FicWad

If someone asked her what her dreams were like, Tohru would have known exactly what to say.

Her dreams were like this, she thought, as she knelt in the barn beside Momiji. They were surrounded by nearly a dozen rabbits, all of them unafraid to come close and nibble daintily at a piece of lettuce the boy held out in his hand. The horses neighed softly and Momiji's voice winged upward, bright against the soft patter of the rain. Back at the house, she could hear Mit-chan shouting Shigure's name. It would take her another ten minutes to find him stuffed under Hatsuharu's bed, suffering from stomach cramps caused by muffling his laughter too long. Shigure certainly loved to tease his secretary, Tohru thought with helpless amusement. And somewhere out there, Haru was making his way home.

Her dreams were like this. The sight and sounds of the people she loved. The days dawning with so much promise. Her dreams were her waking moments, because there was nothing more she could wish for.

I'm the luckiest girl in the world, Mother/, she sighed, reaching up to clasp the charm necklace nestled in her collar. /I have you and Uo-chan, and now Shigure-san and Momiji-kun and Hatsuharu-san as well. Every day I spend here at Shigure's house is precious to me.

It was hard to believe that almost a year had already passed since she'd come to stay here at Shigure's house. There were still so many things she wanted to learn about Shigure and Momiji and Haru, yet sometimes she felt as if she'd known them all her life. Which was why, as she watched Momiji, she knew his smile was only partly sincere, and that he was acting cheerful mostly to keep her from noticing the shadows underneath his eyes. She bit her lip, but in the end concern won out over the desire to respect his privacy. "Momiji-kun, is something wrong?"

He glanced over at her. "What do you mean? Oh Tohru, look at that bunny! It's so cute!"

She shook her head and plunged on. "It's just that you seem a bit edgy lately. And I know you haven't been sleeping well these past nights. I was just wondering if something was bothering you, and if you'd like to talk about it."

Momiji went still. "Eh? How did you know I haven't been sleeping well?"

"I hear you sometimes, when you're moving around in your room."

He screwed up his face. "Oh, that? It's nothing. I've been having weird dreams, that's all."

"What do you dream about, Momiji-kun?" she asked curiously.

"I'm not really sure. I see this city with lots of flat-roofed houses and pointy towers. The people are dressed in funny clothes and running while soldiers chase them through the streets. A woman's voice is calling me and I run too, but I trip and fall down. The last thing I see is a flash of red and a pair of black wings flying over me." He shrugged carelessly. "It's a silly dream, ne, Tohru? It probably doesn't mean anything."

"It sounds scary, though." She looked thoughtful for a moment, then her face brightened. "Whenever I had a bad dream, Mother used to hold my hand and tell me stories to take my mind off my dream. But she told me once that people sometimes needed bad dreams, because that's where they first learn to face down monsters and find their courage. Dreams are where you begin to learn who you really are, and if they don't make sense to you yet, it's because you're still learning." She waved a hand and laughed. "I'm sorry, Momiji-kun, that didn't really help much, did it? I didn't mean to go on and on like that."

Her embarrassed babbling was cut short when Momiji suddenly wrapped her in a tight hug. "Thank you, Tohru. Your mother must have been the wisest, kindest person in the world."

She beamed proudly. "Oh yes, she was."

Not wanting to wait until the rain stopped, they decided to run back to the house. They were met at the door by a tearful Mit-chan. At Momiji's suggestion, she went to look in the one place she hadn't checked yet, and sure enough, Shigure was in his study with a pencil poised over a sheet of paper, a studious frown on his face. Mit-chan sobbed with relief, but Tohru had witnessed this scene often enough to know what would happen the moment when Shigure's secretary discovered what exactly the novelist was working so intently on-and sure enough, Mit-chan's screech rang through the house three seconds later. Tohru shook her head. In Shigure's study, there were ten times as many sketches of beautiful women in skimpy clothing as there were manuscripts for novels. /Poor Mit-chan/, she thought, and immediately felt guilty for wanting to laugh.

It had begun to rain harder, so Tohru brought her sewing into the living room where the light was brightest, and sat by the window, gazing up at the dismal skies. How strange. Normally she loved the rain, but there was something about this weather that made her feel slightly sick. She thought Shigure and Momiji felt it, too. And Haru as well. For some reason, Momiji's dream made her think about an incident nearly a week ago. She'd woken up in the middle of the night, and crept out to see light flickering underneath Haru's door. She found him sitting at his desk, busily sketching something. He looked up and gave her a small smile. "Can't sleep?"

"Neither can you," she replied. "Aren't you tired, Hatsuharu-san?"

