FicWad

We make our way to the back of the house, the ice type Ninetales, Luxray, Sylveon, and Munchlax following our trek. I reach my hand out to grab the door but turn to my niece first and remind her.

"Your mum is sleeping upstairs, so we have to be really quiet, understand?" I say in a hush.

She nods her head and places a finger over her lips, trying to make a shushing noise, but only succeeding at spitting all over her fingers. I laugh to myself at her attempt. Quietly, I slide the door open, and our motley crew files inside.

Half-filled bookshelves line three walls. A large desk with a Braille typewriter, a couple of old computers and other research -related machines, printers, a paper cutter with a stack of heavy paper next to it, and a large sheet of uncut leather sit against the opposite wall. The smell of books, old and new, has already settled over the room.

At her home, my neighbor's lab space is filled with whizzing apparatuses, shiny new computers, and mechanical devices I've never imagined—most of it having been built by the brilliantly minded young lady. I feel as if mine pales in comparison with its use of old-fashioned, leather-bound books and hand-drawn pictures.

I feel embarrassment creep through me at the stark differences as we enter the room. My face reddens at the thought of just how out of date our lab is. Of course, we have computers and machines designed specifically for professors. Still, even they are old and outmoded, as neither Kabir nor I have had the time or desire to even look at the newer technology.

How good of a Professor are you really if you can't even keep your technology up-to-date. You must be pretty useless at your job, dear one. The malicious voice chuckles malevolently.

I ignore it and move to the Playroom takes up nearly the size of the entire floor plan above, but for another room with a play area for children tucked away next to the desk at the end of the wall.

"Come on, Himi, the room is over here," I say, keeping my head down as I lead the toddler over to the door and flip the light switch on.

Thankfully the child seems unconcerned by our lack of fancy equipment in the lab when she sees the room, though I avert my gaze from my guests'. However, Himiko's bright blue eyes light up, and she gives a small gasp of glee as she takes in the view of the playroom.

A kaleidoscope of colorful toys of every shape and size sits neatly in the enclosed area. Carefully organized boxes and bins held smaller items, while a sizable indoor play-set was sitting against the opposite wall. I drag it out of the corner and pull down the slide and stairs.

There's an old Ponyta rocking horse that I used as a child, building blocks with the Machamp line plastered on the faces, and several soft plush dolls of various sizes and Pokémon. A large shelf holds a sizable amount of children's books with brightly colored pictures and words lining the bindings.

A Snorlax bean bag is pulled from another corner, as well as a Trevant rocking chair so ancient that I have repainted it several times now. I indicate to the two seats, encouraging Burnet to take one, her choosing the chair, and plopping myself down on the bean bag. Air hisses and beans crunch underneath me as I flop comfortably onto it.

Himiko runs around the room, tiny bare feet thumping gently on the foam-padded floor as she scampers from one toy to the next, trying to decide where to start her play.

Thunder lies between the two seats and starts to purr as I reach a hand out to scratch his ears. Tinsel sits on the other side, laying her blue head on her paws, and stares off into the distance while Munchlax, still a young Pokémon, scampers eagerly to a box of toys and starts playing as well.

Sardee takes up the duty of assisting in entertaining the child without being asked. First, she helps push her up the stairs of the Copperajah slide, a large, dark teal elephant Pokémon from the Galar region. Then running to the front to stop Himiko from tumbling onto the softly padded floor with her plush tails as the child slides down, repeating this many times over.

"Your Ninetales is fantastic with children," Burnet says, looking impressed as she watches the scene before her. She holds Lei in her arms, rocking the chair gently beneath her. I hand her a small stuffed Fletchling toy for him to play with, which he promptly shoves into his mouth.

"She used to play with the neighbor kids too in our last home whenever we'd watch them, and also our other nieces and nephews," I say, watching the game the child and Pokémon play.

"Oh no, no, Lei, you can't chew on this!" My colleague says, trying to gently pull the toy from her son's mouth without upsetting him.

I laugh at her failed attempts. "Don't worry about it. We made sure all the toys were clean before we moved."

"But this isn't his. I don't want him chewing on someone else's toy. That's rude." She frets.

"Well, how about he keeps that one. Just leave it here, so whenever you come over, he'll have something to play with," I say, watching his hands squeeze tightly onto the small bird toy, trying hard to keep his mother from removing it from his mouth. "Well, teeth on, at this point." I laugh.

