Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > The Mixed Tape
3. A Night Like This.
Cass,
I think the last song is, essentially, what I imagined to be going on in that pretty head of yours. This track explains what was going on in my head, which is not so pretty, but in fact, the biggest mess you've ever seen. I hope this will make you understand. I know words and apologies are meaningless after everything that's happened. But here we are, in the aftermath, and I want you to know how I felt. I want you to know that standing there, not able to say a word, not knowing how to stop your crying, didn't mean I didn't care. It meant I knew I had to let you leave. A part of me said run, but you would have ran, as well. I knew that if I distanced myself from you and gave you time to get everything sorted out in your mind; maybe I'd have a chance to be an essential part of your day again. I know I can't ask that of you, because it was 6 months ago that it happened, and you still can't look at me. I'm sorry that I flawed your opinion of my character. I'm sorry I didn't think with my head. I'm sorry I've lost the only thing that woke me up in the morning. I'm sorry none of these words are making sense to you, but at the same time, they're only words. I hope that's not all everyone expects from me. I have actions planned, and that's something you should know.
-Peter
Cassandra was crying. This was a painful journey, no mistakes about that, but she pushed play, and let Peter's selection fill the room.
Say goodbye on a night like this
If it's the last thing we ever do
You never looked as lost as this
Sometimes it doesn't even look like you
It goes dark, it goes darker still, please stay
But I watch you like I'm made of stone as you walk away
I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
A witch hunt for another girl
For always and ever is always for you
Your trust
The most gorgeously stupid thing
I ever cut in the world
Say hello on a day like today
Say it everytime you move
The way that you look at me now
Makes me wish I was you
It goes deep
It goes deeper still this touch
And the smile
And the shake of your head
And the smile
And the shake of your head
I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
Can't stand here like this anymore
For always and ever is always for you
I want it to be perfect like before
I want to change it all
I want to change
I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
Can't stand here like this anymore
For always and ever is always for you
I want it to be perfect like before
I want to change it all
I want to change
I want to change it all
I want to change
He had to be kidding. That could not be how he felt.
"That's it, Peter Fucking Wentz." She picked up the phone. His number was one her fingers knew, so in about 20 seconds, they were connected.
"Hello?" He sounded like he'd been sleeping.
"Come over. Now." Cassandra didn't sound happy at al.
"What? It's....almost midnight. I'm sleeping." He was never in bed early, which made it easy for her not to care.
"I don't care. Come over. I'm serious."
"Whatever. I'll be there in half an hour." An hour, then, thought Cassandra, as she hung up the phone without a goodbye.
She began pacing. There was no what in hell that he could have felt that way. He didn't stop her that day. How could that have been what was happening in his head?
The day had been long, and about 3 books had been sold, which was obviously discouraging. Anna had been a pain, and Greg had quit, leaving two people running the shop. No way was it going to survive after this. Cassandra drove home, furious. But Peter was there, and at least he would know how to make her feel better. He always did. Being best friends for years sort of allowed him to pick apart her mood and put it back together, always returning it to 'good'. She parked and rested her head on the steering wheel. Peter was going to know something was wrong immediately, because it was 4, and the shop usually didn't close until 6, leaving her working on inventory and purchase orders until 7. Oh, well. He would probably be surprised. She had no idea how, looking back.
She opened the front door, and dropped her bag in the doorway. It was quiet, so she figured Peter must have been sleeping. When she wasn't home, that's all he knew how to do. She couldn't blame him. They usually didn't sleep much at night.
Coffee was all her brain was registering, so she made a pot, poured a cup, and was about to go in search of Peter, when she heard laughter.
Female Laughter.
"What the fuck?" She set her cup down, and went down the hallway. Her and Peter's room was empty, but the guest room door was closed.
"Peter's car is home...and there is a girl laughing in my house...PETER!" She opened up the guest room door, and her head felt like it had caught on fire. Her body lost it's ability to respond to her brain, so she just stood there; mouth closed, eyes wide. Peter covered them up quickly and looked down.
"You said you'd be home at 7." He said quickly, looking anywhere but at her. This got her attention. She was furious.
"Oh, you're right." She looked down at her watch. "I guess I'm early. Sorry. FINISH WHAT YOU WERE DOING!" She slammed the door, walked down the hallway, and out of the house, crying so hard she couldn't see. Pete had followed.
"Cassi, wait!"
