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Foul Ball Foul Strike
1 reviewA fanfic about Everybody Still Hates Chris. The animated reboot, not the live action sitcom
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This is a fanfic about the animated reboot Everybody Still Hates Chris. You're all probably wondering why I wrote this so fast..I didn't. I wrote this back in late October. The idea came to me when I watched Everybody Still Hates Chris on Comedy Central. Its been in my files until now.
Everybody Still Hates Chris
fanfic title:
Foul Ball Foul Strike
by: Trenton Sands.
Scene 1:
Caption Reads: BROOKLYN 1987.
Chris Rock POV: Baseball. It was a right of passage for most kids. Not to mention Americas Favorite Past Time! What I was about to experience sure as shit isn't Brewster's Millions!
The gym is buzzing with anticipation. The annual school baseball game is about to begin. Chris just got done signing up for baseball tryouts before the big game. Chris, sporting a slightly too-big jersey, nervously adjusts his cap. He spots Priscilla, the most popular cheerleader in school, sitting with her friends.
Chris: (To Greg, whispering) Yo, man, she's lookin' this way. I gotta impress her.
Greg: (Scoffs) Impress her with what? You can barely throw a ball ten feet.
Chris: I'm gonna hit a home run. A monster dinger.
Greg: (Laughing) Right. You and every other kid in this league.
Chris ignores him, his mind fixated on Priscilla. He visualizes himself connecting with the ball, sending it soaring over the fence. The crowd roars. Priscilla jumps to her feet, cheering, much like the queen did in the first Naked Gun movie!
Greg: She doesn't know you exist.
Chris: She will tomorrow. And I'll win her hand!
Greg: Yeah sure. (thinks to himself). hmm. Maybe I can talk Priscilla into going. That'll make Chris happy!
Chris: Actually the original batter was sick and could not make the game. So I decided to fill in for him!
Greg: Are you sure she's available for dating? She seems out of your league.
Chris: Trust me. I got this.
Chris Rock POV: After years of playing street ball, I thought I knew the basics of baseball.
Greg walks over to Priscilla.
Priscilla: Uhhh, can I help you?
Greg: You busy after school??
Priscilla: Aside from a ton of homework, no.
Greg: Want to come to baseball tryouts and the big game the next day?
Priscilla: Yes I will. As a cheerleader I like all attending sports events. Sports is life to me.
Greg gives her fifty dollars.
Priscilla: Now I'll really go.
Greg: Wait until you see this new batter, he's going your blow your mind!
Scene 2:
The next day at Tattaglia High School at the baseball field. Before the big game. Chris steps up to the plate, heart pounding. The pitcher who was his friend Jerome winds up and throws. The ball sails towards him. Chris swings wildly, missing completely. The crowd groans. Priscilla rolls her eyes.
Chris: (Muttering to himself) Okay, focus. One more chance.
Priscilla: Keep your eye on the ball! Whoever the hell you are!
Greg (to Priscilla): Thats the Chris guy I was telling you about.
Priscilla: I came here to see a boy who can't hit?
Greg: Come back tomorrow at least? (gives Priscilla another fifty dollars)
Priscilla: Okay, I got no other plans.
After three strikes and all his classmates laughing at him, Chris decides to go to Risky.
Chris Rock POV: If anyone can help me play baseball better, it's going to be Risky.
On his way over to the street dealer known as Risky. Greg walks with him.
Greg: Are you sure Risky will give you something to play better?
Chris: Of course he will. Hey Risky!
Risky gets Chris's attention.
Chris: It's me, Chris! Your most valued costumer!
Risky: Chris! What can I do for you?
Chris: I need something that can help me hit baseballs better.
Risky: Yes! I got something right here.
Looking through his shopping cart filled with junk, Risky takes out some Big League Chew.
Greg: Chewing tabacoo?!? Chris, don't you remember that D.A.R.E. program telling us the dangers of.....
Risky (laughing): No! No! It's not SKOAL. I can go to prison if i gave you that! It's Big League Chew.
Chris: How is chewing gun going to help?
Risky: The sugar inside will give you some unspeakable energy, and you'll soon be hitting homers in no time.
Greg (laughs): Hey, Chris. You might be like Sugar Bear from those Super Golden Crisp commercials!
