Categories > TV > Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Choices of Life
Willow screamed as she woke up. It was now two weeks since the incident. The incident that had taken the slayer away from them. The original slayer was dead and gone. There had been a funeral, but only her mom and the scoobies had come.
The redhead woke up every night with these same terrors. They were beyond nightmares. That would not do justice to the images that played out in her head. Ones of how it must have appeared as Angel snapped Buffy's neck.
And of course, there was the guilt. The all overwhelming guilt that she found herself feeling. If she had not been doing that spell and in that dream land, she could have been here to warn Buffy through a mind mail. But because she was stuck where she had been, there was no way of contacting only Tara.
And it gave the witch a lot of guilt and that lead to these terrors that she had every single night. Ones that would not stop. Ones that would not go away. And now, there was this big empty feeling. One of her closest friends was gone. And there was no way to bring her back.
That had been her first thought. To find some kind of spell to bring back the slayer. But she remembered the tales that Tara had told her. Most resurrection spells, even done properly, the people would come back wrong. If not zombies or that sort.
It was frustrating to say the least. She had all this power at her disposal and added power with the little one that was now only about three months away from making its debut. And of course the strength that Tara had always given her.
Tara was there with her arms around her as she had been every night since these terrors had started up. The blond witch was also having nightmares. But she would not tell her everything not just yet. For her nightmares were different.
Her nightmares dealt with the fact that she was now going to be responsible for a life. And not an ordinary life either. One that was going to be some big savior of the world as people knew it. Now that was a big thing indeed.
The blond witch could feel her everything trembling as usual. Those nightmares were just too much for her to handle. At least she was not on her own. Neither would ever be on their own again. Not if they had any say in it.
Slowly, the redhead's breathing slowed in her lover's arms. The warmth, the comfort, and the love was calming her down and making her feel so much better. It was such a comfort that she knew that everything would be all right. As long as they were never to part.
Tara lay back down, Willow laying her head on her shoulder. It was the same routine as it had been the past two weeks. But she didn't mind. She could almost understand the guilt that her everything felt. It had to be so much of a burden to put on yourself, knowing that if you'd had the information just a few seconds sooner, you could have possibly saved your best friend's life was a lot to deal with.
She gently stroked that ever so soft red hair. It felt silky in her hand. Just to match the personality of the person she loved. Soft and smooth and gentle. Well, when not protecting someone that she loved.
Tara closed her blue eyes. She knew that sleep would not come for her tonight. No. But she could at least rest. And think about something that she knew Willow had already been thinking about. And that was the fact that they all wanted and needed Buffy back.
What Willow didn't know was that there was the possibility of getting the slayer back. But Tara wasn't sure if the price was too great or not. She would have to do some major research before she mentioned it to the others.
She just remembered that what her mother had told her when her grandmother had died. There was a way to bring people back, but when it was a natural death, they would not come back right. That it was their time and they should not interfere with nature and it's plan.
But there was a different kind of death. One that was not natural. If it was caused because of a spell, then there was the possibility that the person could come back just fine. But the danger of that was if the person was being pulled out of heaven or hell. That could make the difference.
So, Tara wrapped her arms even tighter around her everything and let her sleep. She needed her rest especially with the little one growing inside of her. It was time for Tara to do the worrying for them both. And she would. She would find out the answers that she so badly needed. All of the scoobies needed.
"""
Anya stood at the door to the balcony. A part of her wanted very much to go out and comfort her man. But another part of her knew that she must give him the space that he needed to grieve on his own.
She had not been a part of the scooby gang for that long. And to be honest, she had not really been that close to Buffy. Or really allowed herself to get that close to any of the scooby gang for that matter.
Part of it was her demon side that seemed to never want to leave her. But the bigger part was learning to be a human again. And the one thing that she clearly remembered was the hurt. The betrayal. And that a human just could not heal that easily. And that's where her vengeance days had come in.
But now, there was no vengeance to be had. What could you do that hadn't already been done? Spike had killed both Angel and the evil sorcerer that had caused her death. What more was there to be done?
All there was now was to grieve. And the ex demon was just not sure how exactly to go about that. Tears were supposed to be a part of the grieving process. She had watched as Tara and Willow had held tight to each other and the tears had poured out.
