FicWad

I can no longer take it. Every time I see his face I see his eyes... Those deep emeralds in my class, I can no longer take it. They are Lily's eyes on someone else's face. If he had her ruddy tresses I doubt that I would even be able to look at him at all.

I loved her, I truly did. But growing up in Slytherin as a half blood, a mudblood, I never admitted it to myself. I didn't actually realize that I loved Lily Evans, the muggle born Gryffindor, until after that horrible Halloween night so long ago. I thought it was all physical, I thought it was lust but I was wrong. It was love in its purest form.

I still remember the way she looked in potions class with Professor Slughorn. The smoke of her potion twining around her face and hair like a kitten. Her bottle green eyes sparkling like the fire under the cauldron. They always looked darker in the dusky potions classroom, but I always saw them as the pure shade they were.

She always was my only threat in Potions Class. She forced me to try new things and experiment. I had soon rewritten the textbook as she forced me to prove time after time that I was better then she. I created spells and enchantments to prove myself better then her. I never realized that I loved her.

That one day in fifth year after our written Defense against the Dark Arts examination, I realized that there was something there. I remember that day well. I had followed the Gryffindor boys in my year outside. I was looking at the test going over each answer in my mind, making sure that I had answered it to the fullest. I didn't realize I had been following them towards the lake.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter sat under the big oak tree. They were the Gryffindor boys and I disliked them all. They had once tried to kill me; Sirius was the one who told me to go down the hidden passage under the Whomping Willow tree. James stopped me, but I had seen what was at the end. A werewolf. I was sworn to secrecy, but the deepest form of loathing raced through my veins. Hatred that was stemmed from them risking my life and only getting a detention as punishment.

That day on the banks of the lake James spotted me first and Sirius followed. The ratty boy Peter watched as they came towards me. Remus stayed where he was, he was the prefect; he should have stopped it but it was his two best friends of course he wouldn't. They came at me, doing spells I had created. Lily intervened, James' own heartthrob. I didn't need help from a stinking mudblood. Not with the Slytherins watching. She stormed of angry but she had helped. She had distracted them enough to allow me to break free of the body bind and that helped me more then words can say.

Seventh Year came and went, and Lily and James were dating. The 'Marauders' as they had been nicknamed, earned more respect from the student body of Hogwarts...Except for Slytherin. I could not understand why Lily had gone to James, I never will. James was arrogant and strutted about the school even more then he did in the past. I attacked him now, for he always seemed alone. I wanted revenge for the hatred coursing through my veins had increased. I didn't know why at the time. But now I do: he was with her.

I blame him; I blame the boy with Lily's eyes. She needn't have died if he didn't exist. But I blame myself more. I sent him to the Potter house that night, I sent him, my master, to kill his greatest foe. And she shielded him, her son...the one with the emerald eyes. I asked him to spare her, so she could come to me, for the feelings for her still ran more deeply than the hatred did in my blood. She never stepped aside when my master requested it. It was a great risk for her to be alive, but my master gave her the chance for me. He killed her; and that's when I realized that the feelings were of love not lust. And now when he comes in my class, he is truly is his mother and father's son. I blame him for if he had never been born Lily would never have had to die.

I hate Harry Potter, for he has his mother's eyes. Every time I look at that scar on his forehead from when he destroyed my master that faithful night, I look down his face and see her eyes. Haunting me, knowing that if I had spoken up something might have happened. Her presence still lingers... Her soul lives on in the boy with the emerald eyes.