Categories > Anime/Manga > From Eroica With Love
Short Trips 1
0 reviewsA mission in Paris turns out to be even more dangerous than usual when Klaus and Dorian encounter the Master. Doctor Who crossover. Prequel to "The Trip of a Lifetime."
0Unrated
Short Trips 1
/From Eroica with Love/Doctor Who /cross-over
By Sindeniirelle
Author's Notes, Warnings & Disclaimers:
This story features the Fourth Doctor and his assistant, the Second Romana. It was written as a prequel to my fanfiction The Trip of a Lifetime, which was a dramatic revision of a previous fic of mine titled "All Other Destinations." This fic is also a bit of a revision of "Destinations" in that it makes use of a scene I had originally written in "Destinations" but that got cut out of the rewrite "Lifetime."
/From Eroica with Love /is property of Yasuko Aoike, Princess Comics, and DC Comics. /Doctor Who /is property of the BBC. No profit was made from this story.
"But, Doctor, we've already been to Paris!" Romana objected as she watched their current location in time and space materialize on one of the TARDIS monitors.
"Yes, Romana, but that time we were working, this time we're here on a holiday!" he replied, smiling widely. "Besides, I thought you liked Paris."
"Oh, I did," she answered readily. "It was lovely. But I thought we were here on a holiday last time-"
"Yes, yes, well if you're going to get technical about everything..." he shrugged, flipping his long multi-coloured scarf over his shoulder. "Now, let's go see how our Mona Lisa is doing, shall we?" With that, the two Time Lords linked arms and walked out of the small blue police box that had just miraculously appeared in le Bois de Boulogne.
*
Dorian Red Gloria, the Earl of Gloria, was very fond of the Champs Elysées. It was the most beautiful street in the world, he thought, as he sat at one of the many luxurious outdoor cafés beneath an attractive rose-red parasol. He smiled at the Arc de Triomphe, which was crystal clear against the bright blue sky, and easily visible from where he was sitting.
God, how he had needed this holiday! The past several months had seen him attending a dozen parties as the socialite Lord Gloria, and pulling off numerous heists as the art thief Eroica. He'd even dropped by Bonn to interfere with one of the missions of a certain handsome German intelligence officer.
"There is a phone call for you," a waiter said, interrupting his thoughts. Dorian stared at the telephone for a moment before lifting the heavy back receiver. He was just starting to relax; he didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment, not even his team. But, well, maybe they had found something irresistible to steal, and he couldn't pass that up.
After bracing himself for James' shrill whine the deep German baritone on the other end of the line was an immediate relief, and instantly recognizable. Lord Gloria felt a smile curl around his lips as he caught the tail end of a very loud, angry rant, before the voice turned to him. "Eroica. Are you there?"
"Of course, darling," he all-but purred. The major was calling him! Holiday be damned! "How lovely of you to call."
Major Eberbach snorted. "A mission's come up and that fat bastard of a chief seems to think you'd be the most qualified for the task at hand," it was clear by the major's tone that Iron Klaus strongly disagreed with his superior's opinion, "besides, you're already in the area."
"Paris?" he asked, surprised.
"Where are you staying?"
"I'm in Paris/, darling, /where do you /think /I'm staying?"
"Is the money-bug with you?"
"You mean Jamesie? Of course not, I am enjoying a private holiday."
"Then you're at the Ritz. Or the Meurice," the major replied.
"The Ritz, darling. Planning on visiting?" he couldn't help smiling. The major knew him so well. They sounded like an old couple on the phone, even if Klaus wouldn't consider him so much as a friend in reality.
"I'll be there in an hour to brief you on the mission," the phone wasn't returned to it's hook so much as it was slammed, but Dorian had been expecting that, and already held his end of the receiver at a safe distance from his ear. He was still smiling.
Still smiling until he stood and collided with the café patron seated at the table next to him, a petite blonde in an English schoolgirl's costume. He shuddered.
"I'm terribly sorry," she said, raising one hand to hold her small boater hat in place.
He backed away quickly. Paris//, /he shuddered, /it would be wonderful if it wasn't for all the women!
*
"I told you the museum would be closed, Doctor," Romana said several hours later, brushing a long strand of pale golden hair from her shoulder.
"Closed? Why, that's silly," he replied, pulling the sonic screwdriver from one of the many pockets on his long brown frock coat. "You can't just lock a priceless piece of artwork behind closed doors and say no one can look at it! Come on, Romana, we're going in!"
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked, as the sonic screwdriver in his hand buzzed and the door clicked open.
"Of course not," he grinned, "when has that ever stopped us? Come on! Let's go see the Mona Lisa again."
The Time Lady shrugged, following him, "I still say she's got no eyebrows."
*
"What are you smiling at? Pervert!" the major snapped as he stormed into the earl's hotel room.
"Why, Major! Here we are, all alone in the city of love..."
Klaus scowled at him, "this room is gaudy and decadent," he said, eyeing the chandelier with distain, "I should have known you would be staying in a place like this!"
"You did know, remember?"
The major snorted, lighting a cigarette.
"And here you are, in my hotel room," the earl smiled wistfully, "just the two of us...alone...why, anything could happen!"
The major looked up at him, the colour drained from his face. "YOU-!! Can't you keep your mind off such perverse things for once?" he sighed, "I can't believe the chief wanted to hire you for this mission, after that fiasco in Rome!"
"I had no bad intentions in Rome," the thief smiled, looking about as innocent as the devil himself, Klaus thought.
"I trust you know the lay out of the Louvre?" he asked tiredly.
A silly question for an art thief of his prestige and calibre, Eroica thought, and laughed, "I know it like the back of my hand, darl-"
"Good. Now prick your ears up, this is important."
"Isn't it always?"
The major gave him a dark, withering look. "It will be dangerous. If you can not be serious, I will go alone."
"Well, you know me, Major. I laugh in the face of danger. And I very often flirt with it."
Klaus chose to ignore that, and continued. "There is some very important microfilm hidden in the frame of one of the paintings-"
"You do realize that the Louvre boasts over six thousand paintings, so you're going to half to be a little more specific..."