She could have sworn that she had seen Giles shed a few tears as he comforted Mrs. Summers. And Mrs. Summers had really been with the tears thing. It was heartbreaking to watch.
But now she was here with the man that she loved more then anything in the world. And he had yet to cry. Not one tear had Xander shed. It was confusing to her to see the man that she loved not cry and everyone around her cry. Was she supposed to?
The ex demon sighed heavily. The rules had definitely been so much simpler and easier when she had been a demon. Hurt, kill, maim, eviscerate. Didn't matter just as long as the job got done.
But humans, there were emotions. There were rules. There was confusion. There was just no answers that she could see. And where was she to turn to get theses elusive answers? No one seemed to have the answers of why. Why people die and why others go on to deal with the pain."""
"""
Spike sat out in the cool crisp air. He sat in a particular spot. One that he sat on every single night since her death. It was as if he was watching over her headstone. For he felt that he had failed to watch over her in life. It should be him that was nothing, not her.
He was watching over her. It seemed that every single night since her death, some creature of the night had tried to desecrate her headstone. And the vampire wouldn't allow that.
But he also tried to patrol. He knew that according to whatever prophecy that the witch had learned about in fantasy land that they were supposed to do nothing. Which was not in his vocabulary. And without an active slayer, someone would have to watch over the town of Sunnydale.
That was what she would have wanted, for life to go. For Willow and Tara to be happy and raise their child. For Anya and Xander to get married and start a family of their own. For Giles and her mother to find someone. For Faith to continue on the path of redemption that she had started down on.
And for the only vampire with a soul to keep on living. Well, at least existing anyways. For in reality, he wasn't alive. He was a walking undead thing that had a soul inside of him. No heart beat. But yet, that heart ached.
It was a powerful hurt. One that in life he had thought he had felt when he had been so cruelly rejected. And of course the time that Drusilla had left him. But nothing compared to this. This was a loss beyond words. And nothing could ever make up for it. The only thing that could ever heal him now was for Buffy to be alive again.
And Spike knew that was an impossibility. He knew of great magicks. And resurrecting someone just didn't seem to be in the cards. And it was probably for the best. For Buffy had served her time and given her life in the end.
The full moon was bright tonight. It seemed to light up all the pain that he felt. And he couldn't help but think how ironic that was. That his undead heart that could not beat felt so much pain. When Buffy's unbeating heart could no longer feel anything. But that was life. Life was full of irony. And it was full of pain. But it was life. And it was always, always worth living.
The redhead woke up every night with these same terrors. They were beyond nightmares. That would not do justice to the images that played out in her head. Ones of how it must have appeared as Angel snapped Buffy's neck.
And of course, there was the guilt. The all overwhelming guilt that she found herself feeling. If she had not been doing that spell and in that dream land, she could have been here to warn Buffy through a mind mail. But because she was stuck where she had been, there was no way of contacting only Tara.
And it gave the witch a lot of guilt and that lead to these terrors that she had every single night. Ones that would not stop. Ones that would not go away. And now, there was this big empty feeling. One of her closest friends was gone. And there was no way to bring her back.
That had been her first thought. To find some kind of spell to bring back the slayer. But she remembered the tales that Tara had told her. Most resurrection spells, even done properly, the people would come back wrong. If not zombies or that sort.
It was frustrating to say the least. She had all this power at her disposal and added power with the little one that was now only about three months away from making its debut. And of course the strength that Tara had always given her.
Tara was there with her arms around her as she had been every night since these terrors had started up. The blond witch was also having nightmares. But she would not tell her everything not just yet. For her nightmares were different.
Her nightmares dealt with the fact that she was now going to be responsible for a life. And not an ordinary life either. One that was going to be some big savior of the world as people knew it. Now that was a big thing indeed.
The blond witch could feel her everything trembling as usual. Those nightmares were just too much for her to handle. At least she was not on her own. Neither would ever be on their own again. Not if they had any say in it.
Slowly, the redhead's breathing slowed in her lover's arms. The warmth, the comfort, and the love was calming her down and making her feel so much better. It was such a comfort that she knew that everything would be all right. As long as they were never to part.
Tara lay back down, Willow laying her head on her shoulder. It was the same routine as it had been the past two weeks. But she didn't mind. She could almost understand the guilt that her everything felt. It had to be so much of a burden to put on yourself, knowing that if you'd had the information just a few seconds sooner, you could have possibly saved your best friend's life was a lot to deal with.