"Don't talk to me. You don't have anything to say to me, right now. Don't talk to me."
"Cassi. I'm sorry. What do you want me to do? What's done is done. She's leaving. We can talk about this."
"No Peter. We can't. Get your stuff, and leave. I'll be back in an hour. I recommend you're gone when I get here." She was crying harder than he'd ever seen her cry, and he hated it. Every word hit hard, in the subtle way that Cassandra could make words hurt, and he didn't know where to go, what to say.
"18 years, Peter." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"18 years." He said, and he turned around and went in the house, not willing to chase after her. He knew he couldn't. He knew she'd run, and he knew if that happened, he'd never find her.
The doorbell rang, as the clock was nearing one in the morning, and Cassandra was still pacing, rethinking every second about that day. Reliving every painful jolt that went through her head, heart and stomach. Why had she invited him here again? Oh, yeah. To give him his tape back.
She opened the front door to see a sleepy Peter standing there, scratching his head, other arm crossed, due to incredibly cold weather.
"Come in."
"Why am I here?" He asked, sitting on the couch and rubbing his eyes. She pulled the tape of the cassette player and handed it to him.
"I can't do this." He shook his head, refusing to take it.
"My best guess says you got about as far as the third song, and because I know my best guess is right, I'm not going to let you quit."
She sighed. This was ridiculous. She didn't have time. She especially didn't have energy.
"You still love me. This tape is going to make you see that." He was standing now, walking towards her. Cassandra laughed.
"How the fuck am I supposed to love a guy that I haven't talked to since I saw him naked with another, who, if my memory serves me well, and I know it does, was also naked, girl almost 6 months ago?"
"We've talked." He was still coming closer. She was backing away.
"Stop it, Peter. I just wanted to give you the tape back. Obviously you're not taking it. I'll finish it if it will get you the fuck out of here." He smiled, and stopped walking, his face inches from hers.
"Tell me you hate me. If you can, tell me you hate me. If you hate me, I'll leave." Cassandra moved, and walked over to the other side of the room.
"4 hours ago, you were telling me to finish the tape, then we would talk. The tape isn't finished, and you're here. Not leaving. And as far as I can see, you have no intentions of talking to me." He smiled, crossed his arms, and looked down.
"Guess I'm caught. I don't want to talk to you. In fact, I want to go home. Goodnight, Cassandra." He put his hand on her face and looked at her as he said goodbye.
Just as he was about to walk out the door, her instincts got her again, and gripped his arm, pulling him to her.
"What're you doing?" He asked, their foreheads touching.
"Not talking to you." Her mouth covered his, and a thousand degrees of lust, love, and longing spilled into the kiss. Spending months apart got them here. Where would this get them?
He brought his hands around the back of her neck as they stumbled into their room. She wouldn't regret this, she thought. He couldn't, and she knew it.
They collapsed onto the bed that they'd shared for 2 years and his hands found their way underneath her shirt. He continued kissing her lips and he slowly removed it, only separating long enough for the shirt to go over her head.
"Tell me you hate me." He said as he discarded his shirt onto the floor. She laughed, and kissed his bare torso.
"Don't be a dumbfuck. You know I don't." Every move, every word, and every smile was going to be something she would regret heavily in the morning, but that was later. This was now.
He rolled over on top of her and slowly removed her bra, as he slowly kissed her neck, and moved down. Neither one of them made a sound.
Next thing they knew, all of their clothes were scattered around the bedroom floor, and he collapsed on top of her, breathless, sweating, and more in love with her than he'd ever been, ecstatic that she'd given him this chance. He was closer now, closer than a few hours ago.
"Thank you." He muttered into her hair, as they were about to go to sleep.
"For what?"
"For this. For my chance." She opened her eyes.
"Don't be too happy. I don't know what this means." He sighed.
"I know, Cass, don't worry. I know. I don't know where this leaves us either. It's up to you."
"I'll finish the tape tomorrow. We'll talk about it then."
"Take your time. I love you." She closed her eyes, tighter, and then blinked out a tear. How could she have caved so easily? How could he have betrayed her so deeply? Why had she given him this opportunity?
"Goodnight." No I love you, he noticed. He could live with that. She was in his arms, and at least he had that for now. But just as soon as he'd thought it, she took her pillow, her clothes, and went to sleep in the guest bedroom, leaving him there.
"Shit. Why the hell did I come here?" He gathered his clothes, got dressed and left.