*
It was past midnight and the museum was deathly quiet as Eroica snuck softly down the empty hallways. The major had handed him a manila envelope with a picture of the painting, not that he would have needed it once he knew the name. It was Leonard Da Vinci's Saint Jean-Baptist, a painting he'd been meaning to add to his own collection one day. /Unfortunately, the major probably wouldn't be happy if I stole it along with the microfilm.../he thought, feeling carefully beneath the heavy frame until his fingertips found the edge of the reel hidden there.
"Mm, you are a pretty one, though aren't you, darling?" he cooed to the painting as the microfilm reel landed in the palm of his hand. "Maybe I could take you home with me, after all..."
"Oh, hello there!"
"Wh-what?" the thief asked, startled, and turned around to see a tall man with curly brown hair, wearing a long brown coat and an enormous scarf. "Um...hello?"
"See, Romana? Here's someone who clearly knows the value of art and history, I-Romana? Oh blast, where's she wandered off to this time?" he looked around for a moment, before turning back to the thief. "My name is the Doctor, by the way. And who might you be?"
"Um...I'm...well, that is to say," the earl blinked. Was this man mad? Or had he been sent by Interpol-/why do they always send the crazy ones after me? /
*
"What's taking him so damn long?!" Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach growled, pacing the sidewalk and grinding his cigarette under his heel. "Damn it!"
"Sir, B's team has reported seeing two other suspicious persons enter the building!" Agent A said, running towards him.
"What? Damn it-it must be the KGB!" Klaus growled, loading his magnum.
"But Sir-"
"Get out of my way, Mr. A, unless you'd rather be reposted in Alaska?"
"Uh, yes Sir, I mean, NO, Sir!"
"I want men ready in case back up is needed! Contact Agent Z's team /now /and tell them what's going on!"
"Yes, Sir!"
He'd barely entered the building before he ran into a young woman with long blonde hair wearing a short black dress and a boater hat. "Stop right there!"
She looked at him in mild surprise. "Oh?" she asked, "I see you have one of those primitive human firearms. Goodness, we seem to run into people like you a lot on this planet!"
He stared at her blankly for a second.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I must find the Doctor!" she said, spinning around.
"Hold it! You're not going anywhere!" he shouted, raising the magnum again.
She sighed, lifting her hands very reluctantly. "Oh, alright."
"Ah, Romana, there you are!" a voice called suddenly, and the Doctor came striding towards them. "Hello," he said to the major, extending a hand amicably. "I see you've found my assistant. I'm the Doctor-"
"Be quiet!" the major snapped, definitely /not /shaking the offered hand.
"Well, now, there's no need to be rude, my good man, we were only passing through. Come on, Romana, let's go!"
"No one's going anywhere!" the major growled, pointing the gun at them.
"Ah. Alright then," the Doctor said, "Romana, let's stay here!"
Eroica walked down the hall slowly after them, looking as confused as the major felt. "Eroica! What took you so bloody long?!"
"I got the microfilm," the thief said absently, holding up the reel and still watching the Doctor and his assistant curiously.
"Eroica!" the Doctor exclaimed suddenly, startling all three of them, "Now I understand! The English art thief from the twentieth century, why of course!"
The major looked at the Doctor and Romana for a moment as though he was going to say something, but closed his mouth again, turning back to the thief. Shaking his head, he snatched the microfilm.
"Doctor, something's not right here," Romana whispered to him.
"Oh no? What's that?" he asked, reaching into his coat pocket for a bag of jellybabies.
"I had a bad feeling," she said, "so I went back to the TARDIS to check the controls..."
"Oh, Romana, Romana, how many times do I have to tell you, we're on a /holiday/-It's like I said, every four hundred years a Time Lord gets to go fishing-"
She blinked, "what?" she said, looking around, "where are the fish?"
"No, what I meant was-"
"But listen, I ran a scan for alien technology and you'll never guess what I found!" she exclaimed in a whisper. "Another /TARDIS/. Doctor, it looks like we aren't the only Time Lords on this planet."
"Oh," he said, looking at her in surprise, "Oh dear, well you're right then, you're absolutely right, this is very important, we best be off."
They walked two steps when the major shouted, "what do you think you're doing?!"
"Oh, we'd love to stay around and chat, but you know how it is," the Doctor said with a grin, "places to go, people to see, planets to save-that sort of thing."
"No enemy spies have ever escaped from Iron Klaus," he told them, eyes narrowing.
"Well no, I should say not," the Doctor agreed readily, "but you see we're not enemy spies, we're simply aliens, so it's quite alright-"
"You-you're bloody mad..." the major said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Yes, and I'm sorry did you say Iron Klaus? My, that name sounds familiar..."
"I am Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach of NATO," the German said, frowning.
"Well my name is Romanadvoratrelundar," the blonde girl replied, "of Gallifrey. Pleased to make your acquaintance, Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach of NATO."
The Doctor shook his head at both of the name. "What's the point of a name, if by the time you're done saying it the conversation's over?"
"Major..." Eroica said suddenly. "That smell..."
"What smell?"
"Knock-out gas?"
"/What/?!"
"Oh dear, I think you're right," said the Doctor, attempting to use his scarf to muffle the gas.
"I told you we were in trouble..." Romana murmured as the three of them slumped unconscious to the floor.
"You idiots!" the major thundered. "You're not supposed to /breathe /when there's-"
A blinding burst of pain exploded in the back of his head, sending a wave of hot white fire up behind his eyes. The next moment, he felt his body hit the floor of the museum scant inches from the earl's and everything went black.
*
Major Eberbach regained consciousness slowly. He wasn't sure where he was, but oddly enough he wasn't restrained. He felt his shoulder holster automatically and sighed, of course he had been disarmed. "Damn it..." he groaned, pulling himself to his feet and rubbing the back of his head where he could already feel a bruise forming. "Where the hell am I?"
"The same place we are, I should imagine," the Doctor said, and he slowly realized that he was in the same room with the Doctor and Roman-whatever her name was. /But where's the thief? /he thought, looking around.
"You!" he shouted at the Doctor, "what are we doing here?!"
"Look," said the girl, "we're obviously not your enemies if we've been kidnapped alongside you."
The major looked at them darkly. "We'll see."
