Categories > Original > Drama
A/N: Narwhalpuppy is back with another fanfiction. I seem to have a reputation to write fanfictions about adult cartoons that are hated, nobody seems to care about, or even knew existed. I was the first to write for Hot Streets, Paradise PD, Stroker and Hoop along with a crossover with Loafy, Duncanville, and Hoops.
Now I proudly present to you, the very first ever........(horn plays fanfare) The very first ever fanfiction about the new Netflix series, Chicago Party Aunt! Enjoy this one! Even if you don't like Chicago Party Aunt, this fanfiction will be worth your time to read! In closing, even hated adult cartoons deserve a place in fanfiction!
Chicago Party Aunt Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Chicago Party Stick
Diane Dunbrowski. She always had a rep as a hard core party queen. This causes her to do anything to avoid facing adulthood. Diane even has had two failed marriages. Diane always lives by her motto, "If Life Gives You Lemons, Turn That Shit Into Mike's Hard Lemonade." Her nephew Daniel who now lives with her, is the only one in her family who accepts Diane as she is. Daniel was on the verge of going to Stanford, but instead wanted to take a Gap Year to go live with his aunt Diane. Daniel now works at Creative Joose. Diane did have a job, she works as a hairdresser in a place called Boroughs.
Bonnie, Diane's sister and her husband Mark see Diane as a bad influence on their son. They would've preffered him to go to Stanford. Mark and Bonnie were driving to the dentist to pick up Daniel who had just gotten his teeth cleaned. Once Daniel got into the car, he drove back to Diane's house instead of theirs. Mark and Bonnie seemed to have a disappointed vibe with Daniel as he was driving back to Diane's. Daniel says, "I was hoping to have a good check up when I was having my teeth cleaned."
"Then you got a whole lot of what you bargained for," Mark says. "See, if you had just gone to Stanford instead of living with Diane, none of this would've happened!" Bonnie scolded. "I had no idea I had a lesion on my gums until they told me." Daniel protested. "Now we'll have to find you an oral surgeon." said Mark. "I am just as upset about it as you guys are. I'm the one that has a gum lesion and you guys are the ones who are acting like you are suffering about it." said Daniel. "Oh, you don't know how badly upset we really are! The dentist even told us you needed a biopsy!" said Bonnie. "Sure had a hissy fit about that." said Daniel.
Mark begins, "You know. I don't think it's Daniel we should be mad at." "Why not?" asked Bonnie. "If anyone is at fault, it's Diane! Maybe she's responsible for that gum lesion Daniel has." said Mark. "Or Daniel brought it upon himself. He was probably secretly sipping those drinks he serves at Creative Joose." Bonnie implied.
"NO! I do not do anything like that! I'm not 21! Therefore I do not drink! Leave Diane out of this! She's not as bad as you think she is!" Daniel says defending his aunt. "You were probably drinking beer with her. That would explain the gum lesion!" said Bonnie. "No! Nothing like that. You see, I used an electric toothbrush. Before my appointment, I brushed my teeth three times. That's what happened." explains Daniel.
"Yeah, and the dentist said your lesion was in the infancy stage. By this time next year, you'll have cancer and probably will have to get your gum removed and live on a feeding tube." said Bonnie. Daniel gulped at the fact that his newly found gum lesion could indeed be cancerous. "Then you're going to really wish you had gone to Stanford!" said Mark. "Come on, let's send him back to his precious beloved Diane." said Bonnie. "He likes her more than he likes us." said Mark.
"You and your worst case scenarios. You've been tormenting me about those since childhood!" Daniel spat back at his parents. "Leave us alone!" said Mark. "Until then, we'll find you an oral surgeon." said Bonnie. "I know of an oral surgeon! How about Dr. Giggles or that one from Little Shop of Horrors?" jokes Mark. "Hey, this is a serious situation! Daniel could have cancer and you're telling jokes about sadistic dentists in movies?" asks Bonnie. "It's probably not as bad you think it's going to be." Daniel says once more he receives silence from his parents and decides to tell them off, "Stanford my ass! You'd think they would like someone like me who's gay? A conservative college like that?" asks Daniel angerily.
"LEAVE US ALONE!" Mark and Bonnie both shout at their son. Daniel says, "I'm 18! You're supposed to leave me alone!" "We'll give you an ultimatum! When you see the oral surgeon and if he/she says you have oral cancer. We're suing Diane!" Bonnie said parking the car. Daniel gets off at Diane's apartment. Going inside, Daniel finds he's alone. So, he decides to do some research on his gum lesion. "I'll show mom and dad! I'll do my own research." said Daniel who was still maddened by his parents words about Diane causing his gum lesion. And the words of his parents saying Daniel did it to himself, which had always been hurtful words to Daniel.
Reporting for work at her haircut job at Boroughs. Diane is the first one to enter when her boss Gideon was there. "Oh, hey Diane! How are you today?" asks Gideon. "Great as ever." Diane answers. Diane looks around and she sees none of her co-workers have showed up for work. "Where's everyone else?" asks Diane. "Guess they had other things to do." said Gideon. "Or maybe they moved to Georgia to work for Queen Latifah in Beauty Shop!" laughs Diane.
"Now that we're alone there is something I want to tell you." Gideon told Diane. "Okay, sure. I'm all ears." Diane says. "Tomorrow is my birthday. And since you're the only one who showed up for work. I'd like you to do something for me." Gideon says. "All right. I'm ready and willing." said Diane.
"You have been selected to buy me a birthday present." Gideon says. "Sure! I'd be more than happy to get you a present. So what is it? It could be anything! Anything you want!" said Diane.
"I want this..." Gideon shows Diane a picture of what looked like a pink toy princess fairy wand on his ipad. "Hmmm, interesting. Should not be so hard to find." Diane says.
"This is called an Evilstick. I'd like to put it up in my office for show. If you press a button, it plays beautiful music. Thought it could brighten the spirits of the customers too!" said Gideon. "No problem! Evilstick it is!" said Diane.
"Well, nobody but you reported for duty today. So I am giving you the day off to find me this Evilstick!" said Gideon. "Wow! Thank you very much! I'll take Daniel along with me." said Diane.
