Categories > Original > Sci-Fi

Zany Western Roman Land

by narwhalpuppy 0 reviews

The first ever fanfiction about the Roku series, Doomlands!

Category: Sci-Fi - Rating: R - Genres: Sci-fi - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2022-09-20 - 2736 words - Complete

A/N: If this fanfiction seems short, that's because Doomlands episodes are only 10 minutes long.

Doomlands Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Zany Western Roman Land

One night, in the middle of the desert. In the typical post apocalyptic world. There stood a bar that moved around like a tank. The bar was named Oasis. The people who worked in the bar were Danny Doom, the leader. Lhandi an aspiring bartender. Jep, an old drunken solider. And Xanthena. Who was the bar's patron.

Danny Doom, Lhandi, Jep, and Xanthena were all sleeping in a cave because the bar they were working for was under repairs. What they were going to find out was that the Oasis bar got sucked into a vortex while they were sleeping. Waking up, Danny Doom was the first to go and the first to notice the Oasis was gone.

"SHIT! Where is our Oasis bar!" Danny Doom demanded. Lhandi, Jep, and Xanthena all came out to join him.

"It was just here last night." said Lhandi. "I know! What we want to know it what happened!" Jep added on. Xanthena looks in the sky, "Maybe that's the answer!"

They were all sucked through the vortex until they popped out and landed in a desert. Danny Doom fell flat on his feet. "Son of a bitch!" Danny Doom complained. "Maybe you'll start wearing shoes now." Lhandi tells him. "Not happening!" Danny Doom spat back.

They all found themselves in a desert with cacti and old buildings. A sign says, "Welcome to Dry Gulch". "What is this place?" Lhandi said. "Looks like the set of a John Wayne movie". Xanthana said. "John Wayne movies are stupid!" said Danny Doom. "I agree!" said Xanthana. "Dry Gultch We must be in another dimenson. It's like a cross between the Old West and Ancient Rome." Jep said.

They all see a castle and walk to it. Once they arrive at the castle, they are stopped by a guard who looks like a cockroach dressed like a Mexican Bandit. Lhandi was scared of him. "We were expecting you, you are the chosen ones." said the guard. "You have to excuse this lady here, she's terrified of bugs." said Danny Doom. "Come on in," said the guard. "I'll bet nobody sneaks in without a ticket." Lhandi said. "Sneaking in without tickets is one of my favorite past times!" said Danny Doom. Lhandi and Danny Doom were lead to a ballroom and Xanthana and Jep were lead to the lobby. "Go up on that stage there," said the guard. "Want us to put on a show?" asked Lhandi. "Are you going to make us perform?" asked Danny Doom. "No, just go up there!" said the guard. Lhandi and Danny Doom did so and Sunny Sinclair was up on the podium as more bugs arrived.

"Sunny?, what are you doing here?" asked Lhandi. "I own property here." answered Sunny. "Where's your bitchy followers?" asked Danny Doom. "They was too scared to come." exclaimed Sunny. There was an auction going on and Sunny was taking bids. "Do I hear 5000? 6000? 7000?" said Sunny. And all the bugs there were bidding. "9000, 100000, 110000!" Up until a sherriff came and bid the highest and Sunny says, "Sold! The Sheriff Wallach!" Sherriff Wallach looked like a bull with a blackbart cowboy outfit.

"What did you sell?" asked Lhandi. "Hope it's something you're giving to me! Like more victories against you!" said Danny Doom. "Didn't you know? I just sold you both into slavery!" laughed Sunny. "Well, that sounds, WHAT?!?!!?" screamed Lhandi. And with that, Lhandi and Danny Doom were being carried away. "Danny Doom is nobody's slave! You can all fuck yourselves!" screamed Danny Doom.

