Categories > Original > Horror

Oh Say Can You Pete!

by narwhalpuppy 0 reviews

Teenage Euthanasia fanfiction. The Fantasy Family finds themselves up against a Mom and Pop Shop.

Category: Horror - Rating: R - Genres: Horror - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2022-06-08 - Updated: 2022-06-08 - 5437 words - Complete

A/N: This fanfiction is inspired by the pilot episode of Black Mirror. National Anthem. This is also my first try at a Teenage Euthanasia fanfiction. Only four episodes in, so if I don't know any other characters names aside from the main ones, you'll know why.

Teenage Euthanasia Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Oh Say Can You Pete

Fort Gator Florida was the home of the Fantasy family. In that town stood a very popular up and coming funeral parlor called Tender Ending. Baba, who was the head undertaker. Trophy is her daughter who ran away from home as a teen, and left behind a baby to have Baba and Pete take care of it. That baby turned out to be Euthanasia who goes by "Annie".

As the years passed, Trophy became a gold digger and a trophy wife hence her name Trophy. Eventually, she then married a rich man who divorced her. Trophy killed herself with an overdose of pills then she was sent back to Fort Gator. As soon as Baba, Pete, and Euthanasia were about to embalm her, Euthanasia brought Trophy back to life with her tears. Now Trophy lives her life as a sentinent zombie. Trophy even has some super powers too. Like flying and beetles coming out of her crotch.

Regretting that she ever left behind her daughter Euthanasia for Baba and Pete to raise, Trophy now has a second chance to connect and bond with her daughter Euthanasia.

It was a typical day in the funeral parlor known as Tender Endings. Across the street there was a failing Mom and Pop store called MOM AND POPS DOLLAR SHOP. The owners Mike and Savannah were deathly jealous of all the business Tender Endings was getting, and their store was on the verge of foreclosure and bankruptcy.

"God dammit! We need to do something soon, Savannah!" shouted Mike. "Wish we knew what it took to get our business going!" ranted Savannah. "Every single time! Everyone who comes here always goes straight to that fucking Funeral Parlor!" yelled Mike. "That's for sure! What does that place have that ours doesn't!" asked Savannah.

"Does anyone these days shop at dollar stores anymore?" Mike says thinking out loud who then continues, "When we opened this store, we did everything right! Low prices! SHIT! Even our hoodies are $1!" "We need to think of something, say I know!" said Savannah. "What is it! I'm willing to try anything at this point!" said Mike. "How about we ruin that Funeral Parlor in some way?" asks Savannah. "That's it! Maybe we can use social media!" said Mike. "Awesome! We'll make them do something that will tarnish the reputation of Tender Endings for good!" smiles Savannah in a sinister sense.

"Question is, where do we begin with our master plan?" asked Mike. "How about a kidnapping?" asked Savannah. "Ooooh! This is getting very enticing! What we could do is kidnap one of the people who work in Tender Endings!" said Mike. "I'm loving this plan already, so we can hold whoever we get for ransom!" said Savannah. "Good! Good! We'll need the money to save our store, in the meantime if whoever the head of Tender Endings is demanding we release our prisoner, we'll make them have sex with a corpse!" laughs Mike.

"Exactly, then we'll live stream the corpse sex scene all over the media! Then BAM! Our store will bloom in business and Tender Endings will be a thing of the past!" said Savannah. Mike and Savannah exact their plan.

At Tender Endings, Trophy was out partying. Euthanasia aka Annie was at school. Pete and Baba were waiting for them to come home as they were embalming a corpse to prepare for a funeral.

Baba asks Pete, "How was your day today?" Pete answers, "Just got done watching a movie." "Which movie did you see?" asks Baba. "It was a classic from that decade, the 1980s. The movie is called Revenge of The Nerds." Pete says.

"Did you like it?" asked Baba. "No not at all. Did you know there was a scene where one of the nerds disguised as his rival so he can have sex with a girl he liked? It was disgusting." Pete says describing the movie.

