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Chapter 3: Tangling

Kankuro checked in at the Sand's embassy to find it empty, except for the two elderly Suna Council retainers who pursed their lips at his tardiness and directed him to the Hokage's tower, with an addendum that Temari-sama was "frothing mad" over his absence and that it would behoove the Yondaime Kazekage's son to conduct himself in a manner more suiting to his station.

He went right back out the second-floor window he'd entered through without another word, in case he said something he'd regret later. When had it started raising his hackles so violently to be associated with his late father?

On arriving at the Hokage's tower, Kankuro found the main door blocked by a tour group of Academy students; not wanting to wade through a sea of kids (and put up with the chorus of "Kitty ears!" that inevitably entailed), he simply went around the back and scaled the wall. It was only when he was just below one of the Hokage's meeting-rooms, when two hands, one pale, one big and callused, shot out of the window and grabbed his head, that he realized this might not have been a good plan.

Two heads poked out the window and looked down on him. "What are you-oh. Sorry, Kankuro-san."

"Yeah, well..." Kankuro muttered, rubbing his scalp as he looked up into Hatake Kakashi's sole visible eye.

"We have stairs, though, you know," Sarutobi Asuma added reprovingly, taking the opportunity to pollute the fresh air with a quick drag on his cigarette.

"You also have a sea of damn kids blocking access. Climbing the wall is easier."

Kakashi smiled (Kankuro thought) and offered him a hand up. "Ah, yes, the weekly tour. I'm afraid they'll be disappointed since Naruto-sama can't show them around the Hokage's offices personally this time, but you know how it is, security and all that. Speaking of which, you're lucky Ibiki didn't get his way on booby-traps for the windowsill or you might have gotten sluiced with acid."

Asuma made a reproving noise through his nose. "Lay off, Kakashi, the man looks sick enough already. Next time, just use the doorbell, okay, Kankuro-san?"

"Naruto installed a doorbell?" Kankuro said in disbelief just as two female voices were raised within.

"Kakashi, Asuma, stop screwing with Kankuro and bring him inside, Gaara-sama's been wondering where-"

"Councilwoman Kurenai, what--/There/ you are! Idiot, Gaara refused to start the meeting without you!" Temari's stormy face appeared at the window; she elbowed the two amused elite jounin aside and hauled her younger brother bodily through the window into the Hokage's rather crowded main office, ignoring his hissed protests. "Geez, everyone else is already here except that spider guy and Shikamaru...and this is Shikamaru we're talking about."

"That "spider guy" has a name, you know," came the distinctly cool voice of Sakon from the adjacent corner of the room, where he, Jiroubou, and Tayuya were standing attendant on either side of the seated Uchiha Sasuke (or rather slouching attendant, since there was apparently some kind of union rule in Sound against serving decorously unless your boss was a Sannin or had a knife to your throat). "And I'm sure he has a good reason for showing up late, as opposed to your brother, who just seems to like making an entrance. Very dignified, by the way," the pale-haired man added, flashing a smile laced with hate in Kankuro's direction. "Very Kabuki, I'm sure."

Kankuro ignored him; if the Sound ninja was still harbouring ill feeling about their fight all those years ago, it was nothing to him, and it would be abject stupidity to start something over petty insults in the Hokage's office. Instead, he looked around at the assembled shinobi; with a few notable exceptions, it was like a reunion of his first chuunin exams. Kakashi and Asuma were hogging the main windowsill for their own purposes, while Baki and Hyuuga Neji were guarding either side of the office doorway. The seats reserved for the two Leaf Councilors were occupied on one side by the elderly Koharu, and on the other by the equally ancient Ebizou, who was talking with Yuuhi Kurenai and apparently thanking the younger Councilwoman for ceding her cushion to him. Tenten was holding a whispering dispute with Rock Lee involving "those rotten health dumplings" (probably why Neji was staying on the other side of the room from them), Gaara had taken another proffered armchair, Hyuuga Hinata stood to one side of the Hokage's desk, Yamanaka Ino stood to the other (with less decorum than her pale-eyed counterpart as she was surreptitiously filing her nails, but both women looked worried and out of sorts) and Haruno Sakura was sitting disgruntled in the Hokage's desk chair, arguing with Uzumaki Naruto, who had seated himself cross-legged on the desk on top of sheaves of paperwork.

"...telling you it's not right, Naruto, think of how it looks!"

"Aw c'mon Sakura-chan, you've been on your feet all day since dawn running around the damn hospital, and I spend all my time chained to this stupid desk, it's only fair you get to sit down and take a load off..."

"She's right, idiot," Sasuke remarked from across the room, eyes narrowing slightly. "You don't look like you're taking this very seriously."

Sakura's jaw tightened, and she didn't look directly at her old team mate as she muttered something barely audible, but she was drowned right out as Naruto growled back at Sasuke. "Dammit, bastard, butt out! She works a lot harder than I do most days, so you just /can it/, okay?"

Kankuro nudged Temari and whispered to her as Sasuke's brows knitted together, "Have I missed something here, or did Uchiha go and spit on the Sandaime Hokage's grave when I wasn't looking? Uzumaki looks ready to murder him."

"It's been like that since the meeting started," Temari whispered back. "They've just been getting more and more tense as the talks have been progressing. Hinata, Sakon, and I have managed to defuse most serious fights so far, but..."

