Categories > Anime/Manga > Full Metal Alchemist

When blind dates go bad.....

by annadb8goddess 1 review

Havoc Sets-up Hawkeye with a total sleaze... who comes to the rescue?

Category: Full Metal Alchemist - Rating: PG - Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Humor, Romance - Characters: Cain Fury, Heymans Breda, Jean Havoc, Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang, Vato Falman - Warnings: [R] - Published: 2006-12-18 - Updated: 2006-12-19 - 4572 words - Complete

If you saw the warning, Nothing actually happens but it comes very close to... Oh and i own nothing Full Metal Alchemist related...i don't think....yeah nothing...

"You think she'll go for it?"
"Yeah, when was the last time she talked about a guy?"
"You can't use that! She never mentions anything personal, what if she's got a boyfriend!"
That was the conversation Lt. Riza Hawkeye over heard when she walked into work. Heymans Breeda, Vato Falman, Kain Fury and Jean Havoc were all huddled in a corner and were whispering. Hawkeye was able to see that Havoc's face had his devious smirk on it and She had a feeling that she was involved more than she wanted to be.
She let the stack of paper work she had in her hand drop with a loud bang. All four of the men jumped making her smile on the inside.
"If you don't have enough work I'm sure I can find some," She told them.
"No ma'am," Fury's voice shook as he said that. Which made her sure that they were going to rope her into playing Cupid again like they had lot's of times. As always it never worked.
She passed out assignments and paper work. Then sat down and looked over her own work.
The room was dead quiet. After a while Hawkeye was wondering if any one was breathing. That was when Colonel Roy Mustang chose to enter the scene.
"Good morning all," he greeted halfway cheerily, then he felt the graveyard silent mood.
"Good morning colonel," Hawkeye greeted not looking up. No one else moved.
Mustang looked around at his subordinates. "Lt. Hawkeye could I see you in my office?"
She nodded and followed her superior. When they entered the room she shut the door and The Colonel sat down at his desk.
"You wouldn't happen to know who died would you Lt.?"
"No sir," Riza sighed, "I think the men are trying to employ me into to one of their attempts to be match makers."
"I didn't think Havoc seemed that depressed," Mustang commented.
"I don't believe its Havoc, sir. He was in on it," Hawkeye Informed.
"Who isn't in on it?"
"It would seem that only you and I don't know."
Mustang leaned back in his chair, as he smirked his lips. Hawkeye was sure he had deduced more than he was letting on.
"Well the boys know better than to go and mess with an other man's command and I have no problem getting women..." He trailed slowly. Riza's jaw line tightened and her temper flared as she realized whom they were hooking up.
"Am I dismissed sir?"
"As long as you don't shoot anyone," Mustang seemed more amused that the men had the nerves to set the solemn Sharp shooting Lt. up than their actual safety.
Riza nodded and left the room shutting the door. The next thing to come would not be pretty.
She pulled her gun, one handed, from it's holster and pointed it at Fury, the most likely to break. She didn't mind preying upon the weak at this point.
He looked up as he heard the soft Swoosh the gun had made as if moved in the air. He whimpered as he saw the Expression on her face and the barrel in his direction.
"Who is it?" She gritted through her teeth. It wasn't about that they cared about her enough to do this for her, it was that they thought her so pathetic that they had felt the need to help her.
Every man, who wasn't quivering in his seat before a loaded Weapon, was on his feet. The colonel heard the commotion but knew better than to get into this fight until Riza was actually ready to pull the trigger.
"Whoa Hawkeye! Calm down!" Havoc was the first to speak, "Who is who?"
"I'll settle for one of two answers Havoc. Who are you setting up, and if it's me, whom are you trying to set me up with?" she demanded. Every man had a somewhat shocked and scared face.
No one said anything.
"Fine." Riza moved her finger to the safety button switching it off. Then she placed her finger on the trigger.
"You're right!" Fury cried. He was currently hiding behind one of the books that had been left on his desk. Like that would help him if she had truly wanted to kill him, "It's a friend of Lt. Havoc's!"
Riza didn't move her finger off the trigger. Instead she looked to Havoc. "Is this true?"
Havoc seemed afraid to nod but figured it would be far worse not to. "I know him from High school. The colonel know him too, right Colonel Mustang?" Havoc looked away from Hawkeye for a minute. She followed his gaze.
"Don't try and rope me into this Havoc." Mustang had come out of his office when he heard Hawkeye's 'Fine.' He was leaning against the doorframe his alchemy gloves on incase he needed to do some extreme control. "You four dug your own graves this time."
"Then why are you bothering to come out sir?" Hawkeye asked very aware that He had his gloves on and that he was probably prepared to use them on her if she didn't calm down.
"To make sure my subordinates don't lodge bullets into each other's skulls. Hawkeye put the gun away. You know what you need to."
Hawkeye waited a moment before finally flicking the safety back on and put it into its holster. Then she gave a death glare to her coworkers, "I do not appreciate you diving into my personal life. I have no need to find anyone. I am currently alone because I chose to be." Hawkeye felt she shouldn't have to explain her actions. They should have expected it.
She left the room with some reports she'd finished and walked with her chin held high out of the room.
"Are you all right?" Fallman asked Fury who was practically putty from his near death experience. Havoc just leaned against the wall and lit up.
"Well, I think it went very well."
Roy raised his eyebrows at him. "her nearly killing our Master Sargent was part of your plan?"
"No," Havoc answered honestly, "truthfully, I thought she would have held the gun to my head. Instead She preyed upon him, that shows how desperately she needs us."
Mustang was entertained. He pushed off the doorframe. This was an excellent excuse to get out of work plus it was funny as hell.
"I would love to hear the logic behind that."
"Me, I'm as strong as a rock. Fallman, he's a brick wall. Breeda won't freak until a dog comes into the room. Fury's the weakest of us all when it comes to the end of Riza's weapon. He is the obvious choice when she's got to know." Havoc was having fun psycho analyzing his long time friend.
Mustang seen where that could be correct, Hawkeye was an efficient android. She would seek and immediately know the weak spot on the team.
"So whose this mutual friend I just can't seem to remember?"
"The guy that you met at the bar a few nights ago." Havoc reminded him, "Remember now? He was the one who introduced you to that red headed waitress."
Mustang remembered and was taken aback. The man's name had been Jon. He and Roy had a very similar taste in women, beautiful, and loose. While Riza Hawkeye was more beautiful than most she was the exact opposite of loose.
"Havoc, not that it's any of my business but, you have a death wish don't you?" Mustang asked him.
"What makes you say that Colonel?" He asked.
All Roy could think was Poor Riza, because the way Jon approached Women made Roy look like a nervous schoolboy. Jon probably didn't have a problem filling his bed with more than one woman at a time either.
"First she'll shoot him then she'll demand your head. What the hell are you thinking?" Though Mustang wasn't nearly as nervous for Havoc as he was for Hawkeye, Jon was a smooth talker. He knew his Lt. could handle herself he wasn't sure she would detect Jon's ploys to get into her bed.
"Well I don't have much of a choice anymore," Havoc sighed, realizing that he was right.
"They're supposed to go out tonight," Then he smiled, "and I'll get Hawkeye to go."
Mustang sighed "how?" he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"I'm playing upon Her weakness."
"And that is?"
"Her inability to ask or accept Help."
"I've heard enough!" he knew Havoc and his cohorts were playing a dangerous game and were only going to win a bullet to the temple.
"But I'm not done laying out my master plan!" Havoc whined as Mustang shut the door to his office, blocking Havoc's raving.
He had to help Hawkeye even though the probability she'd let him was slim.

