FicWad

A/N: I struggled for a while with anorexia. I wrote this poem as a way of dealing with the emotions that came with that.

Let Me Sleep
Last time it left
I thought it was gone for good,
I thought I was stronger,
It turns out I'm not.
As much as I struggle,
I can't get away,
All I have left
Is the promise that I made.
Inside my head,
There are two voices screaming,
Drowning out every other sound,
Masking any comfort I might find.
And no matter how hard I try,
I'll never meet my own standards,
I'll always be too weak.
I can never win.
And though my mind knows
What I see isn't real,
I can't escape my twisted reality,
And I can't turn back now.
If I could make it go away I would,
But I can't hide my reflection,
The fat girl in the mirror that isn't really me.
She keeps coming back to haunt me.
Every time I make my decision,
I can keep it up for a week,
Maybe more,
Before she goes away for a while
And leaves me to heal.
But always she's back,
Screaming in my ear once more,
Telling me I'm not good enough.
I just want to tell her to shut up,
But I can't.
She has too much power over me.
She haunts my every waking moment,
Until she's all that keeps me going.
Only in dreams can I escape her.
So let me sleep,
Just let me sleep,
Retreat into my dream world
Of epic fantasy,
Where I can be anyone I want.
Where for a while,
I'm safe.