FicWad

Voiceless

Missie Serenity

Benjamin. We've been friends since first grade, and I always had a special place in the "Crush" section of my heart for him, despite all the other guys in my life. Our friendship really took off our sophomore year in high school, and I worked hard to be comfortable telling him everything on my mind. We always lived within three miles of one another, and so every once in a while, I would be invited over to his house to watch a movie, play a video game, or hang out and role play an epic fantasy story we'd make up on the spot.

Benji's mom never minded if we hung out alone in his room, online or just talking, as long as his door was left wide open and at least one sibling remained upstairs. Otherwise, we had to stay in the living room or kitchen. My room opened straight into the living room, so I had to keep my door open at all times. Sometimes, I'd catch him lounging around in his room sit on the edge of his bed as he lay with one arm across his eyes, tired or thinking. We would talk about stories to write and ways to improve the forum we now co-administrated. Late at night, after watching a movie or before I fell asleep with his sister in her room for the night, we would turn down the sheets, pile all the pillows at the bottom of the bed and lay with our feet propped up. Then talk. Some days when he'd come over when it was raining, we would shove our feet under my jersey sheets that kept our feet warm in the wintertime. His dark blue cotton sheets stayed cool when I'd spend summer afternoons in his larger room.

It was Saturday morning, and Benji came over so we could go together to the Harvest Festival in the local town. It was 8:02 a.m., twenty minutes before we had to leave, and I still hadn't changed out of my pyjamas, and not even bothered making up my bed. Benji didn't mind; he sat at the head of the bed, leaning against a cream coloured pillow and reading one of the newest tomes I had bought at the bookstore in town. I shoved back the rumpled covers, threw the pillows randomly to the end of the bed, and lay there, looking at the brunette until he set down the novel.

"What is it?" he asked, tossing the pillow he was reclining on at my feet and settling in beside me, sans prop. I stared at him for a long time, taking in the shape of his jaw and thick, dark eyebrows. His brown eyes were serious, and I reached over and smoothed out the slight crease between his eyes. The expression softened further as I dragged my fingertips down his face, over his cheek, and gently brushed his upper lip before my hand fell away to rest between us. His mouth gaped slightly and I smiled.

"What's it like to kiss?" I whispered suddenly. The crease was back, but I didn't move to touch him again.

"How would I know?" he answered. I could read the look in his eye plain as day. 'Have you gone around the bend, Lucy?' I bit my lip. So he's never kissed either. Benji rolled onto his back and I mimicked the motion.

"You know everything else, I just wondered if you knew that too." He shot me a funny look that I saw out of the corner of my eye. When I turned my head, he was once again staring at the ceiling. "Just asking..." I amended, smiling in hopes of defusing the sudden tension.

I sat up which indicated talking-time was over. Benji mirrored me. I felt a brush against my left ear before I recognized the length of his fingers threading through my blonde hair and gently grasping my neck. My eyes met his somber gaze. Opening my mouth to ask what was the matter, the boy interrupted first. "Can I kiss you?"

I don't know if I closed my mouth or not, but the next moment, his eyes drew closer, but didn't shut. And neither did mine. His breath was hot and sweet, a faint scent of fruit and soda pleasantly filling my senses as his chapped lips closed over mine. The kiss was swift and chaste. My head tiled to the side some to avoid bumping noses, our lips barely touching. Then he pulled away as did his hand.

Benji sat back, giving off a tangible aura of nervous energy and I was sure I was the same. I bit my lip again, the tingling still lingering over my lips and nose.

"Oh..."

The intelligent statement burst from my lips along with the breath I didn't know I had held. My mouth and throat was suddenly very dry and I found it hard to swallow. A minute of silence passed while Benji played with a nit in the fabric of my sheets. I tried to gather all my thoughts together to say something more descriptive than, "Wow!" because I doubted that would go over well.

Benji shyly looked up through lowered lashes; his face looked very young.

Words failed me.

I struggled for words; anything to let him know that his kiss was amazing but without making it seem that now I expected to be his girlfriend.

But there was nothing running through my head but, "Wow..."

Benji finally saved me. He murmured, "Was it bad?"

I breathed out. "No..." the word was whispered, "I'm just speechless." He smiled; I could tell that improved his ego a little. As the English language began to return to me, I added, "Amazing was the first word to come to mind," and promptly blushed and dropped my eyes to the coverlet.

When I looked back up, face burning, Benji was smiling a very small, meaningful smile. I gathered all the courage I could find in two seconds, licked my lips, and leaned in toward him again. This kiss was more awkward than the first, because our teeth bumped a little and I hadn't gotten the angle quite right... But I was just as breathless pulling away the second time as I had been the first time.

And we didn't need to say anything as we smiled at each other.

FIN

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