FicWad

'Huh? How'd I really get my bounty, Ace?'
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'Yeah, Luffy. I read the fine print, but there's no way you'd do that!'
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'... yeah. It kinda sucks, being blamed for that...'
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'Damn. Sorry, Luffy, I just thought since we had time...'
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A warm gust of wind hits Ace dead on, nearly blowing her hat off her head. Clearing the grit from her eyes, she takes in the endless expanse of sandy dunes and open blue skies. It had been a full day’s journey since stashing the Merry in the shallows of the small, abandoned cove Vivi had led them to. Despite Usopp’s near refusal to leave the precious craft, the group of outlaws was now making great time across the brown sandy plains of Alabasta on their way to the royal capital.
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'It's fine, Ace.' Luffy looks behind him at his brother. His light red robe flutters in the desert wind, shielding him from the mid-morning sun. His gauntlets hang limply from a rope around his waist, swaying back and forth with every step. And, of course, his trademark straw hat is tied to his head with several strips of cloth, covering his neck and keeping his treasure from being blown away by the desert delverishes.
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Ace looks back at her brother. Her normal attire- black bra, pants, and trademark orange hat- is augmented with a black robe covered in embroidered flames that flutters in the fierce wind.

With a shrug from the elder sibling, both of them continue walking. 'Look, if you don't want to talk about it...'
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'We don't.' Zoro spits out, trudging over a dune. His flowing brown robes and bandaged turban obscure most of his body from the crushing heat.
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'Zoro, don't be rude!' Usopp chastises his friend. The sniper has made optimal use of his mutated body, carrying dozens of liters of water in the barrel on his back. The white bandages holding the life-giving substance make him look like a freakish cross between a camel and a mummy. 'You can't blame him for being curious.'
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'I must admit to being curious as well.' Chopper, in his deer form, hauls his sand sled that currently contains the crew’s secondary water supply. His bare, fur-less body is draped in a dirty white wrap that contrasts with his black top hat and dark brown horns. 'Given this was before I joined.'
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'Nojiko... hot.' The girl in her bison form pants in the desert sun. Her furry body, covered in a sweat-stained white V-neck and jeans, carries several boxes of dried goods along with several of her fellow crewmates. 'Break... please?'
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'Vivi?' Sanji asks, riding on Nojiko's back. Despite having only his thighs, he manages to hold on with surprising ease. His light blue shirt, sun hat, and tied-off shorts fit him to a T. 'How much longer?'
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Vivi marches ahead, her purple cape and loose leather gear hiding her plague suit underneath. 'We're just about done for the day.' She glances at the height of the sun. 'Another half hour and we'll break for camp. If I'm not mistaken, there's an old watering hole that might still be safe.'
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'I don't know how you're still moving, Vivi.' Nami shades herself under a green parasol, her scantily clad form lounges on Nojiko's back like a jin of old. She flips through a page in a small book, sweat dripping into her green lace dancer's bikini and skirt. 'It's so hot!'
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'She's probably used to it, Nami.' Usopp comments. 'You'll never adapt to the heat if you're not exposing yourself to it.'
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'Usopp's right.' Zoro cuts in. 'Why don't you give someone else a turn to ride?'
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'And share a saddle with you, Moss head!? Forget it!' Sanji objects with transparent outrage.
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'So nobody wants to say anything?' Ace comments. 'I understand whatever happened in Logue Town might be a sore spot for you guys, but...'
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'It is.' Nami says dismissively. 'And I'm far too busy reading your manual for my new weapon, so unfortunately, Usopp, I can't march with the rest of you.'
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'Nami, it's the third time you've read it today.'
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'It's a good read. You should be proud of your writing skill.'
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'All right then. So none of you are going to tell me?' Ace asks no one in particular. 'You're just going to leave me in suspense as to how you destroyed Logue Town.'
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Luffy turns on a dime. 'We didn't destroy it! It was...' he sulks for a moment. 'You're not going to let this go, will you, Ace?'
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Ace puts on a serious expression. 'Considering I'm your brother and it's my job to worry about you, no. If something is bothering you, I'd be a piece of crap if I didn't help you work through it.' A glimmer of sadness fills Ace's eyes. 'Trust me, bottling up your sorrows only makes them far worse.'
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'...'
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'Well, Luffy?'
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Luffy thinks for a moment before slowly nodding. 'Okay, Ace...'
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........
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'This is Logue Town?! The place where the Pirate King was executed!?' Luffy exclaims in disbelief. He stands on the bow of their ship that is currently pushing its way through the thick mist surrounding the port. 'It looks like a dump!'
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For once, Luffy is not exaggerating.
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The cloud-shrouded town has obviously seen better days. Boarded-up windows, Mediterranean-style architecture in various states of disrepair, and the occasional apathetic citizen pushing themselves onward due to some compelling force. The once proud city of the East Blue, a place famed for its beauty and prosperity, is a shadow of its former self. A once great center of trade and culture has been reduced to a half-empty collection of abandoned warehouses and shattered glass. Even the mighty ports of Logue Town, which once attended to hundreds of ships each day, are barren of any traffic aside from piles of driftwood floating in the surf and waterlogged corpses.
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But most unnerving of all is the palpable silence that seems to be strangling the city. Silence that is only interrupted by a cry of pain or a low, melodious chanting somewhere deep within the hive's bowels.
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Nami scans the harbor. 'There's... no one here. How is this possible?'
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Someone staggers behind her. 'Maybe they went out to lunch?'
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'Seriously, Usopp?' Nami turns to face her friend. The two limbs pushing their way out of his lower abdomen twitch in fear as she levels a gaze at him. 'Every ship in one of the East Blue's biggest cities just went out for lunch?'
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Usopp nervously dances away from Nami, his two ill-fitting shoes clattering on the deck. 'I'm just trying to be positive!'
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Another person lands on the main deck from the upper masts. 'Sails are furled up, oh, miss navigator.' Zoro snarks. 'Unless you want me to let them out?'
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'And why would I want you to do that, Zoro?'
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'Oh, I don't know.' Zoro scratches the bandages around his right eye. 'Maybe because we've arrived at a ghost town. I thought you and the cowardly lion would have booked it overboard by now.'
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'Hey!' Usopp objects. 'Sanji may be the new guy on the crew, but he's no coward!'
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'Who's no coward?' Sanji walks through the door of their kitchen with a frown on his face.
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'Well, I was referring to Usopp, but I guess...'
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'Can it be Zoro!' Nami looks to their chef. 'Sanji? How's our food situation?'
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Sanji sighs, wringing his hands. 'Unfortunately, Nami-swan, because we gave most of our supplies to the survivors, we don't have much choice.' The chef thumbs at the town. 'Unless we get some food here, our goose is cooked.'
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'Of course we're stopping here!' Luffy says as they drift slowly towards the port. 'It's the town of the pirate king! There's no way we can miss that!'
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'Uuuuuuuuu!'
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'See.' Luffy points to the mass of tumors and pain tied to the main mast. 'Nojiko gets it!'
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Nami looks to her sister and cringes. Half her body is covered in filthy rags that hide the worst of her infectious flesh. The left side of her body Nami’s rags had kept visible, was slightly less infected but far more unsightly. Sallow skin that looked like it was made of dirty paper, sunken thin muscles, and a single crazed eye that darts every which way.
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Her eye fixes on her sister. 'Uuuuuuu!' She moans through swollen vocal cords, brackish saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth.
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Nami tears her eyes away. 'We also... we also need to find something for Nojiko.'
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'You think you're going to find a miracle cure here?' Zoro gestures mockingly at the approaching docks filled with refuse.
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'Of course not! We just need something to... help her.'
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'Uuuuuuu?'
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'Well, we're pulling up now. We'll see what we can scrounge up.' Sanji says hopefully. Winding up a length of rope, he throws it around a nearby pile. With a satisfied grin, he pulls the line tight around the wooden pole, pulling them closer.
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The ship slowly scrapes against the thick, wet pads armoring the side of the dock, just as a nearby beggar, sleeping against a wooden crate, notices the new arrivals.
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'W... What?' The starved man dressed in grime-covered clothes snaps to his feet.
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'Hey there, old guy!' Luffy addresses the bewildered man. 'Do you know where the execution platform is? I wanna see where Gold Roger was executed!'
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'...a ship... tourists?' The sloppy man in a torn suit sizes up the ship in front of him, as if unable to believe his eyes.
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'Ahuh! We're tourists!'
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Nami slaps her captain. 'We are not!'
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She turns to the man, all smiles. 'Good sir, we...'
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'A SHIP! A SHIP! THERE'S A SHIP!!' The man shouts at the top of his lungs, crying hysterically.
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His cry echoes across the shore, and the refuse and garbage on the docks come to life. Boxes open to reveal small children covered in trash, piles of rags unfurl to reveal malnourished beggars, and barrels are pushed aside as dirty peasants rise to their feet. All of their madness-tinged eyes turn as one towards the Merry.
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Luffy blinks at the sight. 'Uhhhh...Hello?'
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That is when the panic really starts. The cloud of human refuse charges towards the ship, pushing the unfortunate into the seas and trampling the even less unfortunate under their feet. They are screaming, crying, their voices raw. They wave stacks of bills, valuable jewelry, even children in the air as they shout.
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'...SIX MILLION BELLI IF YOU JU...'
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'...SHE'S ONLY SIX! PLEASE FOR THE GODS SAKE...'
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'...I'M A DOCTOR! I CAN...'
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'...PRICELESS JEWELS! I HAVE A STOCK IN...'
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'...YOU LIKE MY DAUGHTER!? SHE'S A VIRGIN! LET US...'

