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Political Party Picnic
0 reviewsA Where My Dogs At Fanfic. Its 2006. Buddy and Woof get invited to a picnic party in Crawford Texas by President George W Bush
0Unrated
Buddy and Woof have always had run in celebrities. What if they meet up with some political figures instead?
Where My Dogs At
fanfic title:
Political Party Picnic
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
On the streets of LA. There was a beagle and a bulldog walking down the Sunset Blvd. Their names were Buddy and Woof. Buddy originally from New Jersey was taking a vacation in LA with his family, but he was unwittingly left behind by his family, especially ten year old Jeffy who adores him very much. Woof, a lazy but tough bulldog joins Buddy as he runs away from his owner.
Woof: So, what type of celebrities are we going to run into today?
Buddy: I'm getting sick of always having encounters with them all the time.
Woof: Get that you feel that way. It's actually been kind of fun.
Buddy: I just wish I can just see regular average joes like the ones back in New Jersey.
Woof: Let's make a pact. If you go back to New Jersey, I think I'd like to come with you.
Buddy: Sounds good to me. Jeffy and my family will love you too.
Woof: I AM trying to get away from my owner.
Before Buddy and Woof can walk any further, the Dog Catcher spots them in his sights.
Dog Catcher: Oh doggies! Here doggies doggies doggies! (whistles) There's an open cage with your names on it dogs!
Woof: OH SHIT!
Buddy: And so our latest adventure begins!
Dog Catcher (chases Buddy and Woof): You get run away this time! If I catch you, I'll finally get elected Dog Catcher!
Woof and Buddy ran as fast as they could. Running into a street corner and seeming disappeared, eluding the Dog Catcher.
Dog Catcher: FUCK! I was so close!
On the street corner, Buddy checks to see if the Dog Catcher went away. There was no sign of their enemy.
Buddy: Okay we're good to go!
Woof: You sound like a Taco Bell commercial.
Their fears comes back to them when a limo drives up beside them.
Buddy: Like Lori Petty in Tank Girl! What Now!
The limo door opens and takes Buddy and Woof. The inside of the limo looks extravagant. As if it belonged to a rich person.
Woof: Wow! This limo looks so lavish and sophisticated.
Buddy: Hope they save Ernest and Julio Gallo wine here.
Woof and Buddy look at two people who were sitting on the back seat. They were Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice.
Buddy: Wha? No way! I know who you guys are!
Dick Cheney: Welcome dogs. I'm Dick Cheney, and this here is Condoleeza Rice.
Condoleeza Rice: Nice to meet you cute little doggies.
Woof: Do you guys work for the President?
Dick Cheney: Yes we do! I'm VP of The United States!
Condoleeza Rice: I'm Secretary of State!
Buddy: Woah. We usually run into Hollywood types. We never thought in a million years we'd meet Washington types.
Woof: Why did you bring us here?
Dick Cheney: We like to pick up random dogs to take them to Crawford Texas....President's orders you know.
Buddy: You guys going to turn us into police dogs to protect the President? You know, like Turner and Hooch?
Condoleeza Rice: No, you guys are going to be entertainment for a picnic party presented by President George W Bush!
Dick Cheney: We're going to Crawford Texas where he ranch is.
Woof: Wow! Entertainment? Buddy and I are really good at telling jokes! Let's go for it!
Buddy: Wow, a picnic party with the President. Never thought I'd live to see the day.
Dick Cheney: JEB! TAKE US TO THE CRAWFORD RANCH! PRONTO!
Jeb Bush: (makes a Lurch sound) Why was a made a chauffeur?
The limo makes a long drive from LA to Crawford Texas.
Scene 2:
The Limo stops at a ranch in Crawford Texas. It was the home of President George W Bush Jr. Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice step out of the limo with Buddy and Woof behind them.
Jeb Bush (in a lurch voice): Here we are.......
Dick Cheney: Ranch Sweet Ranch! How do you like it?
Buddy and Woof take a look at their new environment setting. A ranch in Texas.
Woof: Uhhh, where is this President we were promised to see? I don't see him anywhere.
Buddy (sees cars parked outside the ranch): Woah! This guy's family must be loaded!
Condoleeza Rice: Of course. He's the President. So he's rich.