"Why would you not like that?" asked Baba. "It was stupid. I would never disguise myself to be with a woman I like." said Pete. "Oh really? What about that username you have called Admiral Katana?" Baba asked with suspicion.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!" shrieked Pete. "Incidently came across your search history on the internet. That's the name you use on those MILF sites you look up." said Baba.

"That was not any of your business, BABA!" yelled Pete. "I have no problem with it, but you need to find women your own age and get off this older woman kick you've been on." Baba says.

"I want an older woman someday so I can go out with someone like you." said Pete. "In my old country we call that Oedipus mentality." informs Baba. "You had no right to look into my search history!" Pete yelled at Baba. "Don't raise your voice at me! Old women will only let you down in the end and take everything you got!" Baba warned Pete.

"Oh come on! You think it's going to be like To Die For?" Pete asks. "I think it'll be better for you to even go out with a woman younger than you as well." said Baba.

Pete gets angry by the minute, then Baba and Pete start yelling at each other under their voice overlap. Trophy comes home from the party, and walks in and sees Baba and Pete in an verbal spat.

"What's going on here?" asks Trophy. "Pete is mad at me because I came across some MILF websites on his search history." Baba explains. "Pete, why would you go on those sites?" asks Trophy to her brother.

"I want an older woman one day. Is that okay with everyone here?" Pete replies. "If you do, you will bring great shame to me and my old country!" Baba says.

"It's always all about the 'old country' with you, isn't it, Baba!" spits out Pete. "Hey, she only wants what's best for you, Pete. Cut her some slack!" Trophy says.

"YOU ALWAYS TAKE HER SIDE!" Pete shouted at Trophy. "Trophy takes my side because she's trying to make up for running away and leaving Annie with us." Baba says.

"Everybody always gangs up on me! I'm just the punching bag around here! The only one who likes me for who I am is Annie!" said Pete as he bolted out of the embalming room.

"Pete, come back. Where are you going?" called out Trophy. "Don't worry. He's a mama's boy. He'll come crawling back." assured Baba. Pete yelled as he runs away, "NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST RESPECTED MY PRIVACY!" "I WAS CONCERNED! YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN HELPING ME WITH CORPSES INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR TIME WITH....." Baba yelled back, then sat down, "It's no use."

Feeling distressed, like his internet privacy was violated. Pete keeps on running as much as he can away from Tender Endings. Euthanasia aka Annie runs into him.

"Uncle Pete, what's going on?" asked Annie. "You don't want to know, I'm going away for a while to have some time to think." said Pete to Annie. Walking back to Tender Endings Annie says to Pete, "Good luck. Come home soon."

Mike and Savannah were hiding in the bushes and decided to follow Pete. "There's our victim!" said Mike. "Good, now we know what we must do." said Savannah.

Finding himself in a forest, Pete wallows around feeling bad. "How could Baba do this to me? I thought we had a pact to never look up anybody in the Fantasy family's internet search history." Pete talks to himself.

Before Pete knew it, he stepped on a rope. "Hmm, the ground feels funny." observes Pete. Then the rope lifts Pete up into a tree. Pete was hanging upside down by the rope by his ankle. "YES! WE GOT HIM!" said Mike.

"HELP! HELP! HELP! COULD SOMEONE GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!" Pete calls out. Savannah runs to where Pete was hanging from the tree and blows some powder into his face that puts him to sleep. "Hello! Good bye!" Savannah says knocking Pete out.

Mike cuts the rope and he and Savannah carry Pete back to the Mom and Pop Dollar Shop. "Now, we can put Tender Endings to a screeching halt!" laughs Mike. Pete had been kidnapped. Nobody knew, not Annie, not Trophy, nor Baba.


Oblivious that Pete went missing, Baba, Trophy, and Annie went about their usual business. Trophy and Annie were carrying a corpse inside a body bag into the embalming room. Baba sees the body bag and says, "Put that down and open it up."

"Wonder where Uncle Pete is?" asked Annie. "Oh don't worry about that, if I know him he's on his way home right now. If I know my own son." said Baba. Trophy opens the body bag and is shocked at who she sees. "Uhhh, Baba. Do we get any famous celebrities here?" asks Trophy.