"We couldn't do that-" she starts, but I cut her off with a dismissive wave of my hand.

"It's clear we have far too many toys in here anyways. I think we'll be just fine with one less." I indicate the room with a sweeping hand. "Besides, he's a clever little guy. He probably will grow bored of that soon and want toddle around the room before too long here."

"Well then, thank you very much. He does seem rather attached to it." She jokes. Lei had not given up the Fletchling toy, holding it fiercely in his little mouth. "We have a Pikipek at home that looks very similar to this one. It's his favorite thing to gnaw on."

"You know, if his gums are bothering him, he may want something cold to chew on. I'll throw a teething ring into the fridge."

"Goodness, no," Burnet responds. "What if you wake Anya? She really needs her sleep."

"I have an extra fridge down here. There's nothing in it yet, but once Kabir and I get back into the swing of researching, it'll hold quick snacks for us on busy days. And Pokemon treats, of course." I stand before my neighbor can protest anymore and snatch up a rubbery, softly spiked toy with a Vanilluxe face from a drawer beside my chair.

"It should be ready for him in about 20 minutes if he needs it," I say, returning empty-handed. During my brief absence, Burnet had stood and was bouncing Lei in her arms, exploring the room and checking out the toys and books.

"Thank you again." She says, glancing and smiling at me from her browsing. "Do all these books have Braille on them?" My guest questions.

She had set down one of the many books on the shelf and was running her fingers over the surface. Pictures and words fill the pages, but the bumpy configuration of dots for Braille shows out in spiked formation along the bottom, mapping out the words for the sightless.

"Yes," I say, walking over and pulling another off the shelf and showing her the similarly marked pages. "Kabir liked reading to the children in our last neighborhood, so of course, we had to make sure he had plenty of books to show off. Himiko would make a great audience, too, even if it were only over the videophone." I say with a fond glance at my niece.

"This one looks handmade." After sliding the original back into place, she pulls another book out and flips it open to view the pages inside.

"That's because it is. Kabir also likes making up stories too, so I write them down and illustrate the pages for him."

Carefully created pictures of Pokémon and people playing or going on adventures fill the book's pages she refers to, all set with bright colors and easy-to-read words. Again, Braille pokes out along the bottom, so my husband can read the stories as well. The shelf is lined with a mixture of both handmade and store-bought books.

"The pictures are so well drawn. I didn't know you were such a talented artist!" She says in surprise. Then my neighbor gives me a mischievous glance and says, "You're also a fantastic singer to boot."

"Oh, Anya sings better than me. She's had actual vocal training," I mutter with embarrassment. "Though the words are what make up an adventure, and Kabir is fantastic at coming up with children's stories. He hopes to write books someday, along with his research." I say, hoping to draw her attention away from the second subject.

"Well, you two would certainly make a fantastic team for it." She comments, laughing at the awkward expression her praise has caused.

I turn around and watch my niece play, Sardee now sitting close to her as Himiko rocks back and forth on the Ponyta toy, laughing joyously.

I leave my guest to look at the books and return to my Snorlax bean bag. Thunder, my Luxray, kneads the soft surface of the seat with large, sheathed paws, purring excitedly at my approach. I flop back onto the seat with a whoosh of air from the bag and start giving him the scratches he desired.

After some time, Burnet's attention moves over to a large, broken-down item sitting in a corner, next to the bookshelf. She had already carefully set all the books back into their proper places and was now giving the new curiosity a slight tug to examine it more closely, shifting loose boards and chunks of painted wood.

"Hey," She calls, looking over her shoulder at me. "What is this?"

"That's a growing crib. It takes up quite a bit of space, so we took it apart and decided to keep it down here until it's required." I answer. "Though, it's not needed right now, seeing as Himiko sleeps in the bed with Anya. Once we get our shed built, we'll be moving a lot of the spare items into it to make room for the more useful furniture we'll be purchasing later."

Burnet stands for a moment, glancing around the room. It's filled with more than just toys and I watch her eyes trek through, making connections as they move.

First, they fall onto a labeled clear plastic tub with bedding, stuffies, and blankets. Then I watch them graze over to smaller bin with binkies, baby dishes, bottles, bottle brushes, and a drying rack, that sat atop it. There's a bassinet and mobile still in boxes right next to those. The last thing she views has a number of newborn to toddler clothing sets.

