Categories > TV > Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Nice Little Gifts

Nice Little Gifts

by MrBillyD 1 review

Harmony and Anya react to Willow's rampage, after the killing of Tara

Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Horror, Humor - Characters: Anya, Harmony - Warnings: [V] [X] - Published: 2006-10-05 - Updated: 2006-10-05 - 2404 words - Complete

Nice Little Gifts

Harmony reacts to Willow's rampage, after the killing of Tara.

I do not own any of these characters. They belong to whoever produced the TV series Buffy Vampire Slayer.

This story contains graphic violence, nudity, and offensive language. I give it a PG 13 Rating.

Nice Little Gifts

By MrBillyD

My name is Harmony. I am 22 years old, and I work nights.

The sun was about to set, when I woke up naked, with a naked dead guy in my bed. I always feel good when that happens. I can't think of a better way to start the night.

Then I got up out of bed and stood in front of the mirror, brushing my fangs, combing my long yellow hair, and fixing my make up. The full figured me, wondered why no one else could see a vampire's reflection, but I could see my own. I liked what I saw. When I extend my fangs, my face does not become disfigured, like you see on those fictitious vampires, who appear on certain popular TV shows.

I thought, I'm a deadly beauty.

I put on my bright yellow dress, with matching vest and pumps, and picked up my matching handbag.

I reached in my handbag, and took out a copy of the "Vampire's Handbook"; which is subtitled "Being a Vampire Doesn't Have to Suck". Under the subtitle is a cartoon smiley face with fangs. Under the smiley face is the blurb "What every new vampire should know."

I walked over to the bed, put a copy of the handbook between the dead guy's limp fingers, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and went out the door.

I work downtown as a receptionist, outside the Executive Offices, on the 38th floor, of the Wolfram and Hart Corporation Headquarters. When I arrived, I found a package on my desk from Sunnydale; my home town.

I opened the package, reached in, and took out a clear plastic bag, containing the head of Buffy Summers the Vampire Slayer.

I howled in delight. "Ding-dong! The bitch is dead!"

I'd been told that she'd finally been killed; but I'd heard reports like that before, so I'd decided to wait and see. Now I saw, and it was time to celebrate.

Someone had sent her head, as a nice little gift, to Wolfram and Hart Headquarters. Buffy Summers' head is now on display in the Exhibition Hall, along with the heads of Kendra, Faith and every other Slayer, who's been killed in the last 118 years.

Wolfram and Hart had posted a 1 million-dollar reward for whoever killed Buffy. I and everyone else, had always expected, that the reward would go to some vamp, who just happened to get lucky. It didn't turn out that way. The million would be paid to Willow Rosenberg, her very best friend in all the world, who was also one of the most powerful witches in all the world.

I was told all about it by Anya, more properly known as Anyanka, the Wish Granting Vengeance Demon, who'd been a member of Buffy's gang.

I'm a vampire, so I enjoy hearing a good gory story, especially when it's a true story. That always makes me hungry. I really enjoyed hearing Anya tell me about what happened in my hometown Sunnydale, when my former classmate Willow Rosenberg, used her powers as a witch, to flay our former classmate Warren Mears alive.

That was right after he'd shot Willow's lesbo girlfriend Tara McLay, right through the boob, and killed her. I bet that was an appetizingly major splatter of blood.

According to Anya, Willow went off the deep end. She went down to the Sunnydale Magic Shop, found an ancient book of the Darkest Magic, and used its spells, to transform herself into an uncontrollably powerful vengeance demon. Then she went stalking Warren.

She tracked him down in the woods outside of town, and flayed him alive, without putting a hand on him. Anya was an eyewitness. She said that Willow just waved her hands, and all his skin peeled off, in less than a second. Then he was a skeleton covered with muscles, just like you see in biology text books. I wish I'd been there to see her kill him myself.

Along with the reward, I think we ought to offer Willow a job here a Wolfram and Hart. We could certainly use someone with her talents. She could be either an enforcer, or an entertainer, or both.