"I'm trying to remember something," he said as his pencil continued to sweep over the paper.

"Something you saw today?"

"No. Something I dreamed of."

Tohru blinked at that but said nothing more, content to watch Haru work. Finally, he leaned back and handed her the sheet. He must have noticed her tiny gasp, judging from the sharp curiosity in his eyes. "Do you recognize him?"

"Yes," she murmured, as bittersweet memories swept over her. The drawing was a portrait of a handsome, pale-haired boy standing at the window of a tower, gazing out into the distance with haunted eyes. A vision of a moonlit night filled her mind, of curling up on a warm lap and listening to a voice she now heard only in the wind. "Long ago, there was a kingdom so rich and powerful and so large it covered the maps from end to end..."

"Tohru?"

She returned the drawing to him to hide the fact that her hand was shaking. "The Prince of Snows. Yes, I know him. Mother told me the story. You dreamt of him, Hatsuharu-san?"

He nodded. "Four nights now. I don't remember the rest of my dream, only this scene. I thought I'd remember more if I got this on paper, but so far nothing's come up yet."

"Hmm." She examined the drawing, admiring his skill, until she noticed something. "That's odd. When you look at his eyes, sometimes they seem so sad and sometimes they seem so...so cold."

"What? Where?"

She bent over to point it out. "And look. The way you drew his mouth, sometimes he seems as if he's frowning and sometimes as if he's smiling a little, even smirking at something."

Haru's expression was one of blank amazement. "I can't be that good an artist."

She opened her mouth to comment, but Shigure chose that moment to peek in. "Eh? Ha-kun, is the storm keeping you-" He stopped at the sight of them. Tohru flushed, realizing that she'd been practically leaning on Haru's shoulder, and jumped back. Shigure's brown eyes twinkled mischievously, and he lifted a hand to his mouth in a comical expression of shock. "/Mou/, Ha-kun, shame on you for spending the night with a beautiful girl and not telling me about it."

"It's too late in the evening for you to be a pervert, Shigure-sensei," Haru said mildly.

"On the contrary," Shigure sang out, "late in the evening is the perfect time to be a pervert."

"I'm sorry," Tohru apologized. "Did we disturb you?"

Shigure smiled reassuringly. "Not at all. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might as well get some work done."

"Without your secretary having to drag you kicking and screaming?"

Shigure gasped. "Ha-kun, you're so mean! I'm not that lazy. Besides, I like to shock Mit-chan occasionally."

Haru and Tohru exchanged glances, and she giggled. She ended up making tea for the three of them, and they sat around in Shigure's study and watched the storm, with Momiji joining them a short while later. She remembered that night with fondness. Outside the storm was raging and life was getting harder for so many people, and she knew she was being selfish, but for one crystalline moment, Tohru was happy to be with the people she loved. Shigure and Momiji and Haru had been so kind to her. She was a nobody, a lowly waitress whose mother had died and whose own relatives refused to acknowledge her, and the Sohmas took her in and gave her a home and became for her the most precious thing in the world: a family. The next evening, she heard a knock on her door and found Haru standing there. Without a word, he handed her the drawing of the Prince of Snows, which he'd stuck carefully on a piece of cardboard, and when she ran after him, he smiled and said she could have it, in memory of her mother's story. She went back to bed, the picture clasped against her chest, and let the tears come. "Thank you, Mother," she whispered, her heart full to bursting. "Thank you so much."

As she thought about it now, she wondered how she could have missed something so obvious. All three of them had been unusually restless since the storms began, although they tried hard to hide it from her. Sometimes, when he thought no one was looking, Shigure would drop the carefree smile he always wore and his face would become hard, even grim. She knew how worried he was. The trouble in the city weighed constantly on his mind. And Haru. She knew she promised not to worry about him, but she couldn't help it. She really wanted Haru to come home.

The thud of the knocker sounded like thunder, and Tohru nearly dropped the shirt she was mending. "Coming!" she called as she ran to the door. A man stood there with a small package in his hand, scowling up at the sky. His face softened at the sight of her. "Ah, Honda-san, good morning. A package came in for Shigure-sama at the Manor, so I came to bring it here."

"Good morning, Tadao-san." She opened the door wider for the Sohma Manor's retainer. "Please come in. You look like you could use a cup of tea."

Tadao groaned gratefully as he shrugged off his coat. "Tea sounds great. Thank you, miss."

She ushered him into the living room, swept her sewing into one corner, and went to the kitchen for the tea. When she came back with a tray, Shigure, Momiji and Tadao were sitting facing one another, their faces somber, their voices pitched too low for her to hear. The package was left unopened in the middle of the table. A short while later, the retainer took his leave, and Tohru returned to the living room to find Shigure sitting with the package in his hands, lost in thought, while Momiji stood at the window staring at nothing in particular. The atmosphere was as bleak as the weather. What could the retainer have said that made them look like this?

