FicWad

We got back to Pete’s house Sunday afternoon. Bronx was only going to be with us until Friday afternoon. He was going to go back to his Mom’s house. He was going to be with her and his family on her side until Christmas. Pete and the little kids were leaving for Chicago on Saturday morning. I planned on leaving on Friday too. Things would be very busy on Saturday morning and I didn’t want to get in the way.

The boys did their schoolwork during the day. Marvel went to preschool as normal. Pete was spending a lot of time on the phone and on the computer making arrangements for the family. His travel plans were already taken care of. That’s what their travel manager was for.

Monday evening I decided to make a nice dinner for us. I borrowed Pete’s car and went to the grocery store. I made us a very nice dinner of roasted chicken with mashed potatoes, gravy, and slow cooked green beans. We enjoyed it and ate everything.

I decided that I needed to make an appointment to see a doctor while I was out there. I was fine, I felt good, but it had been a while since I had seen an OB/GYN. I hadn’t used birth control in many many years. Dealing with condoms was a hassle. As much as I would love to have children of my own, I had been told I would never be able to carry a child. It was better to be safe and not let myself get pregnant no matter how small of a chance that was.

I went to my appointment Tuesday morning. The check up went well, and I got a prescription for birth control. I also got a bunch of tests done. I’m at that age and figured I may as well do them since I was there. I went and got the prescription filled. I was going to have to wait until my period started and then ended to start the pills, but I was glad to have them.

I got the test results back on Thursday. This doctor along with my insurance had an app that let you get your results on your phone. I was sitting with Pete and Marvel when my phone pinged.

I opened the app to read the results. For the most part, I wasn’t surprised by them. I was healthy and disease free. But, I did have a shock with the last result. I had been told that I would never carry a baby full term, that my uterus is inhospitable to new life and that I shouldn’t even try. I did try though. Most of my marriage I tried. But I never once got pregnant. I had talked to my new doctor about that. She wasn’t impressed with my last doctor's notes so she tested me for everything that could keep me from having children. She found nothing. No scarring in my uterus, no endometriosis, nothing. I was fine, babies were absolutely a possibility, they always had been.

My heart shattered. I had always been blamed for not having a family. My ex wanted kids, but he never went for any tests. We just took the word of my old doctor. It was my fault, I was the reason he never had a son. I was blamed by his family. My ex mother in law was horrible to me because of it. This was a big part of my marriage falling apart. And now I find out it wasn’t me.

I must have made a noise because both Pete and Marvel looked at me.

“Is everything ok?” Pete asked me.

When I didn’t answer him Marvel asked in a little voice, “Moony?”

I glanced over at her and nodded my head. “Yeah, I’m ok. I need to, um, I’ll be back.” I got up and walked into the kitchen where I had left my purse. I fished out my keys and leaving through the back door I headed to Luna. I unlocked the side door, got in, closed it behind me, and sat on my bed. I read the results one more time, and then burst into tears.

Twenty years, I was lied to for twenty years. I had gone to other doctors but none of them wanted to go against the diagnosis that I had been given. If I had known, I would have insisted on more tests. Or I would’ve left and found another partner. Now I was too old and it was too late. I wished I hadn’t found out. I cried for a while just to get all the heartache out. It was too late to do anything about it. I felt robbed of the life I had always wanted.

Pete knocked on the door after a while. I don’t know how long I was out there, but he got worried.

“Grace? Please let me in.” He said from outside.

I pulled the door open. He took one look at my face and asked, “What happened?”

He stepped up into Luna and shut the door behind him. I still hadn’t said a word, I couldn’t without losing control of my voice. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. “Why are you crying? Did you get bad news?” He asked.

I leaned against him resting my head on his shoulder. I shook my head. “No, I didn’t get bad news. Just got upset.” I sighed heavily and hugged him back.

He raised one hand and ran it through my hair, the other arm circled my waist and pulled me close. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“That appointment I had Tuesday was with an OB/GYN. It’d been a while and I needed a check up. I also wanted to make sure I was healthy, ya know? I knew I was clean and wasn’t going to give you anything. But, I wanted to, well, it’s what you’re supposed to do when you get into a sexual relationship, right? Get a check up and get birth control if you need it.” I sighed and pulled back from him. I folded my arms over my chest and turned my shoulders in, I know it was an unconscious gesture. I didn’t need to protect myself from Pete like I had with my ex.

