Categories > Games > Final Fantasy 7 > Come Undone
Reviews
Come Undone
(#) mercythrill 2007-12-07
Hi. This was a nice mellow start to getting the two characters together. Rude and his crush was one of the more adorable things in the game. I did get a little tripped up by some of the formatting, however, and thought I'd just mention that there seems to be an over-abundance of dashes being used where other formatting might work better:
ie. "hadn't expected it-Rude opened"
"sale in her cash register-then watched"
"her hand slowly-her eyes speaking", etc..
Using just a simple comma or rewording the sentences (they'd have to be looked at in a case-by-case basis) may make those flow a bit smoother.
It was a fun start to seeing these two get together. Good luck with the rest of your writing. :)
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