'... I WAS A MARINE! I CAN GET RID OF...'
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'...MERCY GOOD SIRS! MERCY PLEASE!!'
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They shove themselves against the Merry's hull, desperate and pleading. They offer everything they possess, food, money, women, their own dignity, anything at all for one thing alone.
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'...PASSAGE OUT OF...'
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'...GET ME OUT OF...'
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'...HERE! THE PLAGUE IS...'
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'...HALF OF THE CITY HAS ALREADY...'
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'...LOGUE TOWN IS A DEATH TRAP...'
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'...THE CULTS! NOT EVEN SMOKER CAN STOP...'
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To escape from where the pirates just arrived. No one gives any thought to the fact that the ship is flying a Jolly Roger. No one even considers the pirates on board might kill them on the spot or enslave them. Some of the crowd are so frantic they begin to crawl up the side of the ship, using their own fellows as living footstools to try and reach the deck, their only way out of the hell they find themselves in.

The entire crew of pirates is stunned by the scope of their sheer desperation and panic.
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Save Zoro, who draws his sword and strikes a menacing pose. 'Back off! Get back unless you want to die!'
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His warning goes unheeded. His shouting is either drowned out by the clamor, or the mad mob is so lost in their insane panic they give no thought to their lives.
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A hooked axe bites into the banister, and a well-built man in tattered navy fatigues pulls himself up. 'Come on, everyone!' He cheers to the crowd behind him, raising his weapon in the air. 'There's just a handful! We can-'
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Zoro readies his blade, but another Strawhat beats him to the punch.
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'H-HEY!' Usopp shouts, recovering from his shock. He glares at the axe buried in his beloved ship. 'Keep your dirty hands away from the Merry!'
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The man turns.

The man who was once most likely a battle-hardened marine sees Usopp. He sees the thick, blackened arms sprouting from his abdomen. He sees his lumpy legs hidden under a hole-covered pair of overalls.
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'Uuuuiuu!'
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He turns to see a mass of female flesh, overwhelmed by disease and chained to the mast.
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He drops his weapon to the deck, his face as white as a sheet.
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'PLAGUE SHIP!!' He screams at the top of his lungs. Without thought for his safety, he throws himself overboard, landing on a pile of humans standing on the pier.
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The mob is momentarily confused and thrown into further disarray.
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At least until Usopp stands on the banister above them.

'T-That's right, you bastard!' He strikes a threatening pose. 'You better run!'
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The crowd freezes for a moment.
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Then a whole new wave of panic overtakes them.
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'PLAGUE!! IT'S THE PLAGUE!!'
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'THERE'S A WHOLE SHIP OF THEM!!'
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'MARINES!! FIRE!! ANYONE!!'
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'RUN!! DON'T LET THEM TOUCH YOU!!'
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The crowd flees in the opposite direction even faster than when they charged the ship. Their thin limbs, propelled by adrenaline and fear, push them to unprecedented feats of speed. They practically, and in many cases literally, tear through the people around them, running as fast as they can away from the ship bearing a fate worse than death.
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A minute later, all that remains of the crowd is the broken bodies of the trampled and dying. The entire crew stares at the dying and broken people crawling away from them with equal amounts of dread and disgust.
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'Well, I've had worse receptions.' Zoro states, sheathing his sword.
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'Figures.' Nami glares at the alleys the mob ran down. 'It's almost routine what happens to cities hit by the plague. The rich flee in their ships while the rest are left behind, too desperate to do anything except wait and pray.'
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The navigator turns to her sister, who is staring at a mote of dust as if it were a million belli. 'At least we won't have to worry about them stealing the ship with my sister here. These cowards would never risk touching anything onboard.'
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'Uuuuuu?'
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'You... watch the ship, Nojiko.' Nami swings out a ramp and locks it in place on the wooden boards leading to shore. 'I'll be back soon.'
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Sanji lights a cigarette. 'Well, no ships means no incoming supplies. But if there are still people here, they must be getting their food from somewhere.'
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'We'll just have to look around and see what we can find.' Usopp says solemnly.
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'Sounds good.' Zoro adjusts the blades on his waist. 'I'll...'
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'Stay here!' Nami shouts. 'If you get lost here, we'll never find you!'
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'Oh! Oh! I want to...'
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'We know Luffy!' Nami groans. 'You want to see where Gold Roger died! We get it!'
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Luffy blinks. 'Uh, yeah. But more importantly, I want to call my home and let Ms Portugas know I've got a great crew!'