“I had a diagnosis when I was younger. I was told that I would never be able to carry a baby, that I would miscarry if I did get pregnant. I was advised to not even try. I still tried. For a long time I tried. I wanted a family and so did my ex. But it never happened. I was blamed by everyone for not having a family. I felt like a failure as a woman. It’s a big part of why I left my marriage.” I sighed and then continued, “I wanted to get on birth control so we wouldn’t have to worry about a miscarriage. I’m too old to go through that. Today I got the results back from all the tests. I’m perfectly healthy. Nothing wrong with me. And she didn’t find any reason why I couldn’t get pregnant.”

I dropped my eyes to the floor. “Just twenty years of my life believing I was the reason. I almost wish I hadn’t asked her to do all the tests. I’d made peace with it, with never being able to be a mother. Now I have to deal with knowing I could’ve been a mom if I had just left that prick years before. Found someone that wasn’t shooting blanks. And now, it’s just too late. I’m too old to think about it.”

“I’m sorry Grace. I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.” He was too, I could hear it in his voice.

“Don’t be, not your fault. Nothing you can do about it anyway. I just need a minute. I’ll be back in soon.” I told him as I sat on my bed and flopped back.

He didn’t leave, instead he moved to the bed and crawled up beside me. He straddled my hips and moved so he was hovering over me. He held himself off me, and looked down at me. His brows were creased with worry and concern. “You are not a failure. Not having kids, either by choice or not being able to, doesn't make you a failure. Did he, your ex, did he tell you that?”

I only nodded, I didn’t trust my voice to not crack.

His eyes melted at my nod, his look went from concern to pure love. “Oh, Honey, he’s the failure. He failed to see what an amazing woman he had. And he was stupid enough to let you get away.” He leaned in, his hair falling down in a curtain around his face and mine, and kissed me. “My good luck he did too.” Then he kissed me again.

I raised both hands and cupped his face. I rubbed my thumbs over the stubble on his chin and jaw. Looking into his deep, amazing eyes I said, “Thank you.”

He smiled and said, “You don’t need to thank me.”

“Yes I do. For a lot of things.” I leaned up and kissed him one more time before I was ready to get out of Luna and go back in the house. I slipped into the powder room off the hallway and freshened up a bit.

By the time I went back to the living room both of the boys were done with their school work. The four of them were sitting on the couch together, all piled up on top of one another. I couldn’t help but smile at them. I loved the kids, and Pete had a hook in my heart. I wasn’t ready to say I loved him, but it was there.

Bronx looked over at me and smiled. “Moon, do you think we can finish book 3 today? I want to hear how it ends before I go to Mom’s.”

“Yeah, of course we can. I’ll go get the book.” I said and gave him a real smile.

“I have it here already. I hoped we'd get a chance to finish it.” Pete said as he picked it up from the end table.

I walked over and took the book from him. Smiling as I did, I sat in the middle of them, opened the book, and started reading. We finished the book.

“And, grinning broadly at the look of horror on Uncle Vernon's face, Harry set off toward the station exit, Hedwig rattling along in front of him, for what looked like a much better summer than the last. The end.” I closed the book. I had all four of the Wentz’s leaning against me by the time I was done.

“Moony?” Saint asked me as he looked up at me from where he was leaning against my arm.

“Yeah, Sweetie?”

“Are you still going to read to us every night?” He looked anxious as he asked.

“I’m gonna call you and Marvel every night to read with you. We’ll save Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for when we’re all back here together again. While your Dad’s away we’re going to read Alice in Wonderland. And then we’ll read Peter Pan.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Every single night.” His smile lit up his whole face. I couldn’t not smile back at him. I moved my arm and wrapped it around him, hugging him tight. I kissed the top of his head and looked up at Pete. He was smiling that soft smile of his, the one I've only seen when he’s with the kids or thinking of them. But this time, it was for me too.

“Who wants pizza for dinner?” He asked the group of us.