"Would you care for a jellybaby?" the Doctor asked, offering the bag to the major, who regarded it with absolute revulsion.
"That poison?!"
"No, no, I suppose you wouldn't..."
A second later, the door swung open. A stocky man dressed all in black, with a dark beard and moustache entered, a long black cape flaring up behind him. The major raised an eyebrow. "Are you with the KGB?" he demanded.
"Oh no, not you..." the Doctor sighed.
The stranger merely smiled. It was not a pleasant sight, "I am the Master," he said in a low voice, meeting the major's gaze. "I am the Master and you will obey me..."
"Like hell!"
One swift punch and the so-called 'Master' collapsed, gasping in pain. "That could be useful," Romana said.
Once outside of the small room, they found themselves in a lavishly decorated mansion-no a castle, and not a good, practical castle like the Schloss Eberbach, but one with crystal chandeliers, gold walls and lavish mirrors. Looking out the windows Klaus could see gardens with marble fountains stretching out for miles before the estate. "Gott..." he muttered, feeling ill just looking at it all. But he shook himself-first he had to find the earl, then they had to escape.
"Why we're in Versailles!" the Doctor exclaimed, laughing as he poked his head out into the hallway. "Come on, Romana, I can show you the famous hall of mirrors!"
"Why would the KGB take us to-"A moment later they found themselves in the ballroom, which was completely deserted. "Shouldn't there be tourists here?" Klaus scowled.
"Yes, it is quite suspicious isn't it?" said the Doctor.
"I suppose we ought to be careful," Romana said, "Doctor I couldn't help noticing that you seemed to know this man called the Master. He's the Time Lord I detected, isn't he?"
The major scowled at them. All they do is jibber about nonsense!
"He is and he's a very dangerous one," he whispered to her.
"But I heard he was dead," she whispered back. "The files in the Gallifrey archives state-"
"He's a time traveller, Romana, he could be crossing paths with us before his demise-from his perspective-oh, look at that chandelier! ...and tell me, but do you hear music?"
"Why yes," she said. "It sounds like a harpsichord!"
The major was busy peering down the adjacent hallways. He decided to leave them and search for the earl. Bloody English, not one of them sane...
"A harpsichord! I daresay they have /music /on this planet!" the Doctor exclaimed.
"We have computers on Gallifrey that can simulate that exact sound, you know," she pointed out.
He looked at her, "No, no, that's nonsense! You can't reproduce /that /exact sound! This atmosphere, this-moment!" he exclaimed, taking her hand. "Why, Miss Romana, would you care to dance?"
"Aren't you forgetting about the Master?" she asked.
"Right, right, well, Major Eberbach let's-" the two Time Lords found themselves alone in the hall. "One day I'll find some companions that don't wander off..." he muttered.
*
The Master scowled, ordering his servants-two hypnotized tour guides-to tie the ropes tighter. He wasn't going to let /this one /get away! Especially now that the Doctor had shown up to meddle in his plans, yet again...and had already escaped him. That dark-haired human would pay for humiliating him like that in front of his old rival...
The blonde man groaned quietly, waking up, and the Master saw his eyes widen in fear and confusion. He looked deep into those eyes and said carefully, "I am the Master...you will listen to me...and you will obey me..."
*
The major wandered down the castle corridors. He was just beginning to wonder if codenames like 'Mischa the Cub' had gone out of style with the KGB when he stumbled upon Eroica. The blonde man was wandering around with a blank, dazed expression, almost as though he was sleep-walking.
The major stared at him for a moment before reaching out and shaking him roughly. "Eroica! Idiot! Snap out of it! We have to-"
The earl's head swayed softly to the side, the blue eyes misty and sightless. A burning pain shot through the major's chest. He looked down in disbelief to see the end of a long, jewelled dagger sticking into his skin. /How could I have let my guard down?! /was his first thought, as he stumbled backwards in pain. The second was, /but why in the world would that wanker-/the splintering pain escalated as he grabbed the bloody hilt and pulled the blade out of his chest.
Breathing heavily, he tossed the dagger away, feeling thick blood pouring onto his hand as he grasped the wound. "Eroica..." he growled in his most threatening voice, but there was no response, the earl just stood there in front of him, not seeing him, swaying softly. God damn it what have those bastards done to you? /he thought. "/Lord Gloria," he tried, "snap out of it!"
Eroica was moving towards him again, and the major met him half ways, slamming his fist into the back of the thief's head. Lord Gloria toppled forwards without a sound. Well, at least that takes care of one problem...
Even as he finished that thought, the major looked up to see a crowd of civilians coming towards him. They moved in the same slow, sightless way that the earl had. They had been-what? Brainwashed? Hypnotized?
Fuck. /Klaus thought. /So that's what happened to the tourists.
*
Dorian cracked one eye open. He was lying on the ground, and his head hurt like /hell/. He slowly pulled himself up to see a man lunge at him. Eyes widening in surprise, the thief leapt out of the way, stumbling, so that he fell hard against the wall. The stranger swung at him again, this time tearing the fabric of his black burglary suit. "Great, you've just made my accountant cry!" the earl said, stumbling backwards.
Two more men and a woman were also lumbering towards him, slowly and, well, for lack of a better word, /creepily, /Eroica thought, ducking a punch and narrowly avoiding being slashed across the face with a pocket knife.
He caught the hand of his assailant with the knife and twisted his attacker's arm, forcing him to drop the weapon. Taking the knife, Eroica effortlessly flung it through the air, and straight into the shoulder of another of his attackers. The man he struck didn't even flinch, but continued stumbling forwards, blood dripping down his arm.
"Oh. That's...not good." Eroica spun back around, ducking between the mob and ran down the hallway, his heart pounding. Where was the major? Where was he/? That question, at least, he could answer, as he stumbled into the famous hall of mirrors. "Versailles...?" the earl gasped. "What am I doing in-" /
A woman in a blue dress lurched for him, and Eroica backed up, only to find he was pinned against a mirror. "Not so fast," said a voice, and the woman collapsed.
Eroica stared in surprise at the man he had met earlier who called himself 'the Doctor.' "This little gadget," he said, waving a thin cylindrical device about in his hand, "is a sonic screwdriver, by using the hyper-amplitude beam-emitter, I can use it as a mid-power laser tool."