"How about Gaara?"

"He's been handling it very well, except for the occasional warning shot using the sand."

"Well, that's one mercy, I guess..."

Someone was banging on the office door. Baki shifted with lethal speed, only to pause when Neji held up a hand, the veins around his eyes popping. "It's Chouji and Shikamaru."

"Finally! Hey Neji, let 'em in so we can get started with this."

"Kidoumaru of the Sound is still not here," Koharu remarked in a tremulous voice, her still-sharp eyes flickering around the room.

Sasuke glanced up and to his left at the same time as Kakashi said cheerfully, "You wouldn't think so, Koharu-sama, but he's been up in the southwest room corner for the last two minutes. Clever, I'm sure."

"Jackass," Tayuya said without looking up as Kidoumaru's genjutsu shimmered and the spider-nin appeared over her head. "I bet he could hear you fucking snickering to yourself up there from across the room."

Kidoumaru smirked and directed a mocking wave to the room at large. He didn't pause to look at either Kankuro or the Nara in the doorway, the puppeteer thought, which was unusually decorous for him.

Shikamaru ambled past Neji with a nod, taking in the room with a quick glance as Chouji ducked his head to get through the door. "So we're the last ones here. Sorry, Naruto-sama, that was my fault."

"I suppose someone's got to take up the mantle of showing up late for everything, since all my dear former students seem to be obsessively punctual," Kakashi commented, as Asuma and Kurenai rolled their eyes in near unison. "Naruto-sama?"

"Yeah, yeah, geez, Kakashi-sensei, you keep talking like that and Granny Koharu'll never feel secure enough to pass off that Council seat to you and retire." Naruto ignored the old woman's huff of displeasure and winked at her, his mood apparently improving. "Aw, don't worry, he'll straighten up eventually, especially if Gai-sensei keeps after him about Setting a Good Example in the Summertime of His Maturity and that. Then you'll be able to step down and catch up on your gardening!"

"Naruto-sama, please, try to stay focused," Kurenai said warningly.

"Oh yeah, hah, sorry, right." The smile disappeared from the Rokudaime Hokage's face; he was all business now, and having known him since his much younger days, Kankuro found the sudden transformation startling. "First thing you should all know is, I sent out Kiba, Shino, and three others on their mission to Cloud, not to gather intelligence on Cloud's platoon movements, but to spy on a daimyo called Zurui Takurami."

"I know of that man," Sasuke interjected. "He's supposed to be some kind of scholar or something."

"A historian," Gaara corrected the Uchiha quietly. "He specializes in the documentation of Hidden Cloud's military history, apparently as a personal hobby. Notable only because where other lords engage in political maneuvering, he is apparently content with his academic hobbies, although he's built up the impressive family fortune through long-term investments and a lack of grand living. I met him briefly when he came to study Suna's archives. Why him?"

"He's got this brother, Zurui Honshin, who I've met. The guy's not a bad opponent and he's straightforward enough in a fight, but he's convinced that Cloud is ultimately the best of the five shinobi nations and that peace makes 'em weak."

"Zurui Honshin, the chakra-powered moron," Sasuke murmured. "I've had the pleasure of meeting him, too, the blunt-headed idiot. He makes you look like a philosopher king."

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment, ya jackass, especially considering he's been bumping off the Raikage's retainers these last few months, not to mention the guy who was second in line for the Lightening Shadow's hat."

That made most of the room's occupants, including Gaara and Sasuke, sit up straight and take notice. "What?"

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either, but the signs were pointing in that direction, although there wasn't any solid evidence, which is why he hasn't been executed for treason yet. I figured Honshin wasn't the kind of guy who could pull that off, and the only person in his circle who does have the brains to start orchestrating a coup right under the Raikage's nose is his little brother, Takurami. And if Honshin managed to become Raikage..."

"He'd lead Hidden Cloud into a war," Gaara said flatly, "probably with the Leaf, crushing the Sound in the process."

"He would /try/, and find that we have a tendency to crush back," Sasuke remarked blandly, although his entire body was wired with tension. The Sound Four nodded with various degrees of vehemence.

Gaara just shrugged. "I meant no offense, but you're still a young nation, and you lack established strength, Sharigan eye or not. That is not to say you couldn't do serious damage to Hidden Cloud-they are currently in a major economic recession right now, worse than the one Sand had a decade ago, which is why Zurui Honshin's ideas may not meet many objections from either the shinobi or civilian populace-but they would still eventually win, and then the result would be Sound's destruction and a border war between the Leaf and Cloud, with the potential for Mist and Sand to be drawn in as well on the alliance principle, events I'm sure we're all anxious to avoid. It could start another ninja world war."

Kankuro suppressed a sudden urge to go pat his younger brother on the back in front of all and sundry; it wouldn't be dignified, and Temari's spontaneous, proud grin was probably enough, although it vanished quickly as Gaara's words sank in.

"Yeah, that's pretty much what Granny Koharu and Kurenai-sensei said," Naruto agreed, his voice lowering, "but they used bigger words and diagrams. Kiba, Shino, Aburame Yuuko, Aburame Kuru, and Akado Morihito were dispatched to his castle at Hinoame in Lightening Country to snoop around a bit and see what was going on; I figured the Aburames could use the bugs to deal with going through his personal documents, while Kiba and Morihito could handle any bodyguards or nasty surprises that came up."

