FicWad

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the HP characters

Disclaimer: I borrowed ideas for the bathroom scene from charmingly-holly with her hilarious story 'Good Morning is an Oxymoron, Usually' with her permission.

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Harry Potter was reading one of the huge volumes about Potter castle, in front of him were the other five volumes placed. Every volume covered a certain period, measured in ages. He was bored stiff. How could anyone be interested in money being spent on food and cleaning materials?

Knock ... knock.

"The door is open", a relieved Harry answered, happy to have some company.

The door went open and Ginny strolled in and she was dressed in a bright red dressing gown. "Harry, do you mind that I take a bath in your bathroom?"

Harry's eyebrows went up! "My bathroom ... why ... I mean ... sure ... but what is so special about my bathroom?"

Ginny huffed. "Your bathroom has a bubble bath" and disappeared in the bathroom. Harry shrugged his shoulders and continued reading.

"EEEEWW! EEEEEEE! OMIGOSH, PEE! I'm sitting in PEEEW! EEEWWWW!"

Harry looked up, eyes wide. "What the hell was that?"

"Ginny?"

He stood up and ran to the bathroom door. "Ginny, are you alright?" he asked through the door.

He heard sopping sounds coming from the bathroom. "Ginny, say something"!

"HHHHEEEEEEEELLLLPPPPP! HHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP! HAAARRRY! HHHHHEEEEELLLLPPPP! THE TOILET IS EATING ME!"

Harry's hand flew to the door handle and ... locked. "Damn!" He tried to push the door with all his power when he realized that the door opened from the other side, He tried to pull it but he had the same result. Suddenly he remembered that he was a wizard. He pointed his hand to the door handle but nothing happened, the door did not listen.

Then as if a light bulb lit up over his head he remembered he could apparate. Harry apparated in the bathroom and landed straight in front of Ginny, sitting on the toilet. Harry looked again and thought that she was sitting deeper than normal on the toilet and as he looked again he noticed that she was wearing only a short towel! "What is going on Ginny?"

"WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT DO YOU BLOODY THINK THAT I AM BLOOOOOODY DOING? I AM STUCK IN THE DAMN BLOODY TOILET, ALL RIGHT. DON'T STAND STARING THERE; HELP ME OUT, YOU GIT!"

Harry looked at her stuck in the toilet and bit his cheek trying not to laugh. He grabbed her arms and hauled her out the woman-eating toilet with a squelch. She stood before him, furious, clutching the small towel tightly around her. "Thanks." However, Harry was not looking to her or the towel; he was looking at the toilet with an uneasy expression on his face. Ginny looked as well and started to scream ...

"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF! EW EW EW EW EW! GET IT OFF!" Ginny was jumping hysterically. Harry clamped his hands over his ears.

There, in the toilet, was something floating around. In addition, it was brown.

She shrieked again and jumped in the shower, towel and all, demanding to wash the nastiness off. Ginny was fighting with the buttons and knobs of the shower to turn the water on when suddenly a large stream of ice-cold water came from the combined shower heads soaking her immediately. "AAAAHHRRRR"

"EEEEWW! EEEEEEE! BLOOOOOOODY HEEEEEEEEEELLL! EEEEWWWW!"

Ginny dropped her towel, jumped out of the shower and froze looking wide eyed at Harry who stood shocked and frozen in place. His eyes traveled down to her chest and he just stood there mesmerized at her beauty.

Ginny snapped out of it and grabbed her towel trying to cover her self. "GET OUT! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, AND GET OUT, OOOOOOUUUT!"

Harry snapped to attention, bolted towards the door with his hands before his eyes and smacked against the closed door where he proceeded to fall to the floor, knocked out cold.

The world came slowly in focus. Where was he? He was lying on the ground. What happened? Harry slowly looked around ... he was in the bathroom? What was that noise?

He looked into the direction of the bath and he saw an amused Ginny looking at him embedded in pink foam. Then his view was drawn to the toilet, then the shower cabin and suddenly he remembered. His eyes became wide "Ginny, are you alright?"

Ginny was laughing "Harry, my knight without horse, my hero ... everything is alright now. The only one who needed rescuing is you."

He looked at her with a bewildered expression on his face.

"Oh Harry", she laughed. "You walked with your eyes closed against the door and knocked your self out and I can't open the door, so I thought I am here anyway, so the least I could is take a bubble bath." With this, she smiled at him and disappeared between the bubbles.

Harry raised his eyebrows, momentarily hesitated, stood up and tried to open the door. "The castle is doing this to me ... I will kill it ... no, I will paint it pink from the outside and green from the inside, or maybe I will break it down stone for stone" murmuring softly. He concentrated and popped out of the bathroom.