She gently stroked that ever so soft red hair. It felt silky in her hand. Just to match the personality of the person she loved. Soft and smooth and gentle. Well, when not protecting someone that she loved.
Tara closed her blue eyes. She knew that sleep would not come for her tonight. No. But she could at least rest. And think about something that she knew Willow had already been thinking about. And that was the fact that they all wanted and needed Buffy back.
What Willow didn't know was that there was the possibility of getting the slayer back. But Tara wasn't sure if the price was too great or not. She would have to do some major research before she mentioned it to the others.
She just remembered that what her mother had told her when her grandmother had died. There was a way to bring people back, but when it was a natural death, they would not come back right. That it was their time and they should not interfere with nature and it's plan.
But there was a different kind of death. One that was not natural. If it was caused because of a spell, then there was the possibility that the person could come back just fine. But the danger of that was if the person was being pulled out of heaven or hell. That could make the difference.
So, Tara wrapped her arms even tighter around her everything and let her sleep. She needed her rest especially with the little one growing inside of her. It was time for Tara to do the worrying for them both. And she would. She would find out the answers that she so badly needed. All of the scoobies needed.
"""
Xander sat out on the balcony. The clear night was something he was used to. The stars, the full moon, the knowing that evil lurked out there at every corner. He was now used to that. Had been ever since the day that he had met Buffy.
Buffy. He sighed heavily. He had come out here to think. To actually not think would a be better way to put it. To try and forget about all that had happened the last two weeks. And thinking about the town of Sunnydale with no slayer to protect it was a lot.
The air and the smells made him remember. Remember all those times that he and Willow had gone out on patrol with the slayer, their best friend. Even though a certain watcher had been adamantly against it, they had gone out with her anyways. And had gotten quite good at helping. Or at the very least at needing with the rescuing.
He chuckled at some of the memories that brought up. One of his not favorite, but one that stood out was the one where the three had met Dracula. And how Buffy was like hello really is the real deal while Xander had gone on with the wisecracks.
A solitary tear rolled down his cheek. He was an emotional guy, at least compared to most. But he was bound and determined not to cry. Not this time. He knew in his heart that Buffy would not have wanted him to.
For even though at first she had fought hard not to be the slayer and tried not to do her duty, in the end she had realized that she was the slayer. That she was actually happy fighting evil. That the slayer was an important gig.
So, no tears for his best friend. No tears for the woman he had once had a huge crush on. No tears for the woman that seemed to be what all of them had strived to be. But never came close.
The carpenter put his hands in his head. It hurt so much. As did the heart that still beat in his chest. Pain was part of his life. But he knew one thing. That as long as he remembered the love, the friendship, the comradery, that she would always be in his heart. And could never truly be forgotten.
"""
Anya stood at the door to the balcony. A part of her wanted very much to go out and comfort her man. But another part of her knew that she must give him the space that he needed to grieve on his own.
She had not been a part of the scooby gang for that long. And to be honest, she had not really been that close to Buffy. Or really allowed herself to get that close to any of the scooby gang for that matter.
Part of it was her demon side that seemed to never want to leave her. But the bigger part was learning to be a human again. And the one thing that she clearly remembered was the hurt. The betrayal. And that a human just could not heal that easily. And that's where her vengeance days had come in.
But now, there was no vengeance to be had. What could you do that hadn't already been done? Spike had killed both Angel and the evil sorcerer that had caused her death. What more was there to be done?
All there was now was to grieve. And the ex demon was just not sure how exactly to go about that. Tears were supposed to be a part of the grieving process. She had watched as Tara and Willow had held tight to each other and the tears had poured out.
She could have sworn that she had seen Giles shed a few tears as he comforted Mrs. Summers. And Mrs. Summers had really been with the tears thing. It was heartbreaking to watch.
But now she was here with the man that she loved more then anything in the world. And he had yet to cry. Not one tear had Xander shed. It was confusing to her to see the man that she loved not cry and everyone around her cry. Was she supposed to?
The ex demon sighed heavily. The rules had definitely been so much simpler and easier when she had been a demon. Hurt, kill, maim, eviscerate. Didn't matter just as long as the job got done.
But humans, there were emotions. There were rules. There was confusion. There was just no answers that she could see. And where was she to turn to get theses elusive answers? No one seemed to have the answers of why. Why people die and why others go on to deal with the pain."""