Meanwhile in the lobby, Xanthana and Jep were waiting. Then the guard came up to them. "What took you so long? What's going on?" demanded Xanthana. "We've been waiting here for 30 minutes listening to insects talking in abuzz language!" said Jep. "Guess I'll tell you about what became of your friends." pointed the guard to a stagecoach where Lhandi and Danny Doom were being taken away. "There was an auction going on, they're going to the stadium, and they've been sold as slaves!" laughs the guard. "Slaves! Danny and Lhandi?" exclaims Xanthana "You wouldn't dare!" shouted Jep.

"Be quiet! If you don't you'll echo in the lobby! People can hear you!" screamed the guard! "Shut your mouth jive turkey! Hee-ya!" Xanthana said as she karate kicked the guard. Xanthana and Jep run away as more bug guards chased them. Then they go to a stage coach and jump aboard. "Giddyup Horse!" shouted Xanthana. And the stagecoach sped away as the guards were chasing them on horses. Jep saw that the stagecoach was full of weed. "Hey, look, Xanthana! This is weed!" said Jep. "Find some paper and roll it up and light it!" said Xanthana.

Jep does so, and she has wrapping paper and stuffed it with weed and used a torch to light it. "Okay, now throw it!" yelled Xanthana and she and Jep both threw the weed at the bugs chasing them. The subdued the bugs and Xanthana and Jep cheered as they reached the stadium. "Hey, man! ! I'll take you to the stadium if you give me some oats!" said the horse. "Sorry, we don't have any oats!" said Xanthana.

The horse threw them off. "No oats, no work! Sorry you interracial whatever the shit you are!" said the horse. "Hey, don't talk to my friends like that!" said a voice that turned out to be Onorato. "What are you going to do about it, you fucking hulk!" said the horse. "This!" Onorato said as he ate the horse. "Wow! Onorato! How did you get here?" asked Xanthana. "Surprise to see you here." said Jep. "When I saw you guys go through the vortex, had to follow you here. I'll take you to the stadium. And I'll help you save Lhandi and Danny Doom." said Onorato.

The bugs that got the weed thrown at them were all weary and high. "What is going on here?" said the bug leader. "We're having fun!" Said one of the bugs. "Do you want to go to the dungeon? Do you want to be fed to the lions? Do you want to...." some smoke comes along the leader's way. "Dance?" They all danced to an upbeat jazz tune.

Onorato lead Xanthana and Jep into the stadium. Once they were inside, they see a bunch of cows, bulls, spiders, cockroaches, cicadas, and ants dressed in western clothes. They see Sheriff Wallach sitting on a platform with Lhandi and Danny Doom sitting between him. Lhandi gets up, "Xanthana!" "Danny and Landhi!" said Xanthana. Then a guard pushes Lhandi back into her seat. "What do you want from us?" asked Xanthana. "What did you choose us for?" asked Jep. Wallach said, "I choose you to fight my champion!" "Say, is there going to be a fight to the death? Make it quick we need to get our bar back! Will there be blood and gore?" asked Danny Doom and then he, too was pushed into his seat.


Wallach summoned his dragon, "There are no rules in this game. Expect that there are no weapons to be used! Let the game......begin!" Horns sounded. Lhandi gets up and throws a handkerchief for Xanthena. "This is for you, Xanthena!" he said. Xanthena gets the handkerchief and Lhandi gets pushed back into his seat. "This was very sweet of you, Lhandi!" The dragon started charging at Xanthena and Jep. Onorato takes them aside. "Here girls, take my hand." Xanthena and Jep grab Onorato's hand and they flash for a bit.

"What just happened?" asked Jep. "You both now have superpowers." Onorato explains then goes on, "Use your powers wisely you still could get overpowered!" explained Onorato. Jep asks, "How in the world did we suddenly get powers?" "It's a cartoon, how does anything work! Shut up and fight!" Onorato says as Xanthena and Jep get ready to fight the dragon.