He called in the dinner order soon after we were done reading. We had been trying to use up all the food before we left so nothing would be left to go bad. He didn’t want to shop if he didn’t need to.

We had dinner together for the last time as the five of us. After that night it would be months before all of us were going to be together again. We laughed, and tried to just enjoy being together. The little kids went to bed at their normal time. They asked for lots of cuddles and hugs and a song before they went to sleep. Bronx stayed up for a little while before deciding he needed to head up himself. It was earlier than normal for him. But he said he wanted to make sure he had everything from Pete’s house that he would need for the next two months.

That left Pete and I alone for the last time before we all had to leave. He looked over at me and asked, “Would you like to take advantage of the tub one more time before you have to leave?” I had told him just how much I had missed having a bathtub. I missed having a real bathroom to be honest, but I was used to making due.

“Only if you join me. I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”

His face split into a grin, but not the one that everyone else sees in pictures. This one was not one he shared with the world. This one I only saw when we were alone together.

We were still sitting next to each other on the couch. He leaned over just enough to kiss me and then said, “You go run the bath, I’ll get the wine.” And then he got up and headed to the kitchen. I went up and ran us a bath.

Pete came into the bathroom a few minutes later with not only a bottle of wine and two glasses, but a joint as well.

“You’ve had an emotional day, thought this might help you sleep.”

I agreed it would probably help me sleep. Once the bath was full, we climbed in. He had me sit in front of him this time. I was leaning against him with my back against his chest. He just held me for a while. We relaxed and talked about what the plan was for the next day, and after we went our separate ways. He was going to call me on Saturday evening once they got settled at his parents place. He wanted me to meet his Mom so she and I could keep in touch for the kids sake. It would be her phone I would be calling to read to the kids on. Bronx has asked me to wait to leave until Ashlee picks him up. He wanted us to meet. I agreed because I wanted to meet her too.

We drank our wine and smoked part of the joint in the tub. We stayed that way until Pete started to nibble on my neck. He was being slow and tender and gentle. More so than he needed to be. But I wasn’t going to tell him to stop. This was our last night together for months. I wasn’t going to not have sex with him. His kisses were still wow, and the sex was fan-fucking-tastic. Best I’d have in over twenty years. My ex was fine in bed, but he wasn’t as skilled as Pete is.

Once we were in bed, he asked if I wanted him to use a condom. I looked up at him, he was in between my legs, hard and ready. I must have given him a questioning look because he said, “You’re not too old, you know.” He rested one hand lightly on my abdomen and said, “I love being a Dad. I wouldn’t mind another one or two.” Then he smiled at me.

I don’t know what came over me, but I said, “Don’t use one.” He nodded and we continued without one.

Laying in bed after sex with him was pretty wonderful. He’s so solid. He runs, plays tennis, and works out regularly. His chest and abs are well toned and defined. And his arms, oh good God, his fucking arms are such a turn on for me. So strong and protective, but they can be so gentle and caring. Being held by those arms makes me feel safe.

He seems to like my legs and my ass. I can hike fifteen to twenty miles in one day. I hiked the Grand Canyon last year. Went down to the bottom one day, camped overnight in a tent and then climbed out the next day. I do yoga too. I’m fit and in shape. But I know my legs are my best feature, strong and shapely.

“I’m gonna miss you so much.” He told me as he held me. I was laying with my head on his chest. My fingers were lightly running across his skin, tracing his tattoos.

“I’m going to miss you. The kids too. But you, I'm going to miss just being next to you.” I lifted my head from his chest and looked up at him. “I never thought we’d end up here. I guess I didn’t let myself think that far ahead. When you and the kids pulled into our campsite all I thought about was getting a hug from you. Maybe a kiss. But I didn’t think I’d come home with you.” I smiled and chuckled softly. “I sure didn’t think we’d be in bed together three weeks later. And I didn’t think saying goodbye to you and the kids would be so hard.”

“I know. I wasn’t planning on any of this. I thought we’d spend the week together, And then, I don’t really know what I expected. You’d go back on the road, we’d go home, I guess. I didn’t think I’d fall this hard, this fast. I don’t want to leave you. These past two weeks with you here and all the kids, it’s been pretty ideal. This is the home life I want.”