"You're using the past tense," Gaara remarked.

"Yeah, well...I was wrong, and now Yuuko's boyfriend and Kuru's grandchildren didn't even have anything to cremate for the funeral, and the Akado's neighbours are bein' nicer to 'em because Morihito's sacrifice apparently redeems the family's tainted honour from that thing with Yoroi or some such, which I'll bet is a real fucking comfort to his daughter when her daddy isn't coming home at night." Naruto was digging his fingers into his knees now, the entire line of his back wired with tension, yellow bangs hiding his eyes. "Kiba was nearly dead from blood loss, Shino was in shock, and Shizune-neechan's probably still trying to stabilize 'em." Hinata drew in a sharp breath then, reaching out with a sudden jerk of her arm towards Naruto; Sakura quickly intercepted her, holding the other woman's arm back in a gentle grip until she got herself under control and assumed a neutral expression again.

"So then they will be unable to give the report themselves," Sasuke said, half to himself. "What could have routed three Aburame parasitic bug experts, a master of the Akado chakra-leeching style, and an Inuzuka berserker?"

Kidoumaru was speaking quietly to Tayuya from his perch on the ceiling; she jerked an insolent thumb in Naruto's direction, and he responded with a nod before speaking up. "Hey, you said the two Aburame who bought it, their families won't have anything for the funeral."

"I just said that, yeah," Naruto growled, looking up through red but dry eyes. "Whoever attacked the team in that fucking castle even kept the bodies, used Morihito's as bait to lure Kiba into a coordinated jounin sneak attack."

"With the Akado, I could see where that would be a problem," Kidoumaru mused, more towards Sasuke, who was looking up at his subordinate with a nose wrinkled in bemusement, "but I thought the Aburame funeral procedure was for the insects to immediately eat the corpse and then seek out the nearest available clansmen, attach to him, then participate in the funeral with the rest of the clan's bugs on behalf of the deceased. Didn't that get started because the Aburame parasite insects could outline the circumstances of their host's death very precisely...?"

"The Aburame haven't gotten Kuru and Yuuko's bugs back yet," Naruto said harshly with an abrupt nod.

"I heard that's supposed to be impossible, though. The Aburame's swarm will split up totally to increase the chances of at least a few of them escaping whatever killed their host and passing the information on to the clan. My spiders have gotten their webs ruined by parasite bugs trying to get back to the main swarm of the clan, they'll just go right through like a buzzsaw. What the hell is efficient enough to kill not only an Aburame but his entire swarm as well?"

"Whatever it is, Zurui Takurami has employed it," Kurenai said suddenly, breaking the moment of silence. "We can safely assume that, considering the reaction to Kiba and Shino's team's infiltration, he has something to hide, something he is willing to hire extremely dangerous shinobi to protect from prying eyes. Shino caught a brief glimpse of what was apparently a copy of one of the Raikage's murdered retainers' confidential travel itinerary, before he was attacked. This is, we feel, enough to warrant his removal from the equation; without him, Honshin's efforts to overthrow the current Raikage will not succeed."

"If you want him assassinated," Sasuke said calmly, "why have you not already sent an ANBU team out?"

"We want this to be a joint effort, to show willing for the alliance," Koharu said. "Also, I'm certain the Hokage would prefer the input of his allies when selecting an assassination squad...and I believe that the qualifications he is seeking in a potential squad are not to be found among our ANBU, most valued though they are," she added with a nod towards Neji and Tenten, who bowed respectfully in return.

Naruto didn't hesitate. "This guy Takurami is smart, and he hired something ruthless enough to wipe out Yuuko, Kuru, and Morihito, and they were all excellent ninjas, so that takes brains in the hired killers as well as brawn. We need people who can use maximum stealth but handle a wide range of attackers at the same time; a small number, around three, who can act like a larger number. And they've gotta be smart, too, gotta deal with a situation we don't understand well and enemies whose weaknesses we aren't well aware of. Alright, Gaara, Sasuke, you two got any questions or suggestions?"

"I'm surprised you didn't volunteer yourself, dobe," Sasuke remarked, weaving his fingers together under his chin. Kankuro thought he vaguely recognized the gesture; the Uchiha had come to a conclusion already, but he didn't particularly like it. He looked over at Gaara, whose dark-rimmed eyes were narrowed; it looked like his little brother had decided as well.

For the first time in the exchange, Naruto stopped looking serious and pulled a sour face. "Yeah, that was..."

"His chief surgeon threatened to kill him if he did," Sakura remarked acidly, giving Naruto a good sharp tug on the back of his robes. "Especially considering your idea of camouflage colouring is bright orange."

"Good," Sasuke said to her, rather than to her hands, and then looked shocked at himself. Sakura and Naruto both blinked. Sakon raised an eyebrow.

"Um..."

"I assume you've got someone in mind," Sasuke added, recovering himself quickly. "Three agents, one per Hidden Village, correct?"

"Uh, yeah, I was thinking-Shikamaru, you up for it?"

All eyes swung around to fix on the chuunin Academy teacher, who didn't bother to hide a grimace of disgust. "Ah, hell. I suppose there's no getting out of this one, is there..."