The dragon breathed fire at them and they dodged it. Then the dragon picked up Xanthena and Jep and threw them. Xanthena gets up, "I'm using power jump! What about you?" said Xanthena to Jep. "I'll use super speed!" said Jep. Xanthena then jumps 10 feet into the air and lands on the dragon. "Now, Jep! Get him!" shouted Xanthena. Jep then uses super speed to charge into the dragon. The dragon was stunned and came to and started coming after them again. Wallach says, "Enjoying the show, boys?"

"It's terrible! You're killing them!" cried Lhandi. "Say, listen, sheriff, what can I do to become more like you? I've always wanted to rule a planet and......" before Danny Doom can finish he was pushed back into his seat! "Dammit! Where's all the blood and gore I was promised? What is this the Ice Capades?" screamed Danny Doom.

When the dragon came after them again, Xanthena and Jep were doing stealth jumps to confuse it. Then Danny Doom gets an idea, "Say, Lhandi, want to place bets?" "No! Xanthena and Jep might be killed, and they're our only hope for freedom!" said Lhandi. "My bet goes to the dragon!" said Danny Doom. "Careful what you hope for! I'm here for Xanthena and Jep!" said Lhandi. "I don't care what you think, I'm rooting for the dragon!" said Danny Doom. Then Lhandi screamed bitterly, "WE'RE HERE FOR XANTHENA AND JEP!!!! NOT THE DRAGON!!!! WE'RE HERE FOR XANTHANA AND JEP!!!" "Are you guys aware that if they get killed you're slaves for all eternity?" asked Wallach. Then Lhandi and Danny Doom gulped.

Then Xanthena used her super strength power to pick up the dragon and throw it. Then the dragon started to twirl around it's tail. "Try to grab it when you can!" said Xanthena. When the dragon's tail reached in their direction, Xanthena and Jep tripped and the dragon swung it's tail again and then they both grabbed the tail and tossed the dragon into the air. The dragon was hurt badly.

Then it started blowing fire again. This time Jep used power jump and Xanthena used super speed to hurt the dragon. "Good job. Keep it up!" said Onorato. Lhandi jumped up and down, "Go Xanthena! Go Jep!" then she was thrown back into her seat. Danny Doom did the same, "Go Dragon! Go Dragon! It's your birthday!" then Danny Doom was thrown back into his seat. The dragon started charging at then and Xanthena and Jep did the same there was an explosion and no one was hurt. Xanthena and Jep both stood up and looked at the startled dragon.

After the smoke cleared, Sheriff Wallach had Lhandi and Danny Doom banished. Then the dragon got up and breathed fire at Xanthena and Jep. Then Onorato jumped into the air and sprayed water at the dragon. "Well, girls. There's one thing left to do." said Onorato. "What's that?" asked Xanthena. "We need to confuse this dragon. And you and Jep will have to dance." said Onorato. "Dance? Have you lost your mind?" said Jep. "You girls need to dance! Dance!" said Onorato as he turned on a radio and the song Percussion Gun by White Rabbits began playing and Xanthena and Jep danced around the dragon to confuse it.

Xanthena and Jep did cartwheels, handsprings, and flips as well. Then the dragon got really dizzy and it collapsed into a deep sleep. "We did it!" said Jep. "We won! Now let's go get Lhandi and Danny Doom!" said Xanthena as she and Jep used their power jump to go on the platform. Once they did, they noticed Lhandi and Danny Doom were gone. Xanthena grabbed Sheriff Wallach by the shirt. "What have you done with Lhandi and Danny Doom??!!" Xanthena shook the sheriff senseless. "I had them sold! To drug dealers!" laughs Sheriff Wallach. Then Jep punches Sheriff Wallach while screaming in drunken nonsense, And Xanthena throws him over her shoulder.

They exit the stadium and they see an intoxicated Sunny. "Hey, guys! You were both A-1 in that rodeo!" said Sunny. Xanthena and Jep run up to him. "Where's Lhandi and Danny Doom?" demanded Xanthena. "Did you have something to do with this?" asked Jep. "Sure did. I owed a favor to the Sheriff so I sold them to drug dealers! Oh, and the Sheriff stole all the townspeople's money to put on that show he did!"