"Good luck, Diane! In finding my present!" said Gideon leading Diane to the door. "I promise, that Evilstick is as good as yours!" said Diane exiting the beauty parlor. Walking home, Diane had an excited vigor about having the privledge of being an employee to get a birthday present for her boss Gideon.
"Wow! I can't wait to tell Daniel the good news." said Diane. Back at Diane's apartment, Daniel was doing research on his gum lesion. "A-ha! So there is a treatment for it. Vitamin A and Beta Caratine." said Daniel reading the webpage. Daniel hears Diane singing as she was coming to her apartment. "Wow, Diane seems to be her usual happy self." thinks Daniel to himself. Then Daniel decides not to tell Diane about his newly discovered gum lesion. "She's ecstatic so I better not tell her my bad news. Bad enough Mom and Dad acted like I ruined their lives with this stupid gum lesion." said Daniel.
"Hey, Daniel! How's my favorite nephew today!" greets Diane. "Doing good. My dentist appointment went well. No cavities." said Daniel. "All right! Anyway, I have a mission!" said Diane.
"Oh boy! Coming from you it's bound to be an adventure." said Daniel. "My boss Gideon gave me the day off so I can get him a birthday present!" announces Diane. "That's great! What does he want you to get him?" asked Daniel.
"An Evilstick. This is what it looks like." said Diane showing a picture of an Evilstick to Daniel on her iphone. "Hmmm. From the looks of it Gideon is sure to like that!" said Daniel.
"Absolutely he will! First stop, let's try Marshal Fields. The most fucking coolest shopping center in all of Chicago!" said Diane. "No problem! You know, that character on the Evilstick looks a lot like that Cardcaptor girl Sakura." said Daniel. "Oh yes. I remember Cardcaptors was your favorite anime when you were little." said Diane.
"I'll start up the car and we'll be off to Marshall Fields. Oh, while we're getting this Evilstick. On the way home, I to buy want some vitamins." said Daniel. "Vitamins? Why do you want that for?" asked Diane out of curiousity, "Uhh, just do. It's for work, yeah that's it." said Daniel with reluctance. Diane and Daniel both drive to their first destination. Marshall Fields.
*
Upon arriving at Marshall Fields, Daniel parks the car and he and Diane walk inside. "You ever been in here, Daniel?" asks Diane. "Oh yes, I used to hang out here with my friends in high school." answers Daniel. "Marshall Fields has everything you can imagine! We're sure to find that Evilstick now!" said Diane with hope.
Walking into Marshall Fields, Daniel says, "We need to look in the toy department." Diane notices Daniel looks a little glum, "Is everything okay?" she asked her nephew. "Uhh, just feels a little weird me being 18 and looking around a toy section. What if someone from high school sees me there?" asked Daniel. What he was really upset about was his gum lesion added to the fact that Bonnie and Mark might sue Diane. "All your friends are in college, they have better things to do." assures Diane. "Yeah, thanks." said Daniel.
It was a long way to the toy section of Marshall Fields. Diane soon gets distracted when she sees a gambling table there. "Holy shit! No fucking way!" Diane cheered. Daniel was far away from her headed to the toy section and had no clue that Diane had gotten away from him. Daniel had a picture of the Evilstick on his iphone. Now at the toy section, Daniel tries to find anything that looked like the Evilstick. "There's one from Star Vs The Forces of Evil.....but that's not the one Gideon asked for." implies Daniel.
Looking around some more, Daniel finds more 'princess wands.' However, not the one Gideon asked for. "There's a wand for Owl House, Amphibia, Disney Princess, but still no Evilstick....."
At the gambling table, Diane was excited as ever to see it. "Think I'll give this baby a little test drive!" Diane says laughing. Playing around the gambling table Diane boasts, "Wow! Look at me! I'm Sharon Stone in Casino! Who needs Vegas anyway! I sure don't!" Daniel was searching around the toy section. He finds nothing that looks like the Evilstick. Daniel was also relieved that nobody from high school was there that he knew. Then Daniel had the voices of the dentist and his parents echoing in his head. A nightmare fuel ensued with faces of Mark, Bonnie, and the dentist.
"Infancy stage....."
"Lesion on your gum....."
"You'll need a referral to an oral surgeon....."
"Biopsy......biopsy....biopsy...."
"It's okay! Calm down! Deep breaths! DEEP BREATHS......"
"See, if you had just gone to Stanford....."
"If anyone is at fault it's Diane...."
"We're suing Diane....."
"By this time next year you'll have cancer....."
"Gum removed...."
"Feeding tube...."
"Suing Diane.....Suing Diane.....Suing....suing.....suing......
Daniel shouted, "STOP!" Then an employee looks at him funny. "Just ignore that, okay?" said Daniel to the employee. "I'm staying the fuck away from you!" The employee runs off in fear of Daniel. "Well, Diane. No Evilstick here and..." Daniel then notices Diane had gone off.
"Diane? Aunt Diane? Where did you go?" Daniel ponders. Running around Marshall Fields as if he was lost, Daniel frantically looks for Diane.
"Aunt Diane! Aunt Diane!"
Finally seeing her at the gambling table, Daniel spotted her. "Diane! There you are!" Daniel tells her. "Oh, hey Daniel. Did you find that Evilstick?" asks Diane. "Was hoping you would." Daniel says. "Oh I am so sorry. Just saw this gambling table and I could not resist." Diane apologizes.
"That sounds like you, Aunt Diane. Anyway, I could not find the Evilstick here. Did find some that were similar but it was all Disney Princess and those Disney cartoons with girls being heroes." said Daniel.
"We came up short this time, but as I always say..." Diane starts. Then she was stopped when a security guard walks up to her. "Excuse me, ma'am. Were you playing on this Gambling Table?" asks the security guard.
"Uhhh, not going to lie. I was just trying it out." Diane tells him. "Unless you have $3000 to pay for it, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." the security guard warns Diane. So she and her nephew walk out of Marshall Fields defeated.
"Son of a bitch! Nothing worse than being kicked out of your favorite shopping place." Diane said in anger. "You're telling me. Is this Evilstick going to be impossible to find? Sure seems that way." Daniel speaks.
