FicWad

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the HP characters
Thanks so much for the beta reading, carolquin. What can I do without you?

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The evil reviewer was switching on his computer, started his browser and looked for his favorite fan fiction site. The ultimate target for tonight was finding a big, fat and innocent fan fiction writer who had not had the honor of receiving his words of wisdom yet. The evil reviewer was browsing lazily through all the listings on his screen until he suddenly saw his targeted victim, the perfect one for this night. At least the evil reviewer could sleep tonight!

The latest fan fiction freak who called him self a writer was named wimvincken. The evil reviewer scrunched up his nose as he began to read. "What name was that? Which idiot could call him self that, an unbelievingly stupid name! This calls immediately for a review." Where is that damn combo for the reviews?

Clicking with all his dignity on the review button, he started to write.

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"Not so dear 'wimvincken',

How could pen yourself as 'wimvincken', such a foul name is that and it does not represent anything. What are you trying to do with such an awful name?

Looking at this awful name, I think it means trying to sell birds, or maybe butcher them.

I would strongly suggest using a different - more appropriate writer's name - which represents you more accurate as a 'writer' and the status you have in the fan fiction world - namely nothing. Therefore, a good name could be ... Little Nameless Troubled Bird or Big Fat Shitty Singing Bird or maybe Writing Duck or look at this one: Little Shitty Nothing.

Of cause, you as a writer have the full freedom to write what you want within certain limits and you can choose your writers name as you like. If you do not take my suggestion, I will personally kick you out of this fan fiction site.

Yours,

The evil reviewer"
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Now that was very pleasant, was it? The evil reviewer was looking to the reviews for this story and saw his review on top of the already existing ones. Now, feeling that the writer could not come up with a decent pen name he really didn't expect much of the story. With an evil grin he opened the story and looked at the first sentence. Now what was that ... the evil reviewer was whooping of delight ... indeed ... he found his fat and innocent victim.

"Harry Potter took his wand and pointed it to the laughing Voldemort"

That sentence is hilarious, the boy with that stupid name wimvincken, alias Little Shitty Nothing had no idea what grammar is. Immediately he slammed his mouse almost deliriously on the review button at the bottom of the page.

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"Not so dear and stupid Little Shitty Nothing,

How are you? Your grammar stinks, it sounds like the back part of something I ate yesterday. You wrote the following stupid sentence:

"Harry Potter took his wand and pointed it to the laughing Voldemort"

That is plain wrong. You cannot say that! Go back to school, or better let your father get his school money back, your foul mudblood ... half-blood ... that scarhead would never have the guts to pull his wand against such a gentleman like Lord Voldemort.

I hope you do not feel discouraged about my constructive words, they are only meant to encourage you to do it better (like to remove you from this site!).

Best regards,

Evil Reviewer"
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With a swift motion the evil reviewer clicked on the save button. So, that was a lot of work for one night, but what is this? The Little Shitty Nothing is writing back?

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"Dear Evil Reviewer,

My thanks for your constructive review, but can you tell me what I did wrong? Everything looks fine to me?

Best regards,

wimvincken"
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"Ah, it talks back! That slimy sh ... writer of a bull of sh ... $#!#$#!&!$$ ... it writes back! WAIT! I SHALL CURSE IT, I SHALL A.K. IT, I WILL CRUCIO IT! It taaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllksssssssssssss back ... I will A.K. it!"

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"You Little Shitty Nothing,

Your sentence is not correct and cannot be true.

"Harry Potter took his wand and pointed it to the laughing Voldemort"

First, you forget to add Lord before our dark lord. You ALWAYS need to address the Dark Lord like that ... so when you really want to use the second name, then you address him like Lord Voldemort, because he is the best, the only, the greatest and the most powerful of all of us, he is our master, our sacred reliever, our savior ... DO YOU GET THAT BOY!

Second, our Dark Lord never laughs when someone is pointing a wand to him.

Then third, you always address that little boy with his lousy hair, stupid eyeglasses and that stupid scar as scarface.

In addition, Scarface would never point a wand to the great Dark Lord!

Did you get that, boy? If you do not change that sentence, I am going to come to you and A.K. you. Therefore, here is the correct sentence:

"Scarface did not take his wand to the honorable Lord Voldemort, who shot an A.K. to scarface and he dropped dead."

Best regards,

Evil Reviewer"
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He slammed his mouse on the save button. "What a nerve that wimvincken had, and he did not even change his penname! I think I am going to A.K. him straight out of this site anyhow."

What! What is happening now? Little Shitty Nothing is writing back ... again?

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"Dear Evil Reviewer,

Is there a chance that YOUR penname is Lord Voldemort?

Best regards,

wimvincken"
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"How does he know? How is that possible?" Evil Reviewer is looking more carefully to his monitor. "Maybe there's a camera somewhere? Maybe that Little Shitty Nothing is a skilled Legilimens!" Quickly the Evil Reviewer looks behind his back. "Nothing ... nobody ... oh good. Let me teach this Little Shitty Nothing alias wimvincken a big lesson."

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"Dear wimvincken,

I challenge you for a duel. Pull your wand on my counting ... until three!

One ... two ... Avada Kedavra ... YOU ARE SO DEAD ... three

See you in hell,

Evil and satisfied Reviewer"
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That was enough excitement for tonight. "One stupid Scarface killed tonight. I feel much better now ... "oh no, not another one."

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"Dear Evil Reviewer,

Look behind you, there stands our hero, our savior, and our last-hope-in-these-dark-days, pointing a wand at your ass. Wiggling his eyebrows and loudly saying the following words: 'Avada Honorable Lord Voldemort Kedavra'

Have a nice day,

wimvincken"
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The Evil Reviewer looked at his screen in absolute shock. He felt a tight band around his chest and could take in no air. He slowly turned around and faced the handsome-bespectacled-boy-who-lived-with messy-black-hair pointing his wand at Voldemort a.k.a 'the evil reviewer'. Voldemort started to laugh and saw black sparkles in front of his eyes and then blackness. He dropped dead on his keyboard.

Lord Voldemort is finally killed.

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Author remarks: Thanks to carolquin, this story reads very nice. If you want to thank someone, thank her, if you do not like the story, blame me.