Cass,
I think the last song is, essentially, what I imagined to be going on in that pretty head of yours. This track explains what was going on in my head, which is not so pretty, but in fact, the biggest mess you've ever seen. I hope this will make you understand. I know words and apologies are meaningless after everything that's happened. But here we are, in the aftermath, and I want you to know how I felt. I want you to know that standing there, not able to say a word, not knowing how to stop your crying, didn't mean I didn't care. It meant I knew I had to let you leave. A part of me said run, but you would have ran, as well. I knew that if I distanced myself from you and gave you time to get everything sorted out in your mind; maybe I'd have a chance to be an essential part of your day again. I know I can't ask that of you, because it was 6 months ago that it happened, and you still can't look at me. I'm sorry that I flawed your opinion of my character. I'm sorry I didn't think with my head. I'm sorry I've lost the only thing that woke me up in the morning. I'm sorry none of these words are making sense to you, but at the same time, they're only words. I hope that's not all everyone expects from me. I have actions planned, and that's something you should know.
-Peter
Cassandra was crying. This was a painful journey, no mistakes about that, but she pushed play, and let Peter's selection fill the room.
Say goodbye on a night like this
If it's the last thing we ever do
You never looked as lost as this
Sometimes it doesn't even look like you
It goes dark, it goes darker still, please stay
But I watch you like I'm made of stone as you walk away
I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
A witch hunt for another girl
For always and ever is always for you
Your trust
The most gorgeously stupid thing
I ever cut in the world
Say hello on a day like today
Say it everytime you move
The way that you look at me now
Makes me wish I was you
It goes deep
It goes deeper still this touch
And the smile
And the shake of your head
And the smile
And the shake of your head
I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
Can't stand here like this anymore
For always and ever is always for you
I want it to be perfect like before
I want to change it all
I want to change
I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
Can't stand here like this anymore
For always and ever is always for you
I want it to be perfect like before
I want to change it all
I want to change
I want to change it all
I want to change
He had to be kidding. That could not be how he felt.
"That's it, Peter Fucking Wentz." She picked up the phone. His number was one her fingers knew, so in about 20 seconds, they were connected.
"Hello?" He sounded like he'd been sleeping.
"Come over. Now." Cassandra didn't sound happy at al.
"What? It's....almost midnight. I'm sleeping." He was never in bed early, which made it easy for her not to care.
"I don't care. Come over. I'm serious."
"Whatever. I'll be there in half an hour." An hour, then, thought Cassandra, as she hung up the phone without a goodbye.
She began pacing. There was no what in hell that he could have felt that way. He didn't stop her that day. How could that have been what was happening in his head?
The day had been long, and about 3 books had been sold, which was obviously discouraging. Anna had been a pain, and Greg had quit, leaving two people running the shop. No way was it going to survive after this. Cassandra drove home, furious. But Peter was there, and at least he would know how to make her feel better. He always did. Being best friends for years sort of allowed him to pick apart her mood and put it back together, always returning it to 'good'. She parked and rested her head on the steering wheel. Peter was going to know something was wrong immediately, because it was 4, and the shop usually didn't close until 6, leaving her working on inventory and purchase orders until 7. Oh, well. He would probably be surprised. She had no idea how, looking back.
She opened the front door, and dropped her bag in the doorway. It was quiet, so she figured Peter must have been sleeping. When she wasn't home, that's all he knew how to do. She couldn't blame him. They usually didn't sleep much at night.
Coffee was all her brain was registering, so she made a pot, poured a cup, and was about to go in search of Peter, when she heard laughter.
Female Laughter.
"What the fuck?" She set her cup down, and went down the hallway. Her and Peter's room was empty, but the guest room door was closed.
"Peter's car is home...and there is a girl laughing in my house...PETER!" She opened up the guest room door, and her head felt like it had caught on fire. Her body lost it's ability to respond to her brain, so she just stood there; mouth closed, eyes wide. Peter covered them up quickly and looked down.
"You said you'd be home at 7." He said quickly, looking anywhere but at her. This got her attention. She was furious.
"Oh, you're right." She looked down at her watch. "I guess I'm early. Sorry. FINISH WHAT YOU WERE DOING!" She slammed the door, walked down the hallway, and out of the house, crying so hard she couldn't see. Pete had followed.
"Cassi, wait!"
"Don't talk to me. You don't have anything to say to me, right now. Don't talk to me."