"I wasn't even really gambling, gosh!." said Diane. "So true." agreed Daniel who then says, "Another thing that's worse is coming up empty handed."
"Say, if you couldn't find Gideon's present there. I know someone who can help us find one!" Diane chirps.
"Let me guess, Mikey, right?" Daniel asked with sarcasm.
"You're right. Next stop, Chicago Midway!" said Diane.
Daniel and Diane get into his car and drive to Chicago Midway. "Why do you think we'll find the Evilstick there?" Dan talks. "What does every airport have? A Gift shop! That Evilstick is bound to be there!" said Diane in a positive light.
Dan thinks to himself, "Hopefully this Gift Shop will have Vitamin A and Beta Carotene. Poor Diane, she has no idea my parents hold her responsible for my gum lesion. And want to sue her."
*
At the Chicago Midway Airport. Mikey was there doing his job as a baggage handler. Daniel drives up to him. Diane and Daniel get out of the car. Mikey spots them, "Hey Mom! Are you here to collect alimony from my Dad?" asked Mikey. "Hey, my baby boy! No I'm not here for Kurt." said Diane. Kurt is Diane's ex-husband who always disapproved of Diane's lifestyle. Which lead to their divorce.
Mikey sees Daniel and puts him in a playful headlock, "Little cousin! Great to see you! What can I do you for?" asked Mikey.
"We're looking for the Gift Shop here in Midway." said Diane. "Oh that place. Why do you want to go there for, Mom?" Mikey spoke.
"You see Gideon, Aunt Diane's boss sent her on a mission to get him a birthday present. We already tried Marshall Fields but came up with nothing." said Daniel. "Okay, I can give you directions. Take the escalator to the second floor. The gift shop is in Concourse B Terminal A." said Mikey.
"Thank you very much baby! Tell Kurt I said hi. Concourse B Terminal A! Come on, Daniel!" Diane says. The aunt and nephew duo were walking inside Chicago Midway Airport. "Where was it again?" asked Diane to Daniel.
"Mikey said it was Concourse B Terminal A." Daniel reminded his aunt. "Oh look at you! You're like that autistic cowgirl Claire Danes played." Diane laughs. "Oh look, there's a escalator! We're almost there! We won't let you down, Gideon!" Daniel vows.
Taking the escalator to Concourse B Terminal A. They see the Gift Shop before them. "We made it!" Daniel announces. Diane soon hears cheers coming from the Airport Bar. Once again, Diane abandons Daniel without him knowing leaving Daniel to find the Evilstick himself.
Diane walks into the Airport Bar because she sees A Cubs Game on. "No fucking way! Why didn't anyone tell me Da Bears were playing!" Diane said joining the partying crowd.
The bartender looks at the football fan crowd with discontent. She thinks to herself, "I just hate Cubs fans!"
Diane orders some shots and offers them to the football fan crowd. "Who wants shots!" The crowd of football fans cheer for Diane. "In the words of Ke$ha! The party doesn't start until I arrive! Daniel told me about her once!" Diane said.
In the Gift Shop, Daniel finds some Vitamin A and Beta Carotene and buys the vitamins for himself. Daniel then goes to try to find the Evilstick. Just as before in Marshall Fields, the only 'princess wands' that were available were Disney Princess and the latest cartoons.
Daniel growls in frustration, "What is the big deal about Amphibia, Owl House, and Star Vs The Forces of Evil! Why doesn't anybody want to give Infinity Train any recognition! New DC Super Hero Girls is better than this shit!"
Back in the Airport Bar, Diane was already leading the party. "On the count of three. Repeat after me, DA BEARS!"
The crowd joins in, "DA BEARS!"
"I can't hear you. Louder!" demands Diane.
"DA BEARS!"
"That's the spirit!" Diane tells the crowd.
At the Airport Gift Shop, Daniel asks the man at the desk. "Do you have something called an Evilstick?" asked Dan. "Can you show me what it is?" asked the man at the desk. Getting his iphone, Daniel shows him the Evilstick picture. "If we did it would be where the princess wands are. Can I interest you in Amphibia?" asked the man at the desk.
"Never mind." Daniel sighs. Thinking Diane is still with him, Daniel says, "Well this had turned out to be a fools errand. Don't you think so, Aunt Diane?"
Turning over his shoulder Daniel discovered Diane had ditched him once again. "Again! Why must you always get distracted Aunt Diane!" Daniel grunts.
Hearing from cheers the Airport Bar, Daniel marches over there. "That's gotta be where she is!" His instincts were right on. Daniel saw Diane dancing on the table tops. "Aunt Diane! You did it again!" Daniel shouts over the noise.
One of the football fans pointed Diane to Daniel and teased her, "Who is that? Your boyfriend?"
Diane yelped as she looked over her shoulder to see Daniel. She also noticed Daniel has a bag in his hand. "Daniel! I knew I can count on you to get the Evilstick." said Diane.
"Glad you remembered. This is the second time you did this today!" says Daniel. "Okay. I'm going to come clean. Everytime I see a party or even remotely related to one, I feel I have to be part of it." said Diane.
"Guess I should know that by now. But that's okay. I like you for who you are. You don't have to change for anyone." said Daniel.
"You're very sweet, Daniel. So let's get this Evilstick over to..." Diane was about to say. Daniel says, "They didn't have Evilsticks here either. These are actually the vitamins I wanted." "Oh really! Shit! This place was our best bet!" Diane sighed.
"Maybe we ought to do our homework about this Evilstick." said Daniel. "What are you implying?" asked Diane.
"Let's do some detective work and see exactly where we can find this Evilstick." suggested Daniel. "I've always found solving mysteries boring. I'm up for this one." said Diane.
Using the Airport WIFI for his iphone to search on where to find an Evilstick. Daniel uses Google and types in Evilstick. What comes up is some info that an Evilstick can only be bought from a dollar store.
"Eureka! Daniel you've done it!" said Diane who snuck a shot while sipping it. "Precisely, Aunt Diane! According to Google, our only hope now is to get one at the dollar store." said Daniel.