"Oh," said the earl. "Then why is she getting back up again?"
"What?" the Doctor turned back to the woman who was picking herself up off the floor, still gripping the knife. "Oh no."
"You can say that again," Dorian murmured, backing away with the Doctor as the dangerous mob lumbered towards them.
*
"I'm telling you, let me help!" Romana said, as the major struggled to avoid being decapitated by a dozen hypnotized civilians, (one of whom had a sword for reasons that eluded him) all the while still clutching the wound in his chest.
"What-can you do?" he asked through clenched teeth. "And where did you come from?"
"Well I thought you might need some help, that's all," she said. "And I can do this," she lifted a sonic screwdriver and adjusted the frequency. She pointed it at one man's head, and a moment later, he fell unconscious to the ground. "The sonic frequency interferes with the brainwashing," she explained, tossing back her blonde hair and aiming at a second civilian.
The major stared at her in disbelief. God, /he thought, /I can't wait until this is over. Damn English and their damn spy gadgets.
"There!" she said triumphantly, as the last of their group of assailants collapsed. "Now, if only I had a minute I think I could adjust the emitter to reach everyone whose under the Master's control," she said.
"The KGB...is doing...this?" he gasped, feeling hot knives of pain cut through his chest.
"Pardon?" she asked. But he was in too much pain to repeat it, so he shook his head, gritting his teeth.
"Just...do it," he said.
*
"Thank goodness /that's /over!" the Doctor exclaimed.
"Uh...I think you spoke to soon, Doctor," Dorian replied, as another hypnotized mob stumbled into the room. The sheen of knives glinted in the shadows and Eroica and the Doctor braced themselves for the oncoming brawl.
Eroica blanched slightly at the thought, such bouts were really not his forté, after all. The thief cast a glance quickly over the room to see if he could find something-/anything/-that would give him an advantage-and his eyes settled on one of the magnificent gold and crystal chandeliers that dangled from the ceiling above them.
The citizens attacked. The Doctor used his sonic screwdriver on another, who stumbled for a moment unsteadily, giving Eroica just the opportunity he needed-running up, he jumped onto the man's bulky shoulders and pushed himself into a leap, catching the rungs of the chandelier. A moment later, he twisted himself around, and pulled himself up. He found he had quite a good view of the ensuing brawl from there, he thought, his head still ringing painfully enough to bring the sting of tears to his eyes. /I wonder what hit me? /he thought.
"Persistent lot, aren't they?" the Doctor asked, laughing at the earl's choice of hiding spots.
A large group had meanwhile gathered beneath Eroica and his chandelier, and were trying to reach him. He watched all of this for a moment, wondering if maybe it /hadn't /been such a great idea; he was very uncomfortable, and the chandelier, despite it's beauty with it's little glass birds and things, was not quite sturdy.
Turning to the metal plug that held the fixture in place he gave it an experimental tug. The entire pendant groaned and shuddered beneath him, the pieces of glass chiming together. "Well, that's interesting." A sudden thought came over him, that when it fell down, if he was caught in it, the glass-he swallowed as a large hairy hand curled around his ankle. Well, what choice did he have? he thought, watching the Doctor dodge blows on the ground below.
"You want the chandelier?" he asked, twisting his neck around to grin at his attacker, who was being hoisted up by the others. "You can HAVE it!"
The resulting crash resonated throughout the whole of Versailles. The walls, floors and ceilings all seized in one great violent jolt as a deafening crash rang out, the mirrors shuddered as the glass chandelier exploded against the ground.
/Alright, so it wasn't the smartest move I ever made/, Dorian thought, lying on his back, momentarily stunned. He had been thrown from the chandelier during the fall, and heard the bits of glass raining down all around him. He knew that when he got feeling back, it wasn't going to be pleasant...
*
The Time Lady frowned slightly in concentration, leaning over the sonic screwdriver. "If I change this frequency too-ah there-" a burst of light shot out of the device covering all of Versailles, and a moment later the civilians who had been under the Master's control collapsed.
Romana smiled. "Well, I think that did it," she said.
"How did you know how to do that?" the major asked, frowning.
"Oh, well, I did graduate from the Academy with a Triple First," she replied without thinking, then quickly said, "perhaps we'd better find the Doctor and Eroica."
*
Dorian heard the bodies falling but he couldn't see what was happening. His entire body was paralyzed with pain and his heart pounded in his chest. He heard the Doctor come and kneel next to him, but he still didn't know whether or not the Doctor was a friend or an enemy. "There, there," he heard the stranger saying, "everyone is already recovering, and ambulances are on their way."
Then the loud military footsteps crossed the floor, and this time Dorian cracked his eyes open to see the major looking down at him with a strange expression he was unsure where to place. Was he concerned? For /him/? "Major...my hero!"
"Ugh. You're fine," the major sighed, lighting a cigarette. "But the KGB agent got away."
"That's a shame, I'm sure...hey, major, did you know you're bleeding?"
"Idiot."
*
"That was close," said Romana, as she ran next to the Doctor down the Parisian streets, one hand rising to hold her hat.
He merely laughed, reaching out and grabbing her free hand, pulling her alongside him. "If you call that close you haven't lived yet!" he exclaimed.
"So we foiled the Master's plan...I suppose?" the Time Lady asked curiously. "But why was he hypnotizing the tourists at Versailles? And why did he abduct those two men, or was it just because they happened to be with us at the time? I don't understand it-"
"He's an evil genius, Romana, surely you don't expect him to make sense?" the Doctor asked. "Maybe he knows he isn't going to live forever, and he was just trying to have a last bit of fun before the end? Who knows?"
"Fun, Doctor?" she asked incredulously. "Those people-"
"Evil genius, Romana."
"Well, what are we doing now, then?" she sighed.
"Oh, I don't know," he said, "why don't we finish our holiday in Paris-no interruptions this time."
She smiled, "and what about those two?"
"What? Oh/, those/ two," he thought for a moment. "I think we'll meet again..."
"You do?" Romana asked, arching her eyebrows inquisitively. "And what makes you say that, Doctor?"