Buddy: If he's so rich then why does he look like he lives on the set of Seraphim Falls?
Dick and Condoleeza laugh.
Condoleeza Rice: Oh my. The President would love to hear that joke! Jeb! Go get the server cart! Fill it full of refreshments for the picnic.
Jeb Bush: (groans like Lurch)
Dick Cheney: Not all rich people live the way you think! (sees President Bush): Oh look! Here he comes!
George Bush Jr: Dick! Condoleeza! I'm glad you can make it! And Dick, you didn't try to shoot Harry Whittington again did you?
Dick Cheney (laughs wholeheartedly): After that I won't be hunting for a while! Can you believe this? He apologized to me for that!
Condoleeza: Anyway, we picked up these dogs. They join us all the way from LA!
George Bush Jr (to Buddy and Woof): Hey there, little puppies! I'm the President! Ooooh! You're both so cute!
Buddy: We came here for comedy entertainment. Not to be babied.
Woof: Wait until you hear our jokes.
George Bush Jr.: Hey, I know. Let's show you to my wife! And my whole family!
Buddy and Woof were being lead by President Bush to meet with his family.
Scene 3:
Going inside the Crawford Ranch. George Bush Jr introduces them to his parents.
George Bush Jr: Meet my parents, George Sr and Barbara Sr.
Barbara Sr and George Sr pet Buddy and Woof.
George Bush Sr: These dogs seem to be kinder, safer and gentler. Like I tried to do with this country! (a spark twins in his eye)
George Bush Jr: My Wife Laura and my daughters Barbara and Jenna.
Laura, Jenna and Barbara: Hi, Puppies!
George Bush Jr: All right, everyone. Get everything ready for the picnic.
Dick Cheney (walks in with a dead duck): Here's dinner!
George Bush Jr: Not now, Dick!
Dick Cheney (walks off): All right.
Buddy: So, when do we get to be the entertainment?
Woof: In the meantime, we can help you prepare for the picnic.
George Bush Jr: In due time, dogs. In due time.
Laura: We should have the dogs stay in the guest bedroom until the picnic starts.
George Bush Jr: Good thinking, Laura.
Buddy and Woof were being lead by George Bush Jr and Laura to the guest room. Once inside the guest room. Buddy and Woof were impressed by the layout. A bed, a chair, nightstands, a closet, dressers, a bathroom with a shower made out of pure gold.
Woof: Wow! Who knew a Texas ranch would have a guest room have tons of space.
Buddy: While we're waiting we can work on our comedy routine.
Woof sees a file cabinet that has the words Top Secret Bush Family Files Enter At Your Own Risk. Buddy takes notice too.
Buddy: Excuse me, Mr. President. What's inside that file cabinet.
George Bush Jr: HEY! That's private! You stay away at all costs!
Laura: I'm sure they will.
George Bush Jr and Laura put the file cabinet in the closet.
Laura: There. That way they won't be curious.
George Bush Jr: OKay, we're going to start the picnic. We'll come get you when we're ready.
Laura and George Bush Jr depart. Leaving Woof and Buddy alone. Outside the door of the guest room. George Bush Sr secretly locks it. Barbara, the daughter takes notice.
Barbara: Grandpa! Why did you do that to those dogs?
George Bush Sr: I never did approve of my son bringing stray dogs to our picnics. They could be rabid you know...
Barbara: But, but, but....dogs have needs, what if they have to.....
George Bush Sr: Just get ready for the picnic.
Barbara: OKay! (calls out) MOM! JENNA! Get the potato salad and hot dogs ready!
Buddy and Woof have no choice but to wait until it is there time to shine at the Crawford Ranch Family picnic.
Scene 4:
Stuck in the guest room. Buddy tries to open the door and realizes it was locked.
Buddy: Oh no! We're locked in! Don't get me wrong this room is awesome! But we were picked up to tell some jokes at this picnic!
Woof: I think I know who locked us in. It was that other George Bush...
Buddy: You mean his father?
Woof: Yes! Thanks to my super sense style hearing, I know it was him.
Buddy: Know what? It could be we were set up! If we were sent here to entertain a political family only to have them trap us in this room. Let's dig up some dirt on them.