Nodding I said, “It has been pretty amazing. I’m looking forward to coming back in December.” I settled back down next to him. We continued to talk about what was coming up for both of us. He was super excited about the next two legs of the tour. The only real downside for him would be not having the kids with him.

The next morning we all got up as we had been. Marvel went to her last day of preschool for a while. Both of the boys got their school work done in the morning. While the kids were busy with school, I got the rest of my things together and in Luna. Fred and George were the last things I would need to get in the van. Pete and Marvel got home shortly before Ashlee arrived to pick up Bronx.

He had been missing his Mom. He loved his father, brother, and sister very much. But he loved his Mom, step-dad, sister and brother too, and he had missed them. He was ready for her when she arrived. His bags were packed and waiting by the door. When he heard her pull up he ran out to greet her. Pete followed him out, the kids and I followed Pete.

Bronx was hugging his Mom by the time I got to the front door. You could see how happy both of them were to see each other.

“Mom, I want you to meet Moon.” Bronx was saying as he waved Ashlee over towards me.

“Mom, this is Moom, or Grace. Moon, this is my Mom Ashlee.” Bronx said, making the introductions.

“Hi Grace. It’s nice to meet you. Bronx has been talking about you a lot this summer.” Ashlee said as she reached out her hand to shake. She is a petite woman. Bronx is already taller than she is. She smiled sincerely at me.

Taking her hand I said, “I’m happy to finally meet you too. Bronx has told me all about you, Evan, Jagger, and Iggy.” I smiled brightly at her. I knew she and I would never be best friends, but we were going to get along.

Bronx said his goodbyes to Saint and Marvel. I got a big hug and a promise we would call and talk while his Dad was away. Then he and Pete said goodbye. There were I love you’s and I’ll miss you’s. Then, the two of them left. Pete looked so sad.

“You ok?” I asked him after Bronx had left.

He turned his eyes to me and with a sad little smile said, “Yeah, I’m ok. It’s just hard to have to share him. It always has been.”

He had told me how hard it was for him to not have Bronx all the time. But, Ashlee was a great Mom, and they co-parented well together. He just hated having to be a part time father to his son. If he could, he would have all three with him all the time.

I put my arms around him and held him close. He buried his face in my neck and said, “Please don’t leave yet. Stay tonight, leave in the morning when we do. Please? I need you.”

“Ok. I’ll stay tonight.” I had no timeline for anything other than being at Mom’s place on Thanksgiving day. I didn’t have to leave right then. With my arm around him, we gathered up the kids and headed back inside.

Our night was quiet. We spent time with the kids. Got them fed and down for the night. Their bags were all packed and ready to go. Bowie was going with the kids and even his bag and crate were ready. Mr. Fluff was going to be picked up tomorrow by a friend.

Then the two of us spent our last night together. It was tender and loving. It was amazing. And once again, I told him not to use a condom. I knew my chances were slim to none, but the chance I could get pregnant was on my mind. He’s a fantastic dad, parenting with him wouldn’t be a bad thing.

The next morning we had to get up early and make sure everyone was set to go. But I’m glad I stayed that last night. Even just a few hours more with him, with them, was worth it.

Saying goodbye was so hard. I got lots of hugs from the kids. I told them I loved them and I would talk to them that night. I was told by both of them that they loved me too. Tears were shed, kisses and hugs were given.

Pete pulled me aside to say goodbye. He hugged me tight, burning his face in my neck. “I’m gonna miss you so fucking much. I wish you could come with me.”

“I do too. But, I’ll be back soon. As soon as you get back. We’ll have Christmas together.” I still hadn’t let go of him.

Finally, I pulled back enough to kiss him. Fred, George, and I got into Luna and we left. That was the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to make.

I headed east towards Arizona. I made it to just outside of Phoenix before I stopped for the night. I found a good place to park up for the night. I had filmed that day as I drove and once I got parked.

I had a call from Pete and the kids once they were at his parents house. I met his mother Dale. She’s a lovely woman and I knew we’d get along.

That night as I tried to go to sleep, I felt so alone. Fred and George helped, but they weren’t Pete or the kids. I missed them more than I thought I could.