Nami blinks. 'Ms Portugas?'
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'Yeah!' Luffy beams. 'She raised me, Ace, and Sabo. So I want to give her a call before we hit the Grand Line! Especially since... you know the plague.'
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........
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'And was she all right?' Ace asks, worry clouding her face. 'Was she...'
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Ace's youngest brother smiles. 'Yep. She's doing fine.'
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Ace lets out a sigh of pure relief. Her body feels a million times lighter at the news.
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'She even said she told me to tell you something when I saw you.' Luffy clears his throat and begins to speak in a high-pitched voice. 'Ahem, "Stop by some time! I'd love to go shopping with my darling daughter!" Shi shi shi!' The Straw Hat blinks. 'Oooooooo! That’s what she meant! I get it now cause you’re a girl now!'
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'Uggggh! Yes, Luffy cause I’m a girl now, so I must love shopping and makeovers.' Ace groans, face in his hands. 'I'm so glad Mom wasn't around when I got the sex change. She would have been insufferable.'
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Luffy laughs. 'SHI SHI SHI! Yeah! She loved dressing you up, Ace! If you were a girl, then she never would have let you leave the village!'
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Ace groans louder.
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'That's really, really great, you two.' Zoro says spitefully. 'I hope you're enjoying your lovely conversation WHILE WE'RE BEING EATEN ALIVE!!'
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A giant, tumor-covered scorpion lets out a foul hissing sound, attempting to bisect the swordsman with its jagged claws. Only Zoro's timely parry and massive strength prevent him from being cut in two by the ship-sized insect.
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'That's not fair, Zoro!' Luffy pouts. 'It didn't eat all of us!'
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'HELP MEEEEEEE!!!' Chopper screams, the thick fur of his guard point being the only thing keeping the creature's maw from reducing him to paste.
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'See! Chopper's doing fine!'
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'CLUCK YOU LUFFY!!'
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Another mutated scorpion pulls itself out of a dune only for the black, bubbly orbs where its eyes should be to explode into a shower of gore and tainted ichor.
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'Aaaagh!' Nami falls to the ground, a three-barreled pistol smoking in her hands. 'Usopp! Why the abyss does this thing have this much recoil?!'
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'It's a prototype, Nami!' A cannon sprouted on his back fires an explosive round towards the maimed creature. 'It's still a work in progress!'
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'Focus, guys!' Vivi dances around a stinger, striking the joints of its armor with precision. 'Desert Scorpions are vicious but lack stamina! If we just hold out-'
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Ace waves her hand, creating dozens of bright sparks that land on the three monsters surrounding them.
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'Firefly Light.'
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The balls explode into gouts of flame encasing the scorpions' shells in white-hot flames. Their iron-hard shells pop and tumors boil as their bodies are flash-boiled in under ten seconds.
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The crew stares at the Second Division Commander with awe. The slightest use of her strength stuns the crew. They keenly realize how powerful individuals who have braved the Lost World can be.
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'So Luffy?' Ace asks nonchalantly. 'Did you see where Gold Roger was executed?'
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'Why didn't you do that sooner!?' Chopper yells, pulling out his flaming hairs produced by his transformation.
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'You were fine.' Ace dismisses the doctor's indignation and the stunned looks of the Straw Hats. 'So what did you think of it, Luffy?'
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.......
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'Wow! What a great view!' Luffy scans the scenery. 'I think I can see Orange Town from here!'
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Luffy takes in the view from the top of the execution platform. The bare metal tower sits in the middle of an empty town square, capable of holding thousands of people. From the top of the rickety scaffold, Luffy can see miles and miles of city framed by the sea around the town despite the misty skies surrounding him. A gentle breeze rustles the hair on his head and makes his straw hat dance. Only his firm hand keeps his keepsake from being blown away as he imagines what it must have looked like in its heyday.
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The captain of the Strawhat Pirates takes in a deep breath, savoring the salty air. 'This is where the Pirate King met his end; Ace's dad saw this just before he died, and it's also where the Great Age of Pirates started.'
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He thinks to himself what Ace must have felt arriving here. He wonders what Shanks and all the pirates who set sail to the Grand Line felt. He feels the wind in his hair and the surge of almost tangible possibilities the future holds.
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Only for his train of thought to get interrupted by the sound of a crushing impact.
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Luffy frowns, turning his head towards the offending noise that has snapped him out of one of his rare contemplative moods.
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CRAAASH
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'Grand! Peschi! Run for it!' A large marine shouts. 'I'll cov-'
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'HEHAHAHAHAHAHA!! BARRIER CRASH!'
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Luffy watches as several unfortunate marines are sent flying out of a nearby alley. They land in the empty town square with a wet thud, their plagued bodies, ground twitching and bleeding out over the off-white stone.
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And walking into the town square is a green-haired punk surrounded by a transparent box of shimmering force. He is lean and muscular with a flamboyant green mohawk, jagged teeth, and a bejeweled nasal ring. His bare chest is adorned with a dark ring that branches into bat-like wings at the top. His plumed purple coat hangs against his baggy checkered trousers and black boots. His orange eyes gleam with malice as he slowly paces towards his defeated foes.
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'Heha ha ha ha ha ha! You Government Dogs picked the wrong street to walk down today!' The man, his hands in his pockets, walks over to a nearby Navy soldier. The Marine, whose head is covered in boils, sneers as he approaches, spitting on the box protecting the man. The box disappears from around him and, in a savage stomp, smashes the soldier's head into the pavement. 'How dare you plague trash taint Big Sis Alvida's streets with your bile!'
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'S-Stop... please...'
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'Please beat me harder for insulting Big Sis!? The living Goddess!?' The man smirks, kicking down harder. 'Don't mind if I do!!'
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The superpowered man is so engrossed in his beating that he neglects the other marines in the square. Particularly a specific marine, just conscious enough to move. With the last of his strength, a marine behind the aggressive man draws his pistol, aiming it towards the thug assaulting his squad.
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bang
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The marine fires, only for his shot to be directed back into his head by a conjured barrier.
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'Heha! Too bad, chumps!' The man pulls his hands out of his pockets, showing off his crossed fingers. 'But your little pea shooters stand no chance of getting through my Barrier fruit powers! So suck it!'
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'Wow, you have a cool Devil Fruit power.'
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'I know, right! It's almost as good as Big...Who the hell are you!?'
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The man turns, coming face to face with a young man wearing a straw hat. The boy's eyes gleam with promise, his body language radiates confidence, and his stance is firm. 'Me? I'm Monkey D. Luffy! And someday I'm going to be King of the Pirates! So who are you, rooster guy?'
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The firm wind of destiny blows through the square as the thugish man takes in the new arrival. Confident. Joyful. Noble. All are traits even a blind man can tell the young boy has in spades.
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'But more importantly, how would you like to be a pirate?'
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'...'
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'I mean, you're already picking fights with the Marines.'
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'...he...'
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'And you've got a cool Devil Fruit power, so how would you like to join my crew?'
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'...He...ha...'
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'You'd be part of the legendary crew of the future King of-'
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'HEHAHAHAHAHAHA!!' The man laughs uproariously.
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'What? Did, uh, I say something funny?'
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'King of the Pirates!?! YOU!? What a rip!! HEHAHAHAHAHAHA!!' The man laughs in Luffy's face, spittle splashing against the proud pirate’s brow. Then the green-haired thug suddenly stops, glaring at Luffy as if he just found a dunce needing a proper education. 'Look here, brat! Do you know how many morons like you wind up here in Logue Town spewing the same worthless nonsense!?'
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'...I'm guessing a lot.'
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The man slaps him on the back. 'Wow! That's the smartest thing you've said all day! Snot-nosed brats like you come to Logue Town all the time saying garbage like "I'm gonna be king of the pirates". And do you know what happens to them?'
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'...they die?'
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'They die pathetically or run away pissing their pants like babies!' He chuckles to himself. 'You cut off a few of their fingers, or they lose a battle or two, and they give up on all their precious dreams!'
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'Well, not me!' Luffy says defiantly.
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'Sure! Sure!' The man says mockingly. 'You're the only guy on the planet who's going to stare death in the eyes and not break down into a sniveling coward like the rest!'
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'Yes.'
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'He Ha Ha Ha Ha!!' The man laughs. 'You're a riot! A brat like you? I’m surprised you aren’t pissing your pants now! He ah ha ha ha!!'
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'...'
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'Tell you what.' He wraps his arm around Luffy, hugging him from the side. 'How about you get real, ditch those stupid dreams, and join me and Big Sis Alvida? We're always looking for fun guys like you in our new gang! What do you say?'
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'...so.' Luffy glares at the man next to him. The pirate looks at the man’s arm as if it were sewage. 'You don't want to join my crew.'
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'JOIN YOUR CREW!?! He ha ha hahaha ha!!' He laughs even harder, slapping Luffy's back. 'Oh, gods! I...I can't bre-athe! Ha ha ha he he ha ha!!'
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'...so no?' Luffy walks out of the man's grip. 'Goodbye.'