Woof: Are you talking about that file cabinet.
Buddy: Yeah! We'll look inside, study everything we can about it. And our comedy act will be when we reveal the hidden truth about Bush family!
Woof: I'm in! I'm there!
Going into the closet of the guest room. Buddy and Woof open the file cabinet.
Buddy (opens the cabinet): This Bush family doesn't seem to be very smart, are they?
Woof: No shit, you think they'd have better security than this.
Then a whole bunch of files pop up from the cabinet.
Buddy: Wow! This is awesome! I'm like Al Pacino in The Insider!
Woof: It's like we're having a Fahrenheit 911 experience of our own!
Reading some of the files. Buddy and Woof were shocked at what they saw.
Scene 5:
In the backyard of the Crawford Ranch. George Bush Jr was introducing himself.
George Bush Jr: My fellow family. I am President George W Bush and I Approve This Picnic!
George Bush Sr.: He takes after his father!
Barbara Sr: Like father like son!
George Bush Jr: Thank you all for coming!
Dick Cheney: I still have that duck if anyone wants it....
Condoleeza Rice: Stop! Enough of that already! You're embarrassing us!
Dick Cheney: Okay! Sorry (sighs).....
Jeb Bush comes along in a chauffeur outfit. With a rolling serving tray.
George Bush Jr: Good job, little brother! Just keep in there!
Jeb Bush: (in a Lurch voice) You rang?
George Bush Jr: Nope we don't need you anymore. Go now. Well call you when we do.
Jeb Bush: (groans like Lurch again)
George Bush Jr: Anyway. We have lots of fun ahead of us! We're going to play some fun games, fly kites, and best of all we picked up two stray dogs from LA who are going to perform stand up for us!
Everyone in the Bush family claps.
George Bush Sr: What? He's going to introduce those dogs he had picked up? They're strays? They could be rabid!
Barbara: Don't worry. They're locked in the guest room. Remember, Grandpa?
George Bush Sr: Well if he brings them out I'm going to kick his ass!
In the guest room, Buddy and Woof got done studying the Bush Family files. They closed the file cabinet shut when they were done.
Woof: If we ever get out of here. We'll give that Bush family a run for their money!
Buddy: Yeah we will! They won't know what hit them!
Woof: How dare they lead us on to go to a picnic just to lock us in.
The door unlocked and Dick Cheney was on the other end.
Buddy: We're free! Wonder who did it?
Dick Cheney: Hey Dogs! You're on! The President wants you to perform now!
Buddy: Yes! About time!
Woof: We're ready.
Scene 6:
George Bush's daughters Jenna and Barbara were going to introduce Buddy and Woof.
Jenna: And now. The moment you've been waiting for....
Barbara: Here they come now. Two dogs who join us all the way from LA!
Jenna (panics): Oh no! We don't know their names!
Barbara (gasps): Dad! What are the names of the dogs?
George Bush Jr: Buddy and Woof!
Jenna and Barbara: BUDDY AND WOOF!
Dick Cheney (to Buddy and Woof): Break a leg you two!
Buddy and Woof find themselves in the enterance to the backyard of the Crawford Family ranch.
Woof: Hello, Crawford Texas!
Buddy: Great to be here!
The Bush family claps for Buddy and Woof. Except George Bush Sr.
George Bush Sr: Hey, what are they doing out?!?! I locked them in!
Dick Cheney: This is your son's family picnic. I let them out. Your son is President now, not you anymore!
George Bush Sr: I will not stand for this! This will NOT STAND......
Condoleeza Rice: Oh shut up, old man! You don't own him! Tell some jokes!
Buddy: Okay! Here goes. First up, what do you get when.....know what? To hell with this! Seriously, why the FUCK did you lock us in the guest room?!?!?!
Woof: What was uncalled for!
George Bush Sr: I was the one who did it! Who the fuck takes stray dogs to a political family picnic! You were both running around the streets. How do we know you're not diseased? What will that make people think or say about us! The Bushes?
George Bush Jr: Dad! You son of a bitch I should've known! I brought them here for stand up!
George Bush Sr: Well, then why didn't bring some _human_ stand up comedians to perform!