Harry appeared at the other side of the bathroom in front of a smiling Peragrain. "Peragrain, do you know something about faulty toilets?"

The house elf bowed deeply. "No Sir, I don't know anything about girl eating toilet seats", while his smile only deepened.

Harry frowned at the house elf. "Why do I have the feeling that you are having fun on my behalf?"

The house elf bowed deep. "I do not have fun on your behalf, Sir."

"Maybe fun on Ginny's behalf?" Harry asked with raised eyebrows.

"No Sir"

Harry looked pensive for a moment.

"Where are the twins?"

"The twins left to their shop, Lord Baron."

"Do you know if the twins entered my room when I was away?"

"I know that only you and Lady Weasley-Potter entered your room, Sir"

"Humph, can you be so friendly to open the bathroom door, it is stuck and it can't be opened."

Peragrain smile became slightly larger. "No Sir, I can not open that door. The door is being locked by the castle."

"Why?"

"To protect the innocence of Lady Weasley-Potter, the castle refuses to open the bathroom door," Peragrain answered, looking more amused then ever.

In Merlin's name, this elf will start laughing any moment now.

"When I leave the room, would the castle open the door for her?"

"No Sir, it would not."

"Do you know how she can get out of the bathroom without my help?"

"No Sir, I don't know."

"Humph"

"Thanks you, Peragrain"

He bowed shortly and with a wide grin, he popped away.

Two hours later a mumbling Harry and an amused Ginny entered the dining hall for the lunch with the family.

"Did you have a nice bath, Ginny dear?" asked Mrs. Weasley with twinkles in her eyes.

"Yes, I was wondering that my self", Mr. Weasley asked.

Harry and Ginny stopped in their tracks. "You KNEW what happened?" instantly turning bright red.

"Well it was impossible not to hear your conversations from Harry's bathroom. We only wondered why it was suddenly so quiet." Mr. Weasley answered amused.

A small smile appeared in Ginny's face. "Oh that. Harry hit the door and the door hit him. He did not take that so well."

Harry's ears went as red as the hair from his girlfriend.

"That is it ... enough of the fun ... wait! "

He turned to Ginny. "Ginny, do you like to eat the muggle way?"

Ginny raised her eyebrow. "I love to try fast food, Harry. "

Harry took her hand and teleported away. They left a stunned looking family behind and promptly every one started to laugh. "Oooooh, did you see their faces?"

Ginny and Harry were sitting cozy in a corner of a fast food restaurant with the name Masterino's. Ginny was trying to devour a huge pizza, while Harry sat with his triple cheeseburger with extra mayonnaise, ketchup and small unions.

"I swear that the castle is laughing", muttered Harry.

"Castles cannot laugh, Harry"

"Well, this castle can"

"How can a castle laugh?"

"It has a ... kind of presence ... or ... something like that. The castle and I are in connection with each other, I 'feel' if the castle wants something, or I 'feel' if it is in trouble. For example, when someone enters the castle via floo, I feel that we have visitors and when the castle recognizes the person, I know whom it is. It does not talk to me, but I receive simply impressions."

Harry suddenly smiled. "The castle is right, it was funny."

"What was funny?"

"Us and that bathroom"

"It was embarrassing"

"It was fun, adoring and sweet and you are truly beautiful. You look already stunning with cloths on, but without I cannot describe how beautiful you are. "

"Now you are having fun as well."

"I have not!"

"You have".

"Lady Weasley-Potter, I am having no fun on your behalf, you simply are stunning".

"Prove it."

Harry immediately kissed her straight on the mouth, tasting pizza and cheeseburger the same time.

"Did you ever try to eat pizza and cheeseburger the same time?" she asked.

Harry gave her a lopsided grin and raised his eyebrows at her, "Yes I did, a moment ago."

Ginny suddenly became serious. "I don't trust Dumbledore. The removal of his possession went to fast and too smoothly."

Harry studied her for a moment and smirked. "It went fast and smoothly because I did the removal."

Ginny smirked as well. "Oh master of the universe, your super-powers are awesome and you smoothly kicked mister devil out of the foolish head of the poor and innocent old man. All hail superman, savior of old men, pretty girls and all the dogs of the world."

Harry sulked.

Ginny continued. "I also don't trust professor Snape. I have a feeling that the man tries to play both sides. I know he is a spy and all that but somehow I think that he is a spy for the Order and for Tom."

Harry took a piece of his hamburger and put it in the Ginny's mouth. Ginny was startled for a moment then took a piece of pizza and returned the honor. "You are not listening, Harry. I do worry."