Giles was shaking a little. It had been two weeks, but every time that he thought about his slayer being gone, it was just too much for him to handle. And the funny thing was, he thought about it a lot. For he had taken up residence at the Summers house. He slept on the couch.
Tonight, the air was crisp. It was exactly what he needed to calm his nerves, that was for sure. The cup of tea in his hands could also help calm his nerves. Well, he wasn't sure anything would ever really do that again.
When he made his way out back to the two wooden chairs, Joyce was already sitting in the two seater, wrapped tightly in a nice blanket. She appeared to be staring at the wide open expanse of stars that hovered above them.
Slowly and quietly, he walked up to her. "Would you care to join me Rupert?"
Giles smiled a little to himself. "I was hoping you would like the company. I would appreciate the used of that blanket. There is quite the chill in the air tonight."
Joyce pulled up the blanket and the two snuggled into one another. "I don't know how I would have gotten through the past few days without you. You really have been there for me."
"Nonsense." Giles took her hand underneath the blanket. "You would have been all right. I know that Buffy lived as long as she did, not only because she was one of the best slayers ever, but because she has a strong gene pool. You are a strong woman. And I saw a great deal of you in her."
"Thank you." Joyce gently squeezed his hand. "I was afraid that when Hank and I divorced that she wouldn't have a strong male presence in her life. You were exactly what she needed at the right time. Unfortunately it held the slayer business as well, but at least she had you to guide her through it."
"I just wish I hadn't had to send her out." Giles sat up a little. "It just seems that I was the one that sent her to her death. Which in a way, that's the truth. A watcher is to prepare their slayer for battle and eventually for death. I just hope that at the end, she was prepared."
Joyce sighed heavily. "You did. From the accounts of Buffy and the others, you were the best watcher that ever was. Wesley was quite good, but he was too into the rules. You bent them for her. And I know that's another reason that she lived as long as she did and was able to be as happy as she was."
The two looked at each other for the longest time. It was something, clicking between the two of them. Maybe it was just their shared grief. It was almost like a husband and wife having to comfort and console each other after the loss of a child.
But they weren't husband and wife. They were watcher and mother to a single young woman that unfortunately had to give her life to save the world. For a second time she had to give her life. That was their only connection.
Or was it? Their eyes held for the longest time. Both acted at the same time. Both leaned in. Both felt it at the same time. It was pure passion. It was both forgetting and remembering. Forgetting that death had just occurred. And remembering that life was still going on. It was a kiss. And so much more.
"""
Spike sat out in the cool crisp air. He sat in a particular spot. One that he sat on every single night since her death. It was as if he was watching over her headstone. For he felt that he had failed to watch over her in life. It should be him that was nothing, not her.
He was watching over her. It seemed that every single night since her death, some creature of the night had tried to desecrate her headstone. And the vampire wouldn't allow that.
But he also tried to patrol. He knew that according to whatever prophecy that the witch had learned about in fantasy land that they were supposed to do nothing. Which was not in his vocabulary. And without an active slayer, someone would have to watch over the town of Sunnydale.
That was what she would have wanted, for life to go. For Willow and Tara to be happy and raise their child. For Anya and Xander to get married and start a family of their own. For Giles and her mother to find someone. For Faith to continue on the path of redemption that she had started down on.
And for the only vampire with a soul to keep on living. Well, at least existing anyways. For in reality, he wasn't alive. He was a walking undead thing that had a soul inside of him. No heart beat. But yet, that heart ached.
It was a powerful hurt. One that in life he had thought he had felt when he had been so cruelly rejected. And of course the time that Drusilla had left him. But nothing compared to this. This was a loss beyond words. And nothing could ever make up for it. The only thing that could ever heal him now was for Buffy to be alive again.
And Spike knew that was an impossibility. He knew of great magicks. And resurrecting someone just didn't seem to be in the cards. And it was probably for the best. For Buffy had served her time and given her life in the end.
The full moon was bright tonight. It seemed to light up all the pain that he felt. And he couldn't help but think how ironic that was. That his undead heart that could not beat felt so much pain. When Buffy's unbeating heart could no longer feel anything. But that was life. Life was full of irony. And it was full of pain. But it was life. And it was always, always worth living.
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