Finally, her yellow gaze switches to mine. The look of pity and heartbreak nearly sends me into ruins. She opens her mouth, closes it, opens it once more, then lets out a long sigh.

She places Lei on the floor, where he walks clumsily over to container with large, soft plastic blocks. His small hands grip the edge as he pulls it over and dumps the contents across the floor. Satisfied with the mess, the toddler plops down in the middle, teething ring still clutched in a hand and jammed into his mouth, and plays with the colorful toys, ramming them into each other with a soft thump and cooing excitedly at the noise.

"Sash," my neighbor sits onto the rocking chair once more, though she doesn't lean back to comfort, instead, sitting rigidly on the moving furniture. "Are you comfortable talking about it?"

I'm just as reluctant as she seems and take a moment to steady myself.

Don't do it, dear one. She's only looking for ways to prove how much better she is. The voice in my mind purrs in pleasure at my anguish. Her life is perfect, and she wants to rub it in. Don't fall for her tricks here.

Oh, shut up you great ugly beast. I retort with exhaustion, not willing to listen to the cruelty for once. Can you not see how much pain I'm in already? Nothing you say here will make it better or worse. To my surprise and immense relief, the voice does just that. It lets out a feeling of fury at my rebuke, but there's also utter shock quite clearly running through it as well. It's obvious the voice never expected me to fight back.

I steel myself as I reply to my worried companion. "We lost our son a few months ago." The words come out as a near whisper.

Burnet simply nods her head in understanding, but she doesn't speak. Her eyes squint in sadness as I continue.

"I was just four weeks out from the delivery date when he stopped moving. There wasn't anything anyone could do." Though this was the first time I'd talk to anyone but Kabir about it, I found my voice cracking, but somehow not breaking like I'd expect it would. I keep my eyes tightly shut as I carefully pronounce my next words. "We'd had quite a few other miscarriages and a set of twins I delivered as stillbirths before then, so his passing wasn't exactly a surprise . He was the longest one I'd carried though. We were so hopeful that he'd make it. But-" I finally have to stop.

A tiny hand grips my shirt, tugging down strongly. Then a knee falls onto my leg, a second one, and then Himiko plops a stuffed Teddiursa into my lap. Her big blue eyes are awash with sadness as she crawls back off the Beanbag and sits next to Sardee, but she's stays uncommonly quiet for usual self.

My throat aches as I pull in a few long breaths, trying to clear the pain in my chest. A sting in my eyes told me I was tearing up, but I stopped it by wiping them away before they could crest the edge of my eyes to roll down my cheeks. I clench my fists and force my body to settle as Burnet sits beside me silently. I pull the Teddiursa stuffy against my stomach, hugging it in place and begin rubbing my forefinger and thumb along the ear of it.

I clear my throat to call out to the child. "What's this for, Himi?"

"She said you needed him." The child replies back simply, trying hard to focus on picking fluff from between my Ninetales rear toes. I can tell she's upset, but if she's anything like her mum, she clearly doesn't want to be bothered anymore right now.

"Thank you." I reply, glancing down at it again. How did Burnet know to give me this particular stuffy, though? It's the one Kabir's mother had picked out for us when we first started trying for a child. She'd had the same doll for her own daughter. I look over to my companion, but she appears just as befuddled as I am, so I don't bring it up. I'm also still too much of an emotional mess to want to pry

We sit, watching the children play for a long while. I've finally cleared my head from the conversation and find myself laughing gently at Himiko when Lei wobbles over and knocks down the tower she'd been working on. The child had encouraged the small toddler to do this, telling him he was a Tyranitar, here to destroy the city. It was unclear if Lei fully grasped what his role in the play was, but he seemed pleased with himself all the same to be causing destruction and eliciting a laugh from his older friend.

"What was his name?" Burnet asks me suddenly.

I look to her, and wait, expecting another well of emotion to bubble to the surface, but it doesn't come this time. Quietly, I whisper it to myself, testing the sound of it on my lips. Then I look ahead at the children once more, and say out loud, so the woman next to me can hear, "Jayesh."

"Jayesh?" Burnet tests it herself, a small smile crossing her face at the name.

"It means victory."

"That's a beautiful choice."

"Thank you. Kabir picked it out." I chuckle softly. There's another pause, and I break it by saying. "Our next step is adoption. We've been wanting to do that for as long as he and I can remember." I was ready to move the conversation along again.

