Categories > Original > Drama > My Life is an Act [English]
I was standing on a tall building whose name I didn't know. How did I get up here? I can't remember it anymore. I looked down. It was high, very high. I was glad I wasn't afraid of heights. And before I knew it, I no longer felt the ground underneath my feet. I was falling. As I fell, my head was full of thoughts.
People say that you only want to take your own life, not because you want to die, but because you want the pain to stop. But I can't relate that because I don't feel pain. I don't know what I feel. Sadness? Possibly. I don't know if I'm sad. Happiness? Definitely not. Then I'd rather tend to sadness. Anger? Also possible. But at most I'm angry at myself and my actions. Fear? Am I scared? I don't know what I should be scared of. Although, yes. It could also be fear. I'm scared of my life and my future, both things that I won't have for much longer. What other feelings are there? I definitely don't feel love right now, I know that. There are too many emotions and feelings, and I don't understand any of them. Why are they so complicated and hard to understand? Is it just me? Are there others who think the same way? I would like to meet them and talk to them about it. That probably won't be possible now. So, what feelings do I have so far? Sadness, anger, fear. Is there an emotion that combines these three? Disappointment perhaps? No, disappointment is just another emotion on my list. I am disappointed in myself and what I have done with my life. Another emotion I can think of - guilt. I feel guilty for making people around me suffer because of my actions.
Slowly, I see the ground getting closer to me. Everything will end down there. I wouldn't have to worry about the consequences anymore. That would no longer be my concern. I am happy that I no longer have to pretend to anyone, that I no longer need to put on an act for my life, since it's now ending anyway.
The ground is getting closer. It feels like time around me is passing slower than it should be. I can see the ground, the place where everything will end. I see people standing below, but I can't see their faces. Their voices are getting louder with each passing second, but I can't understand what they're saying.
Suddenly, my face had an honest smile, something I didn't have for a long time. It made me feel free. I was finally able to drop my mask of fake emotions. But before I could get caught up in my thoughts any further, everything around me went black.
People say that you only want to take your own life, not because you want to die, but because you want the pain to stop. But I can't relate that because I don't feel pain. I don't know what I feel. Sadness? Possibly. I don't know if I'm sad. Happiness? Definitely not. Then I'd rather tend to sadness. Anger? Also possible. But at most I'm angry at myself and my actions. Fear? Am I scared? I don't know what I should be scared of. Although, yes. It could also be fear. I'm scared of my life and my future, both things that I won't have for much longer. What other feelings are there? I definitely don't feel love right now, I know that. There are too many emotions and feelings, and I don't understand any of them. Why are they so complicated and hard to understand? Is it just me? Are there others who think the same way? I would like to meet them and talk to them about it. That probably won't be possible now. So, what feelings do I have so far? Sadness, anger, fear. Is there an emotion that combines these three? Disappointment perhaps? No, disappointment is just another emotion on my list. I am disappointed in myself and what I have done with my life. Another emotion I can think of - guilt. I feel guilty for making people around me suffer because of my actions.
Slowly, I see the ground getting closer to me. Everything will end down there. I wouldn't have to worry about the consequences anymore. That would no longer be my concern. I am happy that I no longer have to pretend to anyone, that I no longer need to put on an act for my life, since it's now ending anyway.
The ground is getting closer. It feels like time around me is passing slower than it should be. I can see the ground, the place where everything will end. I see people standing below, but I can't see their faces. Their voices are getting louder with each passing second, but I can't understand what they're saying.
Suddenly, my face had an honest smile, something I didn't have for a long time. It made me feel free. I was finally able to drop my mask of fake emotions. But before I could get caught up in my thoughts any further, everything around me went black.
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