Chris: Sure! I'll take it!
Risky: $50 please.
Chris Rock POV: What I was in for, sure as hell wasn't a vitamin packed punch!
Scene 3:
At the Baseball Field at Tattaglia High School. The big game was on. Jerome was the pitcher throws again. This time, Chris makes contact with the Big League Chew in his mouth. The ball shoots off the bat, but veers sharply to the right. It bounces off the wall and rolls into the outfield. Priscilla was on the bleachers.
Priscilla: Why is he batting again today?
Greg: The other batter is sick. In other words, he's a substitute.
Priscilla: Uhh, okay.
Chris: (To himself) Close! Almost had it!
Greg: (Scoffs) "Almost" doesn't count, Chris. You're embarrassing yourself.
Priscilla: He's embarrassing me too!
Chris: Shut up, Greg! I'm gonna get 'em next time. Try again, Jerome!
Jerome: OKay! Here comes another.
Chris keeps his eye on the ball still chewing the Big League Chew, Chris imagines himself in the movie The Natural. In his fantasy, Chris hits a home run and the ball breaks the night lights! Wilfred Brimley runs up to him.
Wilfred Brimley: Wow! Chris! You are way better than Robert Redford! That's what you get for eating Quaker Oats cereal because it's the Right Thing To Do!
Greg: Chris! Chris! Where the hell are you? On an adventure with Flash Fucking Gordon?
Seeing his missed again, Chris hears the empire who was Frank Diapolo tells him.
Frank: Strike Three You're out!
Chris hangs his head in shame. As his peers in the bleachers were making him a laughing stock.
Greg: Baseball tryouts are still going on throughout the month. Also, there's another game toward the end of baseball season.
Chris: Remind me never to trust Risky again.
Chris Rock POV: Not only Risky, never to trust sugar highs ever again!
Scene 4:
Baseball tryouts are still underway. As was the big game. Jerome the pitcher throws a third time. Chris swings with all his might. The ball connects, sending a satisfying CRACK through the air. Chris watches in disbelief as the ball soars high above the outfield.
Chris: (To himself) Did... did I actually do it?
Greg: (Staring in amazement) Holy cow! You actually hit it!
Priscilla: Wow! He's a cross between Jackie Robinson and Bull Durnham!
Just like the iconic home run scene in "Bull Durnham" the ball keeps climbing. The ball continues its trajectory, heading straight for the school windows.
Priscilla (getting up from the bleachers): I can't believe I wasted my time with this shit! Im gone! (throws the money back at Greg's face)
Greg: Priscilla! Wait!
Chris: (Panicked) Oh no!
Scene 5:
The ball smashes through a classroom window, shattering glass everywhere. The teacher and students inside scream in terror.
Chris: (Stuttering) I... I think I hit it too far.
Greg (looks at the students run out of the classroom): Look at their faces! They're acting like they just saw Ferris Bueller get in trouble with Principal Rooney!
Chris POV: As I remember. I was not Principal Strickland's number one fan! I was about to get my ass suspended or maybe even held back. Like I needed that in my position!
Greg: Wow! You created a lot of chaos!
Chris: I can see that....
Student #1: Fire drill! Fire drill!
Student #2: No you dumbass! Someone broke a window!
Student #3: That's destruction of school property!
Ms Morello: Everybody back inside! I'll get the Principal!
All the panicked students go back inside as the Ms Morello reports Chris's baseball mishap to the Principal. Who's name was Strickland.
Scene 6:
Storming onto the field, Principal Strickland confronts Chris. With his face red with fury.
Principal Strickland: Christopher! What in the Sam Hill do you think you're doing?!
Not knowing what else to say, and not to reveal his true plan that he wanted to impress Priscilla. Chris stutters and scrambles to give an explaination.
Chris: (Trying to play it cool) I... I was just trying to help the team, sir.
Principal Strickland: Help the team?! You almost killed someone! Detention for a month!
Greg: Uhhh, excuse me, Principal sir. Am I in trouble too?
Principal Strickland: Yes! Both of you are!
Greg: Why am I going to detention too?
Principal Strickland: Because you commited the worst offense ever! ENABLING!
Greg and Chris watch Principal Strickland walk back to his office.