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The thug is momentarily stunned. 'You're leaving?! What the hells!? Where are you going, kid?'
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Luffy doesn't bother responding. He continues to walk away.
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'...Fine, throw my generous offer back in my face!' The thug shouts as the young man walks away. 'It just proves what a moron you are! Who'd want to join up with a delusional dreamer like you anyways? Anyone stupid enough to join such an idiot deserves to rot to death from the plague anyways! Alvida's cure would be wasted on scum like you!''
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Luffy stops dead in his tracks. 'A... cure?'
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'Yep! Alvida's a living cure! But it's not for weaklings like you!' The man brushes his hands. 'You wasted your one chance because you were too stupid to see Alvida's greatness. Now you and your stupid followers are gonna slowly die! It's better than what you deserve!'
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Luffy's fists clench. 'Is that so?' He slowly turns around.
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'Yeah! It's called the law of the jungle, kid!' The man sneers at him. 'Strong people like me and Big Sis collect the spoils from the weak, pathetic losers like you who are too stupid to know any better! In fact...'
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A bubble forms around Luffy, trapping everything below his neck inside a circular sphere.
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'Hey! What the...'
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'Since you're too stupid to wear it properly...' he reaches over with one hand, fingers uncrossed. He plucks the hat off Luffy's head. 'I'll take this dumb hat of yours!'
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Luffy's barely suppressed temper goes nuclear. 'Give me back my hat!!'
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'Oh! Does the widdle baby want their hat back!? Huuuh!? He ha ha!' He waves the hat inches in front of his face. 'Well, it's right here! Come and get it!'
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'Raaaaagh!!' Luffy punches frantically at the bubble encasing his neck and torso. Blows that felled Arlong, Don Krieg, and Buggy bounce harmlessly off the shield.
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'Oh come on, brat! Don't you want your widdle hat back?' The thug waves his crossed fingers; in an instant the shell around Luffy reforms. Instead of a sphere, a square plate of force presses Luffy into the stone cobblestone. 'Come and get it!'
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'Arrrrgghh!!' Luffy pushes upwards as much as his muscles allow, but his massive strength is incapable of pushing his body to his knees.
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'No? Well then, I guess this stupid hat is mine now!'
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Pressing his crossed fingers into the bottom of the hat, the thug pushes his hand through, opening a hole in the crown.
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Luffy stops struggling; his eyes look up at his vandalized treasure.
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'There we go!' The thug observes the hole. 'Now my hair can fit through it. It's perfect!'
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'I'LL KILL YOU!!' Luffy thrashes about even harder; the ground cracks under his assault. However, the barrier presses down on him even harder in response, keeping him glued to the pavement.
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'He he ha ha!' The man puts the hat over his stalk of green hair. 'Serves you right for being such a wuss! You thought you'd be king of the Pirates!? Please! You can't even keep a stupid hat! Let alone any real treasure!'
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'UUUUURAAAGGHH!!!' Luffy pushes against the barrier above him, which refuses to budge. Rather, it presses him down further into the earth.
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'Good bye, idiot! When you get to failure-hell, tell everyone Bartolomeo sent you!' He swings his right hand down. 'Super barrier crush!!'
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The earth in front of Bartolomeo explodes; a crater fifteen feet deep forms in front of him from the force of his blow. As the dust settles and the cracked ground stops shaking, the thug undoes his fingers, and the barely visible barrier fades into thin air.
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'There! One less piece of trash in Big Sis Alvida's town!' No longer distracted by potential threats, he suddenly remembers something important. 'Oh crap! I forgot! Alvida wanted to see me right away!'
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He runs off. 'Damn trash! Getting in the way of me and Big Sis Alvida's special time!'
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And so Bartolomeo, high priest of the Beautiful Goddess, leaves the battlefield. All his thoughts of his foes are forgotten. Including any thought of the sole marine he left alive.
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Listening for any sign of their tormentor, a forgotten soldier pulls himself up to his knees. 'Is... is he gone?' He pinches his sallow cheek, unable to even comprehend how he survived.
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He looks around, taking in the corpses of his fellows, the mist-covered town, and the giant crater in the center of town.
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'Poor kid.' He looks into the hole. 'Another child killed by these plague cults.'
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Not knowing what to do, he cups his hands and prays. 'Gods. If you really exist, please watch over this poor soul. Though he aspired to piracy, he... his actions saved my life.' He bows his head. 'Please... watch over-'
​
crash
​
'RAAAAAGGGHHH!!' The ground at the bottom of the pit explodes upwards as an enraged young man shouts out.
​
'Rooooosssttteeerr Heeeeaaaddd!!'
​
'Guagh!' The sole marine falls on his back as the man crawls out of the hole and runs off towards the nearest street at Mach 1.
​
The man lying on his butt stares at the street. He blinks several times. 'Did... did I imagine...'
​
'...rrrrraaaaAAAAGH!' The young man runs back down another street, passing by the marine with enough force to spin him around.
​
'W-What?' He shoots to his feet. 'What was he doing back here!?'
​
He stares at the road, listening to the echo of feet.
​
'.....rrrrraaaa.'
​
And here he comes again.
​
'rrrrRRRRAAAA-'
​
'Um, excuse me?'
​
The pirate stops in mid-stride.
​
Literally.
​
The marine's jaw drops as the pirate hangs in mid-air.
​
The boy's head snaps towards him. 'Y.E.S?'
​
The marine resists his urge to freeze up. 'Um, are you... okay? Are you looking for Priest Bartolomeo?'
​
The thing drops from mid-air and turns towards him with a crazed expression. 'Y.E.S.'
​
The marine gulps. Don't soil yourself! The kid survived an attack from Bartolomeo the bloody priest with no damage. And he's fast too! Smoker sent you out to find volunteers! And you found one! Keep it together!
​
'U-Um... because if you were... I know someone that could help!'
​
Luffy grips his guide's shirt. 'Where. Is. Rooster. Head!?' The intensity in the pirate's eyes let him know he had better have the correct answer. 'Tell. Me. Please.'
​
Despite his best efforts and all his self-control, the marine soils himself.
​
.......
​
'Good gods.' Usopp states as calmly as he can, his hand mechanically rotating a stick.
​
Nami rubs her chin. 'So THAT'S why you looked so mad, and why it took so long to weave your hat back together.'
​
Luffy takes off his treasure and looks at where a massive hole used to be. His thoughts of anger and retribution are
​
temporarily forgotten as he looks to his navigator. 'Thanks again, Nami!'
​
The girl smiles. 'No problem, Captain! You'll be paying me back until you're old and gray for the service!'
​
'Hold on.' Ace says, fanning her flames. 'You two didn't know about this part?'
​
Usopp stops. 'Well yeah. None of us... really talked about Logue Town... till now, that is.'
​
'Oy! Long nose! Keep turning!' Sanji applies a brown marinade to the twitching bird on the spit. 'They're getting crispy on one side!'
​
Usopp quickly starts turning the spit, causing the gagged trio of avians to roast under Ace's flames.
​
'But hey, at least you got off easy, Luffy!' Usopp remarks. 'I almost got sacrificed by that little cult! And Nami was the one who was going to gut me!'
​
'Turn them slowly, Usopp.' Sanji lathers the birds in more sauce. 'They need to be cooked evenly.'
​
'Yessire! It was almost the end for Usopp, great warrior of the sea! Of course I had my wits, cunning, and natural charisma to carry me through!'
​
......
​
'Surrender, Usopp the great!'
​
A hundred thousand fierce, heavily muscled divers with impressive abs surround him. 'You can't hope to win!'
​
A large, beautiful centaur with impressive hair stands at the peak of a cliff, the sun behind him only adding to his magnificent figure.
​
'Fools. Numbers do not make a man great!' He pulls out a hundred thousand rifles with his super impressive munch power, which he definitely had back then. 'Guns, on the other hand, DO!'
​
Usopp then shoots the evil minions a bazillion baxillion times.
​
'Uggghhh...' the sole surviving minion groans. 'You're... cough... you're too late supper Usopp. We... have already brainwashed Super Nami to our side.'
​
Heroic Usopp gasps. 'You fiends! If that is the case...' he pulls out a rope. 'I must use my peerless skills at disguise to infiltrate your evil base and free her!'
​
A sentient flying ship agrees with Usopp. 'Gosh shucks! That's a marvelous idea, Usopp! No wonder Kaya loves you!'
​
Usopp the bold smiles. 'Thanks, Merry! Now to infiltrate-
​
......
​
Chopper slaps the sniper upside the head.
​
'Ow! Hey!'
​
Nami finishes the rest of her Bilker Heron. 'You beat me to it, doctor.'
​
Chopper glares at Usopp, putting down his shank of meat. 'Do I need to up your dosages, Usopp? Because hallucinations are a common late-term symptom of the plague.'
​
The sniper starts sweating heavily, and it has nothing to do with the raging fire in front of him.
​
'Maybe I finally need to open your skull and clean out all the unnecessary gunk in your brainpan.' The doctor pulls out a scalpel. 'I'm sure I could find room for some... improvements.'
​
'Okay! Okay!' Usopp shakes his hands frantically. 'No more fibs!'
​
........
​
Usopp, the gullible, is thrown in an iron cage by several rude men in white robes. The ropes gagging him and holding him back strain as he tries to break free.
​
The ruins of the open-air mall around the sniper have been filled with lewd examples of idolatry. Libraries are looted for books to burn in large metal kilns where jewelry is melted into grotesque golden statues of a woman. Grocery stores once providing a variety of foods are transformed into vaults designed to hoard life-giving sustenance. Everywhere in the market, on every road and in every store, the delirious prayers of the desperate and fearful can be heard.
​
'Not bad!' A burly man in a golden sash admires the man in the cell. 'And I thought we had sacrificed the last of the mutants to the Goddess! Where did you find him?'
​
The trio of thugs snicker. 'The idiot was walking the streets. Obviously he's lost his mind due to the plague. He should have known not to walk the streets or the other mutants would eat him!'
​
The smallest one, a man of indeterminate age and spectacles, smiles. 'We just paid for some lumber he was eyeing and told him a sap story about how us infected having to stick together!'
​
The thin man nods, a large bump on his back obscured by his robes. 'Yeah! Then we nailed him once his back was turned.'
​
A fatter man in white robes rubs his hands. 'Yes! And it is all thanks to the blessings of the goddess! Mayhaps we could serve her better working in her inner circle?'
​
The man in the golden sash glares at the last man to ask the question. 'Be silent, brother! Do not presume to know the Goddess! She will bestow unto you the gift of her presence when the time is right!' He points to a large tube-shaped building near the coast. 'And so long as the non-believers seek to violate her purity, she cannot waste any of her divine power on her congregation!'
​
'That is right, brother!' The thin man slaps the large one. 'We must destroy the mutant demons wearing the guise of the marines. Only then can we be further blessed by her power and beauty!'
​
BUUUMMB BUUUMMB BUUUMMB
​
A war drum echoes through the amphitheater. The white-robed cultists milling about in the open area stop what they are doing. The four slavers immediately snap ramrod straight and join their comrades.