George Bush Jr: But DDDDAAAAAADDDDD! These dogs do stand up comedy! Look I'll show you! Hey, Buddy! Woof. Tell us a joke!
Condoleeza Rice: Just ignore that scuffle there people!
Dick Cheney: I can grill the duck! (hold the dead duck but gets ignored) Okay.....
Buddy: Okay, I'll go first. Did anyone know that Laura Bush got drunk behind a wheel and ran over a guy!
Laura Bush: (shriek): AAAAAHHHHH!
George Bush Jr: Wish I was informed of that _before_ I married you that you killed someone!
Laura Bush: I thought that was swept under the rug! Those dogs must've gotten into the files. Don't be mad at me!
Woof: Also, here's another fun fact. The Bush family are responsible for making a train in Italy explode!
Barbara: Daddy?!?!!? Did this family really....
Jenna: Oh no! I gotta (vomits)
Barbara Sr: Laura is right! They must've gotten into that file cabinet! I thought we locked it!
George Bush Sr: My son is the one who made the mistake, Barbara. Not us! I told him never to trust stray dogs! Now look what's happened!
Buddy: They say when George Bush Sr was President he cared about the working man! But, did he care about those soldiers in that crashing plane during WW2 that he left to die and selfishly saved himself!
George Bush Sr: HEY! I had a good reason for that!
Woof: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Here's another! On a certain day with two odd numbers. George Bush Jr. was responsible for starting the war.......
George Bush Sr: Look what you did!
George Bush Jr: Yeah, well I'm a better President than you ever were!
Barbara Sr: Boys! Boys!
Buddy: Also, why is he called Dubya?
Woof: That was the name he used when he fucked around and partied in college!
George Bush Sr: You destroyed the family!
George Bush Jr: For telling me that, I'm going to destroy you, motherfucking excuse of a father!
Jenna: This is terrible!
Laura: Will somebody PLEASE stop it!
George Bush Sr started to get into a physical fight with his son George Bush Jr. The fight got so out of hand, that the two George Bush's were destroying the picnic in their path. Food was flying around everywhere.
Dick Cheney: Security! Security!
Condoleeza Rice: Forget that! We need the Secret Sevice.
Laura Bush: Please! Please! Stop! Both of you!
George Bush Jr: Stay out of this you drunk driving murderer! (pushes Laura)
Laura lands into a bowl of egg salad.
Barbara: Is this the end of our family?
Jenna: Afraid so.....
Barbara Sr, Jenna, Barbara, Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, Laura Bush, and even Jeb were trying their best to break up the fight that broke out between the father and son of the Bush family. Buddy and Woof make their departure.
Woof: You were an awesome crowd!
Buddy: We'll be here all week! (sarcastically) Yeah right!
Scene 7 Conclusion.
Buddy and Woof ran as far as they could away from the Crawford Texas Ranch.
Woof: I learned a valuable lesson today.
Buddy: What would that be? Politics is a fucked up and deadly game?
Woof: Nope. This, no matter what political party you are. Democrat or Republican. There's always going to be family dysfunction.
Buddy: You're telling me. And I thought the Kennedys were fucked up.
Woof: So, are we going to wander around Texas now? Since we both said we're sick of LA.
Buddy: Nope. Let's try to find a moving train.
Woof: OKay.
Buddy: Hopefully we'll find one that goes back to Jersey! And my owner Jeffy!
Woof and Buddy find some train tracks and hop aboard a boxcar of the train. With aspiration it will lead to New Jersey. They both fall asleep. Once the train stops, Buddy and Woof wake up and find themselves in LA again!
Buddy: SHIT! Back where we started from!
Woof: I gotta say. It actually feels good to be back.
Buddy: You know, I guess you're kind of right.
Woof: At least we're not in Crawford Texas anymore. No more political figures for us.
As Buddy and Woof were about to walk off for their next antic with a celebrity. The Dog Catcher comes for them again.
Dog Catcher: Well, well, look who came crawling back! Prepare to....
Before the Dog Catcher can run to chase them, he falls into a manhole.
Buddy: You know something. I guess Jersey can wait.
Woof: Yeah. Let's find some more fun now that we're back in LA.
Buddy and Woof walk off into the sunset. With a new vigor for life that they won't have to deal with political families or dog catchers. For now anyway.