Ino promptly and loudly overrode him. "Hey, Naruto-sama, I know this is supposed to be a co-operative effort, but if it has to be Shikamaru, then can Chouji and I go with him? No one else will be able to kick his tail into gear otherwise."

Naruto started. "What? No! Ino, I can't do that, Chouji's not too great at stealth and you can only possess one person at a time and-and geez, your wedding's in two weeks, I can't send you off on a mission /now/."

"You're sending off our best man," Chouji pointed out reasonably, although something about the stubborn set of the big special jounin's face said that he was prepared to be unreasonable if the situation called for it.

"I don't mind if we have to postpone it for a few days or so...please, Naruto?" Ino wheedled, a little desperation creeping into her voice.

Koharu got in before Naruto could protest further. "Ino, this is a cooperative effort to secure the alliance, it is not feasible for yourself and Chouji to go as well, and in case you have forgotten yourself, Naruto is the Hokage..."

"But-"

"Dammit, Granny Koharu, I told you I don't care about that kind of-"

"Ino, Chouji, cut it out," Shikamaru interjected over the sudden hubbub, crossing his arms firmly. "I'll accept the Hokage's request and whoever goes with me."

Ino opened her mouth to protest again, then shut it as Chouji went to her and put a big hand gently on her shoulder. "Okay, Shikamaru. Sorry for butting in." Nevertheless, she muttered something rebellious and got a poke in the ribs from Sakura for her troubles.

"Pig, hush up before you trample his masculine ego even more."

"I know that, gigantic forehead," Ino hissed at her, "but we don't even know who the other-"

"Kidoumaru," Sasuke said sharply, garnering stares from the rest of the room. "If Naruto's going to send a chuunin, I suppose we'll have to compensate on our end, although I can ill afford to lose one of my bodyguards."

Kidoumaru responded with a grin that made several people's eyes narrow. "As you command, Sasuke-sama...heh, better luck next time, guys, sorry."

"Yeah, I'll just bet you are," Tayuya said laconically as Sakon sneered up at his comrade and Jiroubou pulled a face. "Push the shit-rat off a cliff for me if you get a chance, will ya?"

"Charming," Shikamaru muttered, as Naruto glared suspiciously at the Sound delegation.

"Hey, hey, don't even joke about that! Geez, bastard, he'd better not even think about-"

"He won't," Sasuke said abruptly. "Kidoumaru is substantially more reckless with his own life than with those of his teammates. The only person he is likely to harm through fooling around is himself."

"And there you have Sasuke-sama's version of the Ringing Endorsement," Sakon murmured up to Kidoumaru. "Have fun."

Gaara nodded. "Temari..."

His sister blinked. "Hm? Me?"

"...I need you to stay here with me and Baki. Please swear not to destroy half the embassy apartments if I ask Kankuro to go instead."

Temari squinted at her brother. "Did you just wind me up on purpose, Gaara?"

"No. Kankuro?"

The puppeteer shrugged and grinned. "Sure, sounds interesting. When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow morning," Neji said unexpectedly, "at dawn, isn't that correct, Naruto-sama?"

"Neji, Lee, and Tenten are going to Water Country, and their route follows yours about halfway," Naruto explained. "It'll be safer to travel in a six-man group until you leave the Fire Country borders, there's been some reports of weird shinobi running around lately."

"More than the usual number? Joking, joking," Kidoumaru said quickly as Neji turned baleful eyes on him. "Geez, talk about leeching the fun out of a venture-"

Tenten was trying to keep a straight face, but failed. "Ino, Chouji, go take care of Shikamaru, he looks like he's going to crumple up and die right now."

"Very funny," muttered the shadow user, his expression grim. "I can handle puppets and spiders, but traveling with /Lee/?

Hinata delivered a tremulous tap to Naruto's shoulder. "A-ano, Naruto-sama..."

He turned to look at her, saw her expression, and immediately gave her an enthusiastic pat on the shoulder that nearly knocked her out of her formal shoes. "You and Kurenai-sensei should go to the hospital as soon as possible. I bet Kiba's already awake and giving Shino and the nurses hell by now; he'll need you two to thump his stupid head. That said, meeting adjourned, and you three will get the exact mission parameters and what details we have later tonight. C'mon, everybody out, go eat something, it's dinnertime, dammit!"

"Most undignified," Koharu muttered, getting to her feet with Kurenai's careful assistance on one side, and Ebizou's on the other, as Hinata hurried from the room. To her apparent shock, the elderly Sand shinobi winked at her.

"I think your Hokage has the right idea; would you be interested in joining me in a cup of sake this evening, Madam Councilwoman?"

"I beg your pardon? Asking me in public, in front of all these people...?"

"Bah, my sister used to say she was too old for shame, and now I see what she meant by that! So, is it a date?"

Kurenai let go of Koharu's arm and was promptly accosted by Asuma, although not obviously. The two of them fell into step as they left the office; Ino responded by grabbing Shikamaru and Chouji and towed them out, yelling back over her shoulder at Sakura to go get something to eat before she even thought of going back to that hospital again. After a concert of astounded looks at Ebizou and Koharu (the latter was walking out flustered, but so far hadn't moved to turn her Sand counterpart down or push him away), Baki and the Sand siblings left in a jumble with Team Gai, who, as Kankuro discovered from Tenten, were also headed to the hospital to visit their old teacher and team namesake, who'd apparently done something Gate-related and broken several limbs.

