Categories > Books > Harry Potter
Disclaimer: I own nothing HP-related, they belong to those who rightfully purchased him. The number of people is far to high to count and list, so all rights go to them, I'm just making this cause I'm bored.
A/N: Something created in a fit of insanity, and a dare by my beta.
It's not supposed to be taken seriously, as it was intended to be a parody, nothing more.
Enjoy.
***
Draco took a deep breath, before uttering the phrase that had last been used in his 4th year. It was the same spell that Professor Moody had used to transform the blonde Slytherin into a ferret. While it was used more as "punishment" last time, now it would be used to infiltrate Gryffindor Tower to plant evidence that their Quidditch team had been using illegal contraband to give them an edge in games. Of course, everyone knew it wasn't true (even though Malfoy grudgingly never admitted it), but it would be hard to explain the contraband if Madam Hooch had "somehow" stumbled across said items.
Silently (after donning his ferret outfit), he snuck out of the boys dormitory, and worked his way to the tower, avoiding all holes that smelled of Mrs. Norris. It would be befitting of a Malfoy to become cat food now, would it? Finding the hole he needed (he'd found it one night while trying to sneak in), he waited patiently in the dark, wondering when the portrait would open, allowing him to get in unnoticed.
Without warning, it began. The ground started shaking, as though a giant was coming up the stairs. 'Probably that half-giant oaf Hagrid, to visit Potter for some inane reason,' the ferret thought to himself as he steeled his muscles to jump at a moments notice. Since he was covered by shadows, he would be impossible to see, or so he thought.
"Oh there you are, you cute little gerbil you!" a shrill, teeth-grating voice called out, jostling the poor Slytherin who forgot he was only invisible to those outside of Gryffindor Tower. If they were to leave, they'd see him right away. Before he could bolt out of there (he would need to re-plan this, when he got back), he was summoned to the perpetrators hand, who gave Draco a quick squeeze, and promptly knocked the wind out of him, removing any thoughts of resistance or escape.
The voice-carrier walked up a set of stairs, and closed a door, locking it as well. Finally no longer dizzy (the movement up the stairs made him feel queasy, him being small and all), Draco got a good luck at his kidnapper, and silently screamed. Not 10 feet away stood Ginny Weasley, the butt of many of Draco's jokes, comments, and other random acts of annoyance, standing stark naked, making Draco wonder if there truly was a god.
In her hand was a long cylindrical object, which looked large enough for Draco to squeeze through, but he hadn't the slightest clue why he would be captured just to fit into such a simple-looking object. Ginny approached Draco, setting the tube on a table that lay on a bed near Draco. Unscrewing the cap off of a bottle of "Mr. Squick's Bottle O' Licks!", Ginny grabbed Dracos fear-paralyzed body and applied a layer of the liquid from the bottle, sending shivers through the ferrets body as he realized tonight wouldn't be a good night for his sanity, or anything else for that matter.
Satisfied in the amount of liquid covering the ferret, Ginny grabbed the tube from the table and slowly eased Draco into it, satisfied at the ease in which he went in. Then, Ginny set the tube on the floor, and joined it on the cold, stones.
Standing the tube upright (with Draco facing the ceiling), Ginny positioned herself above the cylinder, and that's when realization hit Draco. She was going to use him as a sexual toy, and he heard horror stories about these kind of accidents gone wrong from Crabbe and Goyle. Panic finally setting in, Draco attempted to escape, but the tight enclosure cut down on the air-intake of the ferret, thus giving him only enough strength to keep his eyes open in horror as she lowered herself down upon him.
At first, Draco didn't think it was so bad, as it was warmer than the cold, stone room, but then the smell assaulted his nose. The stench of rotting fish, left out in the sun for 3 years, attacked his nostrils, making him wish he had devoured some sort of less-torturous poison, as he was sure the Dark Lord wouldn't use such a horrible torture on even the Muggles who defied him. At least then he didn't try to preform....things with them! Then Draco noticed he was moving, at a reasonable speed before he realized what was happening. Eye's wide in fright, he attempted to get out before he was smothered, suffocated, or (worse) killed by stench alone. After a painful thirty seconds he realized it wasn't going to work, so he decided he'd rather drown than be killed by the stench. On an up motion he dugs his small teeth into a nearby fleshy appendage, causing an unearthly noise to assault his ears and a sickly sweet liquid (to attempt to drown him in, he assumed) to cover him and the tube.