BUUUMMB BUUUMMB BUUUMMB
​
As one, they turn towards a large marble statue of a woman in the center of the room. A pair of burly men adorned in black, skin-tight rubber suits pound a massive set of drums.
​
BUUUMMB BUUUMMB BUUUMMB
​
'The Goddess...' the golden-sash man shivers. The echoing of the drum causes him to twitch with every beat. 'The Goddess calls! She will want a sacrifice!'
​
He points to the three. 'Brothers! Prepare the throne for our goddess!' He looks to the suddenly very fearful Usopp. 'I will anoint the sacrifice with the sacred tonics! Go! She must not be kept waiting!'
​
.....
​
'Sacred tonics?'
​
Usopp shrugs. 'It was mostly shampoo and some garlic oil. They didn't even strip me of my clothes! Which was really good when I busted out.'
​
Nami slaps him from Nojiko's back. 'You mean when I busted you out! If it weren't for me, you'd have been torn to pieces!'
​
'Oh yeah, Nami!' Luffy says as the crew begins their morning trek. 'You were dressed like those crazy guys too!'

Sanji adjusts his place on the saddle and reminisces. 'Nami Swan looks good in everything! The white only enhanced her inner purity.'
​
Nami rolls her eyes. 'It's a good thing Alvida didn't try to recruit you, Sanji. You probably would have joined her if she asked.'
​
'I actually did!'
​
The crew turns to their chef.
​
Sanji nods in affirmation. 'Yes, once I saw that the beautiful goddess Alvida needed the assistance of a strong noble man, I...'
​
Nami's fist knocks out their chef into the world of dreams.
​
'Anyhow.' Nami resumes her story. 'Just like Usopp, I was approached by a member of Alvida's insane cult looking for members.'
​
......
​
'Good sister!' A shady man approaches Nami, who is trying to shop in a run-down store. 'Have you heard the word of the immortal Goddess Alvida? Immune she is to the plague!'
​
'Not interested.' Nami states coolly, looking through the scraps of worm-eaten clothing in the bin.
​
'Did I forget to mention new initiates are... compensated upon joining?'
​
'Where do I sign?!'
​
.......
​
The Strawhat's shame filled looks bombard Nami.
​
'It wasn't like I was actually going to join them!' Nami proclaims. 'I just knew any organization eager to offer benefits would have plenty to steal!'
​
Vivi looks skeptical. 'So you just joined a mysterious cult that tried to recruit you on the street?'
​
'Says the girl who joined a criminal organization.'
​
'I didn't want to join Baroque Works!' Vivi says regretfully. 'They... they...'
​
'Sorry, Vivi. I didn't mean to hit a sore spot, but you understand, right?' She pats a package on Nojiko's back that carries her plague suit. 'Thanks to those idiots, I was able to pilfer these suits and a bunch of Belli and supplies. I was just about to escape when that ritual began.'
​
......
​
BUUUMMB BUUUMMB BUUUMMB
​
'New girl!' The scrawny man dressed in white robes and black plague gauntlets grips Nami's arm. 'Forget counting the treasure! Our goddess calls.'
​
Nami resists the urge to belt him and make off with the piles of golden idols and wealth she "convinced" him to let her appraise. It's too soon to make her move. Better to play along.
​
She bows meekly. 'Of course, brother! What does the goddess require of me?'
​
The man lets go of her arm. 'Bow with your head to the ground and say nothing.' He says with disdain completely divorced from the warm attitude he used to recruit her. 'Lowly trash like you is not fit to even gaze upon our Goddess' feet!'
​
BUUUMMBUUUMMBUUUMMB
​
The drums intensify, and the frantic rush becomes downright chaotic.
​
'She approaches!!' He gets on his knees and bows before the marble statue.
​
Nami follows, head pressed against the ground, unwilling to blow her cover.
​
'Oh, goddess bless us!'
​
'Ward us from the plague with your miracles!'
​
'High priest, show us the goddess' love!'
​
'Protect us, oh goddess!'
​
Using the reflection in a nearby silver statue, she observes a duo of people the crowd is falling over themselves to appease.
​
The first, beating anyone too slow to get out of his way, appears little more than a thug. His tacky fur coat, aggressive attitude, and kelp-green tower of hair mark him as the muscle. And... was he wearing Luffy's hat?!
​
Nami's fists clench in anger and worry. Not only would Luffy rather die than turn over his hat; he'd literally murder someone who damaged his prized treasure that badly. Was Luffy....
​
She reassures herself. No. Luffy was alive. That idiot must have been taken off guard. Luffy was fine.
​
Sure that his boss' path is unobstructed, the soon-to-be-dead man scoots to the side. 'There you are, Big Sis Alvida! Your path to the throne is clear of any trash!'
​
'Hu hu hu. Thank you, Bartolomeo.'
​
...she can now see why she was worshipped as a goddess.
​
The woman she spies through the distorted mirror sheen of the silver statue is inhumanly perfect. A perfect hourglass figure. Shapely breasts and hips, the envy of any woman. Pink skin unmarked by any blemish. Ebony hair framing a face that would drive men to madness. Royal purple eyes glimmer in the midday sun, and lips as red as blood smile mildly.
​
And all of it completely exposed to the congregation around her. Save a simple pair of golden slippers, several golden bracelets, and a golden mace with blue studs, the woman is completely naked.
​
She sits in her mahogany wooden throne with an attitude that says all the people around her are worthless compared to her. Her mace rests against her perfectly proportioned legs.
​
'Your goddess calls you.' She whispers, barely audible in the still silence of the open square.
​
'AND WE OBEY!!'
​
The congregation screams as one. None raise their heads.
​
'My followers!' The woman raises her hands and her voice. 'I, goddess Alvida, the one whom the plague cannot touch, the one of infinite beauty and grace, call upon you now.'
​
'WE ARE UNWORTHY OF YOUR NOTICE! WE SHALL SLAVE AWAY TO BE WORTHY OF YOUR BENEVOLENCE!!'
​
Nami begins to get a headache.
​
'Before we proceed with my announcement, tell me, who is the most beautiful creature in all the blue seas?'
​
'YOU ARE GODDESS ALVIDA!! NONE SURPASS YOU IN BEAUTY AND GRACE!!'
​
'And who is the most gracious and kind goddess to exist?'
​
'YOU ARE GODDESS ALVIDA!'
​
The deluded woman basks in the cheers of her spineless toadies. 'Yessssss, your goddess is pleased! It is time for the newest among us to receive the blessings of the goddess! Bring them before me!'
​
Nami finds herself kicked in the ribs.
​
'Girl! Get up!' The man by her side spits out. 'Your goddess calls!'
​
Nami shoots up, and immediately regrets it as hundreds of eyes fall upon her.
​
Alvida looks around. 'One? Is that all you lowly worms could bring to worship me?'
​
A man with a tumor hidden under a wrap on his head crawls forward, his forehead pressed against the ground. 'Goddess! I myself have captu... found several initiates!'
​
'Oh?' Alvida cocks her head. 'And where are they?'
​
The man twitches. 'They are organizing our pantry goddess, under the guidance of a talented chef I found! You arrived so quickly I was unable to fetch the slav... initiates!'
​
The goddess narrows her eyes dangerously. 'Then go get them. I despise slothful men!'
​
'As you demand, goddess!' The man runs off as fast as his legs can carry him.
​
All eyes once again turn to Nami.
​
'And who is the newest among our number?' Alvida asks with a kind, soothing voice. 'Let them come forward so that they might receive my blessings.'
​
Nami fights back her anxiety and walks forward, coming to within an arm's length of the throne. The navigator feels the woman's eyes on her, sizing her up like a hungry snake would size up a mouse. For a moment she fears that she's been found out, that the beautiful yet wrong woman will soon tear her to pieces for her duplicity.
​
'Rejoice, girl!' Alvida says theatrically, her voice radiating warmth and acceptance. 'For you will receive my blessing today!'
​
Nami channels her inner Luffy to look as stupid and beneath notice as possible. 'M-Me? Blessing? What kind of blessing?'
​
Alvida nods and extends her hand. 'The best kind of blessing, my blessing! My divine power makes my beautiful skin invincible to the plague! A blessing I gladly share with you!' She gestures Nami forward. 'With a single touch, your skin will become almost as fabulous as mine, and the plague will never harm you!'
​
Nami's heart nearly stops.
​
The implications of what the woman is saying hit her like a cannon.
​
If this is a devil fruit power that can prevent the plague from infecting her...
​
Well, maybe there was something to this religion after all! And if goddess Alvida was willing to treat others, help make people immune, then maybe-
'And then you will prove my divinity to your siblings!'
​
What?
​
'That's the cue, you trash!' The green-haired man standing next to goddess Alvida shouts. 'Bring up the sacrifice!'
​
What!?
​
Three frantic-looking robed men shoot up and throw a hog-tied figure before the throne.
​
A hog-tied figure she recognizes as Usopp.
​
'Mmmmmrrph!' He tries to shout from his gagged mouth.
​
What!?!
​
'Give her the ceremonial dagger!' Alvida shouts.
​
'Here you go, sis!' The green-haired man shoves an ornate silver knife into Nami's hands. 'Make sure to kill the plague freak as painfully as you can!'
​
WHAT!?!
​
Alvida, sitting on her throne, gestures to the writhing man in front of her as if he were lower than dirt. 'You will bathe in this vermin's guts. You shall smear its filth into your skin! And in doing so you will show your new family that my power is greater than the plague!'
​
What.
​
'Muuuummmph!' Usopp thrashes harder against his restraints.
​
'You shall show them all that my slip power is the only power that can save you! My power is divine! I am divine!' The woman rants, her eyes bulging, her voice becoming more and more unhinged. 'I am a goddess! I am perfection and grace incarnate! I am immune to all blight and decay!'
​
'YOU ARE A GODDESS!'
​
The crowd shouts as one.
​
'I am beauty and goodness itself!'
​
'YOU ARE THE ONLY GOOD THING IN THIS WORLD!'
​
'I am wonderful and amazing! Anyone who says otherwise is a monster who needs to be killed!!'
​
'LET THE MONSTERS DIE PAINFULLY!!'
​
'Kill it!' The manic woman screams, any veneer of sanity stripped bare. 'Kill the disgusting monster that insults me with its presence! Kill it! Kill it! KILLLLLLLLLL!'
​
'KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!!'
​
...Nami looks at the knife in her hand. She looks at the screaming audience, now noticing that nearly every person possesses strange lumps hidden under their voluminous robes. She looks back at the goddess and her guard, both of them cheering for human sacrifice as if it were some sort of pastime.
​
She then realizes something quite obvious.
​
Everyone here is insane.
​
Then again, these people were plague cultists. They were in such denial that they had the plague; they had looped back around to believing they were immune. And the nudist behind her, whatever power she had, was probably the ringleader enabling their delusions.
​
If she killed Usopp, not only would she never forgive herself, but bathing in his blood would give her the plague for sure.
​
But if she didn't... well, there were hundreds of plague cultists screaming for blood.
​
'KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!!'
​
'KILLLLLLL IIIIITTTT!!'
​
'GO ON SIS! RIP IT TO PIECES!'
​
'Mmmmmuummpph!'
​
There was only one thing she could do.
​
'Uuuuuhhh!' Summoning every ounce of her acting talent, Nami Belimere falls to the ground in a mock faint. The knife clatters from her hand, rolling towards Ussop. Her body hits the ground like a sack of potatoes.
​
The crowd slowly grows silent.
​
The priest Bartolomeo goes silent.
​
Goddess Alvida goes silent.
​
Nami counts the seconds, praying they lose interest and drag her away where she can manage an escape.
​
Usopp, feeling the knife against his body, slips out one of his mutated arms, slowly reaching towards his tool of salvation.
​
After a few seconds, the green-haired man clears his throat. 'Uh... big sis Alvida, what do-'
​
BOOOOM!
​
A nearby building explodes. Masonry pelts the confused crowd.
​
*BOOOOOOOM!'
​
Another building in the market square blows up.
​
*BOOOOM!'
​
A third.
​
BOOOOOOM!
​
And a fourth.
​
The crowd begins to panic.
​
The green hair creates a shield of light, protecting himself and Alvida from the stone shrapnel.
​
'Rrrrraaaaggghh!!' Bursting through a hole in the wall, his face a mask of rage, is none other than Monkey D. Luffy. 'Roooosssteeerr guuyyyy!!'
​
The green-haired man's eyes bulge. 'T-That kid?'
​
Alvida's eyes bulge even more. 'LUFFY!?!'
​
Before they can react, another man cuts his way through the wall, brandishing three swords.
​
'I'd better be getting paid for this!' Zoro shouts as he starts cutting.
​
'It's a raid!' A black-suited man draws a hammer. His mirror-sheened helmet does not obscure his fear. 'Protect the goddess!'
​
Before he can attack, though, a cloud of black smoke envelops the man. He falls to the ground as a steel baton smashes his glass helmet and skull under it open.
​
'Squads one through four! Focus on the cultists!' Smoker shouts to the marines spilling through the holes in the wall. 'Tagashi! Squads five through six! Cover their retreat!'
​
An asian woman with glasses and a navy blue jacket comes through the last hole. 'Aye aye, Commander Smoker!' She draws her long katana. 'Men to me!'
​
'It's Smoker!' The green-haired man curses. 'Clear the way for Alvida! Her sea prism mace is...'
​
'Roooster!!'
​
Bartolomeo raises a barrier just in time to avoid having his head smashed in by Luffy's fist.
​
'Give me back my hat!'
​
'To me, my followers!' Alvida readies her mace. 'Today the smoke demon dies! My beautiful mace shall...'
​
A blow from Smoker's Jute smashes her in the face, sending her skidding back.