"Only thing is, there's lots of them here in Chicago. Hope we don't have to go to Joliet or Pembroke." Diane said with worry.
"Awesome! Great! Luck is on our side! Found one close by!" Daniel says looking at his iphone. "Where is it?" asks Diane. "It's in Navy Pier. In fact it's a dollar store there that's going out of business." Daniel reads from his iphone.
"Throw another round of tequila on a bar stand! We're going to Navy Pier!" Diane said charismatically.
"No problem! Off we go!" said Daniel.
Diane and Daniel leave the Midway Airport. Now they were on their way to the failing dollar store at the Navy Pier.
*
Driving to the Navy Pier, Daniel decides to come clean to Diane about what happened to him at the dentist. "Aunt Diane. I need to tell you something." Daniel began. "Sure, what is it?" asked Diane.
"I'm afraid things didn't really go so well for me at the dentist. Despite me having no cavities." Daniel tells his story. "What exactly happened?" asked Diane. "When the dentist was giving me the exam, she found a gum lesion on my gums. She told me it's in the infancy stage and that I'll need an oral surgeon for a biopsy. Once my mom and dad found out they flipped their lid on me." Daniel explains.
"Gum lesion? I remember Kurt had one. Trust me, they're nothing. They go away if you take vitamins or something. The dentist was just trying to scare you." Diane says. "Thank you, Diane. I'm glad to have someone who reassures me. My mom and dad blame you for it. They think I've been drinking beer with you. They believe I have bad brushing habits and I don't. They also said they're going to sue you if it turns out I have mouth cancer." said Daniel.
"Oh that bullshit about them suing me. They have always threatened to sue me for everything I got. They never go though with it. You're safe all the way around." said Diane. "Wow, thanks again. I did some research about the gum lesion and it said I just needed Vitamin A and Beta Carotene. Then it could fade away eventually." said Daniel. "I bet they harped on you about going to Stanford instead of moving in with me." said Diane.
"Yeah, how did you guess?" asks Daniel. "I know them very well. They always want to think the worst of me." said Diane. "Well I feel better that I got this off my chest." said Daniel. "I am too. It's always good to be open about stuff. Oh look! There's that failing dollar store up ahead!" said Diane.
Driving to the dollar store. Daniel parked the car. Diane and Daniel go inside the dollar store. It was half empty. Daniel went to the toy section. "Did you know the Evilstick was made in China?" asked Daniel. "Oh really? Lots of those dollar store toys are. That country that gave us the coronavirus! Man, I am glad that fucking lockdown is over. I felt like an idiot having Happy Hour at home with my friends on the internet." Diane recalled.
"I had to spend my senior year in lockdown." Daniel tells his aunt. As luck would have it. Daniel and Diane found the Evilstick. "YES! WE FOUND IT!" Diane cheers.
"The exact one Gideon wanted! It has Sakura on it and everything!" says Daniel. "This was a fun ride! Gideon will be very happy with me." said Diane. Going to the clerk to pay for the Evilstick, he tells them, "We're going out of business. So you can have that free if you want." said the clerk in a depressed manner.
"Wow! I always get lucky at Navy Pier!" said Diane. Daniel and Diane were happy that they found the present Gideon wanted for his birthday. They drive home and turn in for the night. Diane tells Daniel, "Speaking of birthdays, how about I throw you a party there over at Navy Pier? Not only is it an awesome place to shop like Marshall Fields. It's a perfect place for a party!" says Diane. "Yeah! You've been such an awesome aunt to me. Way better than my parents ever were." said Daniel.
The next day it was Gideon's birthday. Daniel got a phone call from Mark and Bonnie that they got an appointment with him to the oral surgeon. Diane was on her way to Boroughs to give Gideon his present. As she was going to get into the car, Daniel calls her from the oral surgeon.
"Great news, Aunt Diane!" said Daniel over his cellphone. "Oh, Daniel! How did it go?" asks Diane. "It went great. The oral surgeon said my gum lesion didn't need a biopsy. However I have to go back every month to keep an eye on it." Daniel explains. "That's wonderful. Anyway I'm on my way to give Gideon that princess wand he wanted." said Diane.
"Mom and Dad are finally convinced that I didn't drink beer. They even stopped blaming you for it." said Daniel. "Guess we both got off easy!" laughed Diane. "I'm going home now. Meet you there, bye aunt Diane." said Daniel hanging up his cellphone. "Bye!" said Diane.
At Boroughs. Diane enters the beauty salon and sees Gideon was there. "Diane! Great to see you!" greeted Gideon. "Happy Birthday Gideon! Daniel and I got that present you've been asking for!" said Diane.
"You mean the Evilstick?" asks Gideon with excitement. Diane takes the Evilstick out of the bag. "Here it is!" said Diane. "Hope it wasn't any trouble for you trying to find it." said Gideon. "Not at all. We went to that dollar store at Navy Pier that was going out of business." said Diane.
Looking at the Evilstick, Gideon was very satisfied with it. "Yep, this is exactly what I asked for." said Gideon, "Can't wait to use it." he said again. "What I don't get was. Why is there an anime character on it? Daniel told me that character is from Cardcaptors." asked Diane.
"Who knows why. The important thing is I got my Evilstick and my customers will get a kick out of it." said Gideon.
"You bet! I was glad to get it for you." said Diane. "Well, I usually close up shop on my birthday. So Diane, you can do what you want today." said Gideon.
"Wow! Thanks a bunch! I'm off to my favorite bar! Enjoy your present! Bye! Happy Birthday!" Diane says exiting Boroughs.
Gideon decides to try out his Evilstick. "Guess I can check this baby out! Wonderful music! I'll love this! Best birthday ever!" Reading the package it reads, "I CAN PLAY WONDERFUL MUSIC!"
Getting the Evilstick out of the case it was on. Gideon pressed the button on it. The Evilstick began to glow lights. Instead of 'Wonderful Music', The Evilstick had evil laughter coming out of it. On the top of it where the foil was, it showed a picture of a Hispanic girl with red eyes cutting herself in the middle. Gideon yelps. "Worst birthday ever!"
Gideon was freaked out and scared shitless. He screams as he throws the Evilstick onto the floor and shouts at the ceiling, "DDDIIIIAAAANNNNNEEEE!!!!"