Luckily the liquid helped Draco escape his tube-prison, but his escape was short-lived as he was sucked into the orifice to god-knows-where. His mouth open in shock, he failed to notice something had slipped down into his mouth while he was being vacuumed into a place he knew wouldn't be pretty. Eventually he stopped, destination unknown, but he knew he didn't have long to live with lack of air, he'd heard ferrets weren't the best of breathers, and knew his croaking was soon unless he did something, and quickly.
It seemed that god (if there was one, he added mentally) had graced him with good luck, as his transfiguration spell had worn off, but the problem was, he was still stuck in the living vacuum-cleaner known as Ginny Weasley. The solution was rather...messy. As Draco's body started to grow to it's normal size, her's began to swell up due to the growing it couldn't accustom.
Like an overfilled balloon she 'popped', sending blood, bones, and various organs across the room, which he noticed was a broom-closet of sorts, it looked like it had been expanded and used as a room for who knows what, not that he cared. All he wanted was to get the blood out of his Acromantula robes, and that liver out of his hair.
As he reached to extract the slimy object out of his hair, he felt his stomach turn, and expand, as though a balloon was growing there. His eyes widened in shock as he realized what had happened; he wasn't the red-heads first victim, but her last. Desperately he tried to claw into his stomach, attempting to get the object out, but failed to do so as he exploded similarly to Ginny Weasley.
Stepping out of the corpse of his former enemy. Harry Potter wondered if his gerbil Animagus form was really going to help him win the war. If it was, he'd rather be stuck in the red-head instead, at least then he knew death would come soon.
And so, Harry Potter went on to become greatest wizard in the world...but somehow got stuck with a job extracting gerbils from many people's orifices.
***
A/N: What'd you think? Hated it and want to flame me? Loved and want to review it postively? Let me know so I can continue other stories of this calibur. =)
A/N: Something created in a fit of insanity, and a dare by my beta.
It's not supposed to be taken seriously, as it was intended to be a parody, nothing more.
Enjoy.
***
Draco took a deep breath, before uttering the phrase that had last been used in his 4th year. It was the same spell that Professor Moody had used to transform the blonde Slytherin into a ferret. While it was used more as "punishment" last time, now it would be used to infiltrate Gryffindor Tower to plant evidence that their Quidditch team had been using illegal contraband to give them an edge in games. Of course, everyone knew it wasn't true (even though Malfoy grudgingly never admitted it), but it would be hard to explain the contraband if Madam Hooch had "somehow" stumbled across said items.
Silently (after donning his ferret outfit), he snuck out of the boys dormitory, and worked his way to the tower, avoiding all holes that smelled of Mrs. Norris. It would be befitting of a Malfoy to become cat food now, would it? Finding the hole he needed (he'd found it one night while trying to sneak in), he waited patiently in the dark, wondering when the portrait would open, allowing him to get in unnoticed.
Without warning, it began. The ground started shaking, as though a giant was coming up the stairs. 'Probably that half-giant oaf Hagrid, to visit Potter for some inane reason,' the ferret thought to himself as he steeled his muscles to jump at a moments notice. Since he was covered by shadows, he would be impossible to see, or so he thought.
"Oh there you are, you cute little gerbil you!" a shrill, teeth-grating voice called out, jostling the poor Slytherin who forgot he was only invisible to those outside of Gryffindor Tower. If they were to leave, they'd see him right away. Before he could bolt out of there (he would need to re-plan this, when he got back), he was summoned to the perpetrators hand, who gave Draco a quick squeeze, and promptly knocked the wind out of him, removing any thoughts of resistance or escape.