"Adoption?" Burnet says, her tone changing faster than the Mareepish look in her yellow eyes. "That's wonderful!"

"It will be a bit of work. It takes a while for the paperwork to be processed. They'll do several home inspections, and we'll have many meetings with the workers. But with that information, we'll be matched with a child. Then there will be a bit of time to make sure we are the right fit, and after all that, hopefully, we'll be allowed to adopt." I respond with my own excitement at the idea, easing the mood of the room swiftly.

"You will be. I just know it." She indicates the room. "You already do so well with Himiko and Lei."

"Thank you, Burnet. That actually means a lot to me."

"You could probably tell when you met my parents the other day, but I'm adopted. I was six at the time, but my parents are just that, my parents! I'm so grateful for them taking me in. I even took on a new name." She says with a happy smile, switching the subject.

I nod my head in agreement. Her mother was very dark-skinned, as well as her father, so the question had presented itself to me at the time, but with how busy we were moving things into my home, I hadn't found the time to ask. "Do you remember what your name was before?" I ask, my curiosity outweighing my thoughts.

"Oh, of course, my name was Ren Sasaki, but because of the circumstances of my adoption, I chose to take on the family's name of Burnet. They even helped me pick out a new first name too. I picked Miku."

"Miku Burnet? I like the sound of that! You picked a beautiful name." I say. "I feel like I've heard the last name Sasaki before, but I have done a lot of traveling, so I've probably met loads of people with that name." I find myself curious about the circumstances surrounding her adoption but choose not to ask because of the slightest dark look that flashes in her eyes when I mention knowing the name. Instead, I follow up with, "Do you have siblings?"

"Do I?" She laughs gleefully. "I have ten! And nearly all of them are adopted as well. Plus, my parents are taking care of a few fosters kids at the moment. Four siblings that the agency had planned to break up. My parents wouldn't stand for that, so they took them all in. What about your family?"

"Well, none of my siblings are adopted, but I am the second youngest of six children, including Anya. She's seven minutes older, and I do love to tease her for the "advanced age" she has on me." I giggle. "And, of course, all my siblings have children of their own by now, so, as you can imagine, family reunions are a little wild."

"That's wonderful! I do love big families." Burnet answers with a happy gleam. "Kukui only has one little sister, Faline. I think you've seen her already, but she's also adopted. She's so young she still goes to the Pokémon School even! Kukui loves it when he teaches her class, though she gets a bit embarrassed by it sometimes." She snickers.

"That is quite an age difference! Kabir has a sister, Athini, who is eight years his senior but lives in a different region. She's Pokémon Professor, of course."

"Guess that must run in the family."

"You know, it just may!" I joke. "He also has one little sister who is three years younger, but sadly, we've never met her. We've not stopped looking for her, though. Her name is Ila Ashoka." I say but then wince at myself for oversharing. That was not my story to tell. I scold myself in frustration. Burnet seems to catch on to my sudden discomfort, and she switches the conversation back.

We chat for a while longer, discussing child care and adoption. Burnet has a surprisingly fair amount of information about the agency in Hau'oli city, which I take a great deal of interest in. You can study up on a place all you want, but the best information always comes from personal experience or the locals' knowledge. As it turns out, she and Kukui had talked about adoption too, but they weren't as set on it as Kabir and I, seeing as they already had a child.

Himiko comes over and sits in my lap as we talk after a while and plays with a puzzle she found. It's past her learning level, but it's colorful and has images of various Pokémon lines on it. The child is supposed to match the evolutionary lines up, but Himiko is satisfied babbling to Thunder about the pictures on it, his large head resting against my leg, eyes fixed affectionately on the young child, and a soft purr still rumbling in his throat.

"Sashi," Burnet says after a stance of silence as she and I watch the two children occupied with the toys, Lei gnawing happily on the cold teething ring and in his mother's lap once more, "Can we go check out your lab?"

"If you really want," I say, slightly embarrassed once more at the thought of its outdatedness.

"Of course I do! I want to view your research notes. Plus, I saw a large number of sketch pads on a bookshelf. I want to see what you've drawn too." She comments excitedly, seeming not to notice, or simply ignoring my uneasiness. I agree and stand to leave with my guest.