He laughed, shaking his head, "Oh, just a hunch, Romana, just a hunch. Now, actually, what do you say we go back to the TARDIS. I've never taken you fishing, have I?"
END.
/From Eroica with Love/Doctor Who /cross-over
By Sindeniirelle
Author's Notes, Warnings & Disclaimers:
This story features the Fourth Doctor and his assistant, the Second Romana. It was written as a prequel to my fanfiction The Trip of a Lifetime, which was a dramatic revision of a previous fic of mine titled "All Other Destinations." This fic is also a bit of a revision of "Destinations" in that it makes use of a scene I had originally written in "Destinations" but that got cut out of the rewrite "Lifetime."
/From Eroica with Love /is property of Yasuko Aoike, Princess Comics, and DC Comics. /Doctor Who /is property of the BBC. No profit was made from this story.
"But, Doctor, we've already been to Paris!" Romana objected as she watched their current location in time and space materialize on one of the TARDIS monitors.
"Yes, Romana, but that time we were working, this time we're here on a holiday!" he replied, smiling widely. "Besides, I thought you liked Paris."
"Oh, I did," she answered readily. "It was lovely. But I thought we were here on a holiday last time-"
"Yes, yes, well if you're going to get technical about everything..." he shrugged, flipping his long multi-coloured scarf over his shoulder. "Now, let's go see how our Mona Lisa is doing, shall we?" With that, the two Time Lords linked arms and walked out of the small blue police box that had just miraculously appeared in le Bois de Boulogne.
*
Dorian Red Gloria, the Earl of Gloria, was very fond of the Champs Elysées. It was the most beautiful street in the world, he thought, as he sat at one of the many luxurious outdoor cafés beneath an attractive rose-red parasol. He smiled at the Arc de Triomphe, which was crystal clear against the bright blue sky, and easily visible from where he was sitting.
God, how he had needed this holiday! The past several months had seen him attending a dozen parties as the socialite Lord Gloria, and pulling off numerous heists as the art thief Eroica. He'd even dropped by Bonn to interfere with one of the missions of a certain handsome German intelligence officer.
"There is a phone call for you," a waiter said, interrupting his thoughts. Dorian stared at the telephone for a moment before lifting the heavy back receiver. He was just starting to relax; he didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment, not even his team. But, well, maybe they had found something irresistible to steal, and he couldn't pass that up.
After bracing himself for James' shrill whine the deep German baritone on the other end of the line was an immediate relief, and instantly recognizable. Lord Gloria felt a smile curl around his lips as he caught the tail end of a very loud, angry rant, before the voice turned to him. "Eroica. Are you there?"
"Of course, darling," he all-but purred. The major was calling him! Holiday be damned! "How lovely of you to call."
Major Eberbach snorted. "A mission's come up and that fat bastard of a chief seems to think you'd be the most qualified for the task at hand," it was clear by the major's tone that Iron Klaus strongly disagreed with his superior's opinion, "besides, you're already in the area."
"Paris?" he asked, surprised.
"Where are you staying?"
"I'm in Paris/, darling, /where do you /think /I'm staying?"
"Is the money-bug with you?"
"You mean Jamesie? Of course not, I am enjoying a private holiday."
"Then you're at the Ritz. Or the Meurice," the major replied.
"The Ritz, darling. Planning on visiting?" he couldn't help smiling. The major knew him so well. They sounded like an old couple on the phone, even if Klaus wouldn't consider him so much as a friend in reality.
"I'll be there in an hour to brief you on the mission," the phone wasn't returned to it's hook so much as it was slammed, but Dorian had been expecting that, and already held his end of the receiver at a safe distance from his ear. He was still smiling.
Still smiling until he stood and collided with the café patron seated at the table next to him, a petite blonde in an English schoolgirl's costume. He shuddered.
"I'm terribly sorry," she said, raising one hand to hold her small boater hat in place.
He backed away quickly. Paris//, /he shuddered, /it would be wonderful if it wasn't for all the women!
*
"I told you the museum would be closed, Doctor," Romana said several hours later, brushing a long strand of pale golden hair from her shoulder.
"Closed? Why, that's silly," he replied, pulling the sonic screwdriver from one of the many pockets on his long brown frock coat. "You can't just lock a priceless piece of artwork behind closed doors and say no one can look at it! Come on, Romana, we're going in!"
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked, as the sonic screwdriver in his hand buzzed and the door clicked open.
"Of course not," he grinned, "when has that ever stopped us? Come on! Let's go see the Mona Lisa again."
The Time Lady shrugged, following him, "I still say she's got no eyebrows."
*
"What are you smiling at? Pervert!" the major snapped as he stormed into the earl's hotel room.
"Why, Major! Here we are, all alone in the city of love..."
Klaus scowled at him, "this room is gaudy and decadent," he said, eyeing the chandelier with distain, "I should have known you would be staying in a place like this!"
"You did know, remember?"
The major snorted, lighting a cigarette.
"And here you are, in my hotel room," the earl smiled wistfully, "just the two of us...alone...why, anything could happen!"
The major looked up at him, the colour drained from his face. "YOU-!! Can't you keep your mind off such perverse things for once?" he sighed, "I can't believe the chief wanted to hire you for this mission, after that fiasco in Rome!"
"I had no bad intentions in Rome," the thief smiled, looking about as innocent as the devil himself, Klaus thought.
"I trust you know the lay out of the Louvre?" he asked tiredly.
A silly question for an art thief of his prestige and calibre, Eroica thought, and laughed, "I know it like the back of my hand, darl-"
"Good. Now prick your ears up, this is important."
"Isn't it always?"
The major gave him a dark, withering look. "It will be dangerous. If you can not be serious, I will go alone."
"Well, you know me, Major. I laugh in the face of danger. And I very often flirt with it."
Klaus chose to ignore that, and continued. "There is some very important microfilm hidden in the frame of one of the paintings-"
"You do realize that the Louvre boasts over six thousand paintings, so you're going to half to be a little more specific..."
*
It was past midnight and the museum was deathly quiet as Eroica snuck softly down the empty hallways. The major had handed him a manila envelope with a picture of the painting, not that he would have needed it once he knew the name. It was Leonard Da Vinci's Saint Jean-Baptist, a painting he'd been meaning to add to his own collection one day. /Unfortunately, the major probably wouldn't be happy if I stole it along with the microfilm.../he thought, feeling carefully beneath the heavy frame until his fingertips found the edge of the reel hidden there.
