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Not Doing Nothing

Seamus Finnigan liked to think that he was a reasonably well-adjusted, open minded and sensible young man.

He was probably right about this.

Seamus also liked to think that his good friend, Harry James Potter, was a reasonably well-adjusted, open minded and utterly insane genius.

He was probably right about this too.

This is why, when Seamus stepped into the Common Room to find the aforementioned Harry James Potter sitting at a corner table with books and parchment spread across it in front of him, a sugar quill in one hand and a real one in the other, jotting down notes, frowning thoughtfully and tapping the sugar quill against his bottom lip, he suddenly had the urge to turn around and leave again.

Despite this urge, and his personal belief in his own sensibility, Seamus continued onwards.

He did not, as many other more sane individuals would have, walk straight up to the dorms and hide under his bed.

In fact, he did the exact opposite.

Harry was so absorbed in his work that he didn't notice Seamus approach and stand behind him.

Seamus frowned at this. Normally, Harry would have realised he was there long before he was able to read over his shoulder.

He looked over the books and parchment in curiosity. He could see no titles, and Harry's handwriting was illegible in places, but he gleaned enough to be definitely worried.

He cleared his throat.

Harry jumped and spun around. "Seamus!"

"Hey. What are you up to?"

Green eyes blinked innocently. "I'm not doing nothin'."

Seamus's hand came up to clutch at his heart as he put on an expression of abject terror. "Oh no! He's using the double negatives! Should I run for the hills?"

Harry snickered. "You prat, Finnigan," he said fondly. "Promise, you haven't got nothing to worry about."

"You're doing it again," Seamus pointed out, eyes narrowing. "You really are up to something, aren't you?"

He received nothing but a guilty shrug.

"Look, I'm not blind, nor am I illiterate. I can see you're really serious about this, too. Har...can I just ask why?"

Another shrug.

Seamus frowned. "Spill it, kid."

"Who are you calling a kid?" Harry yelped indignantly. "You're only - "

"Ten months and three days older than you. I think I can get away with it, especially when you call Ginny 'kid' and she's only five months younger than you."

Harry sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Now go away so I can plot evil deeds in peace."

"No. I want to know what evil deeds you're plotting and why."

"Can't you take yourself and an educated guess away with you?"

Seamus blinked. "Er...no?"

"Look, it's really not that interesting."

"Then why, pray tell, are you looking at human transfiguration, Animagus potions, love spells, love potions, mind control spells and potions..."

Again, Harry just shrugged.

"Harry, it sounds oddly like you're trying to make an animal fall in love with you. Please tell me I'm wrong."

Harry was somewhat unable to refute Seamus's desperate plea, as he had fallen to the ground in laughter.

Ignoring him, Seamus leaned over to see the piece of parchment Harry had been writing on when he had entered the Common Room.

'Operation: Matchmaker

Stage One: Research methods - Complete

Stage Two: Research application of methods - Complete

Stage Three: Apply methods to self

Stage Four: Testing stage

Stage Five: Make matches

Stage Six: Try to avoid expulsion'

Harry had calmed by the time Seamus was done reading, and was watching his friend with an unreadable expression.

"So who are you trying to set up?" Seamus finally asked in a quiet tone.

He received an impish smile. "Oh, no one in particular, really..."

Seamus pouted. "Come on Harry, who?"

The smile turned from mischievously angelic to downright evil. "Everyone."

Seamus was silent for a long time, while Harry had reclaimed his chair and was sorting through his parchment notes. He was fairly sure that his dark haired friend was looking for the pages that had the necessary spells.

"Everyone?"

"Everyone," Harry confirmed. "Into appropriate couples, of course, not into one mass orgy."

He received a slap around the back of the head for that.

"Ow..."

"You're nuts, Harry. That's all there is to say."

Harry grinned, quite pleased. "Thank you."

"I just have a few more questions..."

"No. All I'm going to tell you is that I want to play matchmaker for the school. I think it'll be fun. I'm not going to tell you how, or any intended couplings. Besides, if there isn't any attraction in the first place, it won't work. So its not like I'm messing with things that wont happen. Just with the timing of them."

"All right then. Its okay, I wont tell anyone what you're planning."

"Thank you. And please, no more questions."

"...So why the Animagus potion and human transfiguration?"

"Seamus!"

"C'mon Har..."

"Not telling, not telling, not telling..."

"Not telling me nothing?"

"No, not telling you /anything/."

"Dammit."