FicWad

Disclaimer- dont own. dont profit. just borrowing the boyos for a bit.





There are the usual ways to get out of work; calling in sick, calling in dead, getting into a fantastic bar fight the night before and being, as a result, un-presentable the next morning...
But those petty methods are far too mundane for such an accomplished slacker as myself. There are fantastic ways for someone with my creativity and almost legendary talent in the sack to get of doing an honest days work.
C'mon, you know everyone and their otherwise straight cousin wants a go at the great Reno.
It really is easy to get a day off for someone with my questionable, but enviable, talents.
Especially since I am privy to the knowledge that our fearless leader is a kinky little sot when it comes down to it.
Which is why, even when I don't intend on doing a minute of work, I bring my electrobaton with me when I head out to talk Rufus into giving me a day off.
Hell, I even wink at Rude as I saunter into Shinra HQ, taking great pleasure in his awkward throat clearing. There is only one reason for me to be so happy to be up and about in the morning, and that is anticipation of a great session of convincing Rufus Shinra to send me home.
Step one. Enter the office without knocking. It helps to shock the guard on duty, making it so they are either willing to let you do what you want, or shortly become too unconscious to complain. Element of surprise combined with one of the more mundane uses for the good ol' baton.
Man does Rufus hate to be interrupted, especially without any warning. Its perfect, puts him on the awkward footing and me completely in control of the situation.
Step two is not for the faint of heart, and probably won't work for anyone but me. I have this casual nonchalance when it comes to matters of self-preservation. Better for the blood pressure. Seriously, take a look at the vein that pops up whenever Tseng gets stressed. It is hideous, pulsing in his forehead like that. Can't be good for him. When Rufus stands, his typical attempt to gain back some sort of superiority (which is hard to do when you have to glare up at someone, hence the whole standing up as fast as possible), smile smugly and declare you are not working today.
"Yo, boss. I was thinking today would be my day off."
Rufus will, inevitably, try to let you know that is a shitty idea.
"You are scheduled to work, and you will."
Again, step three is not for the faint of heart. Or for anyone interested in keeping themselves in one solid piece. Convincing Rufus Shinra that he is mistaken is an eclectic art form, almost impossible to perfect.
Luckily, one doesn't become second in command of the Turks without a good portion of brains, a dash of creativity and a solid set of steel balls.
Which is, of course, how I get away with smirking my most offensive grin, and lean most disrespectfully up against Rufus' desk. "I think I've earned some time off." Add a bit of a sly confidence Rufus finds so irresistibly infuriating. "Paid, of course."
"Turk, get out of my office and to work."
Step four is the fun one.
"Wouldn't you rather I went to work in your office?" There is enough poorly disguised innuendo in that one to make a whore blush.
The best part about step four is it involves reminding Rufus there are ways to use an electrobaton that are not covered in the manual. Trust that fantastic force known as Reno creativity to come up with such funs ways to employ the available tools to get the best results from every conflict.
It's a good thing Tseng stopped asking what I was doing to wear the poor things out so often.
Step five is rather self-explanatory, and can vary depending on who is outside the office to embarrass. If Rude or Elena are on duty, working somewhere between Rufus and the main entrance, there is no need to readjust ones shirt, or tighten ones tie. Hell, some days I almost think it would be worth it to forget to refasten my pants. Just to see how much I can make poor little Elena blush. Either way, after helping Rufus settle everything back onto his desk, or move a bookcase or two to cover new and incriminating dents and scratches on the wall, its time to head home.
The knowledge that Rufus has his half lidded, rather pleased eyes glued to my ass as I leave always tempts me to saunter a little more than necessary, to give the boss a little bit of a show before he is bereft of my presence for the rest of the day.
After that, the hardest part of the day is trying to figure out what to drink first, and what to do while waiting for Rufus Shinra to be done with his work.
It's a damn shame we haven't figured out a way for us to get time off together. I think Tseng would burst a vein if he had to think about what his dear Shinra was doing with his vicious, incorrigible red haired menace of a Turk all afternoon. It's a good thing I am one of a kind, as I am sure Tseng would love a good excuse to send me somewhere far away for a very long time.
Bastard must be jealous.