"No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?" Baba said. "You'll never believe who we just got delivered." said Trophy. Annie and Baba look at the corpse. Sure enough, it was somebody famous. It was the corpse of Harvey Weinstein.

"I know who that is. We learned about him in History class! It's Harvey Weinstein!" Annie exclaimed. "My gosh you're right." said Baba. "Yep, that's him all right. I had a fling with him before I met my husband on the set of 47 Meters Down!" said Trophy.

"Get Pete in here. I'm sure he's over his miserable crying spell." said Baba. Annie and Trophy look around for Pete with no luck at all. Annie came running back in, "BABA!"

"What's wrong?" asks Baba. "We can't find Pete!" cries Annie.

"I'll try to look for him." offers Trophy. Using her new superpowers, Trophy flies all around Fort Gator Florida to try to find her half brother.

"PETE! PETE! PETE! WHERE ARE YOU! BABA WANTS TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!" Trophy screamed as she flew around the sky. Flying back down, Trophy reported back to Tender Endings to deliver the bad news to Baba.

"What did you find out?" demanded Baba. "I can't find him anywhere either. Sorry." Trophy said with sadness. "Oh my gosh! This is all my fault! My baby boy went missing! I never should've looked through his internet history and warned him of the dangers about dating an older woman!" Baba begins to sob.

Trophy and Annie try to comfort Baba. "You're not to blame for any of this." assured Trophy. "All I did was coddle him all his life. Then I ignored him when you left me to take care of Annie." Baba cries some more.

Baba crying soon comes to an end when a beeping sound comes from their computer indicating there was an email for him. "Can you answer that email, Trophy?" asked Baba who was too inconsolable to check the computer herself. "WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY DO ALL MY BABIES LEAVE ME! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO THEM! GROWN CHILDREN NEVER LEFT THEIR PARENTS BACK IN MY OLD COUNTRY! WHO'S NEXT TO LEAVE ME, ANNIE?!"

Trophy and Annie go to answer the email. Once they open it, they see Mike and Savannah on the other end. "We're looking for the Fantasy family!" said Mike.

"Oh no! It's those dollar store owners!" announces Trophy. "Yeah, I remember they came to my school once for Career Day!" Annie recalls. Baba ran to the computer, "It's you assholes! What kind of scheme do you have to put us out of business now?!" Baba shouted at Mike and Savannah.

"Does this belong to you?" asked Savannah as she walked over to a wall that sold super glue in the Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop to reveal that she and Mike had kidnapped Pete who was bare chested as he was glued to the wall.

Pete was stuck to the wall with super glue on his bare back as he pleaded with Mike and Savannah to release him. "BABA! BABA! TAKE ME BACK TO BABA! PLEASE!" Pete calls out for help.

"OH NO! THOSE SONS OF BITCHES HAVE MY BABY BOY!" Baba cries. "Call the police! Pete's been kidnapped!" Trophy cries. "Uncle Pete, don't worry! We'll do anything to help you!" Annie says.

"Anything you say?" asked Mike scratching his chin. "YES PLEASE! DON'T HURT MY LITTLE BABY PETE!" Trophy protested.

"We have no intentions of harming him. If you want your stupid ass Pete back, you'll have to pay me and Savannah 50 K!" said Mike.

"They want a ransom demand!" said Baba. "But we don't have 50 K!" said Annie. "Where are we going to get that shitload amount of money!" said Trophy. "Isn't there another option?" asked Baba. "Why yes there is." said Savannah. "Tell me!" said Baba.

"Have sex with one of those corpses you embalm in your funeral home!" demanded Mike. "Okay, I'll do that. Just don't try anything funny!" Baba cries.

"We want to see you do it!" said Savannah. "All right. You win. Corpse fucking it is." Baba says. "We promise Pete will return to you safe and sound." said Mike.

At a loss as to what to do. Baba gives into Mike and Savannah, "I'll do whatever you say!" Then Baba asks, "Which one of these corpses do I have to have sex with?" "Why not the Harvey Weinstein one?" suggested Trophy. "It's worth a shot." said Annie.

"All right, here I go." said Baba. "Damn those dollar store owners!" Trophy spoke out. "I know right, they've always been jealous that our Funeral Home has gotten better business than their stupid ass dollar store!" Annie agrees.