The entire congregation gasps as they see their invincible goddess injured before their eyes.
​
Smoker points his seastone-tipped jute right at her. 'Iron club, Alvida... you're under arrest.'
​
........
​
'And once you guys arrived and started kicking but, I grabbed Usopp, the plague suits, and whatever valuables I could carry and made my way back to the Merry.' Nami finishes her story. She empties a wallet in her hands and tosses the cloth aside. 'And it's a good thing I did, because without those plague suits half the crew would be walking piles of tumors by now.'
​
Usopp bites down into the wooden planks lying in the sand. 'Hey! I freed myself, thank you very much.' He picks up the mast of a ship and slowly stuffs it down his gaping mouth.
​
Nami looks around at the remains of the wooden sand ship and the bandits that crewed it. 'You'd expect sand pirates to have more treasure than this.'
​
Zoro plops a bearded head by Nami. 'Well, he's the leader, so he probably has a price on his head.'
​
Vivi cleans off her bloody blade as she examines the severed head wearing a small umbrella for a hat. 'Captain Barbarosa of the Barbar Pirates: twenty million Belli.'
​
'See, Nami! We're already twenty million richer!' Luffy says, drinking from a colorful flask. 'And most importantly, I was right! Ships can sail in the desert!'
​
'Not really, Captain.' Usopp finishes off his wooden snack with a mighty crunch. 'This wood is three times as light as normal. If we tried sailing in the desert with the Merry, it wouldn't...'
​
'Hold that thought, Usopp!' Luffy smiles as he takes another sip of his drink. 'I've got the rest of the story!'
​
.......
​
Captain Chaser stands firm. His smoky body tenses as it prepares for combat.
​
'So, Smokey...' Big Fat Lady sneers. 'You managed to find my secret base! How clever!'
​
'It was easy to smoke you out.' Chaser states. 'I'm good at chasing after people that look like ladies.'
​
'Well, chase after this!' Fat Lady charges at him, brandishing her mace. 'Slim Slim fruit power ultimate attack... Pudding beam!'
​
With a swing of her mace, she sends a wave of pudding at her foe that threatens to envelop him in sticky goodness.
​
'Nice try, Alvida!' Chaser points his hand. 'But it's no match for MY pudding beam!'
​
Chaser launches a stream of pudding from a nozzle on his forearm, countering Alvida's blast.
​
'Egads!' Fat Lady curses. 'You have pudding powers too!?'
​
'Of course!' Chaser spits out a melon. 'For it is my dream to turn the East Blue into the Eat Blue!'
​
Alvida gasps. 'Mine too! Let us join forces!'
​
'Sounds great!' Chaser turns both his arms into nozzles. 'Pudding rain!'
​
And the town was covered in pudding.
​
'And take this!' Fat Lady's head grows giant. 'Sprinkle Wink!'
​
She winks, and her eyelashes unleash a storm of sprinkles on the pudding.
​
'And some for you too!' Fat Lady tries to attack them with her deadly sprinkles.
​
Luffy dodges. 'Darn, these guys are tough.' He reclaims the hat he got from beating up the super weak green rooster. 'We have to stop them! Zoro!'
​
'Yeah, captain?' His trusty first mate replies.