She's certainly come a long way, since we were classmates in Sunnydale High. Back then she was just a nerdy girl, who always got good grades, and had the ability to float pencils, and other simple magic tricks. Back then, she was no more dangerous than any magician who you see on TV.

I remember seeing her at the Senior Prom; which is my last memory of Sunnydale High. That was when they were handing out the awards. I remember them giving Buffy Summers a really lame "Class Protector" Award. They credited her, with being the one most responsible, for our class having the lowest mortality rate in Sunnydale history. Her reward was actually a cheap, gold plated, toy umbrella.

It was right after that, when my date said that he wanted to make out; so we went out to the Sunnydale High parking lot. That's when I found out he was vampire, and I was dead in less than two minutes.

I wish I hadn't been too dead to see the look on Buffy's face, when they found my body. I'm sure that was enough to keep her from dancing and singing in the rain, with that stupid umbrella.

Now to get back to Willow. I'd been a vampire for about three months, when I saw her again. It was a little after mid-night, and the green eyed, freckle faced redhead was standing alone, beside an open van, in the alley behind the nightclub called the Bronze.

I decided to give her a really nice gift, and make her a vampire; like I'd done with Cordelia and a few other high school friends.

So I went on over and greeted her.


"Harmony?" She smiled. "I haven't seen you in such a long time? How long has it been?"

"Not since the night of the Senior Prom."

"Yeah. The Prom. Wait a minute. I heard that you were one of the girls who got killed that night."

"That's right." I told her, "I was one of them. Now I'm undead. Just like you're about to be yourself."

Then I extended my fangs, and pounced on the redhead. I grabbed her shoulders tight, and put my mouth against her neck. I playfully sank my fangs in deep, and began sucking out her blood. Willow tried to fight me off, but she was already overpowered. I felt her weakening. She was beginning to die.

She would have been dead in less than a minute; but her boyfriend Oz came running out of the Bronze's stage door. He was a musician playing at the Bronze, and he'd just happened to be carrying a music stand.

He knocked me away from Willow with the stand. That was okay with me. She was being too easy to kill. Now it would be a good fight. I started to pounce back.

Then he and Willow both stuck crosses in my face, forcing me to back off.

I thought that was really mean. After all, I was doing something really nice for my old classmate; turning her into a vampire. Becoming a vampire, is the best thing that can ever happen to anybody. I was giving her immortality; and what better gift can anyone give to somebody than that?

If she and her boyfriend hadn't pulled that stunt with the crosses, Willow would have been dead that night. She wouldn't have turned gay. She'd now be a vampire, who knows how to deal responsibly with bloodlust; instead of being the demonic witch, who's terrorizing all the decent citizens of Sunnydale.

To get back to Willow's rampage. It didn't stop with the flaying of Warren. She also killed an illicit black magic dealer named Rack, and left him hanging upside down from his ceiling. She then went after Warren's two nerdy accomplices, named Jonathan and Andrew. Buffy tried to protect them both.

That's when Willow levitated, spoke some Latin, and bolts of lightning shot out from her fingers, killing Buffy by electrocution.

I was told all this by Anya, at lunchtime, on the day I received Buffy's head. We were seated in the Wolfram and Hart Cafeteria, where the live employees eat meat and vegetables, and drink coffee, sodas or fruit drinks. We vampires drink blood from large mugs.

Anyanka had ordered a mug of blood.

I warned her, "We vampires get all our nourishment from blood. All you demons get from it is drunk."

"Believe me," she said, "I need to get drunk."

"But not here. Please."

She said, "Do you know where Willow's and Buffy's final battle took place? In the middle of the Magic Box. My place of business, where I was the manager. When she shot off those electric jolts, the place caught fire. My livelihood was burned to the ground!"

"But you do have insurance don't you?"

"Of course I have insurance; but that's not the point! The problem is that Willow is still on a rampage. She's terrorizing everyone in Sunnydale, and not just vampires. Everything has to be done her way, without question, or zap! Another electrocuted citizen. The Slayer may be dead, but nobody alive or undead's gonna be singing and dancing in Sunnydale, until Willow's dead too.