Pete, who was stuck to the wall with super glue contends, "What are you going to force my Baba to do?"

"Oh you'll see soon enough!" laughs Mike.

"Since you're our captive audience, we're going to make you watch!" Savannah says in an evil sense.

Trophy and Annie place the Harvey Weinstein corpse on the embalming table. Mike tells Baba in the email, "We promise no harm will come to your son, and this will stay strictly confidential between both parties."

"You better live up to your promise you asshats!" said Trophy. "If you try anything my Mom is a zombie now....." Annie tells Mike and Savannah. Baba says, "Annie, be quiet. I need concentration."

Baba proceeds and prepares to have sex with the Harvey Weinstein corpse. "OKay, here I go. This is for you, Pete my baby boy!"

"You won't get away with this!" Pete tells Mike and Savannah. Baba then has sex with the Harvey Weinstein corpse, once Pete sees his mother fucking the Harvey Weinstein corpse he begins to vomit.

"Such a wimp." Savannah rolls her eyes.

Mike then uses Youtube to film Baba having sex with the Harvey Weinstein corpse. Sure enough, the video of Baba having sex with the corpse of Harvey Weinstein goes viral.

Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Pinterest, TikTok, Reddit, Youtube, and every other social media site has witnessed the infamous video. People were writing in....










Trophy and Annie watch in horror as Baba continues to have sex with Harvey Weinstein's corpse. Pete was crying, "BABA! BABA! BABA! YOU'LL EMBARRASS US!"

Mike and Savannah slap up Pete, "SHUT UP YOU TWAT SUCKING MILQUETOAST!"

Overtime, the video goes viral. It was all over the internet, and all over for the whole world to see.


The day after, at the Mom and Pop Dollar Shop. Mike and Savannah decide to let Pete go. "All right, douchebag! Your mother gave into our demands, so now you are free to go!" said Mike.

"Good, thank you. Can I have my clothes back now?" asks Pete. "Sure, but first..." Savannah says. She and Mike pulled Pete off the wall and the super glue that peeled off his back caused Pete a lot of pain.

"OOOUUUCCCHHH! FFFFUUUUCCCCCKKKK!" Pete said, "What about my clothes! I can't live without them!" "Jesus! What is it with you?" roared Mike.

"You are the worst captive ever!" Savannah told Pete. Giving Pete back his clothes, they notice he has a huge red mark on his back. "Now I know what the 40 Year Old Virgin felt like getting a hot wax!" said Pete.

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! Go home to your mommy!" said Mike. "Yeah, go ahead she calls you! You can't refuse." adds Savannah. Pete walked back to Tender Ending, complaining of the pain on his back along the way. "Why do you always have to use Bob Dylan lyrics all the time?" Mike rolls his eyes at his wife.

"Those cock suckers from the Mom and Pop store! You both just gave me an Indian Burn! Hope you're happy!" Pete shouts and whines at Mike and Savannah as he walks back to Tender Endings.

At Fort Gator High School, Annie walks to class. She sees the popular girls looking at the viral video. "Hey guys. What's going on?" asked Annie.

"Isn't that your Grandma?" asked one of the popular girls. Annie takes a look at the viral video on one of the girl's cellphones and sees Baba having sex with the corpse of Harvey Weinstein.

"Oh great. That Mom and Pop store told us they weren't going to try anything stupid." Annie says with embarrassment. "Stupid? What are you talking about?" asked one of the girls.

"Doesn't this make me an even bigger social pariah than I already am?" asks Annie. "Of course not!" "In fact, we think you're cool for this!" says the popular girls. "WHAT? REALLY? asked Annie in disbelief.

"Of course! You're popular now!" "Yeah you and your family are all over the news." Annie stands in shock when the popular girls who usually shunned and bullied her suddenly wanted to welcome her into their clique.

"Why are you guys making me one of you now?" asked Annie off the cuff. "Because your Grandma taught that evil sex pervert Harvey Weinstein a lesson" "Yeah that's very feminist of her!" The popular girls carried Annie off and cheered her on. "ANNIE ANNIE ANNIE!"

