FicWad

Collette stood with her back against the wall staring up at the sky. Why was she acting so shy? Why was she so scared about how the man in the hat was making her heart beat? Collette questioned her actions and came to one conclusion for all; Jackson.

Collette stood up straight once she heard the door open. She noticed the man from inside and she gave him an odd look as he looked out to his right. She heard him take a deep sigh as if he couldn't find what he was looking for.

"Looking for something?" Collette asked causing him to jump a mile and turn to face her.

"Yeah, you," he said sounding startled.

"Me?" she asked tensing up even more.

"Your friend was going to check on you, but I offered," he said casually walking towards Collette.

"Why?" she asked.

This caused the man to stop in his tracks and almost look hurt.

"I...well, I," he started to stutter with his words.

"Sorry, that was rude," she said looking down.

She heard him sigh and stand right in front of her. Collette looked up into his eyes and felt her face become flushed again.

"I'm Patrick," he said holding out his hand with a genuine smile on his face.

"Collette," she said taking his hand in hers not allowing her eyes to leave his.

"It's very nice to meet you," Patrick said glad that she was throwing him some sort of bone.

"You too. I actually enjoy your music," she said relaxing against the wall again.

"Really?" he asked leaning against the wall now.

Collette noticed the warmth on her right from his closeness and got goose bumps on her arm.

"You sound shocked," she said laughing slightly.

"Well, most people who hang out in piano bars don't listen to Fall Out Boy," he stated matter-o-factly.

"Well, I'm not like most people," she said looking over at him.

Patrick smiled over at her. Was she flirting?

"That's good to know," he said looking straight ahead.

Collette couldn't believe what she was doing. She hadn't flirted with a boy in over a year. Had she completely lost it?

"Actually, when you work with kids, you try to keep up to date with what they are listening to," she said coughing slightly.

She needed to back track to the point where she wasn't flirting. She didn't want to give him the wrong impression.

"Oh," Patrick said simply. Ok, so maybe she wasn't flirting.

"Not to say that I don't like your music," she said quickly. It had sounded as though she had hurt his feelings and she didn't mean for that to happen.

"It's ok if you don't like our stuff. It's not for everyone," he said laughing a little.

Collette looked at his profile and tilted her head. She just stared at him smiling. This guy seemed so nice and almost huggable like a teddy bear.

Patrick noticed the silence and looked at Collette from the corner of his eye.

"What?" he asked turning to look at her.

Collette stood up straight not believing that she had just got caught staring.

"Nothing," she said looking forward.

It was Patrick's turn to stare. She had such simple features that perked his interest. Collette felt his eyes on her.

"What?" she asked him not turning to face him.

"Nothing," Patrick said simply still staring. It was completely uncharacteristic of him, but he couldn't help himself.

Collette just blushed fiercely and put her head down.

"So tell me something about yourself," he said trying to make Collette not feel so shy.

Collette dreaded that question. She had to keep her information as close to the present as possible. She never dug into her past.

"I work at a boy's home with Wren," she said simply.

"Well, I already know that. What do you do there?" he asked offering her something to go off of.

"I'm a therapist, so I do group and individual therapy with them. We also take them on outings to teach them social skills and living skills," she said starting to relax a little.

"Wow. Sounds like a lot of work," he said leaning his shoulder against the wall.

Collette kept her back against the cool brick. It was the only thing keeping her grounded at the moment.

"It is a lot of work, but it doesn't feel like work. I love my job so much, it almost seems too good to be true, you know?" she asked only moving her head to look at him.

"Yeah, actually. I do," he said laughing slightly.

"Of course you do. Duh," she said to herself shaking her head.

"So what ages do you work with?" Patrick asked trying to get back into a conversation. He was starting to fall in love with the sound of her voice. As simple of a thing it was.

"They range from seven to fourteen. It's never a dull moment with them, that's for sure," she said thinking back to the boys.

"Yeah, I can imagine it's kind of like living on a tour bus with Pete," Patrick said causing Collette to burst out laughing.

There it was; her laugh. Patrick's eyes lit up and had a longing to make her laugh again just so he could hear the initial outburst.

"Well, it seems we have something in common," she said still giggling slightly.

"It seems so," he said back.

Collette looked into Patrick's eyes and fell deep into them. She had let her guard down and found herself wondering what it would be like to wake up and see those eyes looking over at her. It had been so long since she had been held in strong arms that she was starting to long for it. For so long she had to be the strong arms holding other people.

Patrick couldn't help but stare at this being in front of him. She had a genuine laugh, a bright smile, and a curious personality. One moment she is open and fun-loving, and the next she is closed up and shy. Patrick's eyes wandered down to her lips. They were the perfect shape with a slight tint of pink in them. He started to wonder what it would be like to kiss her.

