Disclaimer: I do not own Noir. This story is rated T for angst and slight shoujo-ai.
The silence is deafening as it echoes around my ruined apartment. I lie huddled in my bed, a small bed really...but without her here it feels like I'm adrift on a ocean without anything to hang onto.
I try to sleep but I find I am haunted when I am sleeping. The ghosts of my past are here to remind me of all I've lost. So why can I only think of her? She was the one who took everything from me. I can't forget the way her eyes burned into mine or the way she sounded as she pleaded for me to end her life. That soft voice was so full of pain. And I couldn't do it....I just couldn't......
I climb out of the bed and walk over to look out the shattered windows of my home. I try not to think about all my possessions lying broken and ruined around me. It's the price I had to pay for the way I've chosen to live my life. Everything has a price in the end. Happiness is just a myth, it's an unreachable goal. I've learned to live with pain. It's all I know.
So why do I feel like if she was here I would feel that spark again? Why do I feel that I need her to feel alive again? I imagine her beside me in the bed as usual, her golden skin next to mine, the softness of her arms and legs as they accidentally brush up against me. Her wild dark hair sticking up like a kid's. I'd have to fight the urge to smooth it back. Somehow she was ......beautiful. How can I think that? But I do.
Is she suffering right now? I remember the desperation and pain in her voice as she begged me to kill her. She stood in the rain with her arms spread, eyes closed and a smile on her face. She wanted it so much. She didn't want to face what she had done to my family. She knew she was damned. I couldn't give her what she wanted. So I left her there instead.............
I don't know what to do without her. I feel I should go after her and fulfill the promise I made to her in the beginning. I should kill her and release her from whatever hell she is going through. I would have revenge on my family at last. I'll have killed the person who took them from me.
Why? Why did it have to be her? I can see her big eyes looking at me as I hear her soft voice in my ear. She sounded the way I thought an angel might sound. She was made of darkness though, of the blackest black, so why did I feel like I was dying inside without her beside me?
I feel broken like everything around me. I feel like I should just lay down on this floor covered with glass and I maybe I wouldn't feel the pain anymore. But I won't do that. I can't.....
You captivated me somehow and now I have to live with these feelings inside me. I thought I had protected myself. I guess she was special enough to me to break through my walls. I find I'm grieving for her.....Why?
The killer of my family.....
Why do you haunt me so?
A/n- Just felt like writing this. Not part of any of my ongoing stories. Set right before Mireille finds Kirika's letter. Hope this wasn't too bad. no flames.
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