Then Xanthena and Jep both beat up Sunny. "Well, guess what Sunny, you're going to help us find them!" said Xanthena. "We'll take that stagecoach!" said Jep. Onorato said, "I'll give the townspeople back their money, you girls go save Lhandi and Danny Doom!" Onorato goes off. Then Xanthena, Jep, and Sunny all boarded the stagecoach. "Well, since I slept with both you girls, I'll make it up to you!" said Sunny as he drank again. "Why are you doing that?" asked Xanthena. "I concentrate better when I'm drunk!" said Sunny. "Okay, tell us where these drug dealers are!" demanded Jep.

Sunny lead them to a bad part of the planet. That looked like a ghetto. "They're in that abandoned warehouse over there. Be careful of that step, it's a doozy!" "We don't know what you're talking about!" said Xanthena as she and Jep came to the front door. Xanthena knocked and a cicada answered. "Yes?" asked the cicada. "We're looking for Lhandi and Danny Doom!" yelled Xanthena. "Who?" asked the cicada. "Lhandi and Danny Doom!" said Jep.

"Which ones?" asked the cicada as he pointed to the couch where Lhandi and Danny Doom were sitting they were both sedated along with other people sitting on the couch. "The man and the woman." yelled Xanthena. "Who?" asked the cicada. "You know, the blond one, with the spiky hair that if he were to stay in the sun too long, he'll burn easily." explained Xanthena. "Yes, him." pointed Jep. "You mean the honky?" asked the cicada. "Yes, her!" said Xanthena. "We own everything there. Everything here is ours! Get outta here you yo yos!!" said the cicada. And Xanthena and Jep left.

Then the cicada goes to get some nectar and Xanthena and Jep broke down the warehouse with their super strength powers and grabbed Lhandi and Danny Doom. Sunny ran after the ship. "Wait for me! Wait for me!" They didn't come back for him.

Onorato comes to them in the Oasis bar which was now bigger. "Found our bar! C'mon you two! We have no time to lose!" said Onorato as Xanthena and Jep boarded the spaceship carrying Lhandi and Danny Doom. Onorato takes them back to earth. Back in desert, they were trying to revive Lhandi and Danny Doom. Then Onorato touches them and they slowly begin to wake up. "Onorato has healing powers?" said Jep. "And he gave us powers." said Xanthena. "Xanthena! Jep! I'm so happy you saved us!" said Lhandi as she got up and Xanthena helped him on a couch. "What about you, Danny Doom?" asked Onorato.

"Xanthena and Jep! I will never forgive you! I liked that Sheriff and I was going to work for him! I was going to learn all I can from him so I can be like him so I can run the bar better. I hate you Xanthena and Jep! For rescuing me! Danny Doom doesn't need to be saved or be forced to be a slave!" screamed Danny Doom. "It happened. Nothing we can do about it now." Lhandi implies. They all laughed. "That's our Danny Doom!" said Xanthena. "Well people, we got our Oasis bar back!" implies Onorato.

"Well, that was a fun adventure!" said Xanthena. "I agree! It's not everyday we get superpowers!" said Jep. "Or get superpowers." Xanathena added on. "You really kicked ass in that rodeo!" said Lhandi. "Speaking of asses, can I beat up some of these koalas?" asked Danny Doom angerly. "Just stop it, Danny Doom!" said Xanthena as they all walk back to the Oasis Bar. "I wonder what happened to Sunny?" wondered Jep.

Then it shows Sunny Sinclair walking around the desert drunk and singing, "Because I drink it anytime and anyplace When it’s time to get ill I pour it on my face. Never ever again will I ever work for a Sheriff!" said Sunny as he collapsed into the sand.

The End

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!
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