Kankuro hung back at the head of the stairs for a moment and listened as the Sound delegation trooped out; he caught Sakon's voice raised in aggravation, a pithy comment from Kidoumaru, and scathing interruption from Tayuya, before Sasuke's voice carried over all of them.

"Go ahead without me. There's something I need to talk to them about."

"Are you sure you'll be alright, Sasuke-sama?"

"This is not something you need to concern yourself with. Go ahead and eat without me, I could barely hear Naruto ranting over the sound of Jiroubou's stomach growling."

"It's not that loud," the biggest Sound ninja protested, and the next minute there was nothing, and then the click of the office door closing firmly. Kankuro shrugged-whatever Sasuke and his old team wanted to talk about was none of his business, and his partners for this new assignment had given him a number of other things to think about-and raced down the stairs after his brother and sister.

= = = = =

Shikamaru made himself comfortable on the designated smoking bench outside Konoha Hospital, sandwiched between Chouji and Asuma. Their old teacher had excused himself for a cigarette, and Chouji and Shikamaru had followed because the noise level in Kiba and Shino's hospital room, not to mention the lack of space, was troublesome to say the least.

It would have been convenient to blame Ino, since it was at her insistence that they'd gone to visit the injured members of Team 8, but Shikamaru suspected Asuma's motives in wanting to be there to comfort Kurenai, whose Councilwoman's poise had slipped somewhat after they'd left the Hokage's tower.

And of course there was the fact that the three of them found the hospital room very cramped.

It was probably Gai's fault. He'd apparently heard from one of his nurses about the mission disaster and dragged himself down the hall on his crutches to provide whatever assurances he could to the two of them until their sensei and their Hyuuga partner were able to come see them; this had somehow turned into playing Scrabble with the even-more-uncommunicative-than-usual Shino, with Akamaru and Kiba as the peanut gallery. Hinata had worked around Gai somehow and was on Kiba's bed sharing tea with him, while he grumbled in a distressingly weak voice about shitty hospital food. Kurenai eschewed a chair and used Akamaru for a seat; the now-gigantic ninken had refused to leave Kiba while he was being treated, creating an obstacle for the doctors and, as Asuma remarked blithely, a couch for the visitors.

The arrival of Lee and Tenten, with the taijutsu master bearing a huge get-well bouquet for his teacher ("Yellow roses?!" Ino had howled as she crowded onto Kiba's bed next to the serene Hinata, "Do you even know what you're doing, Lee?"), only made matters worse; Chouji, figuring himself the second-biggest obstacle besides Akamaru, made his excuses and ducked out, followed by Asuma and Shikamaru.

Asuma flicked ash off the end of his cigarette onto the concrete. "What a zoo in there. Put Gai, Kiba, and Ino in the same room, and it's a house party; I have no idea how Kurenai stays so calm in all that."

"She and Hinata seem pretty happy to have Kiba and Shino back alive," Chouji observed, fiddling with his fingers uncomfortably. Normally he would have pulled out a bag of chips, but he'd agreed to give them up for the months before the wedding, and Ino for her part was quitting smoking for good, a move which Asuma thoroughly approved of but refused to emulate. "They were lucky, I guess. Shikamaru..."

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry Ino and I got involved back there at the Hokage's office and made you look bad. I mean, she won't say it, but I know she's sorry too."

Shikamaru shrugged and patted the bulk of his friend's bicep affectionately. "Don't worry. If I were concerned about my reputation then I'd make more of an effort not to be a lazyass...and I appreciate the thought behind it."

Chouji grinned. "Ah, well...you just make sure to come back alright. In time for the wedding would be a bonus, but alive is more important."

Shikamaru threw a casual salute. "Hey, you're the bridegroom, my wish is your...Asuma-sensei, what are you smiling about?"

"Absolutely nothing," the bearded man deadpanned, the burn scars on his face shifting as he grinned. "Except that it's a nice night, my team's intact and alright, and the woman I love keeps trying to get me to quit smoking."

"And will you?"

"Not the next time she asks me, no."

Chouji chuckled and then pulled a sad face. "Poor Kurenai-sensei, she's so tolerant of you and she gets so little in return."

"Does she pick up your dirty socks, too?" Shikamaru asked with a half-smirk.

Asuma's "playful shove" nearly threw both his former students off the bench. "Not a chance. A real man does his own laundry, or didn't you kids know that? Anyway, she knows when I'll quit, and it's not so far off that she can't keep chasing me onto the balcony when I have to feed my nicotine cravings."

Shikamaru looked at the older man sharply. "Not so far off? How soon?"

"I don't know exactly, but you three will be the second to know when, alright?" At that moment, a Scrabble tile fell from on high and bounced off Asuma's head; the bearded man rolled his eyes, ground his cigarette out, and looked up. "Oi, what gives?"

"Asuma-sensei, Gai-sensei can't come to the window because of the crutches and Akamaru," rang out the voice of Lee, "but he wants to know are you done polluting your lungs yet because you really should come back up and be Youthful and Romantic in the Summertime of your Love with Kurenai-sensei!"

"More or less," added Tenten from the window, "we think it's because she and Shino are kicking his butt at Scrabble. He's up to three thousand one-armed pushups as forfeit and counting. Oh, and Chouji, I think Ino's gone and raided Sakura's office while we weren't looking."