THE END
Where My Dogs At only lasted one season with eight episodes. Please comment on the fanfic.
Where My Dogs At
fanfic title:
Political Party Picnic
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
On the streets of LA. There was a beagle and a bulldog walking down the Sunset Blvd. Their names were Buddy and Woof. Buddy originally from New Jersey was taking a vacation in LA with his family, but he was unwittingly left behind by his family, especially ten year old Jeffy who adores him very much. Woof, a lazy but tough bulldog joins Buddy as he runs away from his owner.
Woof: So, what type of celebrities are we going to run into today?
Buddy: I'm getting sick of always having encounters with them all the time.
Woof: Get that you feel that way. It's actually been kind of fun.
Buddy: I just wish I can just see regular average joes like the ones back in New Jersey.
Woof: Let's make a pact. If you go back to New Jersey, I think I'd like to come with you.
Buddy: Sounds good to me. Jeffy and my family will love you too.
Woof: I AM trying to get away from my owner.
Before Buddy and Woof can walk any further, the Dog Catcher spots them in his sights.
Dog Catcher: Oh doggies! Here doggies doggies doggies! (whistles) There's an open cage with your names on it dogs!
Woof: OH SHIT!
Buddy: And so our latest adventure begins!
Dog Catcher (chases Buddy and Woof): You get run away this time! If I catch you, I'll finally get elected Dog Catcher!
Woof and Buddy ran as fast as they could. Running into a street corner and seeming disappeared, eluding the Dog Catcher.
Dog Catcher: FUCK! I was so close!
On the street corner, Buddy checks to see if the Dog Catcher went away. There was no sign of their enemy.
Buddy: Okay we're good to go!
Woof: You sound like a Taco Bell commercial.
Their fears comes back to them when a limo drives up beside them.
Buddy: Like Lori Petty in Tank Girl! What Now!
The limo door opens and takes Buddy and Woof. The inside of the limo looks extravagant. As if it belonged to a rich person.
Woof: Wow! This limo looks so lavish and sophisticated.
Buddy: Hope they save Ernest and Julio Gallo wine here.
Woof and Buddy look at two people who were sitting on the back seat. They were Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice.
Buddy: Wha? No way! I know who you guys are!
Dick Cheney: Welcome dogs. I'm Dick Cheney, and this here is Condoleeza Rice.
Condoleeza Rice: Nice to meet you cute little doggies.
Woof: Do you guys work for the President?
Dick Cheney: Yes we do! I'm VP of The United States!
Condoleeza Rice: I'm Secretary of State!
Buddy: Woah. We usually run into Hollywood types. We never thought in a million years we'd meet Washington types.
Woof: Why did you bring us here?
Dick Cheney: We like to pick up random dogs to take them to Crawford Texas....President's orders you know.
Buddy: You guys going to turn us into police dogs to protect the President? You know, like Turner and Hooch?
Condoleeza Rice: No, you guys are going to be entertainment for a picnic party presented by President George W Bush!
Dick Cheney: We're going to Crawford Texas where he ranch is.
Woof: Wow! Entertainment? Buddy and I are really good at telling jokes! Let's go for it!
Buddy: Wow, a picnic party with the President. Never thought I'd live to see the day.
Dick Cheney: JEB! TAKE US TO THE CRAWFORD RANCH! PRONTO!
Jeb Bush: (makes a Lurch sound) Why was a made a chauffeur?
The limo makes a long drive from LA to Crawford Texas.
Scene 2:
The Limo stops at a ranch in Crawford Texas. It was the home of President George W Bush Jr. Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice step out of the limo with Buddy and Woof behind them.
Jeb Bush (in a lurch voice): Here we are.......
Dick Cheney: Ranch Sweet Ranch! How do you like it?
Buddy and Woof take a look at their new environment setting. A ranch in Texas.
Woof: Uhhh, where is this President we were promised to see? I don't see him anywhere.
Buddy (sees cars parked outside the ranch): Woah! This guy's family must be loaded!
Condoleeza Rice: Of course. He's the President. So he's rich.
Buddy: If he's so rich then why does he look like he lives on the set of Seraphim Falls?
Dick and Condoleeza laugh.