'Talking Banannas!'
​
'We love it when you eat us!' The horde of sentient fruit replies.
​
Luffy points at the buildings. 'We have to eat all the pudding before he can cover it with his power!'
​
'But how can we eat alllll this pudding!?' The bananas despair.
​
'Simple!' Luffy pulls out a rad set of headphones and dons them. 'I'll encourage you with a pirate rap!'
​
'Wwwwwaaaaiit!' A giant fox/monkey thing appears. 'Can we be part of the pirate rap too!?'
​
Luffy shrugs. 'I don't see why not!'
​
'Yes!' The monkey-like thing pumps its fist.
​
Then Shanks became the moon. 'Luffy, you are the best pirate ever, and I'm proud of you! But to stop the plague, you need to blow up Mayor City! You can't worry about pudding heads right now!'
​
'Gee! Thanks, Moon Shanks! Come on, guys! Let's blow up the moon and have it fall on the bad city!' Luffy says to the talking bananas and the fox thing. 'Then we can...'
​
......
​
'Okay, Luffy!' Ace says, suppressing a chuckle. 'You've had your fun. Now what really happened?'
​
Luffy stares at his brother. 'Ace? When did you get ice powers? And green hair?'
'...Luffy, let me see that canteen.' Ace grows a tentacle and snatches the screaming sack.
​
'You can keep it, Ace. That sack's screaming was getting to me.' He claps his purple hands. 'Anyhow, right as we blew up the moon, a bunch of Angels came out to fight me, so we drank the moon water and made a snack out of the Angels' wings! But then...'
​
.........
​
'Uuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhhh...' Luffy groans in pure agony. His head aches with every shred of moonlight that makes it to his eyes. 'My head...' he tries to rub his sore temples, only to find himself bound in chains to Nojiko's back.
​
'Hey guys! He's waking up!' Sanji shouts to the convoy fighting against the desert wind.
​
Ace dashes over, regardless of the blowing wind. 'Luffy!? Are you okay?'
​
Chopper pushes through the wind and makes it to his captain. He checks his pupils, pulse, and heart rate in rapid succession. 'Vitals are normal enough. Sanji, did he exhibit any twitching, vomiting, or abnormal excretions?'
​
Sanji looks to the groaning, overgrown child. 'Not for the past eight hours, no. Unless, of course, you count having to clean out his makeshift diaper and drool bib, which I hate you for.'
​
Nami trudges next to Nojiko, her body shielded from the chilling wind thanks to her plague suit. 'As far as I'm concerned, you got off easy. I had to walk!'
​
'How terrible. But in case you didn't notice, Miss Whine, Luffy needed the seat.' Ace looks to the doctor. 'So how is he, doc?'
​
Chopper sighs in relief as he finishes his assessment. 'How the hell he managed to drink a gallon of Peptonuclide Acid and not die is beyond me. One sip is potent enough to drive ten men mad!'
​
'Uuuugh?' Luffy tilts his head.
​
Sanji unlocks their captain, who slowly gets up. 'You got high on concentrated cactus juice, captain.'
​
'Uuuuhhh.' Luffy moans as Sanji hands him some water.
​
'Don't start moan.' Nojiko growls beneath him. 'No like moan sound.'
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'Hey, give the guy a break.' Ace snaps. 'He was talking about umbrella machine guns and flying pepperoni for hours!'
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'All right, you two break it up.' Zoro interjects himself between the two. 'How about this? I'll tell you my half of the story until it's time to hunker down for the night.'
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.......
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'How the abyss did you get in my office!?!'
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Smoker, senior officer of the Logue Town military barracks, stares at the green-haired intruder in the corner. He had spent the past five hours planning his assault on Alvida's cultists and ordered the grunts that he was not to be disturbed.
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'So... this isn't the bathroom?'

Smoker growls; the sores on his neck and head pulse with restrained rage. 'No.'
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'Oops.' Zoro zips up his pants and turns away from the office plant in the corner. 'Sorry about that. I'll be on my way then.'
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Smoker was now disturbed.
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'Do you know the crime for infiltrating an officer's quarters, brat?'
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'Huh?' Zoro looks around. 'Wow, someone put a Marine headquarters in a restroom? Imagine that!'
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Smoker was now enraged.
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He is about to pummel the intruder when he notices the three swords tied to his waist.
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Green hair. Three swords. Cocky attitude.
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'You wouldn't happen to be Roronoa Zoro, the pirate butcher?' The inquisitive Marine asks.
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The swordsman smirks. 'Who wants to know?'
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Smoker sizes up the man. Fierce, powerful, and above all determined.
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Everything that the soldiers under his command were not. First, the plague had made its way to their seas from the Grand Line. It hit cities sporadically, spreading fear and anarchy.
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Then the purity divisions arrived and stripped him of his most capable officers along with every ship in the harbor. Of course, this was after they had burned nearly everyone who had so much as a cough in a public display of cruelty. Only the fact that his infection hadn't been as far along, and his skill at hiding it, had saved him from the same fate.
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As if to make everything worse, the moment they and the majority of the population left was when Alvida, the untouchable "goddess," showed up. She started small, proclaiming she could share her power with the masses and make them immune with her Devil Fruit power. Now nearly half the remaining citizens were under her thrall despite it being clear that her power couldn't protect them.
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Fear does crazy things to people. Now her followers were growing in power by the day. And if he wanted to stop her before her cult brainwashed any more people, he needed muscle.
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He had Tagashi looking for openings in the cult's compound, and word from Division Two is that they found a particularly strong fighter chomping at the bit to beat her pet rooster to death.
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But you could never have enough cannon fodder.
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Snoker picks up a half-consumed cigar in his ashtray and takes in a deep lungful of ash. 'Then in that case. How would you like to not only be locked up for trespassing but earn thirty million belli?'
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'...and if I say no?'
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'Then I arrest you for being a very public nuisance.'
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'...thirty million, huh?'
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'And you'll have me and other marines backing you up to apprehend the two bounties.'
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'...well so long as I get paid.'
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..........
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'I'd better be getting paid for this!' Zoro shouts as he starts cutting.
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Bodies fly as Zoro starts dicing the weaklings between him and his targets.
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The cultists throw themselves at him with suicidal ferocity. They scream, they howl, they swing their embellished and accented weapons with absolute conviction.
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It doesn't save any of them.
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'Tiger Hunt!'
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Three swings of his swords and all that remains of the charging mob is a puddle of gore.
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'Troopers, surround the cultists!' The woman behind him shouts. 'Don't let them escape!'
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Zoro flinches slightly at the sound of her voice. He decapitates a desperate cultist trying to take advantage of his distraction.
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It was bad enough he had to get a pissed-off Luffy (who he passed off as a fellow bounty hunter) to cooperate; he also had to deal with her. A mirror image of Kuina.
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Same sword stance. Same attitude.
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She might have been a lot weaker, but even so...
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'Di-'
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Another cultist falls.
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Focus. Forget the girl. He needed to kill the targets.
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He cuts through the last of the mob and comes to the battle between Luffy and "rooster guy," as Luffy called him.
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Surprisingly, the guy isn't dead despite Luffy's attacks. Probably has something to do with that glass sheet he keeps summoning.
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'Gomu no Gatling!'
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'Barrier!'
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A wall of immobile power halts an unstoppable force. Hundreds of fists smash into the wall, which refuses to budge.
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Until, of course, the creator of the barrier is struck from behind.
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'Hawk wave!'
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'Ugh!' A blast of sharp air bites Bartolomeo in the back. He stumbles as his barrier cracks and Luffy's fist finds its way to his stomach. He falls to his knees, struggling to rise as the two Straw Hats glare at him.
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Zoro stands behind the injured man, his bloody swords ready. 'Wounds to the back are a swordsman's shame. Then again, you don't look like you're a swordsman.'
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The barrier user backs away from the two, trying to put both pirates in front of him.
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Luffy cracks his knuckles. 'Looks like you can't block two things at once, rooster.' He slowly advances towards him.
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'W-Wait!' Bartolomeo stands back up. 'You're fighting two on one! Don't you want to beat me fair and square?'
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'Nope.' Luffy punches, his arm stretching towards his foe.
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'Ugh, Barrier!' The man conjures another wall.
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'Gomu no...' Luffy pulls his extended arm from the side.
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The fist changes direction, slipping around the wall.
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'Eh!?' Bartolomeo's eyes widen.
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'Broken Pistol!'
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The fist connects with Bartolomeo, who manages to remain standing despite the powerful blow.
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But the punch was just a distraction.
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As Luffy's arm withdraws, Bartolomeo sees the bloodthirsty image of the Strawhat's swordsman and his crimson blades.
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Bartolomeo tries to conjure another barrier.
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'Demon Hunter!'
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Tries.
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The three swords connect, cleaving through flesh and blood with ease. Blood spurts from his chest, staining the ground beneath him. Bartolomeo grips his bleeding chest; his eyes fill with regret as he falls backwards.
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'A-Alvida... be... safe...'
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The Straw Hat slips off his head, and with a crash he falls backwards into a pool of his own blood.
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...........
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'So you took out one guy, huh, moss head?' Sanji scoffs, tending to the fire. 'Impressive.'
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Zoro scowls, leaning up against the cave wall. 'More than you did, shitty chef! I didn't see you helping in the middle of that fight. Did you get scared?'
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'I didn't help because my job is to feed the crew, moss head!' The chef states. 'While you were punching everyone like a gorilla, I was raiding their pantries for our ship!'
​
A sorrowful wind blows past the cave opening where the Straw Hats are sheltering. The fire created by Ace sputters for a moment as the sandy gale strikes them. As quickly as it comes, the wind fades, and the sandstorm resumes its assault on the dunes around them.
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'Oh!' Luffy nods, roasting the last of the bird over the open flames. 'So that's where you got all that food!'
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'That's right, Luffy.' Sanji scoots over, struggling to move without his legs. 'I knew we'd never find what we needed, so I joined the cult led by the admittedly beautiful Alvida to get closer to their supplies.'
​
'...'