Chris: Well, heh heh. At least I didn't get in trouble alone.....
Greg: Sometimes I wonder why I'm even friends with you. This is all your fault! Now I have to have detention for a month too.
Chris: I was trying to hit a homerun!
Scene 7:
Just when Chris's problems could not get any more worse, Joey Caruso, the school bully, steps forward, smirking.
Joey: Home run? More like "home run for disaster"! You're a disgrace to the game!
Chris: Get lost. Joey! I did hit it!
Joey: Prove it. Show us where it landed.
Chris: All right! I will! You're on!
Greg, Chris, Joey, and a group of other kids follow the ball's trajectory. They eventually find it lodged in the roof of Mrs. Mudbone's house across the street.
Mrs Mudbone (throws the ball back): Take back your stupid ball you shit headed whipper snappers! I'm calling your parents!
Joey: (Laughing) Look at that! It barely made it over the fence! You're a fraud, Chris!
Chris: (Defeated) I guess you're right...
Joey: Even better than that! You got detention! You're going to be like John Bender from The Breakfast Club!
Greg: Fuck off!
Joey: oooohhh! You swore!
Greg: This is high school! Get used to it!
Joey: I'm telling! Now you'll get even more detention (runs off)
Chris: You stood up for me? I thought you were mad at me.
Greg: I can never stay mad at a friend for too long.
Chris: That's a relief.
Scene 8 Conclusion:
Sitting in detention, Chris staring at the chalkboard. Was banned from baseball tryouts. Priscilla walks by, giggling with her friends. She glances at Chris and shakes her head in disappointment, echoing a scene from Pretty In Pink.
Chris: (To himself) I blew it. I should have just been myself.
Sitting next to him, Greg patted him on the shoulder.
Greg: Don't worry, man. You'll get 'em next time. Besides, maybe Priscilla likes a guy who's a little more... realistic.
Chris smiles weakly. Maybe Greg was right.
Greg: There's one more thing you should know.
Chris: What is it?
Greg: I paid Priscilla to watch you bat.
Chris: You're a better friend than I thought.
Much to their shock and surprise their detention teacher was Mrs Mudbone!
Mrs Mudbone: No talking during detention! Or else I'll make you write 100 times on the chalkboard!
Singing Chorus: Everybody Still Hates Chris!
THE END
Everybody Still Hates Chris
fanfic title:
Foul Ball Foul Strike
by: Trenton Sands.
Scene 1:
Caption Reads: BROOKLYN 1987.
Chris Rock POV: Baseball. It was a right of passage for most kids. Not to mention Americas Favorite Past Time! What I was about to experience sure as shit isn't Brewster's Millions!
The gym is buzzing with anticipation. The annual school baseball game is about to begin. Chris just got done signing up for baseball tryouts before the big game. Chris, sporting a slightly too-big jersey, nervously adjusts his cap. He spots Priscilla, the most popular cheerleader in school, sitting with her friends.
Chris: (To Greg, whispering) Yo, man, she's lookin' this way. I gotta impress her.
Greg: (Scoffs) Impress her with what? You can barely throw a ball ten feet.
Chris: I'm gonna hit a home run. A monster dinger.
Greg: (Laughing) Right. You and every other kid in this league.
Chris ignores him, his mind fixated on Priscilla. He visualizes himself connecting with the ball, sending it soaring over the fence. The crowd roars. Priscilla jumps to her feet, cheering, much like the queen did in the first Naked Gun movie!
Greg: She doesn't know you exist.
Chris: She will tomorrow. And I'll win her hand!
Greg: Yeah sure. (thinks to himself). hmm. Maybe I can talk Priscilla into going. That'll make Chris happy!
Chris: Actually the original batter was sick and could not make the game. So I decided to fill in for him!
Greg: Are you sure she's available for dating? She seems out of your league.
Chris: Trust me. I got this.
Chris Rock POV: After years of playing street ball, I thought I knew the basics of baseball.
Greg walks over to Priscilla.
Priscilla: Uhhh, can I help you?
Greg: You busy after school??
Priscilla: Aside from a ton of homework, no.
Greg: Want to come to baseball tryouts and the big game the next day?
Priscilla: Yes I will. As a cheerleader I like all attending sports events. Sports is life to me.