Condoleeza Rice: Oh my. The President would love to hear that joke! Jeb! Go get the server cart! Fill it full of refreshments for the picnic.
Jeb Bush: (groans like Lurch)
Dick Cheney: Not all rich people live the way you think! (sees President Bush): Oh look! Here he comes!
George Bush Jr: Dick! Condoleeza! I'm glad you can make it! And Dick, you didn't try to shoot Harry Whittington again did you?
Dick Cheney (laughs wholeheartedly): After that I won't be hunting for a while! Can you believe this? He apologized to me for that!
Condoleeza: Anyway, we picked up these dogs. They join us all the way from LA!
George Bush Jr (to Buddy and Woof): Hey there, little puppies! I'm the President! Ooooh! You're both so cute!
Buddy: We came here for comedy entertainment. Not to be babied.
Woof: Wait until you hear our jokes.
George Bush Jr.: Hey, I know. Let's show you to my wife! And my whole family!
Buddy and Woof were being lead by President Bush to meet with his family.
Scene 3:
Going inside the Crawford Ranch. George Bush Jr introduces them to his parents.
George Bush Jr: Meet my parents, George Sr and Barbara Sr.
Barbara Sr and George Sr pet Buddy and Woof.
George Bush Sr: These dogs seem to be kinder, safer and gentler. Like I tried to do with this country! (a spark twins in his eye)
George Bush Jr: My Wife Laura and my daughters Barbara and Jenna.
Laura, Jenna and Barbara: Hi, Puppies!
George Bush Jr: All right, everyone. Get everything ready for the picnic.
Dick Cheney (walks in with a dead duck): Here's dinner!
George Bush Jr: Not now, Dick!
Dick Cheney (walks off): All right.
Buddy: So, when do we get to be the entertainment?
Woof: In the meantime, we can help you prepare for the picnic.
George Bush Jr: In due time, dogs. In due time.
Laura: We should have the dogs stay in the guest bedroom until the picnic starts.
George Bush Jr: Good thinking, Laura.
Buddy and Woof were being lead by George Bush Jr and Laura to the guest room. Once inside the guest room. Buddy and Woof were impressed by the layout. A bed, a chair, nightstands, a closet, dressers, a bathroom with a shower made out of pure gold.
Woof: Wow! Who knew a Texas ranch would have a guest room have tons of space.
Buddy: While we're waiting we can work on our comedy routine.
Woof sees a file cabinet that has the words Top Secret Bush Family Files Enter At Your Own Risk. Buddy takes notice too.
Buddy: Excuse me, Mr. President. What's inside that file cabinet.
George Bush Jr: HEY! That's private! You stay away at all costs!
Laura: I'm sure they will.
George Bush Jr and Laura put the file cabinet in the closet.
Laura: There. That way they won't be curious.
George Bush Jr: OKay, we're going to start the picnic. We'll come get you when we're ready.
Laura and George Bush Jr depart. Leaving Woof and Buddy alone. Outside the door of the guest room. George Bush Sr secretly locks it. Barbara, the daughter takes notice.
Barbara: Grandpa! Why did you do that to those dogs?
George Bush Sr: I never did approve of my son bringing stray dogs to our picnics. They could be rabid you know...
Barbara: But, but, but....dogs have needs, what if they have to.....
George Bush Sr: Just get ready for the picnic.
Barbara: OKay! (calls out) MOM! JENNA! Get the potato salad and hot dogs ready!
Buddy and Woof have no choice but to wait until it is there time to shine at the Crawford Ranch Family picnic.
Scene 4:
Stuck in the guest room. Buddy tries to open the door and realizes it was locked.
Buddy: Oh no! We're locked in! Don't get me wrong this room is awesome! But we were picked up to tell some jokes at this picnic!
Woof: I think I know who locked us in. It was that other George Bush...
Buddy: You mean his father?
Woof: Yes! Thanks to my super sense style hearing, I know it was him.
Buddy: Know what? It could be we were set up! If we were sent here to entertain a political family only to have them trap us in this room. Let's dig up some dirt on them.
Woof: Are you talking about that file cabinet.
Buddy: Yeah! We'll look inside, study everything we can about it. And our comedy act will be when we reveal the hidden truth about Bush family!