"That's why I've come to talk to you Harmony. Sunnydale can use your help."

"Me? What makes you think I can kill Willow? I almost did a few years ago. If her boyfriend hadn't interfered, she'd have died then with no trouble at all; but now forget it! The generator is mightier than the fang."

"Well I don't mean for you to do the actually killing. Remember. I'm a wish granting Vengeance Demon. I can kill Willow, but only if somebody wishes for me to do so."

"I see. All I have to do, is wish for Willow to die?"

"Do you?"


"Good!" Then Anyanka said, "So you have wished it; so shall it be done."

I asked, "Is that it?"

"That's it. By the time I get back to Sunnydale, Willow and her reign of terror will be history. Sunnydale will finally belong to the vampires."

"That'll be great." I told her. "Sunnydale will finally be like every other vampire town I've been to. The vampires of Sunnydale, are gonna stop living in crypts, caves or sewers; or hiding in their family's basements, like I did. They'll live in real homes, have real jobs, pay taxes, and they'll be highly respected members of the Community."

"Highly respected?"

"Yes. They'll run the Town Government, and being alive in Sunnydale, will be a temporary condition, just like it is here at Wolfram and Hart; and when Sunnydale High School students become undead, they'll transfer to night classes, and they'll graduate as vampires with diplomas."

"Oh I think that's wonderful." She said, "Sunnydale will finally become one place in this mortal dimension, that isn't meant for wimps and wussies."

"Wimps and wussies?"

"Do you realize Harmony," Anya said. "That this entire Dimension is dying from Wussyism? There's this big Holiday Game coming up. The Gladiators versus the Warriors. Everyone says they're gonna massacre each other. But guess what? They're not real gladiators or real warriors. Those are the names of football teams; and when they call it a 'massacre', it's a figure of speech. Nobody's going to die! What's the point of having a holiday, if nobody dies?"

I said. "Good question."

"Now I remember" Anya reminisced, "back in the Demon Realm, when I attended ole' Beelzebub High. All our team sports were genuine massacres; and everyone who got killed, had his or her head impaled on a stake. I fought on the girl's squad, of the Gladiator Team. I killed more than a dozen opponents. I got killed four times myself, and my own head was impaled on stakes. Then the next day, our headless bodies stood up, walked over to the stakes, picked up our heads, and put them back on.

"Then on Monday mornings, we were all back in our classes, with all our assignments completed and ready to be handed in."

"Sounds great." I told her, "Too bad that can only happen in the demon realm."

"Another thing." She said, "When the games were over, one of the losing team's cheerleaders always got hanged, from the winning team's goal post. Now those are the kind of games, I'd like see them start playing at ole Sunnydale High, once it stops being a wussy school."

"We weren't wussies Anya." I told her, "When I was a cheerleader, at Sunnydale High, more than half of us got vamped. We knew the danger, but we cheered, and waved those pom-poms anyway. The guys called us pussy not wussy."

"I wasn't talking about you Harmony."

"How about you Anya? You're no longer in the demon realm, so remember what I said. Being alive in Sunnydale, will be a temporary condition; so if you're planning to keep on living there, it'll only be a matter of time, until you become a vampire yourself."

"Harmony," she told me, "It's already happened."

Then she extended her fangs and asked, "Why do you think I'm drinking blood from this mug?"

That was two nights ago. This evening, when I came into work, I found another package from Sunnydale on my desk.

Another nice little gift from Anya, I thought. She'd sent us Willow's head, which will be placed in the Exhibition Hall, among the heads of other people, who've killed vampire slayers.

I opened the package, reached in and pulled out a clear plastic bag, containing the head of Anyanka the Vengeance Demon, with her new pair of fangs fully extended.

Will her headless body be showing up here, to pick up her head and put it back on? I'd just love to see that.

Her head came with a note.


Willow Rosenberg"

It looks like recruitment for the Sunnydale High Gladiator Team, has been put on hold indefinitely.
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