FicWad

It's quiet here this time of the night. The nurses on duty just look up giving me a nod as I pass the desk. I'm bring flowers, I always bring flowers even though by morning the staff will remove them. The policy for the floor here are no flowers in the rooms. Screw that because I always bring them for her whether she realizes it or not.

Pausing at her door a moment, I'd take a deep breath, if I had breath. This was always so hard. Her first few days in here I even tried the sleeping beauty kiss thing to wake her up, but no deal. Pushing the door open I step inside and look to the bed. There she lay, looking like she's ready to open her eyes and tell me I need a kick in the ass, or that she loves me. She'd flip if she knew she didn't have her make up on, though even without it she is the most beautiful woman I've known.

"Hey," I said as I approached the bed, "its me. I brought you flowers again. Roses. But I always bring roses."

Glancing around I find the one vase and fill it then place the roses in it. I placed the flowers where, if on the off chance and great hope she woke, she could see them. Then I moved back to her bedside and pulled up the chair and sat. I took her hand in mine. It was warm and small in mine. I raised it to my lips and kissed the back of it then pressed it to my cheek.

"If ever I need you, Cordelia Chase it's now," I spoke in a soft whisper. Lowering her hand I try to compose myself. "Everybody is doing good, I think. Fred has all kinds of sciencie toy goodies. Wes has a whole department devoted to his research on demons, spells and magics. Gunn, well, you wouldn't believe him now. Lawyer. Armani suits and all." I paused again. I feel like I have a big ball of sand paper in my throat.

"Cordelia, have I done the right thing," I asked her. It would be so nice if she could answer if she could give me something. "Connor, I've given him a normal life. Normal family, and school. He has no memories of me or the others, they also don't remember him. I just want him to have the one thing he always wanted, family. He had it all against him from the moment he was born in that alley."

I sat there just holding her hand for a couple hours until I felt dawn creeping. Reluctantly I stood and released her hand. I reached up and stroked back her hair then leaned down and kissed her, first on the forehead then on the lips. Finally I stepped away from the bed. "I'll be back, always will," I said to her.

Then the shift change on the floor started and I knew the staff would soon be in to care for her. So, I silently left or as Cordelia would have said, "In that creepy way he has." But its all part of what I am and she knew it and loved me despite of all I am.