Woof: I'm in! I'm there!
Going into the closet of the guest room. Buddy and Woof open the file cabinet.
Buddy (opens the cabinet): This Bush family doesn't seem to be very smart, are they?
Woof: No shit, you think they'd have better security than this.
Then a whole bunch of files pop up from the cabinet.
Buddy: Wow! This is awesome! I'm like Al Pacino in The Insider!
Woof: It's like we're having a Fahrenheit 911 experience of our own!
Reading some of the files. Buddy and Woof were shocked at what they saw.
Scene 5:
In the backyard of the Crawford Ranch. George Bush Jr was introducing himself.
George Bush Jr: My fellow family. I am President George W Bush and I Approve This Picnic!
George Bush Sr.: He takes after his father!
Barbara Sr: Like father like son!
George Bush Jr: Thank you all for coming!
Dick Cheney: I still have that duck if anyone wants it....
Condoleeza Rice: Stop! Enough of that already! You're embarrassing us!
Dick Cheney: Okay! Sorry (sighs).....
Jeb Bush comes along in a chauffeur outfit. With a rolling serving tray.
George Bush Jr: Good job, little brother! Just keep in there!
Jeb Bush: (in a Lurch voice) You rang?
George Bush Jr: Nope we don't need you anymore. Go now. Well call you when we do.
Jeb Bush: (groans like Lurch again)
George Bush Jr: Anyway. We have lots of fun ahead of us! We're going to play some fun games, fly kites, and best of all we picked up two stray dogs from LA who are going to perform stand up for us!
Everyone in the Bush family claps.
George Bush Sr: What? He's going to introduce those dogs he had picked up? They're strays? They could be rabid!
Barbara: Don't worry. They're locked in the guest room. Remember, Grandpa?
George Bush Sr: Well if he brings them out I'm going to kick his ass!
In the guest room, Buddy and Woof got done studying the Bush Family files. They closed the file cabinet shut when they were done.
Woof: If we ever get out of here. We'll give that Bush family a run for their money!
Buddy: Yeah we will! They won't know what hit them!
Woof: How dare they lead us on to go to a picnic just to lock us in.
The door unlocked and Dick Cheney was on the other end.
Buddy: We're free! Wonder who did it?
Dick Cheney: Hey Dogs! You're on! The President wants you to perform now!
Buddy: Yes! About time!
Woof: We're ready.
Scene 6:
George Bush's daughters Jenna and Barbara were going to introduce Buddy and Woof.
Jenna: And now. The moment you've been waiting for....
Barbara: Here they come now. Two dogs who join us all the way from LA!
Jenna (panics): Oh no! We don't know their names!
Barbara (gasps): Dad! What are the names of the dogs?
George Bush Jr: Buddy and Woof!
Jenna and Barbara: BUDDY AND WOOF!
Dick Cheney (to Buddy and Woof): Break a leg you two!
Buddy and Woof find themselves in the enterance to the backyard of the Crawford Family ranch.
Woof: Hello, Crawford Texas!
Buddy: Great to be here!
The Bush family claps for Buddy and Woof. Except George Bush Sr.
George Bush Sr: Hey, what are they doing out?!?! I locked them in!
Dick Cheney: This is your son's family picnic. I let them out. Your son is President now, not you anymore!
George Bush Sr: I will not stand for this! This will NOT STAND......
Condoleeza Rice: Oh shut up, old man! You don't own him! Tell some jokes!
Buddy: Okay! Here goes. First up, what do you get when.....know what? To hell with this! Seriously, why the FUCK did you lock us in the guest room?!?!?!
Woof: What was uncalled for!
George Bush Sr: I was the one who did it! Who the fuck takes stray dogs to a political family picnic! You were both running around the streets. How do we know you're not diseased? What will that make people think or say about us! The Bushes?
George Bush Jr: Dad! You son of a bitch I should've known! I brought them here for stand up!
George Bush Sr: Well, then why didn't bring some _human_ stand up comedians to perform!
George Bush Jr: But DDDDAAAAAADDDDD! These dogs do stand up comedy! Look I'll show you! Hey, Buddy! Woof. Tell us a joke!