Greg gives her fifty dollars.
Priscilla: Now I'll really go.
Greg: Wait until you see this new batter, he's going your blow your mind!
Scene 2:
The next day at Tattaglia High School at the baseball field. Before the big game. Chris steps up to the plate, heart pounding. The pitcher who was his friend Jerome winds up and throws. The ball sails towards him. Chris swings wildly, missing completely. The crowd groans. Priscilla rolls her eyes.
Chris: (Muttering to himself) Okay, focus. One more chance.
Priscilla: Keep your eye on the ball! Whoever the hell you are!
Greg (to Priscilla): Thats the Chris guy I was telling you about.
Priscilla: I came here to see a boy who can't hit?
Greg: Come back tomorrow at least? (gives Priscilla another fifty dollars)
Priscilla: Okay, I got no other plans.
After three strikes and all his classmates laughing at him, Chris decides to go to Risky.
Chris Rock POV: If anyone can help me play baseball better, it's going to be Risky.
On his way over to the street dealer known as Risky. Greg walks with him.
Greg: Are you sure Risky will give you something to play better?
Chris: Of course he will. Hey Risky!
Risky gets Chris's attention.
Chris: It's me, Chris! Your most valued costumer!
Risky: Chris! What can I do for you?
Chris: I need something that can help me hit baseballs better.
Risky: Yes! I got something right here.
Looking through his shopping cart filled with junk, Risky takes out some Big League Chew.
Greg: Chewing tabacoo?!? Chris, don't you remember that D.A.R.E. program telling us the dangers of.....
Risky (laughing): No! No! It's not SKOAL. I can go to prison if i gave you that! It's Big League Chew.
Chris: How is chewing gun going to help?
Risky: The sugar inside will give you some unspeakable energy, and you'll soon be hitting homers in no time.
Greg (laughs): Hey, Chris. You might be like Sugar Bear from those Super Golden Crisp commercials!
Chris: Sure! I'll take it!
Risky: $50 please.
Chris Rock POV: What I was in for, sure as hell wasn't a vitamin packed punch!
Scene 3:
At the Baseball Field at Tattaglia High School. The big game was on. Jerome was the pitcher throws again. This time, Chris makes contact with the Big League Chew in his mouth. The ball shoots off the bat, but veers sharply to the right. It bounces off the wall and rolls into the outfield. Priscilla was on the bleachers.
Priscilla: Why is he batting again today?
Greg: The other batter is sick. In other words, he's a substitute.
Priscilla: Uhh, okay.
Chris: (To himself) Close! Almost had it!
Greg: (Scoffs) "Almost" doesn't count, Chris. You're embarrassing yourself.
Priscilla: He's embarrassing me too!
Chris: Shut up, Greg! I'm gonna get 'em next time. Try again, Jerome!
Jerome: OKay! Here comes another.
Chris keeps his eye on the ball still chewing the Big League Chew, Chris imagines himself in the movie The Natural. In his fantasy, Chris hits a home run and the ball breaks the night lights! Wilfred Brimley runs up to him.
Wilfred Brimley: Wow! Chris! You are way better than Robert Redford! That's what you get for eating Quaker Oats cereal because it's the Right Thing To Do!
Greg: Chris! Chris! Where the hell are you? On an adventure with Flash Fucking Gordon?
Seeing his missed again, Chris hears the empire who was Frank Diapolo tells him.
Frank: Strike Three You're out!
Chris hangs his head in shame. As his peers in the bleachers were making him a laughing stock.
Greg: Baseball tryouts are still going on throughout the month. Also, there's another game toward the end of baseball season.
Chris: Remind me never to trust Risky again.
Chris Rock POV: Not only Risky, never to trust sugar highs ever again!
Scene 4:
Baseball tryouts are still underway. As was the big game. Jerome the pitcher throws a third time. Chris swings with all his might. The ball connects, sending a satisfying CRACK through the air. Chris watches in disbelief as the ball soars high above the outfield.
Chris: (To himself) Did... did I actually do it?
Greg: (Staring in amazement) Holy cow! You actually hit it!
Priscilla: Wow! He's a cross between Jackie Robinson and Bull Durnham!