The End
The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
Coming up next: Jupiter Alien. A Housebroken fanfiction.
Now I proudly present to you, the very first ever........(horn plays fanfare) The very first ever fanfiction about the new Netflix series, Chicago Party Aunt! Enjoy this one! Even if you don't like Chicago Party Aunt, this fanfiction will be worth your time to read! In closing, even hated adult cartoons deserve a place in fanfiction!
Chicago Party Aunt Presents
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Chicago Party Stick
Diane Dunbrowski. She always had a rep as a hard core party queen. This causes her to do anything to avoid facing adulthood. Diane even has had two failed marriages. Diane always lives by her motto, "If Life Gives You Lemons, Turn That Shit Into Mike's Hard Lemonade." Her nephew Daniel who now lives with her, is the only one in her family who accepts Diane as she is. Daniel was on the verge of going to Stanford, but instead wanted to take a Gap Year to go live with his aunt Diane. Daniel now works at Creative Joose. Diane did have a job, she works as a hairdresser in a place called Boroughs.
Bonnie, Diane's sister and her husband Mark see Diane as a bad influence on their son. They would've preffered him to go to Stanford. Mark and Bonnie were driving to the dentist to pick up Daniel who had just gotten his teeth cleaned. Once Daniel got into the car, he drove back to Diane's house instead of theirs. Mark and Bonnie seemed to have a disappointed vibe with Daniel as he was driving back to Diane's. Daniel says, "I was hoping to have a good check up when I was having my teeth cleaned."
"Then you got a whole lot of what you bargained for," Mark says. "See, if you had just gone to Stanford instead of living with Diane, none of this would've happened!" Bonnie scolded. "I had no idea I had a lesion on my gums until they told me." Daniel protested. "Now we'll have to find you an oral surgeon." said Mark. "I am just as upset about it as you guys are. I'm the one that has a gum lesion and you guys are the ones who are acting like you are suffering about it." said Daniel. "Oh, you don't know how badly upset we really are! The dentist even told us you needed a biopsy!" said Bonnie. "Sure had a hissy fit about that." said Daniel.
Mark begins, "You know. I don't think it's Daniel we should be mad at." "Why not?" asked Bonnie. "If anyone is at fault, it's Diane! Maybe she's responsible for that gum lesion Daniel has." said Mark. "Or Daniel brought it upon himself. He was probably secretly sipping those drinks he serves at Creative Joose." Bonnie implied.
"NO! I do not do anything like that! I'm not 21! Therefore I do not drink! Leave Diane out of this! She's not as bad as you think she is!" Daniel says defending his aunt. "You were probably drinking beer with her. That would explain the gum lesion!" said Bonnie. "No! Nothing like that. You see, I used an electric toothbrush. Before my appointment, I brushed my teeth three times. That's what happened." explains Daniel.
"Yeah, and the dentist said your lesion was in the infancy stage. By this time next year, you'll have cancer and probably will have to get your gum removed and live on a feeding tube." said Bonnie. Daniel gulped at the fact that his newly found gum lesion could indeed be cancerous. "Then you're going to really wish you had gone to Stanford!" said Mark. "Come on, let's send him back to his precious beloved Diane." said Bonnie. "He likes her more than he likes us." said Mark.
"You and your worst case scenarios. You've been tormenting me about those since childhood!" Daniel spat back at his parents. "Leave us alone!" said Mark. "Until then, we'll find you an oral surgeon." said Bonnie. "I know of an oral surgeon! How about Dr. Giggles or that one from Little Shop of Horrors?" jokes Mark. "Hey, this is a serious situation! Daniel could have cancer and you're telling jokes about sadistic dentists in movies?" asks Bonnie. "It's probably not as bad you think it's going to be." Daniel says once more he receives silence from his parents and decides to tell them off, "Stanford my ass! You'd think they would like someone like me who's gay? A conservative college like that?" asks Daniel angerily.
"LEAVE US ALONE!" Mark and Bonnie both shout at their son. Daniel says, "I'm 18! You're supposed to leave me alone!" "We'll give you an ultimatum! When you see the oral surgeon and if he/she says you have oral cancer. We're suing Diane!" Bonnie said parking the car. Daniel gets off at Diane's apartment. Going inside, Daniel finds he's alone. So, he decides to do some research on his gum lesion. "I'll show mom and dad! I'll do my own research." said Daniel who was still maddened by his parents words about Diane causing his gum lesion. And the words of his parents saying Daniel did it to himself, which had always been hurtful words to Daniel.
Reporting for work at her haircut job at Boroughs. Diane is the first one to enter when her boss Gideon was there. "Oh, hey Diane! How are you today?" asks Gideon. "Great as ever." Diane answers. Diane looks around and she sees none of her co-workers have showed up for work. "Where's everyone else?" asks Diane. "Guess they had other things to do." said Gideon. "Or maybe they moved to Georgia to work for Queen Latifah in Beauty Shop!" laughs Diane.
"Now that we're alone there is something I want to tell you." Gideon told Diane. "Okay, sure. I'm all ears." Diane says. "Tomorrow is my birthday. And since you're the only one who showed up for work. I'd like you to do something for me." Gideon says. "All right. I'm ready and willing." said Diane.
"You have been selected to buy me a birthday present." Gideon says. "Sure! I'd be more than happy to get you a present. So what is it? It could be anything! Anything you want!" said Diane.
"I want this..." Gideon shows Diane a picture of what looked like a pink toy princess fairy wand on his ipad. "Hmmm, interesting. Should not be so hard to find." Diane says.
"This is called an Evilstick. I'd like to put it up in my office for show. If you press a button, it plays beautiful music. Thought it could brighten the spirits of the customers too!" said Gideon. "No problem! Evilstick it is!" said Diane.
"Well, nobody but you reported for duty today. So I am giving you the day off to find me this Evilstick!" said Gideon. "Wow! Thank you very much! I'll take Daniel along with me." said Diane.
"Good luck, Diane! In finding my present!" said Gideon leading Diane to the door. "I promise, that Evilstick is as good as yours!" said Diane exiting the beauty parlor. Walking home, Diane had an excited vigor about having the privledge of being an employee to get a birthday present for her boss Gideon.