'...Zoro?' Nojiko, in her human form, looks to the swordsman. 'What happened next?'
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'Yes, Zoro. Did you confirm the rooster's death?' Chopper asks. 'I would like to know if his Devil Fruit has entered circulation.'
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'Yes, Sensei.' Vivi looks up from cleaning her blade. 'And what about Alvida? Did she escape?'
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'And I, for one, want to hear about Smoker.' Ace comments from the center, her ears listening to the windstorm outside the mouth of the cave. 'Specifically, why he hates you so much despite you guys working together.'
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'Oy! Don't any of you want to hear my daring story?' Sanji protests, looking at his crew with a betrayed look.
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'Not really.' Nami says, fiddling with her new revolver. 'You basically did the same thing as I did but without the drama.'
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'Shouldn't it be a master thief's job to break in and steal without getting caught?'
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Nami flips open the three barrels of her gun, eyeing the components. 'Yeah.' She examines the specialist shells that Usopp designed for the gun. 'But it doesn't make for a good story.'
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'And Zoro is the least likely to exaggerate or go on a tangent about beautiful women.' Chopper says without a hint of tact.
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'Oy!'
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'Sorry, Sanji, but it's true.' Vivi states with as much feigned compassion as she can muster.
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Sanji sighs. 'Fine.' He turns to his rival. 'So what happened, moss head?'
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Ace taps her chin. 'Let me guess.' She snaps her fingers and points to the two. 'You guys kicked ass and took names, and Smoker tried to stab you in the back.'
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Luffy suddenly looks nervous. 'Well... sort of...'
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'Sort of?'
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Luffy looks down, moving his hat over the brim of his eyes. 'I got my hat back. Nami and Usopp were escaping with the treasure.' He looks up for a moment. 'Oh, and it turns out the lady was a really fat and ugly one I beat up before. You should have seen the faces her guys made when Smoker pressed his rid thingy to her throat and returned her to normal. Shi shi shi!'
​
But Luffy's forced mirth dies the moment it leaves his mouth.
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Ace looks at her brother. '...so... what happened?'
​
The good cheer of the story has vanished. The wind whips back into the cave, blowing away their good mood like
​
a candle in a gale.
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'No.' Luffy pales, swallowing a lump as if forcing his mouth to work. 'Then... then, Akainu and the purity division showed up.'
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..........
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'Kill the infected! For Justice! For Akainu!'
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'Please, we don't have the plague we weRRREREEEEAAAAGGHH!!!'
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'NO MERCY! NO PITY!!'
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'Zoro, grab the others and run!! NOW!!'
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'Filth! Diseased Filth! Die!'
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'Momma!? Where are you M-'
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'This is madness! Why would-'
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'Kill them all! In the name of Justice!'
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'TAGASHI!!!'
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'KILL THEM! KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!!'
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'No mercy! No pity!'
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'RUN! Run. run...'
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............
​
The cave suddenly becomes quiet as a tomb. No one wants to have to recount that unless absolutely necessary.
​
'If it wasn't for that freak storm, I don't think we would have made it past the battleships...' Nami recounts with a somber tone. 'It gave us the wind we needed to escape and threw the blockade into disarray.'
​
'Well, there was also the fact that Akainu was murdering everyone in the town with his bare hands.' Zoro grits his teeth. 'Probably too busy killing civilians and his own men to focus on a few pirates.'
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Sanji looks down. 'I was... first back on the boat, so I got a front-row seat when they started firing phosphorus rounds into the town. The smell... I'd give anything to forget that smell.'

'And the reason they didn't sink the Merry?' Usopp laughs bitterly. 'They thought it was a scuttled ship. Shows what they knew. We rode on a typhoon past their little fleet while they were gaping like idiots!'
​
'Then, shortly after that, I got my first bounty.... for killing everyone in Logue town.' Luffy says somberly.
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'They WHAT!?!' Flames pop out of Ace like an inferno. 'They blamed you for Akainu's massacre!?'
​
Luffy just nods.
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Ace looks at her traumatized brother and develops a new hatred for the "Mad Dog" of the Marines. 'And Smoker? Why the abyss does he hate you for something Akainu did?'
​
'...simple.' Zoro grunts. 'He can kill us. He can't raise a finger against Akainu, so we're the next best thing.'
​
Ace looks about ready to explode, only to calm herself down at the last moment. 'Great. So an Admiral popped up in the East Blue.' A look of worry crosses her face. 'Which means either the plague outbreak is worse than you saw... or...'
​
Luffy picks up on his brother's worry. 'Or?'
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A haunted look crosses Ace's face. 'Or one of the three Emperors is making a move.'
​
The three Emperors. The tyrants of the lost world. Demons whose crews devoured countries and slaughtered armies.
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The very mention of them causes the crew's skin to crawl.
​
Luffy looks terrified for the first time in his life, having overheard whispers from his idol, Shanks. That and the Revolt were events that were freshly ingrained into every citizen of the Goa Kingdom.
​
Zoro looks grim, clutching his swords as if mentioning them would bring wrath upon their heads. The superstition of mentioning them had been engraved into his head by his adoptive father through years of detailed horror stories from Wano.
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Nami shudders. If a fraction of what was reported in the Blueberry Times was true, then the East Blue was in a crisis far greater than the plague outbreak and the purity division put together. Even the suggestion that the Emperors had slipped past the calm belt was a thousand times worse than any plague outbreak.
​
Surprisingly, Usopp appears the least affected of the group. Yet the fear he sees on his friend's faces makes him realize how grave the situation is.
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Sanji is spooked. He had grown up hearing whispers of the Emperors and their invincibility. Now the idea that they were anywhere near the sea where Zeff plied his trade filled him with dread.
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Nojiko is in the same boat as Usopp. Ignorant of the power of those demons, yet keenly feeling the tension and fear her crew gives off. Her animalistic instincts feel the fear radiating off everyone in the room, especially Ace.
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Vivi's human hand shakes uncontrollably. She, more than anyone else, knew of the nightmare the Lost World had become under their rule thanks to the few nobles who had managed to flee. She did not doubt that if the Emperors ever broke past the Whitebeard Alliance stationed in Fishman Island, her country would cease to exist in a matter of hours.
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Chopper cringes. He had access to Doctorine's reports on injuries from the New World. He had read medical reports from Water 7 and Punk Records about the existence of the vile creatures that now called the second half of the Grand Line home. He understood very well that whatever came from those cursed seas were monsters that made infected sea kings look like guppies.
​
And with that, the story ended.

No one felt like talking more, and as one, they lay down in the cave to sleep, their minds mistaking the wind for the laughter of demons.