Harry leaned in to Ginny and kissed her on the corner of her mouth, licking a spot of mayonnaise from his hamburger.

Ginny sat back and a devious twinkle came into her eyes. She tore a piece of her pizza, and dropped it on his lap, smiling brightly.

Harry looked unbelievingly to the pizza on his nap. "Hey!"

He slowly took the offending half-eaten piece of pizza, looked up, and threw it to Ginny, who immediately ducked. The pizza continued its descent straight into a plate of soup on the neighboring table, spraying a big woman with soup ... tomato soup ... judging on the red colored spots on her white dress and face.

Harry looked innocently at the angry woman while pointing at Ginny. "She did it"

Ginny's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "I did what!"

She turned around and looked at the damage ... a big woman in white dress ... tomato soup everywhere ... vermicelli on her head and face ... staring ... staring at her. The woman's face became very red from anger and all sounds in the restaurant stopped. Everyone was frozen in place and kept looking at the travesty playing out in front of their faces.

Ginny turned to Harry and pointed to him, and said loudly "He did it, I only ducked"

Harry looked to his right, pointing to a boy with dark sunglasses. "He started it!" All hell broke loose.

In the mean time at Potter castle, Ron was rolling on the floor, while Charlie was holding his sides and Bill was howling of laughter. "That was the funniest story I ever heard. What did Harry say when you saw him?"

"He was mumbling something and took Ginny and they went to eat somewhere else", Mr. Weasley said, still laughing.

"Quiet! I hear them" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed.

The approaching sound of Harry's voice was easy to hear.

"This day just can't get any worse, Ginny. First boring books about stupid numbers, then a woman-eating toilet, then everyone in the restaurant throwing food at me, and on top of all I was forced to pay for all!"

They all heard Ginny howling of laughter. "And the funniest thing of all was that plate of soup on your head from that woman in white. She definitely did not believe you when you tried to blame ME for throwing a pizza in her soup!"

They heard Harry smirking voice. "Well my lady in red, you look adoring to me with the white pasta on your head."

All the Weasley's heard the disgruntled noises approaching from the corridors. "WHERE IS THERE WHITE PASTA IN MY HAIR?"

The couple entered the dining room and froze, looking to all the Weasley's along with Hermione sitting on the dining table.

"This day just become worse", mumbled Harry.

Harry's hair was covered with red substance, assuming it was the soup, but also pieces of tomatoes and cucumbers, pieces of spaghetti and macaroni were on his shoulders, and a big white spot was clearly visible at the center of his chest. Harry also carried a beautiful black eye. His face was dusted white powder and above his right brow was some mayonnaise and somehow, not really knowing how or why, he was missing one shoe.

Ginny appearance was not better.

"What in Merlin's name happened to the two of you?" asked Mrs. Weasley worriedly.

Harry looked apologetically to Mrs. Weasley. "I am so sorry, Mrs. Weasley. I forgot that we needed to take someone with us ... um ... well ... we had a romantic dinner?"

Ginny looked unbelievingly up to Harry. "Was THAT a romantic dinner?"

Harry looked embarrassed and somewhat uneasy. "Well, until you started to throw the pizza"

"You were eating your hamburger from my face!"

"Well ... yeah "A goofy looking Harry continued to stammer. "But you did admit that the taste of pizza mixed with hamburger was very exceptional!"

"I DID NOT say such thing ... I said that your hamburger in my mo- ..."

Suddenly Ginny was aware of her audience. She became red from embarrassment. "Yeah, that was indeed ... ah ... very romantic ... thank you Harry for ... for the ... eh ... oh Merlin, I'm going to take a shower."

Quickly she turned and stormed out of the dining hall. "IN MY OWN ROOM"

Harry looking sheepishly at their audience, "She is a bit upset, I believe"

"I HEARD THAT, HARRY POTTER. WE WILL TALK WHEN I AM FINISHED AND GO TAKE A SHOWER AS WELL IN YOUR GIRL- EATING BATHROOM!"

He looked sheepishly to the amused audience. "Well, I guess I must take a shower ... till later" and bolted from the dining room. At the door, he decided to teleport into his bathroom, which was still locked.

Far north, in the middle of the mountains of Scotland stood a beautiful castle with the name Hogwarts. The master of the castle, headmaster Dumbledore was sitting on his desk, contemplating the recent happenings.

He popped a sweet into his mouth. They did not find residue of any mind altering portions in the sweets, except for the one that lay in front of him on the table. Severus Snape tested all the old sweets Dumbledore had gotten a few months ago, but found only this accusing sweet.

Dumbledore's eyes began to glow bright red while in the dungeons Severus Snape was laughing.