"Wow! I can't wait to tell Daniel the good news." said Diane. Back at Diane's apartment, Daniel was doing research on his gum lesion. "A-ha! So there is a treatment for it. Vitamin A and Beta Caratine." said Daniel reading the webpage. Daniel hears Diane singing as she was coming to her apartment. "Wow, Diane seems to be her usual happy self." thinks Daniel to himself. Then Daniel decides not to tell Diane about his newly discovered gum lesion. "She's ecstatic so I better not tell her my bad news. Bad enough Mom and Dad acted like I ruined their lives with this stupid gum lesion." said Daniel.
"Hey, Daniel! How's my favorite nephew today!" greets Diane. "Doing good. My dentist appointment went well. No cavities." said Daniel. "All right! Anyway, I have a mission!" said Diane.
"Oh boy! Coming from you it's bound to be an adventure." said Daniel. "My boss Gideon gave me the day off so I can get him a birthday present!" announces Diane. "That's great! What does he want you to get him?" asked Daniel.
"An Evilstick. This is what it looks like." said Diane showing a picture of an Evilstick to Daniel on her iphone. "Hmmm. From the looks of it Gideon is sure to like that!" said Daniel.
"Absolutely he will! First stop, let's try Marshal Fields. The most fucking coolest shopping center in all of Chicago!" said Diane. "No problem! You know, that character on the Evilstick looks a lot like that Cardcaptor girl Sakura." said Daniel. "Oh yes. I remember Cardcaptors was your favorite anime when you were little." said Diane.
"I'll start up the car and we'll be off to Marshall Fields. Oh, while we're getting this Evilstick. On the way home, I to buy want some vitamins." said Daniel. "Vitamins? Why do you want that for?" asked Diane out of curiousity, "Uhh, just do. It's for work, yeah that's it." said Daniel with reluctance. Diane and Daniel both drive to their first destination. Marshall Fields.
*
Upon arriving at Marshall Fields, Daniel parks the car and he and Diane walk inside. "You ever been in here, Daniel?" asks Diane. "Oh yes, I used to hang out here with my friends in high school." answers Daniel. "Marshall Fields has everything you can imagine! We're sure to find that Evilstick now!" said Diane with hope.
Walking into Marshall Fields, Daniel says, "We need to look in the toy department." Diane notices Daniel looks a little glum, "Is everything okay?" she asked her nephew. "Uhh, just feels a little weird me being 18 and looking around a toy section. What if someone from high school sees me there?" asked Daniel. What he was really upset about was his gum lesion added to the fact that Bonnie and Mark might sue Diane. "All your friends are in college, they have better things to do." assures Diane. "Yeah, thanks." said Daniel.
It was a long way to the toy section of Marshall Fields. Diane soon gets distracted when she sees a gambling table there. "Holy shit! No fucking way!" Diane cheered. Daniel was far away from her headed to the toy section and had no clue that Diane had gotten away from him. Daniel had a picture of the Evilstick on his iphone. Now at the toy section, Daniel tries to find anything that looked like the Evilstick. "There's one from Star Vs The Forces of Evil.....but that's not the one Gideon asked for." implies Daniel.
Looking around some more, Daniel finds more 'princess wands.' However, not the one Gideon asked for. "There's a wand for Owl House, Amphibia, Disney Princess, but still no Evilstick....."
At the gambling table, Diane was excited as ever to see it. "Think I'll give this baby a little test drive!" Diane says laughing. Playing around the gambling table Diane boasts, "Wow! Look at me! I'm Sharon Stone in Casino! Who needs Vegas anyway! I sure don't!" Daniel was searching around the toy section. He finds nothing that looks like the Evilstick. Daniel was also relieved that nobody from high school was there that he knew. Then Daniel had the voices of the dentist and his parents echoing in his head. A nightmare fuel ensued with faces of Mark, Bonnie, and the dentist.
"Infancy stage....."
"Lesion on your gum....."
"You'll need a referral to an oral surgeon....."
"Biopsy......biopsy....biopsy...."
"It's okay! Calm down! Deep breaths! DEEP BREATHS......"
"See, if you had just gone to Stanford....."
"If anyone is at fault it's Diane...."
"We're suing Diane....."
"By this time next year you'll have cancer....."
"Gum removed...."
"Feeding tube...."
"Suing Diane.....Suing Diane.....Suing....suing.....suing......
Daniel shouted, "STOP!" Then an employee looks at him funny. "Just ignore that, okay?" said Daniel to the employee. "I'm staying the fuck away from you!" The employee runs off in fear of Daniel. "Well, Diane. No Evilstick here and..." Daniel then notices Diane had gone off.
"Diane? Aunt Diane? Where did you go?" Daniel ponders. Running around Marshall Fields as if he was lost, Daniel frantically looks for Diane.
"Aunt Diane! Aunt Diane!"
Finally seeing her at the gambling table, Daniel spotted her. "Diane! There you are!" Daniel tells her. "Oh, hey Daniel. Did you find that Evilstick?" asks Diane. "Was hoping you would." Daniel says. "Oh I am so sorry. Just saw this gambling table and I could not resist." Diane apologizes.
"That sounds like you, Aunt Diane. Anyway, I could not find the Evilstick here. Did find some that were similar but it was all Disney Princess and those Disney cartoons with girls being heroes." said Daniel.
"We came up short this time, but as I always say..." Diane starts. Then she was stopped when a security guard walks up to her. "Excuse me, ma'am. Were you playing on this Gambling Table?" asks the security guard.
"Uhhh, not going to lie. I was just trying it out." Diane tells him. "Unless you have $3000 to pay for it, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." the security guard warns Diane. So she and her nephew walk out of Marshall Fields defeated.
"Son of a bitch! Nothing worse than being kicked out of your favorite shopping place." Diane said in anger. "You're telling me. Is this Evilstick going to be impossible to find? Sure seems that way." Daniel speaks.
"I wasn't even really gambling, gosh!." said Diane. "So true." agreed Daniel who then says, "Another thing that's worse is coming up empty handed."