"Mm, you are a pretty one, though aren't you, darling?" he cooed to the painting as the microfilm reel landed in the palm of his hand. "Maybe I could take you home with me, after all..."
"Oh, hello there!"
"Wh-what?" the thief asked, startled, and turned around to see a tall man with curly brown hair, wearing a long brown coat and an enormous scarf. "Um...hello?"
"See, Romana? Here's someone who clearly knows the value of art and history, I-Romana? Oh blast, where's she wandered off to this time?" he looked around for a moment, before turning back to the thief. "My name is the Doctor, by the way. And who might you be?"
"Um...I'm...well, that is to say," the earl blinked. Was this man mad? Or had he been sent by Interpol-/why do they always send the crazy ones after me? /
*
"What's taking him so damn long?!" Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach growled, pacing the sidewalk and grinding his cigarette under his heel. "Damn it!"
"Sir, B's team has reported seeing two other suspicious persons enter the building!" Agent A said, running towards him.
"What? Damn it-it must be the KGB!" Klaus growled, loading his magnum.
"But Sir-"
"Get out of my way, Mr. A, unless you'd rather be reposted in Alaska?"
"Uh, yes Sir, I mean, NO, Sir!"
"I want men ready in case back up is needed! Contact Agent Z's team /now /and tell them what's going on!"
"Yes, Sir!"
He'd barely entered the building before he ran into a young woman with long blonde hair wearing a short black dress and a boater hat. "Stop right there!"
She looked at him in mild surprise. "Oh?" she asked, "I see you have one of those primitive human firearms. Goodness, we seem to run into people like you a lot on this planet!"
He stared at her blankly for a second.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I must find the Doctor!" she said, spinning around.
"Hold it! You're not going anywhere!" he shouted, raising the magnum again.
She sighed, lifting her hands very reluctantly. "Oh, alright."
"Ah, Romana, there you are!" a voice called suddenly, and the Doctor came striding towards them. "Hello," he said to the major, extending a hand amicably. "I see you've found my assistant. I'm the Doctor-"
"Be quiet!" the major snapped, definitely /not /shaking the offered hand.
"Well, now, there's no need to be rude, my good man, we were only passing through. Come on, Romana, let's go!"
"No one's going anywhere!" the major growled, pointing the gun at them.
"Ah. Alright then," the Doctor said, "Romana, let's stay here!"
Eroica walked down the hall slowly after them, looking as confused as the major felt. "Eroica! What took you so bloody long?!"
"I got the microfilm," the thief said absently, holding up the reel and still watching the Doctor and his assistant curiously.
"Eroica!" the Doctor exclaimed suddenly, startling all three of them, "Now I understand! The English art thief from the twentieth century, why of course!"
The major looked at the Doctor and Romana for a moment as though he was going to say something, but closed his mouth again, turning back to the thief. Shaking his head, he snatched the microfilm.
"Doctor, something's not right here," Romana whispered to him.
"Oh no? What's that?" he asked, reaching into his coat pocket for a bag of jellybabies.
"I had a bad feeling," she said, "so I went back to the TARDIS to check the controls..."
"Oh, Romana, Romana, how many times do I have to tell you, we're on a /holiday/-It's like I said, every four hundred years a Time Lord gets to go fishing-"
She blinked, "what?" she said, looking around, "where are the fish?"
"No, what I meant was-"
"But listen, I ran a scan for alien technology and you'll never guess what I found!" she exclaimed in a whisper. "Another /TARDIS/. Doctor, it looks like we aren't the only Time Lords on this planet."
"Oh," he said, looking at her in surprise, "Oh dear, well you're right then, you're absolutely right, this is very important, we best be off."
They walked two steps when the major shouted, "what do you think you're doing?!"
"Oh, we'd love to stay around and chat, but you know how it is," the Doctor said with a grin, "places to go, people to see, planets to save-that sort of thing."
"No enemy spies have ever escaped from Iron Klaus," he told them, eyes narrowing.
"Well no, I should say not," the Doctor agreed readily, "but you see we're not enemy spies, we're simply aliens, so it's quite alright-"
"You-you're bloody mad..." the major said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Yes, and I'm sorry did you say Iron Klaus? My, that name sounds familiar..."
"I am Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach of NATO," the German said, frowning.
"Well my name is Romanadvoratrelundar," the blonde girl replied, "of Gallifrey. Pleased to make your acquaintance, Major Klaus Heinz von dem Eberbach of NATO."
The Doctor shook his head at both of the name. "What's the point of a name, if by the time you're done saying it the conversation's over?"
"Major..." Eroica said suddenly. "That smell..."
"What smell?"
"Knock-out gas?"
"/What/?!"
"Oh dear, I think you're right," said the Doctor, attempting to use his scarf to muffle the gas.
"I told you we were in trouble..." Romana murmured as the three of them slumped unconscious to the floor.
"You idiots!" the major thundered. "You're not supposed to /breathe /when there's-"
A blinding burst of pain exploded in the back of his head, sending a wave of hot white fire up behind his eyes. The next moment, he felt his body hit the floor of the museum scant inches from the earl's and everything went black.
*
Major Eberbach regained consciousness slowly. He wasn't sure where he was, but oddly enough he wasn't restrained. He felt his shoulder holster automatically and sighed, of course he had been disarmed. "Damn it..." he groaned, pulling himself to his feet and rubbing the back of his head where he could already feel a bruise forming. "Where the hell am I?"
"The same place we are, I should imagine," the Doctor said, and he slowly realized that he was in the same room with the Doctor and Roman-whatever her name was. /But where's the thief? /he thought, looking around.
"You!" he shouted at the Doctor, "what are we doing here?!"
"Look," said the girl, "we're obviously not your enemies if we've been kidnapped alongside you."
The major looked at them darkly. "We'll see."
"Would you care for a jellybaby?" the Doctor asked, offering the bag to the major, who regarded it with absolute revulsion.
"That poison?!"