"Cassi. I'm sorry. What do you want me to do? What's done is done. She's leaving. We can talk about this."
"No Peter. We can't. Get your stuff, and leave. I'll be back in an hour. I recommend you're gone when I get here." She was crying harder than he'd ever seen her cry, and he hated it. Every word hit hard, in the subtle way that Cassandra could make words hurt, and he didn't know where to go, what to say.
"18 years, Peter." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"18 years." He said, and he turned around and went in the house, not willing to chase after her. He knew he couldn't. He knew she'd run, and he knew if that happened, he'd never find her.
The doorbell rang, as the clock was nearing one in the morning, and Cassandra was still pacing, rethinking every second about that day. Reliving every painful jolt that went through her head, heart and stomach. Why had she invited him here again? Oh, yeah. To give him his tape back.
She opened the front door to see a sleepy Peter standing there, scratching his head, other arm crossed, due to incredibly cold weather.
"Come in."
"Why am I here?" He asked, sitting on the couch and rubbing his eyes. She pulled the tape of the cassette player and handed it to him.
"I can't do this." He shook his head, refusing to take it.
"My best guess says you got about as far as the third song, and because I know my best guess is right, I'm not going to let you quit."
She sighed. This was ridiculous. She didn't have time. She especially didn't have energy.
"You still love me. This tape is going to make you see that." He was standing now, walking towards her. Cassandra laughed.
"How the fuck am I supposed to love a guy that I haven't talked to since I saw him naked with another, who, if my memory serves me well, and I know it does, was also naked, girl almost 6 months ago?"
"We've talked." He was still coming closer. She was backing away.
"Stop it, Peter. I just wanted to give you the tape back. Obviously you're not taking it. I'll finish it if it will get you the fuck out of here." He smiled, and stopped walking, his face inches from hers.
"Tell me you hate me. If you can, tell me you hate me. If you hate me, I'll leave." Cassandra moved, and walked over to the other side of the room.
"4 hours ago, you were telling me to finish the tape, then we would talk. The tape isn't finished, and you're here. Not leaving. And as far as I can see, you have no intentions of talking to me." He smiled, crossed his arms, and looked down.
"Guess I'm caught. I don't want to talk to you. In fact, I want to go home. Goodnight, Cassandra." He put his hand on her face and looked at her as he said goodbye.
Just as he was about to walk out the door, her instincts got her again, and gripped his arm, pulling him to her.
"What're you doing?" He asked, their foreheads touching.
"Not talking to you." Her mouth covered his, and a thousand degrees of lust, love, and longing spilled into the kiss. Spending months apart got them here. Where would this get them?
He brought his hands around the back of her neck as they stumbled into their room. She wouldn't regret this, she thought. He couldn't, and she knew it.
They collapsed onto the bed that they'd shared for 2 years and his hands found their way underneath her shirt. He continued kissing her lips and he slowly removed it, only separating long enough for the shirt to go over her head.
"Tell me you hate me." He said as he discarded his shirt onto the floor. She laughed, and kissed his bare torso.
"Don't be a dumbfuck. You know I don't." Every move, every word, and every smile was going to be something she would regret heavily in the morning, but that was later. This was now.
He rolled over on top of her and slowly removed her bra, as he slowly kissed her neck, and moved down. Neither one of them made a sound.
Next thing they knew, all of their clothes were scattered around the bedroom floor, and he collapsed on top of her, breathless, sweating, and more in love with her than he'd ever been, ecstatic that she'd given him this chance. He was closer now, closer than a few hours ago.
"Thank you." He muttered into her hair, as they were about to go to sleep.
"For what?"
"For this. For my chance." She opened her eyes.
"Don't be too happy. I don't know what this means." He sighed.
"I know, Cass, don't worry. I know. I don't know where this leaves us either. It's up to you."
"I'll finish the tape tomorrow. We'll talk about it then."
"Take your time. I love you." She closed her eyes, tighter, and then blinked out a tear. How could she have caved so easily? How could he have betrayed her so deeply? Why had she given him this opportunity?
"Goodnight." No I love you, he noticed. He could live with that. She was in his arms, and at least he had that for now. But just as soon as he'd thought it, she took her pillow, her clothes, and went to sleep in the guest bedroom, leaving him there.
"Shit. Why the hell did I come here?" He gathered his clothes, got dressed and left.
Sign up to rate and review this story