"Say, if you couldn't find Gideon's present there. I know someone who can help us find one!" Diane chirps.
"Let me guess, Mikey, right?" Daniel asked with sarcasm.
"You're right. Next stop, Chicago Midway!" said Diane.
Daniel and Diane get into his car and drive to Chicago Midway. "Why do you think we'll find the Evilstick there?" Dan talks. "What does every airport have? A Gift shop! That Evilstick is bound to be there!" said Diane in a positive light.
Dan thinks to himself, "Hopefully this Gift Shop will have Vitamin A and Beta Carotene. Poor Diane, she has no idea my parents hold her responsible for my gum lesion. And want to sue her."
*
At the Chicago Midway Airport. Mikey was there doing his job as a baggage handler. Daniel drives up to him. Diane and Daniel get out of the car. Mikey spots them, "Hey Mom! Are you here to collect alimony from my Dad?" asked Mikey. "Hey, my baby boy! No I'm not here for Kurt." said Diane. Kurt is Diane's ex-husband who always disapproved of Diane's lifestyle. Which lead to their divorce.
Mikey sees Daniel and puts him in a playful headlock, "Little cousin! Great to see you! What can I do you for?" asked Mikey.
"We're looking for the Gift Shop here in Midway." said Diane. "Oh that place. Why do you want to go there for, Mom?" Mikey spoke.
"You see Gideon, Aunt Diane's boss sent her on a mission to get him a birthday present. We already tried Marshall Fields but came up with nothing." said Daniel. "Okay, I can give you directions. Take the escalator to the second floor. The gift shop is in Concourse B Terminal A." said Mikey.
"Thank you very much baby! Tell Kurt I said hi. Concourse B Terminal A! Come on, Daniel!" Diane says. The aunt and nephew duo were walking inside Chicago Midway Airport. "Where was it again?" asked Diane to Daniel.
"Mikey said it was Concourse B Terminal A." Daniel reminded his aunt. "Oh look at you! You're like that autistic cowgirl Claire Danes played." Diane laughs. "Oh look, there's a escalator! We're almost there! We won't let you down, Gideon!" Daniel vows.
Taking the escalator to Concourse B Terminal A. They see the Gift Shop before them. "We made it!" Daniel announces. Diane soon hears cheers coming from the Airport Bar. Once again, Diane abandons Daniel without him knowing leaving Daniel to find the Evilstick himself.
Diane walks into the Airport Bar because she sees A Cubs Game on. "No fucking way! Why didn't anyone tell me Da Bears were playing!" Diane said joining the partying crowd.
The bartender looks at the football fan crowd with discontent. She thinks to herself, "I just hate Cubs fans!"
Diane orders some shots and offers them to the football fan crowd. "Who wants shots!" The crowd of football fans cheer for Diane. "In the words of Ke$ha! The party doesn't start until I arrive! Daniel told me about her once!" Diane said.
In the Gift Shop, Daniel finds some Vitamin A and Beta Carotene and buys the vitamins for himself. Daniel then goes to try to find the Evilstick. Just as before in Marshall Fields, the only 'princess wands' that were available were Disney Princess and the latest cartoons.
Daniel growls in frustration, "What is the big deal about Amphibia, Owl House, and Star Vs The Forces of Evil! Why doesn't anybody want to give Infinity Train any recognition! New DC Super Hero Girls is better than this shit!"
Back in the Airport Bar, Diane was already leading the party. "On the count of three. Repeat after me, DA BEARS!"
The crowd joins in, "DA BEARS!"
"I can't hear you. Louder!" demands Diane.
"DA BEARS!"
"That's the spirit!" Diane tells the crowd.
At the Airport Gift Shop, Daniel asks the man at the desk. "Do you have something called an Evilstick?" asked Dan. "Can you show me what it is?" asked the man at the desk. Getting his iphone, Daniel shows him the Evilstick picture. "If we did it would be where the princess wands are. Can I interest you in Amphibia?" asked the man at the desk.
"Never mind." Daniel sighs. Thinking Diane is still with him, Daniel says, "Well this had turned out to be a fools errand. Don't you think so, Aunt Diane?"
Turning over his shoulder Daniel discovered Diane had ditched him once again. "Again! Why must you always get distracted Aunt Diane!" Daniel grunts.
Hearing from cheers the Airport Bar, Daniel marches over there. "That's gotta be where she is!" His instincts were right on. Daniel saw Diane dancing on the table tops. "Aunt Diane! You did it again!" Daniel shouts over the noise.
One of the football fans pointed Diane to Daniel and teased her, "Who is that? Your boyfriend?"
Diane yelped as she looked over her shoulder to see Daniel. She also noticed Daniel has a bag in his hand. "Daniel! I knew I can count on you to get the Evilstick." said Diane.
"Glad you remembered. This is the second time you did this today!" says Daniel. "Okay. I'm going to come clean. Everytime I see a party or even remotely related to one, I feel I have to be part of it." said Diane.
"Guess I should know that by now. But that's okay. I like you for who you are. You don't have to change for anyone." said Daniel.
"You're very sweet, Daniel. So let's get this Evilstick over to..." Diane was about to say. Daniel says, "They didn't have Evilsticks here either. These are actually the vitamins I wanted." "Oh really! Shit! This place was our best bet!" Diane sighed.
"Maybe we ought to do our homework about this Evilstick." said Daniel. "What are you implying?" asked Diane.
"Let's do some detective work and see exactly where we can find this Evilstick." suggested Daniel. "I've always found solving mysteries boring. I'm up for this one." said Diane.
Using the Airport WIFI for his iphone to search on where to find an Evilstick. Daniel uses Google and types in Evilstick. What comes up is some info that an Evilstick can only be bought from a dollar store.
"Eureka! Daniel you've done it!" said Diane who snuck a shot while sipping it. "Precisely, Aunt Diane! According to Google, our only hope now is to get one at the dollar store." said Daniel.
"Only thing is, there's lots of them here in Chicago. Hope we don't have to go to Joliet or Pembroke." Diane said with worry.