"Hey guys!" both Patrick and Collette jumped at the sound of Andy's voice.

"Andy, you scared the shit out of me," Patrick said turning around towards the door.

"Well, you've been out here for almost twenty minutes. We thought you got abducted by aliens or something," he said laughing from the doorway.

"Nope, just enjoying one another's company," Patrick said walking towards the door.

Collette followed quietly. She saw that look in Patrick's eyes and knew what they were saying and in a way she wanted him to kiss her, but she knew she couldn't kiss him. There was no way that she could get involved with someone. Especially someone like Patrick Stump, lead vocalist of Fall Out Boy.

Patrick and Andy allowed Collette to enter the building first. She started to go towards the bathroom.

"You're not running off again are you?" Patrick asked grabbing her upper arm slightly. He had the cutest smile on his face that once again Collette melted at.

"No, I'll be right there," she smiled back.

Patrick just nodded and let her go.

"Alright, but I don't think the staff will appreciate me going into the ladies room to check on you," he said turning to walk away.

Collette laughed slightly and continued on her way. Once in the bathroom, Collette locked the large door just for good measure. She didn't know Patrick all that well, and she had no idea if he was serious about coming in and checking on her.

She turned and looked straight into the mirror. Taking a deep breath, Collette wet a paper towel and put it over her face. There is no way that she can start liking a guy.

"Jackson, Jackson, Jackson. Keep thinking about him, Collette," she said to herself looking into the mirror again.

She stared for the longest time allowing her thoughts to sweep away to Patrick. He was so cute and genuinely nice. It had been a long time since she had felt even remotely comfortable around a guy. It was nice.

"Damn it," she whispered to herself.

She washed her hands and headed for the door still unsure of where she stood with her thoughts. Collette opened the door to see Patrick standing there.

"Hi," she said quickly unsure of what he was doing.

"I have no idea what I am doing," he said answering her unspoken question.

"Okay," Collette said feeling glued to her spot.

"This is so out of character for me and if the guys knew I was going to do this they would make a scene for sure," he started taking a deep breath.

Collette knew he wasn't done speaking, so she just stood there in shock allowing him to continue.

"It's just, the first time I saw you this afternoon at the fair, I couldn't get my mind off of you," he gushed.

"You saw me at the fair?" Collette interrupted. She knew it wasn't the point, but was shocked by this added information.

"Are you stalking me?" she asked smiling trying to lighten the intense atmosphere that seemed to suddenly surround them.

"What? No, no, I'm not stalking you," Patrick said getting caught off guard by the question.

"I was kidding," she said biting her lip slightly. She didn't want to laugh at him, but the look on his face was priceless.

"Oh, well. As I was saying," Patrick said knowing if he didn't get out what he was going to say that second, he was never going to do it and always wonder. "Can I get your number?" he blurted out quickly.

Collette stood there staring at him. Her face showed no change in emotion. This wasn't the reaction he was expecting at all. I mean most guys fear this reaction, but they never actually get it.

"Or not," he said quietly turning into the shy guy who was sitting at the table once before.

"Oh, Patrick. I'm sorry," Collette said breaking out of her shock.

She wasn't expecting him to ask her that and she was pretty sure she needed to remind her heart to begin beating again.

"It's ok. Forget I asked anything at all," he said turning towards the men's bathroom.

"No it's not that," Collette reached for his arm to stop him.

Patrick turned around slowly not saying anything. He just stood there waiting for her response unnoticeably holding his breath.

"It's just, this is a really bad time for me right now to get into any form of a relationship with anyone," she said knowing she couldn't do the one thing that she ever so wanted to do.

"It's alright. I understand," Patrick said quietly.

"It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I can't, and I wish I could explain it to you, but some things are just better left unsaid," she said trying not to crush his heart and trying not to show him that she was crushing her own in the process.

"Yeah, bad timing. I get it," he said coughing slightly as he walked into the bathroom.

Collette dropped her shoulders as she saw his back walk away from her.

"Fuck," she said out loud as she walked over to the table.

She noticed everybody having such a good time, she didn't want to ruin the fun, but she needed to go home.

"Hey hun," Wren said as she noticed her friend coming towards the table.

"Hi," Collette said quietly. Joe stood up for her to sit down.

"Actually, I hate to be a buzz kill, but I think I'm going to go," she said putting a five on the table to tip the waitress.

"What? No," Wren whined.

"Is everything ok?" Pete asked.

"Everything's fine. I'm just tired. It was pleasure meeting all you guys," Collette said shaking everyone's hands.

"Yeah you too," Andy said back.

"Well, I'm going too," Wren said grabbing for her purse.

"You too?" Joe asked sounding disappointed.

"Yeah, time for the evening to end," Wren said sighing heavily.