"It's okay," Chouji reassured the ANBU weapons-mistress, "I think now I know what that bouquet of daffodils and the four-pack of instant ramen she brought along was for. But we'll come back up anyways."

"We will?" Shikamaru muttered.

"Sure, if only to haul Ino off home. Do you still want to come over, Shikamaru? I can make stir-fry, nothing fancy."

Shikamaru smiled. "Yeah, sure, that'd be great. I'd better call my parents while I'm there and let my old man know why I'm dropping off the face of the earth for the next two weeks, or they'll never let me hear the end of it."

"Asuma-sensei?"

"Hm, no thanks, I'll stick around with Kurenai and go get takeout as needed. It won't run too late, I'm sure...Shino will need to be left alone as much as Kiba needs company right now." Asuma got to his feet. "You guys had better go get Ino before she does something drastic with Sakura's wallpaper."

"Could be worse," Shikamaru shrugged. "Couple months ago she convinced Sai to do an abstract mural on the walls of the autopsy room; Sakura and Shizune insisted it looked like the inside of someone's lower intestine."

= = = = =

There were sparrows in the attic again.

Tayuya stopped in the doorway of the house designated as Hidden Sound's temporary embassy, so abruptly that Kidoumaru nearly ran into her.

"Oi, Tayuya, what gi--?"

"Shut up and listen," hissed the red-haired woman, tilting her head to the side slightly. The distinctive chirping overhead rid Kidoumaru of his confusion and made him wince.

"Ah, geez..."

"Fucking sparrows again-I swear it's like a fucking plague," Tayuya growled, striding across the room and banging open the closet to rummage about inside. Sakon wove past Kidoumaru into the sitting room and stopped short, bemused.

"Tayuya?"

"Fucking sparrows."

"So what?"

Tayuya emerged with a broom and a face like thunder. "Faggot, we're gonna be up to our tits in sparrows this time next week if I don't deal with these fucking things-/what/ is so damn funny, fatass?"

Jiroubou blinked as he maneuvered sideways through the door. "Oh...you weren't making a pun? You know, tits as in bluetits, sparrows?"

"Nah, she was just being obscene like always," Kidoumaru said cheerfully. "Better luck next time, Jiroubou."

Sakon had taken up residence on the battered couch, his expression almost as stormy as Tayuya's. "Am I the only one here who's concerned that we've left Sasuke-sama alone in a room with the Kyuubi's vessel and the Copy Ninja, not to mention the woman who destroyed Akasuna no Sasori?"

"Hm...Jiroubou?"

The big earth-user huffed as he ducked into the kitchen. "Frankly, the only danger to Sasuke-sama is if that Haruno woman ditches the 'I'm oh so aloof and over you' act and tries to get into his pants. Or punches him in the jaw, but I doubt she'll be able to seriously harm him."

"Too weak," Tayuya remarked blithely as she wedged herself into the corner of the ceiling and began struggling with the attic trap door. Kidoumaru moved to help her and got a broom to the face for his troubles.

"Too smitten," Jiroubou corrected her with a thin smile. "And Uzumaki can yell and curse and posture all he likes, but he's more likely to castrate himself than to kill-oh."

Sakon's expression was positively poisonous now. The other three members of the Sound Four paused their activities and looked at him as understanding dawned.

Kidoumaru avoided further broom-related assaults and sat cross-legged on the chair across from Sakon, brow furrowed. "Oh come on. You can't seriously think that he'll bail on us just because his old team blathers at him for a while."

Sakon sneered at him balefully. "I never said I thought that, idiot; I'm just concerned that those weaklings will put sentimental ideas into his head if he's alone with them, that's all. I don't want him going soft on us."

Tayuya snorted as she fiddled with the trapdoor's handle. "Like fuck he will. It's Sasuke-sama, remember? Sometimes I think he's even more driven than Orochimaru-sama used to be. He's got balls of iron," she added, before crowing with triumph and then coughing as the trap fell open.

"Quit being so vulgar, Tayuya," Jiroubou admonished tiredly from the kitchen.

"When hell freezes over, fatass," she retorted with a smirk before vanishing into the attic, accompanied by the panicked chirping of the makeshift embassy's feathery intruders.

"So you can stop giving me that look," Sakon added sharply to Kidoumaru, who rolled his eyes and propped up his chin with one hand. "I'm not worried about Sasuke-sama walking out or something stupid like that, alright?"

"Which of course explains why our blood pressure is currently skyrocketing, Sakon," came the retort from the second head protruding between Sakon's shoulder blades.

"Aniki!" Sakon hissed indignantly as Ukon cracked his stiff neck and maneuvered both arms, a leg, and most of his upper torso out of his younger brother's body. "Your timing's off, dammit!"

"No, in fact it's perfect as usual," Ukon growled warningly at him. "Settle down and wait, will you? I can't believe I have to tell you that. He'll be back for certain, and we'll ask him then. Although how you could even think that I have no idea..."

Sakon looked as if he was composing some sort of return salvo, but a warning look from his twin deflated him, and some calm seemed to return to his demeanor. "Huh...alright, fine then. I can wait."

"That's better. Is Jiroubou making okinomiyaki in there? He'd better be putting mushrooms in."