"No, no, I suppose you wouldn't..."
A second later, the door swung open. A stocky man dressed all in black, with a dark beard and moustache entered, a long black cape flaring up behind him. The major raised an eyebrow. "Are you with the KGB?" he demanded.
"Oh no, not you..." the Doctor sighed.
The stranger merely smiled. It was not a pleasant sight, "I am the Master," he said in a low voice, meeting the major's gaze. "I am the Master and you will obey me..."
"Like hell!"
One swift punch and the so-called 'Master' collapsed, gasping in pain. "That could be useful," Romana said.
Once outside of the small room, they found themselves in a lavishly decorated mansion-no a castle, and not a good, practical castle like the Schloss Eberbach, but one with crystal chandeliers, gold walls and lavish mirrors. Looking out the windows Klaus could see gardens with marble fountains stretching out for miles before the estate. "Gott..." he muttered, feeling ill just looking at it all. But he shook himself-first he had to find the earl, then they had to escape.
"Why we're in Versailles!" the Doctor exclaimed, laughing as he poked his head out into the hallway. "Come on, Romana, I can show you the famous hall of mirrors!"
"Why would the KGB take us to-"A moment later they found themselves in the ballroom, which was completely deserted. "Shouldn't there be tourists here?" Klaus scowled.
"Yes, it is quite suspicious isn't it?" said the Doctor.
"I suppose we ought to be careful," Romana said, "Doctor I couldn't help noticing that you seemed to know this man called the Master. He's the Time Lord I detected, isn't he?"
The major scowled at them. All they do is jibber about nonsense!
"He is and he's a very dangerous one," he whispered to her.
"But I heard he was dead," she whispered back. "The files in the Gallifrey archives state-"
"He's a time traveller, Romana, he could be crossing paths with us before his demise-from his perspective-oh, look at that chandelier! ...and tell me, but do you hear music?"
"Why yes," she said. "It sounds like a harpsichord!"
The major was busy peering down the adjacent hallways. He decided to leave them and search for the earl. Bloody English, not one of them sane...
"A harpsichord! I daresay they have /music /on this planet!" the Doctor exclaimed.
"We have computers on Gallifrey that can simulate that exact sound, you know," she pointed out.
He looked at her, "No, no, that's nonsense! You can't reproduce /that /exact sound! This atmosphere, this-moment!" he exclaimed, taking her hand. "Why, Miss Romana, would you care to dance?"
"Aren't you forgetting about the Master?" she asked.
"Right, right, well, Major Eberbach let's-" the two Time Lords found themselves alone in the hall. "One day I'll find some companions that don't wander off..." he muttered.
*
The Master scowled, ordering his servants-two hypnotized tour guides-to tie the ropes tighter. He wasn't going to let /this one /get away! Especially now that the Doctor had shown up to meddle in his plans, yet again...and had already escaped him. That dark-haired human would pay for humiliating him like that in front of his old rival...
The blonde man groaned quietly, waking up, and the Master saw his eyes widen in fear and confusion. He looked deep into those eyes and said carefully, "I am the Master...you will listen to me...and you will obey me..."
*
The major wandered down the castle corridors. He was just beginning to wonder if codenames like 'Mischa the Cub' had gone out of style with the KGB when he stumbled upon Eroica. The blonde man was wandering around with a blank, dazed expression, almost as though he was sleep-walking.
The major stared at him for a moment before reaching out and shaking him roughly. "Eroica! Idiot! Snap out of it! We have to-"
The earl's head swayed softly to the side, the blue eyes misty and sightless. A burning pain shot through the major's chest. He looked down in disbelief to see the end of a long, jewelled dagger sticking into his skin. /How could I have let my guard down?! /was his first thought, as he stumbled backwards in pain. The second was, /but why in the world would that wanker-/the splintering pain escalated as he grabbed the bloody hilt and pulled the blade out of his chest.
Breathing heavily, he tossed the dagger away, feeling thick blood pouring onto his hand as he grasped the wound. "Eroica..." he growled in his most threatening voice, but there was no response, the earl just stood there in front of him, not seeing him, swaying softly. God damn it what have those bastards done to you? /he thought. "/Lord Gloria," he tried, "snap out of it!"
Eroica was moving towards him again, and the major met him half ways, slamming his fist into the back of the thief's head. Lord Gloria toppled forwards without a sound. Well, at least that takes care of one problem...
Even as he finished that thought, the major looked up to see a crowd of civilians coming towards him. They moved in the same slow, sightless way that the earl had. They had been-what? Brainwashed? Hypnotized?
Fuck. /Klaus thought. /So that's what happened to the tourists.
*
Dorian cracked one eye open. He was lying on the ground, and his head hurt like /hell/. He slowly pulled himself up to see a man lunge at him. Eyes widening in surprise, the thief leapt out of the way, stumbling, so that he fell hard against the wall. The stranger swung at him again, this time tearing the fabric of his black burglary suit. "Great, you've just made my accountant cry!" the earl said, stumbling backwards.
Two more men and a woman were also lumbering towards him, slowly and, well, for lack of a better word, /creepily, /Eroica thought, ducking a punch and narrowly avoiding being slashed across the face with a pocket knife.
He caught the hand of his assailant with the knife and twisted his attacker's arm, forcing him to drop the weapon. Taking the knife, Eroica effortlessly flung it through the air, and straight into the shoulder of another of his attackers. The man he struck didn't even flinch, but continued stumbling forwards, blood dripping down his arm.
"Oh. That's...not good." Eroica spun back around, ducking between the mob and ran down the hallway, his heart pounding. Where was the major? Where was he/? That question, at least, he could answer, as he stumbled into the famous hall of mirrors. "Versailles...?" the earl gasped. "What am I doing in-" /
A woman in a blue dress lurched for him, and Eroica backed up, only to find he was pinned against a mirror. "Not so fast," said a voice, and the woman collapsed.
Eroica stared in surprise at the man he had met earlier who called himself 'the Doctor.' "This little gadget," he said, waving a thin cylindrical device about in his hand, "is a sonic screwdriver, by using the hyper-amplitude beam-emitter, I can use it as a mid-power laser tool."
"Oh," said the earl. "Then why is she getting back up again?"