Just like the iconic home run scene in "Bull Durnham" the ball keeps climbing. The ball continues its trajectory, heading straight for the school windows.
Priscilla (getting up from the bleachers): I can't believe I wasted my time with this shit! Im gone! (throws the money back at Greg's face)
Greg: Priscilla! Wait!
Chris: (Panicked) Oh no!
Scene 5:
The ball smashes through a classroom window, shattering glass everywhere. The teacher and students inside scream in terror.
Chris: (Stuttering) I... I think I hit it too far.
Greg (looks at the students run out of the classroom): Look at their faces! They're acting like they just saw Ferris Bueller get in trouble with Principal Rooney!
Chris POV: As I remember. I was not Principal Strickland's number one fan! I was about to get my ass suspended or maybe even held back. Like I needed that in my position!
Greg: Wow! You created a lot of chaos!
Chris: I can see that....
Student #1: Fire drill! Fire drill!
Student #2: No you dumbass! Someone broke a window!
Student #3: That's destruction of school property!
Ms Morello: Everybody back inside! I'll get the Principal!
All the panicked students go back inside as the Ms Morello reports Chris's baseball mishap to the Principal. Who's name was Strickland.
Scene 6:
Storming onto the field, Principal Strickland confronts Chris. With his face red with fury.
Principal Strickland: Christopher! What in the Sam Hill do you think you're doing?!
Not knowing what else to say, and not to reveal his true plan that he wanted to impress Priscilla. Chris stutters and scrambles to give an explaination.
Chris: (Trying to play it cool) I... I was just trying to help the team, sir.
Principal Strickland: Help the team?! You almost killed someone! Detention for a month!
Greg: Uhhh, excuse me, Principal sir. Am I in trouble too?
Principal Strickland: Yes! Both of you are!
Greg: Why am I going to detention too?
Principal Strickland: Because you commited the worst offense ever! ENABLING!
Greg and Chris watch Principal Strickland walk back to his office.
Chris: Well, heh heh. At least I didn't get in trouble alone.....
Greg: Sometimes I wonder why I'm even friends with you. This is all your fault! Now I have to have detention for a month too.
Chris: I was trying to hit a homerun!
Scene 7:
Just when Chris's problems could not get any more worse, Joey Caruso, the school bully, steps forward, smirking.
Joey: Home run? More like "home run for disaster"! You're a disgrace to the game!
Chris: Get lost. Joey! I did hit it!
Joey: Prove it. Show us where it landed.
Chris: All right! I will! You're on!
Greg, Chris, Joey, and a group of other kids follow the ball's trajectory. They eventually find it lodged in the roof of Mrs. Mudbone's house across the street.
Mrs Mudbone (throws the ball back): Take back your stupid ball you shit headed whipper snappers! I'm calling your parents!
Joey: (Laughing) Look at that! It barely made it over the fence! You're a fraud, Chris!
Chris: (Defeated) I guess you're right...
Joey: Even better than that! You got detention! You're going to be like John Bender from The Breakfast Club!
Greg: Fuck off!
Joey: oooohhh! You swore!
Greg: This is high school! Get used to it!
Joey: I'm telling! Now you'll get even more detention (runs off)
Chris: You stood up for me? I thought you were mad at me.
Greg: I can never stay mad at a friend for too long.
Chris: That's a relief.
Scene 8 Conclusion:
Sitting in detention, Chris staring at the chalkboard. Was banned from baseball tryouts. Priscilla walks by, giggling with her friends. She glances at Chris and shakes her head in disappointment, echoing a scene from Pretty In Pink.
Chris: (To himself) I blew it. I should have just been myself.
Sitting next to him, Greg patted him on the shoulder.
Greg: Don't worry, man. You'll get 'em next time. Besides, maybe Priscilla likes a guy who's a little more... realistic.
Chris smiles weakly. Maybe Greg was right.
Greg: There's one more thing you should know.
Chris: What is it?
Greg: I paid Priscilla to watch you bat.
Chris: You're a better friend than I thought.
Much to their shock and surprise their detention teacher was Mrs Mudbone!
Mrs Mudbone: No talking during detention! Or else I'll make you write 100 times on the chalkboard!
Singing Chorus: Everybody Still Hates Chris!
THE END
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