Pete returned to Tender Endings. Baba welcomed him with open arms. "Oh my baby boy! I am so sorry!" Baba cries out.

"They let me go after you know...." said Pete. "Yeah and while I was doing the, as they say in my old country 'nasty' I had a lot of time to think." says Baba.

"About what?" asked Pete. "Maybe it is time for me to cut the apron strings off of you. If you want to date an older woman, you have my blessing. I really should stop living in the past." said Baba.

The television comes on and there was a news report about the Tender Endings Corpse Sex Scandal which was now known as "Harvey Gate". The news anchor was Chesa Boudin former DA was now a news anchor. "Tonight on The News, it's Harvey-Gate. We go live now....." reports Chesa Boudin.

Trophy comes running in and shuts the door, "What's going on, sister?" asked Pete. "I've been mobbed by news reporters!" answers Trophy. "Really? But why?" asked Baba.

"The news is coming on, see for yourselves." Trophy says.

Chesa Boudin comes on, "Good evening. I'm Chesa Boudin. Coming in tonight from Fort Gator Florida. Stay away from Tender Endings Funeral Parlor! If you want to have a proper funeral, that is not the place to go...."

"Oh no! What in the world...." said Baba. "Shh, quiet." said Pete.

Continuing the news report, Chesa Boudin says, " appears that the owner known as Baba Fantasy has sex with all the male corpses. That was discovered thanks to two Mom and Pop Store Owners named Mike and Savannah who asked us to withhold their last names. Here is the viral video they put out." The news shows the video of Baba having sex with the Harvey Weinstein corpse.

Then Mike and Savannah come on the news and sing, "HA HA HA HA HA HA! Tender Endings is terrible! Our Mom and Pop store is now in business! TAKE THAT FANTASY FAMILY!" There was even a News Ticker on the Bottom that reads, "OLD LADY HAS SEX WITH CORPSES. "THIS FUNERAL HOME NEEDS TO BE SHUT DOWN" And so on. " Our news correspondent......" Chesa Boudin goes on, and Baba screams, "I've seen enough."

Trophy goes to the computer and sees nothing but the viral video all over. "We're internet famous!" "AAAAAHHH! This must be their revenge against us!" said Baba.

"Exactly because our business was doing so much better than theirs. If they just have opened a sex toy store..." Trophy goes on. "Please! Everybody just stop!" said Baba.

Pete grew worried, "Does this mean we're going to be condemned?" "Yes it does! We'll be homeless soon!" said a worried Baba. "We told them not to do anything to hurt us and yet they went ahead and hurt us anyway!" Trophy said.

Then a mob of people came and surrounded the Tender Ending Funeral Parlor. Some were for the Fantasy Family. Some were against them.


When the mob was outside of Tender Endings, they were getting out of control. Some people even tried to break in. Baba wanted Pete or Trophy to stop the mob.

When a person tries to break into Tender Endings, he breaks anything he can find inside. "YES YES YES! LOOK AT ME! I'M DESTROYING THE CORPSE FUCKING FACTORY!" More people from the mob were throwing bricks at the windows. "Oh my gosh! I don't know what to do! Pete! Trophy! Try to do anything to stop this!" Baba cries out.

"I'll try to do something. Leave this to me, Baba!" Pete says running out to try to control the angry mob of people.

Standing outside the front door of the Tender Endings Funeral Parlor, Pete tries his best at calming everyone down.

"MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!" The angry mob then stops to listen to what Pete has to say. "NOW LISTEN UP! WE ARE A NORMAL FUNERAL HOME...."

"Yeah, well then why does your Mom fuck the corpses?" asked one of the people in the angry mob.

Pete gets a picture of Baba, Trophy, Annie, and himself embalming a corpse. "THIS WAS US A WEEK AGO. SEE? WE'RE JUST A NORMAL FAMILY TRYING TO GET THROUGH LIFE!"

"Sorry! That doesn't excuse anything!" "Yeah, why did your Mom fuck the corpse of Harvey Weinstein, anyway?!"