"Awesome! Great! Luck is on our side! Found one close by!" Daniel says looking at his iphone. "Where is it?" asks Diane. "It's in Navy Pier. In fact it's a dollar store there that's going out of business." Daniel reads from his iphone.
"Throw another round of tequila on a bar stand! We're going to Navy Pier!" Diane said charismatically.
"No problem! Off we go!" said Daniel.
Diane and Daniel leave the Midway Airport. Now they were on their way to the failing dollar store at the Navy Pier.
*
Driving to the Navy Pier, Daniel decides to come clean to Diane about what happened to him at the dentist. "Aunt Diane. I need to tell you something." Daniel began. "Sure, what is it?" asked Diane.
"I'm afraid things didn't really go so well for me at the dentist. Despite me having no cavities." Daniel tells his story. "What exactly happened?" asked Diane. "When the dentist was giving me the exam, she found a gum lesion on my gums. She told me it's in the infancy stage and that I'll need an oral surgeon for a biopsy. Once my mom and dad found out they flipped their lid on me." Daniel explains.
"Gum lesion? I remember Kurt had one. Trust me, they're nothing. They go away if you take vitamins or something. The dentist was just trying to scare you." Diane says. "Thank you, Diane. I'm glad to have someone who reassures me. My mom and dad blame you for it. They think I've been drinking beer with you. They believe I have bad brushing habits and I don't. They also said they're going to sue you if it turns out I have mouth cancer." said Daniel.
"Oh that bullshit about them suing me. They have always threatened to sue me for everything I got. They never go though with it. You're safe all the way around." said Diane. "Wow, thanks again. I did some research about the gum lesion and it said I just needed Vitamin A and Beta Carotene. Then it could fade away eventually." said Daniel. "I bet they harped on you about going to Stanford instead of moving in with me." said Diane.
"Yeah, how did you guess?" asks Daniel. "I know them very well. They always want to think the worst of me." said Diane. "Well I feel better that I got this off my chest." said Daniel. "I am too. It's always good to be open about stuff. Oh look! There's that failing dollar store up ahead!" said Diane.
Driving to the dollar store. Daniel parked the car. Diane and Daniel go inside the dollar store. It was half empty. Daniel went to the toy section. "Did you know the Evilstick was made in China?" asked Daniel. "Oh really? Lots of those dollar store toys are. That country that gave us the coronavirus! Man, I am glad that fucking lockdown is over. I felt like an idiot having Happy Hour at home with my friends on the internet." Diane recalled.
"I had to spend my senior year in lockdown." Daniel tells his aunt. As luck would have it. Daniel and Diane found the Evilstick. "YES! WE FOUND IT!" Diane cheers.
"The exact one Gideon wanted! It has Sakura on it and everything!" says Daniel. "This was a fun ride! Gideon will be very happy with me." said Diane. Going to the clerk to pay for the Evilstick, he tells them, "We're going out of business. So you can have that free if you want." said the clerk in a depressed manner.
"Wow! I always get lucky at Navy Pier!" said Diane. Daniel and Diane were happy that they found the present Gideon wanted for his birthday. They drive home and turn in for the night. Diane tells Daniel, "Speaking of birthdays, how about I throw you a party there over at Navy Pier? Not only is it an awesome place to shop like Marshall Fields. It's a perfect place for a party!" says Diane. "Yeah! You've been such an awesome aunt to me. Way better than my parents ever were." said Daniel.
The next day it was Gideon's birthday. Daniel got a phone call from Mark and Bonnie that they got an appointment with him to the oral surgeon. Diane was on her way to Boroughs to give Gideon his present. As she was going to get into the car, Daniel calls her from the oral surgeon.
"Great news, Aunt Diane!" said Daniel over his cellphone. "Oh, Daniel! How did it go?" asks Diane. "It went great. The oral surgeon said my gum lesion didn't need a biopsy. However I have to go back every month to keep an eye on it." Daniel explains. "That's wonderful. Anyway I'm on my way to give Gideon that princess wand he wanted." said Diane.
"Mom and Dad are finally convinced that I didn't drink beer. They even stopped blaming you for it." said Daniel. "Guess we both got off easy!" laughed Diane. "I'm going home now. Meet you there, bye aunt Diane." said Daniel hanging up his cellphone. "Bye!" said Diane.
At Boroughs. Diane enters the beauty salon and sees Gideon was there. "Diane! Great to see you!" greeted Gideon. "Happy Birthday Gideon! Daniel and I got that present you've been asking for!" said Diane.
"You mean the Evilstick?" asks Gideon with excitement. Diane takes the Evilstick out of the bag. "Here it is!" said Diane. "Hope it wasn't any trouble for you trying to find it." said Gideon. "Not at all. We went to that dollar store at Navy Pier that was going out of business." said Diane.
Looking at the Evilstick, Gideon was very satisfied with it. "Yep, this is exactly what I asked for." said Gideon, "Can't wait to use it." he said again. "What I don't get was. Why is there an anime character on it? Daniel told me that character is from Cardcaptors." asked Diane.
"Who knows why. The important thing is I got my Evilstick and my customers will get a kick out of it." said Gideon.
"You bet! I was glad to get it for you." said Diane. "Well, I usually close up shop on my birthday. So Diane, you can do what you want today." said Gideon.
"Wow! Thanks a bunch! I'm off to my favorite bar! Enjoy your present! Bye! Happy Birthday!" Diane says exiting Boroughs.
Gideon decides to try out his Evilstick. "Guess I can check this baby out! Wonderful music! I'll love this! Best birthday ever!" Reading the package it reads, "I CAN PLAY WONDERFUL MUSIC!"
Getting the Evilstick out of the case it was on. Gideon pressed the button on it. The Evilstick began to glow lights. Instead of 'Wonderful Music', The Evilstick had evil laughter coming out of it. On the top of it where the foil was, it showed a picture of a Hispanic girl with red eyes cutting herself in the middle. Gideon yelps. "Worst birthday ever!"
Gideon was freaked out and scared shitless. He screams as he throws the Evilstick onto the floor and shouts at the ceiling, "DDDIIIIAAAANNNNNEEEE!!!!"
The End
The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
Coming up next: Jupiter Alien. A Housebroken fanfiction.
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