Tohru bit her lip, then straightened her shoulders and put on her brightest smile. "/Anoo/, I'm about to start lunch. Anything in particular you'd like to eat? I'm thinking of chocolate cake for dessert. I'm going to save a lot of lickings in the bowl for you, Momiji-kun. Shigure-san, what about-"

Shigure stood up, and something in his eyes made her falter in mid-babble. "Sh-Shigure-san?"

He smiled, a mere stretching of his lips compared to his usual grin. "I'm sorry, Tohru-kun. I'd love to have lunch, but it seems I have-" his expression turned ironic "-a prior engagement."

She stared at them in confusion. "Shigure-san, what's going-oof!"

Her breath whooshed out when Momiji tore himself from the window and threw himself into her arms. "Tohru, you're happy here, aren't you?" His voice was muffled against her shoulder. "You'll never leave us, won't you?"

Bewildered, Tohru embraced him. "Of course, Momiji-kun. I love you and Shigure-san and Hatsuharu-san very much. I'll never leave you, not as long as you want me to stay."

He lifted his face, and the unfocused haze in his eyes frightened her. "Promise me you won't disappear."

"Momiji," Shigure said sharply. Momiji shuddered, and his eyes cleared. He caught the worry in her face and flashed her his most brilliant smile. "Ah, I'm sorry, Tohru. I was just talking silly."

"But what-"

"Shh." He pressed a finger over her mouth. "Shi-chan's right. A prince should never make a princess worry, ne?" When she relented, he gave her another squeeze. "/Ano ne/, did you say you were making chocolate cake?" She nodded again. "Yaree! I love chocolate cake! I have to go back to the Manor for a while, but when I come back I'll help you bake the cake. It'll be fun!"

Shigure sighed. "Tohru-kun, I'm sorry about this, but I want you to stay home, all right? Don't go outside, it's dangerous. Wait for Ha-kun. I have a feeling we'll be seeing him soon," he said, then added with a flare of his usual humor, "Save some chocolate cake for me, ne?"

The next moment, they were gone, leaving her alone and awash in confusion. What had caused them to act so strangely? Did it have something to do with that package? The only thing she understood was the bit about Haru. Her spirits rose at the thought of him coming home. Shigure sounded so sure, and after eleven months of living with him Tohru had learned to respect his hunches.

She sighed and decided to make the best of the situation. Lunch was in order, and she wanted to make it extra-special for when Haru came home. Some smoked beef stew perhaps, and fresh steamed rice, potato salad and greens, with some hot tea and light biscuits to top it off. And of course, the chocolate cake. She giggled at the thought of the golden-haired boy hovering over the cake, his hands, shirt and chin liberally smeared with chocolate frosting.

As she bustled about the kitchen, her thoughts drifted back to the retainer's visit. There were still so many things about her new family that she didn't understand, and the complicated politics of the Sohma clan was one of them. The Sohmas lived in the palatial Sohma Manor, and Councilman Amano Sohma was rumored to be very close to the governor. Amano Sohma, Haru's father. From there, however, things got a bit entangled. Haru never talked about his parents, but Momiji told her once that although Amano represented the family, it was Shigure who controlled the finances, and whenever family squabbles got out of hand, it was Shigure who gave the last word. It was also Shigure who'd decided that Haru and Momiji be allowed to come live with him in the modest house at the other end of the property, and not even Amano could gainsay him. Tohru puzzled endlessly about that. How was it that Shigure, who was not even in his thirties, could rank higher than the most senior member of the clan? And if Shigure was the real clan head, then wouldn't it make more sense for him to live at the Manor? She kept her confusion to herself, though, and Momiji, had not volunteered anything more. /I should ask him again/, she decided as she reached for the flour tin, only to find it completely empty. As was the sugar tin.

"That's strange. I could have sworn I still had a bag around here." Then again, she had missed her regular market trips because of the storms. Well, she'd just have to go and buy some. Besides, it'd be good to see Uo-chan again. She was already putting on her cloak when she suddenly remembered Shigure's instructions.

She hung in the hallway, unsure what to do. She did want to obey Shigure and be around to greet Haru, but there was lunch and Momiji's chocolate cake to consider. It nagged at her like an itch she couldn't reach. Anyway, it wouldn't take her long to run to Uo-chan's store, buy the items she needed, and come back. Decision made, she grabbed an umbrella then, as an afterthought, scribbled a hasty note for Haru, and headed out into the rain.