"Wren, I can cab it. You don't have to leave," Collette said wanting to get out of there before Patrick came back.

"Yeah, stay," Joe said happily.

"No no. I came with Collette and I am leaving with her," she said writing something down on a napkin. "Here, call me sometime," Wren handed Joe a napkin with her number on it.

"Okay," Joe said looking at it before folding it and putting the number in his back pocket.

Collette couldn't believe how easy it was for Wren to just hand over her number to complete stranger.

"It was a pleasure boys," Wren said saying goodbye.

Collette had already started to walk out of the club. She knew that Wren wouldn't be too far behind her.

As she passed the bathrooms she got a glimpse of Patrick standing there listening to messages on his phone. She smiled sadly at him and waved slightly before going out the door not wanting to see his response.

"Do you want to tell me what that was all about?" Wren asked walking out of the club.

"I told you that you could stay," Collette said walking towards the car.

"Well, obviously I couldn't stay when you were leaving with a look that your puppy just died on your face," Wren said trying to move her short legs fast enough to catch up to her friend.

"I would just like to go home," Collette said not wanting to talk about it.

"Oh no. You're not getting off that easy. Those boys were cute, Joe especially, now you are going to tell me why we are leaving at eleven o'clock," Wren said unlocking the doors for Collette to get in.

"He asked me for my number," Collette said simply.

"Who? Patrick?" Wren asked confused.

"Yup," Collette said staring straight ahead.

"Well, did you give it to him?" Wren asked driving down the road.

Collette looked over at Wren in shock.

"You know I can't do that," Collette said raising her voice slightly.

"Well, why the hell not?" Wren asked watching the road closely.

"Jackson isn't at the age where I can start dating," Collette said shaking her head.

"Cut the bullshit, Collette," Wren said angrily.

"Excuse me?" Collette asked shocked. Where was the hostility coming from?

"Stop using him as an excuse to stay in your sheltered little life. If you keep using him as an excuse, you are going to start to resent him and that isn't going to help your situation any either," Wren said trying with all her might to get her friend to see what she was doing.

"What do you know about my situation? You know nothing about my situation," Collette said sounding angry now. Now wasn't the time for Wren to start using therapeutic techniques on her friend.

"I don't know anything about your situation because you won't tell anybody. Honey, that is no way to live," Wren said sounding more sympathetic than angry now.

"I'm doing all that I can to survive, Wren. Please, just let me continue to do it my way," Collette said sounding almost exhausted.

"Alright, Collette, but one day you are going to think back and wonder 'what if.' I just hope you are prepared to be able to go through that alone," Wren said and turned up the radio to signal she was done with the current conversation.

Collette just took a deep breath. She knew what Wren was trying to do, and it pissed her off because it was working. What was she to do now anyway? It was too late.

-----

Patrick came back to the table feeling horrible. Now all he wanted to do was go home as in Chicago home.

"Hey guys, I'm going to jet," he said standing at the table.

"Do we smell or something?" Pete asked smelling his armpits.

"What?" Patrick asked confused.

"Well, just a couple of minutes ago, Collette came by and said she was leaving too, looking about as crappy as you do," Pete said looking up at Patrick.

"Thanks, Pete," Patrick said sounding annoyed. He was anything, but in the mood to joke around.

"Dude, you ok?" Joe asked noticing his irritable behavior.

"I just wanna go," Patrick said sounding defeated.

"We can all go," Pete said taking note of his friend's body language. He knew something was wrong.

"No, you guys stay. I can take a cab," Patrick said putting his hands in his pocket.

"Naw, let's go," Pete said putting some money on the table and scooting out of the booth.

The other two followed suit. Patrick just shrugged and walked towards the door. He told them they could stay; it wasn't his fault that they didn't listen.

Patrick sat in the back seat staring out the window watching LA pass by in an orange and yellow blur. He every now and then would tune into the conversation that Joe and Andy were having from the front seat. Joe was talking about calling Wren since she gave him her number. It must be nice to not be rejected by someone.

Pete watched Patrick cautiously trying to read him. He knew better than to ask Patrick about it in front of the others. Patrick is not one to talk about his feelings in front of people. Pete was just relieved that he and Patrick had a close enough relationship that they could talk to each other about things; otherwise this lifestyle would be overly unbearable for the both of them.

-----

Collette gently put a sleeping Jackson in his bed. His blond hair was all ruffled as he rolled over onto his stomach. Collette smiled down on him.

She was not going to resent him for her lifestyle. None of this was his fault, but she had to live this way for him. She stared down at the boy not being able to fathom ever having the feeling of resentment towards him.

Collette left the sleeping boy with his large yellow lab sleeping at the foot of the bed. She shut his door slightly and went into her bedroom and pulled out the one photo album that she brought from home. It was the one thing from her past that she brought with her. It was her second most prized possession with Jackson being the first.