"OKay, long story short. I was kidnapped by the owners of the Mom and Pop Dollar Shop..." Pete explains. Someone from the angry mob says, "Don't try to blame this on Mike and Savannah! They're good!" "You guys sure as fuck aren't!" "You family are all a bunch of cum sucking shit heads!" "You're all evil and bad!"

"No, it's true! Seriously....I was kidnapped by them and...." Pete tries to stand up for himself. Then a bunch of older women from the angry mob soon circle around Pete.

"You were kidnapped?" "Oh boy we feel sorry for you!" "Make love to us!" "We'll be your sugar mama!"

Pete was more excited and nervous at the same time. His dream of wanting to date an older woman was soon going to come true, and yet Pete didn't know what to do or what to make of it.

"This is all too sudden....." Pete says standing back. Then another person from the angry mob says, "WHO'D RATHER GO TO MOM AND POP'S DOLLAR SHOP!"

"YAY! COUNT ME IN!" said the whole angry crowd. The angry mob of people soon ran across the street to stop at the rival business of Tender Endings. Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop. The older women who were ganging up on Pete soon left to join the angry mob to shop at the Dollar Shop.

"Hey, where are you all going? I thought you felt bad for me." Pete says trying to call the older women to come back to him.

"Sorry, we were just using you." "We wanted to distract you, we're really on the Dollar Shop's side." "See ya! Wouldn't want to be with ya!"

Feeling flabbergasted, Pete sadly walks back into the Tender Endings Funeral Parlor. "SO? How did it go?" asked Trophy.

"It didn't work out." said Pete. Baba picks up the corpse of Harvey Weinstein and throws it out the window. "FUCK YOU HARVEY WEINSTEIN! EVEN IN DEATH YOU HAVE TO RUIN LIVES!"

Trophy then gets an idea. "You know Baba and Pete. We can do to them what they did to us."

"A viral video you mean?" asked Pete. "Exactly. All I need to do is get Annie to help me." said Trophy. "Great idea, after all you now have roaches coming out of your vagina!" Baba replies.

"Annie's in school. We don't want to bother her." reminded Baba. "I know. But this could be a chance to finally bond with my daughter!" suggested Trophy.

"Here's the plan. We'll break into Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop. Make a viral video of them, and have Trophy use her crotch beetle thingies and that way we can make it look like their stupid ass dollar shop has a insect infestation!" said Pete.

"Excellent! I love that idea! Even if people from my old country don't come up with ideas like that!" said Baba. "You really need to stop being so provincial, Baba." said Trophy.

The TV turns on, and there was a commercial for Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop. With the people from the angry mob as customers. Mike and Savannah are in the commercial as announcers.

"Hello Fort Gator! My name is Mike!" "And I am Savannah!" "Forget Alice's Restaurant! Why not shop at Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop!" "Located on the corner of 1313 Mockingbird Lane!"

The commercial shows people from the angry mob shopping at the Dollar Shop and the jingle sounded similar to the Arlo Guthrie song Alice's Restaurant.

"YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT AT MOM AND POP'S DOLLAR SHOP!" Mike confronts Savannah, "There you go again with the hippie music! First Bob Dylan and now Arlo Guthrie!" "It's a catchy tune, okay! Gawd! What do you want!" Savannah spits off at Mike defensively.

"That doesn't even rhyme!" Pete spouted off in anger. Trophy flies into the sky to get Annie out of school. Back at Fort Gator High School. Annie and the popular girls were in a cafeteria, alone. The popular were daring Annie to have sex with the corpse of the dead lunch aid who was an old man that died of natural causes.

"What's the deal with Mr. Spoony here?" asked Annie. "If you officially want to be popular and one of us....." "Do what your Grandma did!" "Have sex with this corpse and then you're officially in our clique!"

Annie, feeling hesitant takes a deep breath. "OKay. Here I come....." Trophy breaks through the ceiling and grabs Annie before she can do the humiliating deed of having sex with Mr. Spoony's corpse.

"Mom! Why did you drag me out of school?" asked Annie. "Our Funeral Parlor is on the verge of going out of business. Also, saving Tender Endings will be an excellent way of bonding with you!" explained Trophy.