Up in the attic, Tayuya's footsteps thundered back and forth, accompanied by muffled cursing from kunoichi and sparrows alike. There was a pause in the racket, and she stuck her head down from the trapdoor. "Shit! The little bastards up here are persistant, and the broom's not working."

"I could summon a spider brood," Kidoumaru offered.

"No fucking spider broods, freak! I'd have asked you to do that long ago, except I think these damn things are part of that obnoxious dickhead Aoba's summoned flock, so I can't kill 'em. Pass me my flute, will ya?"

Kidoumaru tossed Tayuya's only weapon up in the air; it spun lazily a few times before a callused hand lashed out and caught it.

"Perfect. Now, you little shits, let's see how you like 'C Sharp'..."

Ukon exchanged a look with Sakon and the two of them plugged their ears. Kidoumaru quickly blocked his ear canal with a thin layer of spider armour, as Jiroubou grabbed a pillow off the couch and covered his head with it. In the kitchen, a glass measuring cup cracked. A cloud of brown birds shot out of the rafters and attic vents, racing low over the front garden and across the neighbouring fields as fast as their small wings could carry them, cheeping in panic the entire way. In seconds they were all gone.

Tayuya jumped down from the trap door, smug to beat all, leaving her flute and climbing back up with a toolbox. "Much better. Now to repair those holes so the fucking things don't come back in..."

"Oi, Kidoumaru."

The spider-nin glanced up at Ukon. "Huh?"

"I was listening in at that meeting. So you've been saddled with lazy trash and that puppeteer bastard."

Sakon's head jerked around. "Aniki--!"

"Sakon wants that guy's head," Ukon carried on as if his younger brother wasn't there. "Personally, I don't care much either way. What's done is done; I was careless then, and we were lucky to get away with only a lost eye."

Kidoumaru couldn't stop himself from wincing, and Sakon almost, almost flinched. It had been seven years since the younger twin had needed to complain about people confusing him with his brother, although they still parted their hair on opposite sides and Sakon still had his necklace. Outsiders now found it simple to tell Ukon from Sakon; aside from a few smaller scars on his face and hands from Karasu's poisoned blades, the side of Ukon's face was disfigured by a long, healed gash, regenerated tissue covered the hollow where his left eye had once been. Nobody, not even Tayuya, had ever commented on the sickening irony of the situation, and gradually everyone had gotten used to it. Except Sakon.

"In any case," Ukon went on stubbornly, ignoring his younger brother's glaring at the floor, "I don't care about that, hell, you can deal with that bastard as you like. All I'm saying is don't get the stupid idea that you should protect either of those two."

Kidoumaru shrugged and tried to wave the remarks away, but his smile withered under Ukon's piercing gaze. "Hah, nothing to worry about there. They wouldn't be worth my time if I needed to babysit them."

"Nice try. If either of them get themselves into something they can't handle, leave them for dead and get out. Got it?"

Kidoumaru raised an eyebrow. "Okay, that's just a bit much. If I can-"

"Don't argue with us," Sakon put in sharply. "Just use those brains of yours to protect your own hide for once."

Being glared at threateningly by both twins was a novel experience for Kidoumaru; usually if one of them was pissed at him, the other would be devil's advocate and act in his defense. Apparently they had both decided he needed his ear ripped off. He compensated for his uncomfortable state by sneering. "Yes, mothers. Anyone else want to comment? Speak now or shut the hell up about it."

Tayuya poked her head down from the trapdoor. "Hey, I told you before I don't give a damn about that shit-rat. It's old news to me anyway-oh. Sasuke-sama's coming back."

Sakon managed to convey no particular urgency in his fluid movement from sitting still to standing casually by the door in the blink of an eye. Nevertheless, Tayuya snorted loudly into the sudden silence caused by Jiroubou and Kidoumaru both straining their considerable powers of hearing. A minute later, Sasuke opened the door, his face unreadable.

"You must be getting slower, Sasuke-sama," Sakon drawled, seemingly unperturbed. "Don't tell me those three kept you interested for so lo-"

"Tayuya, Jiroubou, get yourselves organized," Sasuke cut his right-hand man off. "You're going back to Sound first thing tomorrow morning."

Instant consternation reigned.

"What? But I'm not even closed to finishing dinner, dammit..."

"Don't tell me the talks failed?"

"So did you actually lose it and shove a Chidori up Uzumaki's ass or what?"

Sasuke actually snarled. "It has nothing to do with that. A messenger arrived from Hidden Hills while I was talking to...those three. He had a confidential missive from the village's home guard head; about two-thirds of the Dead Watch, seventy shinobi total, revolted and attacked Hill civilians yesterday before deserting the village and moving out towards Sound. The messenger said it was impossible to get into Rice Field country with his warning, since a large number of the Hill missing-nin are harrying the border, so he came here instead."

Tayuya stared at him. "Their little cybernetic freak show walked out? I thought they were bound to that old cow Sairo Izanami by a death pact."

"Pointless now," Sasuke said coldly, "since Sairo Izanami's dead, and they don't consider her chosen successor as legitimate."

"Shit," hissed Sakon. "If that's the case, I should be the one to go back. They'll need-"

"I need you and Ukon here," Sasuke cut him off. "You've been juggling Temari and Hinata since we got here."

"That's as may be, but I've been itching to crush some heads for weeks on end now..."