Condoleeza Rice: Just ignore that scuffle there people!
Dick Cheney: I can grill the duck! (hold the dead duck but gets ignored) Okay.....
Buddy: Okay, I'll go first. Did anyone know that Laura Bush got drunk behind a wheel and ran over a guy!
Laura Bush: (shriek): AAAAAHHHHH!
George Bush Jr: Wish I was informed of that _before_ I married you that you killed someone!
Laura Bush: I thought that was swept under the rug! Those dogs must've gotten into the files. Don't be mad at me!
Woof: Also, here's another fun fact. The Bush family are responsible for making a train in Italy explode!
Barbara: Daddy?!?!!? Did this family really....
Jenna: Oh no! I gotta (vomits)
Barbara Sr: Laura is right! They must've gotten into that file cabinet! I thought we locked it!
George Bush Sr: My son is the one who made the mistake, Barbara. Not us! I told him never to trust stray dogs! Now look what's happened!
Buddy: They say when George Bush Sr was President he cared about the working man! But, did he care about those soldiers in that crashing plane during WW2 that he left to die and selfishly saved himself!
George Bush Sr: HEY! I had a good reason for that!
Woof: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Here's another! On a certain day with two odd numbers. George Bush Jr. was responsible for starting the war.......
George Bush Sr: Look what you did!
George Bush Jr: Yeah, well I'm a better President than you ever were!
Barbara Sr: Boys! Boys!
Buddy: Also, why is he called Dubya?
Woof: That was the name he used when he fucked around and partied in college!
George Bush Sr: You destroyed the family!
George Bush Jr: For telling me that, I'm going to destroy you, motherfucking excuse of a father!
Jenna: This is terrible!
Laura: Will somebody PLEASE stop it!
George Bush Sr started to get into a physical fight with his son George Bush Jr. The fight got so out of hand, that the two George Bush's were destroying the picnic in their path. Food was flying around everywhere.
Dick Cheney: Security! Security!
Condoleeza Rice: Forget that! We need the Secret Sevice.
Laura Bush: Please! Please! Stop! Both of you!
George Bush Jr: Stay out of this you drunk driving murderer! (pushes Laura)
Laura lands into a bowl of egg salad.
Barbara: Is this the end of our family?
Jenna: Afraid so.....
Barbara Sr, Jenna, Barbara, Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, Laura Bush, and even Jeb were trying their best to break up the fight that broke out between the father and son of the Bush family. Buddy and Woof make their departure.
Woof: You were an awesome crowd!
Buddy: We'll be here all week! (sarcastically) Yeah right!
Scene 7 Conclusion.
Buddy and Woof ran as far as they could away from the Crawford Texas Ranch.
Woof: I learned a valuable lesson today.
Buddy: What would that be? Politics is a fucked up and deadly game?
Woof: Nope. This, no matter what political party you are. Democrat or Republican. There's always going to be family dysfunction.
Buddy: You're telling me. And I thought the Kennedys were fucked up.
Woof: So, are we going to wander around Texas now? Since we both said we're sick of LA.
Buddy: Nope. Let's try to find a moving train.
Woof: OKay.
Buddy: Hopefully we'll find one that goes back to Jersey! And my owner Jeffy!
Woof and Buddy find some train tracks and hop aboard a boxcar of the train. With aspiration it will lead to New Jersey. They both fall asleep. Once the train stops, Buddy and Woof wake up and find themselves in LA again!
Buddy: SHIT! Back where we started from!
Woof: I gotta say. It actually feels good to be back.
Buddy: You know, I guess you're kind of right.
Woof: At least we're not in Crawford Texas anymore. No more political figures for us.
As Buddy and Woof were about to walk off for their next antic with a celebrity. The Dog Catcher comes for them again.
Dog Catcher: Well, well, look who came crawling back! Prepare to....
Before the Dog Catcher can run to chase them, he falls into a manhole.
Buddy: You know something. I guess Jersey can wait.
Woof: Yeah. Let's find some more fun now that we're back in LA.
Buddy and Woof walk off into the sunset. With a new vigor for life that they won't have to deal with political families or dog catchers. For now anyway.
THE END
Where My Dogs At only lasted one season with eight episodes. Please comment on the fanfic.
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