"Sure thing, Mom." said Annie. Trophy flies Annie back to Tender Endings. It was time for the Fantasy Family to put their plan into action.


Pete goes inside the Mom and Pop Dollar Shop and says to himself with a newly found confidence, "Now it's time to be a man!" Armed with a smartphone, Pete goes inside and waits for Trophy to come back with Annie.

"Where are they? Come on! I can't do this without my sister and niece!" Pete thinks out loud to himself. Trophy lands with Annie. "We're here!" announces Trophy.

"Perfect! We're going in!" said Trophy. "So what's the plan, Mom?" asked Annie. "We have no time to explain, just follow along." said Pete.

Mike and Savannah see Pete, Trophy, and Annie walk inside. "You all must be unemployed!" laughs Mike. "Probably so desperate for a job now that Tender Endings is out of commission!" said Savannah.

"Uhh, actually we have a new job. Filming commercials!" announces Pete. "That's right. And you guys are the first commercial we're going to film!" said Trophy.

"Oh boy! Another commercial! We should go for it!" said Mike with excitement. "Now that we're an up and coming company, we can use all the commercial opportunities we can get!" cheers Savannah.

Pete gets ready to film, "Speak into the smart phone....and action!" "Hi, we're Mike and Savannah from Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop! Looking for a good deal on groceries, OTC meds, and supplies for sexual pleasure you've come to the right place and we also have beetles and.....wait what? BEETLES!!"

Trophy was floating in the air as she let out all of the beetles from her crotch. Pete and Annie talk into the smart phone, "This is why you should never shop at Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop!" "Insect infestation!" said both Pete and Annie.


The beetles that were coming out of Trophy's crotch began to eat away at everything in the store, leaving Mike and Savannah mortified.

"Quick get the insect killer spray!" orders Mike. "Okay!" said Savannah. Right when Mike and Savannah were going to reach for the insect killer spray, Trophy's crotch beetles ate them both alive. Then all the crotch beetles destroy everything in the Mom and Pop Dollar Shop. In no time at all, Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop was a thing of the past. Trophy floats down as the crotch beetles went back inside her and high fives Pete and Annie.

"YES YES YES! NO MORE RIVALS! THEY ARE GONE!" cheers the three of them.

The 'commercial' Pete filmed actually went viral the same way the Baba having sex with Harvey Weinstein's corpse did. Chesa Boudin was on the scene in the news, "This just in. Mom and Pop's Dollar Shop got shut down due to a deadly beetle infestation. Anyone who shopped there has to be quarantined for 2 weeks. Police officials say...."

Turning off the TV, Baba was happy that she didn't have to deal with overzealous rivals anymore who were determined to put them out of business.

"Well done, my grown children. Baba is very proud of what you have accomplished!" Baba announces. "I had a hand in it too!" said Annie. "Yes that you did. Things are back to normal here in Tender Endings. Pete, Trophy, and Annie pitched in to help Baba clean up the mess that person from the angry mob from earlier had done.

"Going back to what we do best! Embalming!" said Pete. "I think we ought to celebrate." suggested Trophy. "How do you want to do that?" asked Annie.

"With a party! Who wants in?" said Trophy. "Sure, absolutely! But let's keep it clean like in the old country." said Baba. "Is it okay if I invite a few friends over?" asked Pete.

"I don't see why not!" said Baba.

The Song Sukiyaki by Kyu Sakamoto plays

Soon afterwards, the Fantasy family was having a party. Annie invited her popular friends over. Pete was dancing with the older women from the angry mob from before.

"Hey, Pete, I thought you didn't want anything to do with older women anymore." said Baba.

"Have to test the waters sometime!" said Pete. "Say where's Mom?" asks Annie.

Trophy invited some 'friends' too. A bunch of high society party women who were all daring her to drink a keg of beer. "PARTY! WHO WANTS SHOTS!" Trophy said in a drunken voice. Baba looks at the party and everyone in it, including Pete, Annie, and Trophy.

"Hmm, some things never change....Pete and Trophy probably never will." said Baba.

The End

The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!

Be sure to check out Teenage Euthanasia on Adult Swim. Please, review.
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