The voice-carrier walked up a set of stairs, and closed a door, locking it as well. Finally no longer dizzy (the movement up the stairs made him feel queasy, him being small and all), Draco got a good luck at his kidnapper, and silently screamed. Not 10 feet away stood Ginny Weasley, the butt of many of Draco's jokes, comments, and other random acts of annoyance, standing stark naked, making Draco wonder if there truly was a god.
In her hand was a long cylindrical object, which looked large enough for Draco to squeeze through, but he hadn't the slightest clue why he would be captured just to fit into such a simple-looking object. Ginny approached Draco, setting the tube on a table that lay on a bed near Draco. Unscrewing the cap off of a bottle of "Mr. Squick's Bottle O' Licks!", Ginny grabbed Dracos fear-paralyzed body and applied a layer of the liquid from the bottle, sending shivers through the ferrets body as he realized tonight wouldn't be a good night for his sanity, or anything else for that matter.
Satisfied in the amount of liquid covering the ferret, Ginny grabbed the tube from the table and slowly eased Draco into it, satisfied at the ease in which he went in. Then, Ginny set the tube on the floor, and joined it on the cold, stones.
Standing the tube upright (with Draco facing the ceiling), Ginny positioned herself above the cylinder, and that's when realization hit Draco. She was going to use him as a sexual toy, and he heard horror stories about these kind of accidents gone wrong from Crabbe and Goyle. Panic finally setting in, Draco attempted to escape, but the tight enclosure cut down on the air-intake of the ferret, thus giving him only enough strength to keep his eyes open in horror as she lowered herself down upon him.
At first, Draco didn't think it was so bad, as it was warmer than the cold, stone room, but then the smell assaulted his nose. The stench of rotting fish, left out in the sun for 3 years, attacked his nostrils, making him wish he had devoured some sort of less-torturous poison, as he was sure the Dark Lord wouldn't use such a horrible torture on even the Muggles who defied him. At least then he didn't try to preform....things with them! Then Draco noticed he was moving, at a reasonable speed before he realized what was happening. Eye's wide in fright, he attempted to get out before he was smothered, suffocated, or (worse) killed by stench alone. After a painful thirty seconds he realized it wasn't going to work, so he decided he'd rather drown than be killed by the stench. On an up motion he dugs his small teeth into a nearby fleshy appendage, causing an unearthly noise to assault his ears and a sickly sweet liquid (to attempt to drown him in, he assumed) to cover him and the tube.
Luckily the liquid helped Draco escape his tube-prison, but his escape was short-lived as he was sucked into the orifice to god-knows-where. His mouth open in shock, he failed to notice something had slipped down into his mouth while he was being vacuumed into a place he knew wouldn't be pretty. Eventually he stopped, destination unknown, but he knew he didn't have long to live with lack of air, he'd heard ferrets weren't the best of breathers, and knew his croaking was soon unless he did something, and quickly.
It seemed that god (if there was one, he added mentally) had graced him with good luck, as his transfiguration spell had worn off, but the problem was, he was still stuck in the living vacuum-cleaner known as Ginny Weasley. The solution was rather...messy. As Draco's body started to grow to it's normal size, her's began to swell up due to the growing it couldn't accustom.
Like an overfilled balloon she 'popped', sending blood, bones, and various organs across the room, which he noticed was a broom-closet of sorts, it looked like it had been expanded and used as a room for who knows what, not that he cared. All he wanted was to get the blood out of his Acromantula robes, and that liver out of his hair.
As he reached to extract the slimy object out of his hair, he felt his stomach turn, and expand, as though a balloon was growing there. His eyes widened in shock as he realized what had happened; he wasn't the red-heads first victim, but her last. Desperately he tried to claw into his stomach, attempting to get the object out, but failed to do so as he exploded similarly to Ginny Weasley.
Stepping out of the corpse of his former enemy. Harry Potter wondered if his gerbil Animagus form was really going to help him win the war. If it was, he'd rather be stuck in the red-head instead, at least then he knew death would come soon.
And so, Harry Potter went on to become greatest wizard in the world...but somehow got stuck with a job extracting gerbils from many people's orifices.
***
A/N: What'd you think? Hated it and want to flame me? Loved and want to review it postively? Let me know so I can continue other stories of this calibur. =)
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