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The next morning Joan raced through the hallway to get to Adam's locker. "Adam," she gasped, out of breath, and he looked at her with fathomless dark eyes. "Are you all right?"

"Jane," he said, smiling sadly, and for the first time in a long time she didn't flinch at the nickname, or object to it. She just stood, concern and care etched in her face, waiting for him to speak. "I'm sort of numb," he said. "I'm not sure how I feel about this."

"Me, either," Joan admitted.

"I didn't love her," Adam said. "You know that, right?"

Joan flushed and looked away. "Yeah, I guess," she said.

"Does that," Adam hesitated, aware of the enormity of what he was about to dump on her, aware that he'd thrown away all right to ask her to share his emotional burden, but still needing her. "Does that make this my fault?"

"Oh, Adam," Joan said, meeting his eyes again, her own eyes filling with tears. "No. This is not your fault. This is...too big to be any one person's fault, you know? Even Bonnie's."

And then Iris skidded to a stop next to them, frowning at Joan. "Tell me you're not so wrapped up in yourself and your own problems that you're taking advantage of this situation to get A back," she demanded.

Joan raised one scornful eyebrow. "And you're here to...?" she prompted coolly.

"Make sure Adam is okay!" Iris squeaked.

"Then this is some kind of world record," Joan said, "because for the second time in a row I almost see some point to your existence."

Adam, trying to hide a small smile, said quietly, "I'm all right, Iris. More or less."

"What is this, group therapy?" asked grace, as she and Luke joined them. "You all right, Rowe?" she asked, carefully making the question sound off-hand.

"Yeah," he said, shrugging, "more or less. I guess. Thanks."

"You know what we should do?" Joan asked suddenly, and they all looked at her. "We should all go visit Bonnie in the hospital."

Grace shook her head in disbelief. "Sorry to cast doubt on your precarious mental stability, Girardi," she said, "but are you nuts? Isn't that kind of morbid? And say she wakes up while we're there, and her first sight is a delegation of people who, let's face it, she's probably figured out can't stand her."

"The shock could kill her," said Luke, brightening, and Grace shot him a look of disapproval.

"Seriously," she said to Joan, "don't you think we should leave the visiting thing to her actual friends? This is real life, not an after school special."

"Yeah, but does she even have any?" Joan asked. "Any actual friends, I mean? What if we're it?" Everyone fell silent.

Adam was the first one to speak. "You're right," he said softly. "I should do this. I owe her that much."

"We should all go," Joan said again, firmly.

"You don't have to do that," Adam said kindly. "This isn't your problem."

"I know," Joan said, and her voice trembled slightly. "I just can't stand the thought of her being all alone. In the dark."

Meanwhile

Ryan strode through the school as if he owned it, the same way he walked everywhere, the effect slightly spoiled when a plump janitor joined him, easily matching his stride, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "If you're here to tell me what a bad man I am," Ryan drawled, "you can save your breath. I already know. Anyway, is it my fault your creations are so damned fragile? All it took was one tiny push, one clear view of how worthless she was, and the girl went running to her own destruction."

They rounded the corner, and Ryan stopped abruptly. Ahead of them Joan and a group of people, obviously her friends, were hugging and comforting each other, gathering up bags and books and belongings to head off somewhere together. Clearly together. Ryan's heart ached oddly at the sight, with a tiny throb of pride and envy.

"They are very fragile," Custodian God agreed. "That's why it's amazing that they can be so strong when they need to be."

Out of the corner of her eye Joan saw Ryan and then, shocked, realized Who was standing next to him. At the doors to the school she turned back. "You guys wait here for me," she said. "I just have to grab one thing from my locker, okay? I'll be right back." She dashed back into the school, hurrying to where Ryan stood, alone now.

"Why are you here?" she asked, but not in an unfriendly tone.

"Where are you and the posse headed?" he asked, mildly sarcastic.

"We're going to visit Bonnie," Joan said, "and before you say anything, this isn't about me denying my feelings or suppressing my resentment of her or anything like that. I've just decided that having negative feelings doesn't mean I have to act on them. I mean, those aren't the only feelings I have, so I can choose to act on the other ones-like feeling sorry for her. And worried about Adam."

"How noble," Ryan said.

Joan shrugged. "Whatever," she said. "But for a guy who prides himself on being as 'in control' as you do, I'd think that would be a valuable insight. Being a slave to your own worst feelings isn't what I'd call a major step up from being a pawn of God." She flounced off, leaving Ryan staring after her.