and very badass of you!
JC: Know what? I'll get a mattress some other time. Let's go home.
Becky and JC went back home. When the working day for Ernesto and Bud was all done for the day. Ernesto greets his family.
ERNESTO: My memory is back and so am I!
Maria, Pepito, Ruiz, and JC all gather around to hug him. At the Buckwald house. Bud and Janice were watching TV together.
JANICE: No more earthquakes for another year.
BUD: That one we had nearly destroyed me.
JANICE: How was your first day back at work.
JANICE: Did you have to re-learn everything?
BUD: Nope. I took to it like a duck to water.
JANICE: That's my Bud! So great to have you back.
BUD: Where are Sanford, Becky, and Gert?
JANICE: Hmmm, not sure.
At All Mattresses. JC and Becky were now working at the jobs Bud and Ernesto used to have.
JC: Welcome to All Mattresses.
BECKY: How can we help you today.
Gert was still there as the assistant manager testing out the mattresses ordering around the Mexican Employes.
BECKY: Why did we take these jobs?
JC: I just felt so terrible about what I did to Bud and Ernesto. I thought this could be a way to atone for my sins.
BECKY: And help out these less fortunate immigrants get better pay.
GERT: This isn't a party! It's a job! Go back to work!
JC: This way we can get a taste of the real world.
BECKY: It never hurts to put your hat into the ring at the job market.
SANFORD walks inside: Good I can get my weed here again now that Dad got his brain back.
Disappointment soon lurks over Sanford when he sees JC and Becky working there.
GERT: Hey, Sanford. What kind of bed are you considering buying?
SANFORD: This is bullshit! Now that Becky and JC are working here. How am I supposed to score some cheap weed now!
JC, Becky, and Gert all laugh at Sanford.
SANFORD: I said it once and I'll say it again, BEEP this family!
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