"Sakon."

He clenched his fists ferociously, just once, before relaxing his hands again with a thin, mirthless smile. "Sorry, Sasuke-sama. Of course I'll stay here."

"I'd expect. If I'm going to lose three of the Four then the one that remains behind and covers all the angles has to be you."

"And in case you missed it, Sakon, that was the Ringing Endorsement," Kidoumaru remarked, only to be silenced by a glower from Ukon, who was still awake and listening carefully to the proceedings.

Sasuke snorted. "You try keeping that sense of humour over the next three days. You're traveling with Hyuuga Neji: I know him, he has his own kind of honour and he won't stab you in the back, but he'll test you and take your measures inch by inch, all three of you, and if he doesn't like what he finds then you'll be the first to suffer for it."

Kidoumaru wrinkled his nose, his previous amusement evapourating. "It's not for him to measure me, and anything he dishes out, I'll take it and throw it right back in his face..."

"You'll do no such thing. You'll watch him right back, and this time you won't underestimate his abilities."

Kidoumaru chewed his lip, longing to reply, but the time for caustic retorts had passed: the situation in Oto was now volatile, Sasuke was in a dangerous mood from both that and the meeting with his former team, and the weight of his commands was inexorable. They had entered Do Not Fuck Up Territory, as Sakon charmingly referred to it.

"As for the others in that group-Jiroubou, Tayuya. Rock Lee and Tenten have every reason to distrust you, but they're both honourable people and an asset in combat, try not to antagonize them. I know your history with Kankuro's sister, Tayuya-/and/ yours, Sakon, stop snarling-but keep it out of the equation. The same with Nara Shikamaru, and Jiroubou, don't mention Akimichi or make remarks. He'll end up the strategic lynchpin if something goes wrong, and he may leave you out of things..."

"No he won't."

Sasuke gave Kidoumaru a bleak look; the spider shinobi returned it. "An expert opinion?"

"He won't," Kidoumaru repeated. "He'll assume himself responsible for all of our safety whether he likes the people involved or not. Or didn't you know that?"

Sasuke regarded him for a few moments longer, and then he smiled. "Yes."

Tayuya waved a dismissive hand. "Whatever. We'll play nicely with those sacks of shit for as long as we have to, but priority goes to getting to Otogakure but fast."

"Kidoumaru can convince the puppet guy and that Nara to make a stopover there prior to moving on to Cloud," Jiroubou added, "just in case." His broad brow furrowed. "I don't like that, though."

"What do you mean?"

"'Strategic lynchpin'," Jiroubou repeated, his gaze hard. "We're supposed to rely on that guy just because he's smart? Someone that weak shouldn't be depended on..."

It was at that point that Tayuya dropped down out of the ceiling beside him and delivered a sharp kick to his right shin. Jiroubou grunted, more from surprise than real pain, and stared as Tayuya shoved past him, her face hidden by unruly bangs.

"What the hell was that about?"

"Shit all, fatass, I'm just going to pack. Goodnight, Sasuke-sama. The rest of you bastards better get some sleep as well." She was gone through the kitchen and into the rooms beyond. Jiroubou stood frozen for another few moments, fingers flexing convulsively as his glare deepened, and then with a snort of dismissive disgust he turned and stormed after her, protocol and Sasuke forgotten.

The Uchiha prodigy made a noise that was half disapproval and half amusement. "Those two...it's best that they go. They have a lot invested in Oto, and neither of them has been comfortable here."

Sakon shrugged. "Whatever you say, Sasuke-sama."

When their leader had gone to his ascetic bedroom, Sakon dropped his thin mask of deference and growled openly. "This is idiocy."

"No it's not," Kidoumaru shot back, "you're just pissed that you missed out on a potential fight. Tayuya's got her genin team back there, and Jiroubou's been looking after some of the reconstruction efforts. Aside from the necessary military angle, you and I haven't really gotten involved with reviving the village."

"Doesn't mean Aniki and I don't have anything invested in Oto," Sakon muttered, face dark with resentment.

"I know that, and so does Sasuke-sama, but out of the two of us you've got a knack for diplomacy when you can get your temper under control and when Ukon can be arsed. The female delegates especially seem to like you," Kidoumaru added with a mildly malicious grin. Sakon rolled his eyes in reply. "Me, I'm just another killing machine, so this mission to Cloud's really tailor-made for me: figure out a tactical weakness or three, slaughter enemy ninja en masse, lather, rinse, repeat. It's not a matter of who's a better shinobi, just who can work outside the purely military arena."

"You're an idiot," was all Sakon said.

"But I'm an accurate idiot," Kidoumaru amended.

"For the record, if I have to sit through one more meeting with that Hyuuga woman staring at Sakon's feet while she offers us tea, I'll tear the Hokage's tower down stone by stone," Ukon added after a moment's silence. "It's like watching a pedigree hawk peck for breadcrumbs. Disgusting."

"That's the subtle art of politics, just sitting there and watching it. Just think of it this way: you don't have to forever. We'll either secure the alliance beyond breaking, or fuck it up and go right back to the start."

Silence descended again, for quite some time. Finally Sakon broke it with a derisive noise. "Jiroubou, master manipulator-wish he'd get a clue already. Him and Tayuya. They'll be hell to deal with tomorrow morning."

= = = = =

TSUZUKU...