Categories > TV > Supernatural

all we know is don't let go

by peitho_x 0 reviews

Dean has some emotions to work through after they get Cas back.

Category: Supernatural - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Romance - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2022-10-26 - 1094 words - Complete

The first thing Cas does when he comes back is fall into Dean’s arms, clutching him so tight it would hurt if Dean hadn’t been dreaming about this moment for months. The second thing he does is pass out on the first comfortable horizontal surface he can find, which is fortunately a bed. It’s also Dean’s bed, since his room was the closest.

And Dean tries not to hover. He just checks in every now and then. Just to make sure he’s okay (not dead), see if he needs anything, make sure he’s still there, that he isn’t gone, that he hasn’t been taken.

Cas sleeps for over twenty-hour hours and Dean sleeps for approximately two. He means it to be a quick catnap on the couch, but when he sees the clock through bleary eyes and realizes how long it’s been, his heart nearly stops, then begins to race as he sprints to Cas’s room. He slumps against the door frame in relief at the sight of Cas snoring in bed. He catches his breath, but his heart keeps pounding like it’s trying to break out of chest.

It's not that he’s scared. He’s just worried. Good things tend to come with a price tag, and he doesn’t want to be taken by surprise. Yeah, that’s it.

So he pulls up a chair beside the bed and settles in, determined to sit there until Cas wakes up. A few hours in, he rests his eyes a moment.

When he opens them, Cas is gone.

Dean bolts to his feet, panic flooding his chest and threatening to overflow until he hears Cas’s steps in the hallway.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says, stepping into the room. He looks like he’s showered and changed.

“What the hell!” Dean bursts out.

“What?” Cas looks at him, confused.

“Givin’ me a goddamn heart attack.” Dean steps forward and pulls Cas into a tight hug.

“You looked peaceful,” Cas says. “And you needed the rest.”

Dean pulls back, looking Cas over. “How’d you rest? Feeling alright?”

Cas nods. “I–”

“Good.” Dean grabs Cas by the shirt and shoves him into the wall. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Dean?” Cas makes no move to try and get away.

“How long have we been friends?”

“For many years,” Cas says cautiously.

“And you never thought to mention it? What the hell, man?”

“You’re angry that I saved you?”

“Yeah, I’m angry. I’m friggin’ pissed off that for ten years you don’t say shit, so I think that you don’t–” He clenches his jaw. “And then you tell me, like that, and then you leave me–”

“Leave you?” Cas pushes back hard. “I did not leave of my own volition.”

“You could’ve told me any other time, before the deal. But you didn’t. Instead you waited till the most selfish possible time–”

“Selfish?” Cas is starting to get angry too now, and he crowds Dean against the dresser. “I sacrifice myself for you, for everyone, and you call it selfish?”

“Yeah, it is,” Dean says, firmly. “Cause a world without you just ain’t fuckin’ worth it.”

The confession leaves him breathless, but he still kind of wants to punch Cas in the face. He also wants to kiss him – has for years – and he’s not sure which would fit the situation best.

They’re standing very close together and while that’s par for the course for them, it has a bit of a different undertone now. Dean lets his fistful of Cas’s shirt go. He tries to decipher what Cas is feeling but can’t read him.

“You never said anything,” Cas says finally.

“Well, I didn’t have much of a chance, did I?”

Cas just looks at him expectantly.


“You have the chance now,” he says simply.

Dean sighs and looks away. “You know I’m not–” He looks back at Cas. “Not good at that sort of thing.”

Cas doesn’t say anything, and he hasn’t moved either. He’s still standing inches away from Dean. It makes it hard to concentrate on what he wants to say.

Finally he decides that, fuck it, he has forever to figure out how to say it – forever, what an idea – so he just grabs Cas by the shirt again and hauls him into a kiss. Cas makes a surprised little hum, but then he’s grabbing at Dean too, pressing him against the dresser.

And it’s… well it’s kinda everything. He knows Cas, how he smells, how his body feels pressed up against him, but how he tastes, that’s a new one.

Actually, scratch that, he didn’t before know how Cas feels when he’s kissing you like a starving man gorging himself. Dean realizes that maybe he’s been starving too.

What he doesn’t realize, of course, is that the door is still open. And even if he did, he’s much too busy to worry about it.

Sam, who had had a hard time sleeping due to Dean’s constant pacing, had ended up sleeping in a different room farther down the hall.

He’s walking back to his room after catching a few hours of shut-eye when he notices the door of Dean’s room is open and pops a head in to see how Cas is doing.

His Hey dies in his mouth at the sight that greets him. While it may not be entirely unsurprising, it is still unexpected to see Cas pressing Dean against his dresser as they make out like teenagers. He stands stock still in the doorway for a few moments, ready to yell out an apology and then get out of there if they notice him, but they don’t.

He slips away, planning on spending the day in the library. Then he hears the bed creak as a body falls onto it and Dean moans – still with the door open – and decides that the library is not far enough. Maybe he’ll go for a drive instead.

Inside the room, Dean can feel his mind trying to short-circuit, trying to overthink this. He pushes away the impulse and pulls Cas close. He can – and almost certainly will – go over this in his head a million times later, but all that matters now is that Cas is back. He’s not wasting any more time.
Sign up to rate and review this story