"What?" the Doctor turned back to the woman who was picking herself up off the floor, still gripping the knife. "Oh no."
"You can say that again," Dorian murmured, backing away with the Doctor as the dangerous mob lumbered towards them.
*
"I'm telling you, let me help!" Romana said, as the major struggled to avoid being decapitated by a dozen hypnotized civilians, (one of whom had a sword for reasons that eluded him) all the while still clutching the wound in his chest.
"What-can you do?" he asked through clenched teeth. "And where did you come from?"
"Well I thought you might need some help, that's all," she said. "And I can do this," she lifted a sonic screwdriver and adjusted the frequency. She pointed it at one man's head, and a moment later, he fell unconscious to the ground. "The sonic frequency interferes with the brainwashing," she explained, tossing back her blonde hair and aiming at a second civilian.
The major stared at her in disbelief. God, /he thought, /I can't wait until this is over. Damn English and their damn spy gadgets.
"There!" she said triumphantly, as the last of their group of assailants collapsed. "Now, if only I had a minute I think I could adjust the emitter to reach everyone whose under the Master's control," she said.
"The KGB...is doing...this?" he gasped, feeling hot knives of pain cut through his chest.
"Pardon?" she asked. But he was in too much pain to repeat it, so he shook his head, gritting his teeth.
"Just...do it," he said.
*
"Thank goodness /that's /over!" the Doctor exclaimed.
"Uh...I think you spoke to soon, Doctor," Dorian replied, as another hypnotized mob stumbled into the room. The sheen of knives glinted in the shadows and Eroica and the Doctor braced themselves for the oncoming brawl.
Eroica blanched slightly at the thought, such bouts were really not his forté, after all. The thief cast a glance quickly over the room to see if he could find something-/anything/-that would give him an advantage-and his eyes settled on one of the magnificent gold and crystal chandeliers that dangled from the ceiling above them.
The citizens attacked. The Doctor used his sonic screwdriver on another, who stumbled for a moment unsteadily, giving Eroica just the opportunity he needed-running up, he jumped onto the man's bulky shoulders and pushed himself into a leap, catching the rungs of the chandelier. A moment later, he twisted himself around, and pulled himself up. He found he had quite a good view of the ensuing brawl from there, he thought, his head still ringing painfully enough to bring the sting of tears to his eyes. /I wonder what hit me? /he thought.
"Persistent lot, aren't they?" the Doctor asked, laughing at the earl's choice of hiding spots.
A large group had meanwhile gathered beneath Eroica and his chandelier, and were trying to reach him. He watched all of this for a moment, wondering if maybe it /hadn't /been such a great idea; he was very uncomfortable, and the chandelier, despite it's beauty with it's little glass birds and things, was not quite sturdy.
Turning to the metal plug that held the fixture in place he gave it an experimental tug. The entire pendant groaned and shuddered beneath him, the pieces of glass chiming together. "Well, that's interesting." A sudden thought came over him, that when it fell down, if he was caught in it, the glass-he swallowed as a large hairy hand curled around his ankle. Well, what choice did he have? he thought, watching the Doctor dodge blows on the ground below.
"You want the chandelier?" he asked, twisting his neck around to grin at his attacker, who was being hoisted up by the others. "You can HAVE it!"
The resulting crash resonated throughout the whole of Versailles. The walls, floors and ceilings all seized in one great violent jolt as a deafening crash rang out, the mirrors shuddered as the glass chandelier exploded against the ground.
/Alright, so it wasn't the smartest move I ever made/, Dorian thought, lying on his back, momentarily stunned. He had been thrown from the chandelier during the fall, and heard the bits of glass raining down all around him. He knew that when he got feeling back, it wasn't going to be pleasant...
*
The Time Lady frowned slightly in concentration, leaning over the sonic screwdriver. "If I change this frequency too-ah there-" a burst of light shot out of the device covering all of Versailles, and a moment later the civilians who had been under the Master's control collapsed.
Romana smiled. "Well, I think that did it," she said.
"How did you know how to do that?" the major asked, frowning.
"Oh, well, I did graduate from the Academy with a Triple First," she replied without thinking, then quickly said, "perhaps we'd better find the Doctor and Eroica."
*
Dorian heard the bodies falling but he couldn't see what was happening. His entire body was paralyzed with pain and his heart pounded in his chest. He heard the Doctor come and kneel next to him, but he still didn't know whether or not the Doctor was a friend or an enemy. "There, there," he heard the stranger saying, "everyone is already recovering, and ambulances are on their way."
Then the loud military footsteps crossed the floor, and this time Dorian cracked his eyes open to see the major looking down at him with a strange expression he was unsure where to place. Was he concerned? For /him/? "Major...my hero!"
"Ugh. You're fine," the major sighed, lighting a cigarette. "But the KGB agent got away."
"That's a shame, I'm sure...hey, major, did you know you're bleeding?"
"Idiot."
*
"That was close," said Romana, as she ran next to the Doctor down the Parisian streets, one hand rising to hold her hat.
He merely laughed, reaching out and grabbing her free hand, pulling her alongside him. "If you call that close you haven't lived yet!" he exclaimed.
"So we foiled the Master's plan...I suppose?" the Time Lady asked curiously. "But why was he hypnotizing the tourists at Versailles? And why did he abduct those two men, or was it just because they happened to be with us at the time? I don't understand it-"
"He's an evil genius, Romana, surely you don't expect him to make sense?" the Doctor asked. "Maybe he knows he isn't going to live forever, and he was just trying to have a last bit of fun before the end? Who knows?"
"Fun, Doctor?" she asked incredulously. "Those people-"
"Evil genius, Romana."
"Well, what are we doing now, then?" she sighed.
"Oh, I don't know," he said, "why don't we finish our holiday in Paris-no interruptions this time."
She smiled, "and what about those two?"
"What? Oh/, those/ two," he thought for a moment. "I think we'll meet again..."
"You do?" Romana asked, arching her eyebrows inquisitively. "And what makes you say that, Doctor?"
He laughed, shaking his head, "Oh, just a hunch, Romana, just a hunch. Now, actually, what do you say we go back to the TARDIS. I've never taken you fishing, have I?"
END.
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