"Tinsel, can you help Sardee and Thunder watch Himiko and Lei?" I ask the still sulking Sylveon. She huffs but rises to her feet, never one to refuse a request. I sigh at her slow movements. "This is nowhere near the first time Kabir has been hospitalized, and it certainly won't be the last," I say to Burnet as she looks on in concern at the mammalian creature. "But, she has always been allowed to stay by his side while he's there."

Turning to the despondent Pokémon, I console, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but Kabir will be back soon. It's not much different than his other stays." I run my hand over her blue ears, my fingers catching one of her ribbons, and I hold it up. She gazes at me but wraps her ribbon around my wrist. I give her an affectionate squeeze on it and watch as she wanders over to Himiko.

The child had moved into a corner, bored by her puzzle, and was now looking through another box for some other source of entertainment. My neighbor walks over to my ever-dutiful Ninetales and sets her child down next to her.

I feel a pit in my stomach swell at my own words as I watch Burnet say something briefly to Sardee. This time isn't anything like the other times. I tell myself anxiously. I've never seen Kabir look so ill.

He's not coming back, dear one. The cold voice in my head says smoothly, returning to torment me once more. The words sound furious now at my previous rebuke and it proves it's displeasure by throwing a deluge of cruel words at me.

That man looked like he was ready to be taken away by the Dusknoir. Even if he could recover, why would he want to return to someone like you? You have the emotional range of a toddler. Just look at your neighbor. She's three years your junior, and even she was able to stay calm when your sister went into that colossal rage earlier. You can barely remember anything to help with those crazy dreams. So what other important things have you been forgetting? You can't even provide your dear husband with a child of his own. What use is a wife like you to a great man like Kabir?

The entity hisses my imperfections into my ear, and I feel my world begin to swirl with emotions at the words the voice was brought up. I feel a pit in my stomach rise. My heart starts pounding, and a pain in my throat swells as I feel myself becoming swallowed by self-loathing.

A firm grasp pulls my mind out of the swirling mess of thoughts. Burnet was holding onto my shoulders with both her hands and was saying my name. I look up into the eyes of my neighbor, staring at me, a mixture of worry, concern, and even fear swimming in their yellow depths. I realize I’m shaking in fear at the sound of the anger in my head.

"Are you okay? Do you need to sit down for a bit?" She questions, seeing my eyes finally focus on her.

I simply stand and stare at her, unsure of how to answer. I think of the encounter with Anya earlier and the word my kind neighbor threw out so effortlessly when referring to my husband and me.

"We're friends," She had said then.

I find myself, for the first time since my childhood, wanting to test the word. To see if her calling me in such a way was true. If I told her about these voices, would she react as a supposed friend would? Maybe try to comfort me or help me figure out the meaning of these troublesome words? Or would she simply chalk it up to my lack of sanity? Would she be the one to lock me up in a ward?

"I'm going to get Anya. Please sit down, Sashi." Burnet says when I don't respond. She looks frightened, and even her voice has begun to show a hint of the worry that flashes in her eyes.

"No," I say, pulling myself fully back into reality. "No. There's no need." I look at her and see she's unconvinced and hasn't taken her hands off my shoulders yet.

"I think she needs to look you over, Sashi." She says seriously.

"I'm fine-"

"No, you're not," She interrupts in frustration at my refusals, and I hear the fear creep further into her voice. "You weren't responding and have gone pale. I thought you were going to pass out again. Something is wrong here, and it needs to be addressed."

"I'm fine," I repeat once more, shaking my head and stepping back, away from her grasp. "I just have some things on my mind. A lot has happened lately." I think for a moment about what to say to the worried woman in front of me but can't come up with any words that would ease her mind. Instead, I simply settle with, "I'm sorry to have worried you, but really, I'm alright."

She looks at me for a moment but doesn't say anything. I can see her wheels turning as she thinks, though I have no clue what thoughts would be flashing in her head in a situation like this.

This girl is crazy. This girl is weak. This girl is stupid. The voice calls smoothly. It doesn't take a psychic to know what she's thinking right now, dear one.

I shake my head again, squeezing my eyes shut, clearing my mind from the words once more, then I turn around to the door.

"Let's get onto a better subject," I say, trying to distract both her and myself now. "Did you still want to see the lab? I can show you what I was researching before we moved here."

She sighs at me but doesn't say anything to return the conversation to her worries. "That might be fun." She says, though she doesn't sound very curious about my studies anymore. Either way, I open the door to the playroom, and we exit into the lab.