Collette flipped through pages looking at all the happy smiles on each page. She missed everyone from home so much. She hadn't talked to anyone since the day before they left. No one knew where they were, and unfortunately that was how it was going to stay.

Collette stopped on the page of when Jackson was a newborn. She stared intently at the two sets of deep blue eyes that stared back at her. Tears welled up into her eyes.

"CoCo?"

Collette slammed the photo album shut and wiped her eyes quickly before looking at her door where Jackson stood with Rooger next to him.

"Jackson, are you ok?" she asked standing up to go towards him.

"I had a bad dream," he said quietly.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked picking him up into her arms. He just shook his head no.

"Ok, you don't have to tell me," she said rubbing the back of his neck for comfort.

She felt him cling onto her tightly and all questioning thoughts about not giving Patrick her phone number vanished.

"Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" she asked the little boy. He just nodded his head yes.

"Alright," Collette said and pulled back her covers with one arm and gently set him in her bed pulling the covers tightly around him.

"What were you looking at?" he pointed to the book lying in the middle of the bed.

"Some of mommy's pictures," she said running her hand through his hair.

"Oh, can I look at them?" he asked.

"Tomorrow, ok," she said kissing his forehead.

"Ok," he said snuggling into her covers more.

"Come on Rugger," Collette said patting the end of her bed designated for the oversized dog.

Rugger jumped onto the bed with ease and made himself comfortable as well.

"I'll be in bed in a moment, okay?" Collette said from the doorway.

"Okay, CoCo. Goodnight," Jackson said yawning the last word.

-----

Patrick immediately went to his room as soon as Andy had put the car in park. He really didn't feel like talking to anybody.

Pete of course, wasn't going to let Patrick just sit and sulk in his room. That wasn't his style.

Pete knocked quietly on his friend's door and heard Patrick sigh from the other side.

"Pete, I'm tired. Can this wait?" he asked sounding muffled through the wood.

Patrick knew it was Pete at his door. He knew that knock anywhere.

Pete opened the door and stepped in closing it behind him. Patrick just looked at his friend as if to ask 'what?'

"I dunno, Patrick. Can this wait until tomorrow?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

Patrick set the sweatshirt that was in his hands on his bed and sat down.

"What's going on?" Pete asked walking towards his friend.

"I made a complete ass of myself tonight," Patrick said putting his head in his hands.

"You have to be more specific. I'm the king of asses," Pete said taking a seat in a chair that held numerous articles of clothing.

Patrick gave a half smile knowing that Pete was half being serious and half trying to cheer his friend up.

"I asked Collette for her number," Patrick started.

"You did?" Pete said sounding shocked. That was completely out of character for Patrick.

"Yeah, well, it didn't go well because she totally turned me down," Patrick said with frustration in his voice.

"Bummer. What did she say?" Pete asked curious. Why would anyone turn Patrick down?

"She said the timing was off, blah, blah, blah," Patrick said lying back on his bed.

"Dude, I'm sorry," Pete said not really knowing what more to say.

"It's fine. I just," Patrick sat up searching for the words he wanted to say.

"When we were outside, she seemed so real. She has these simple features that make you think, there has to be more, and then she laughs and your whole body fills up with joy because that's how she makes you feel. And I am sounding like a complete psychopath," Patrick said taking note of Pete's facial expression.

"You totally are crunching on a girl you barely know," Pete said smiling widely.

"Shut up," Patrick said laying back down dramatically.

Pete laughed out loudly. Patrick was never the one to be the hopeless romantic; that was Pete's job.

"I'm sorry, but for once the tables have turned," Pete said still laughing.

"Well, there is nothing I can do about it. She is obviously repulsed by me," Patrick said staring at his ceiling.

"Don't say that because you know it's not true. She probably just got a little scared. You are in a rock band. She's probably just protecting herself," Pete offered.

Patrick sat back up slowly with a pensive look on his face.

"Well, I'll probably never see her again," he said focusing on his pessimism.

"Not necessarily," Pete chimed.

"What are you talking about?" Patrick asked confused.

"Joe got her friend's number, so you should never say never," Pete said patting Patrick on the shoulder as he got up and left his friend with his thoughts.

Patrick sat there for a moment just thinking about what Pete had said. He wondered if he would see this girl again. Was she just protecting herself? If that was the case he couldn't blame her. It's not easy doing the dating thing with the hectic schedule that he and his band mates held.

Patrick couldn't help but get the feeling that there was more to this girl that she was giving off. She was keeping something protected, but he had the suspicion that it wasn't herself that she was protecting.

Patrick laid back down on his bed in yet another dramatic fashion. He really needed to sleep.