Hawkeye was scolding herself all the way home. She couldn't believe that Havoc had manipulated her that way. He told her the only way that she could prove that she didn't need them she had to go out tonight. He had truly tricked her. Now she was obligated to go.
Hawkeye refused to let the guy pick her up at her house. Instead she said she'd meet him at a local semi-formal restaurant. She entered her house and went upstairs. Riffling through her closet she found a thin strapped black dress that touched the floor. It was something she'd borrowed from a friend last week when the military had had a formal dinner. Though she would have rather wore her formal military uniform Mustang had said that that was too casual and required that they all wear some sort of formal wear. She hadn't gotten it back to her yet but she assumed it would be all right. She dug through her drawers trying to find her thigh holster. Putting the gun in her bag would be a hassle if she was some how separated from it plus she'd have to dig through it to get it. So even though it was uncomfortable she would wear one of her smaller guns to her inner thigh. This was a friend of Havoc's, and worse Mustang knew him, he had to be a pervert. Whenever going on a date (which wasn't very often) she remembered the words an older friend had told her, 'all men and boys are perverted, and usually only want one thing from a pretty girl. When you find the one who wants a lot more, you'd better snatch him up before another girl does.' Though she had thought she'd found that man a few times, she hadn't. She was still looking but not with the further that she had when she was younger. Damn that seemed like a long time ago.
Hawkeye did her hair the same way as always and didn't put on any kind of make up. She didn't want to go, but unfortunately she had to prove to Havoc that she didn't need his help on her relationships. The clock struck 7:30. She needed to leave since she didn't own a car she'd have to walk. She grabbed a pair of small-heeled shoes and slipped them on before going out the door.

Mustang sat in his car. He didn't know why he was sitting about Three doors down from Riza Hawkeye's house but he was, with intent to follow her. He had his gloves on but was dressed in a white shirt and jeans. He was snapping his fingers, playing with fire out of boredom. He was always the kid who ended up getting hurt because of something foolish he'd do out of boredom. So it was no surprise that when Hawkeye came out of her front door looking beautiful that he lost concentration and singed himself.
"Damn it!" He hissed. Shaking his hand like he was trying to shake the pain away. At least no one saw that and that he was far enough away from his Lt. that she couldn't hear him. He looked up from his hand and watched her walk away.
He knew of the restaurant. It was a place he often brought dates of high tastes. He knew that she could handle the walk there so he drove past her, to wait for her in the parking lot.

Hawkeye walked through the doors and looked around uninterested. She really wouldn't care if he stood her up. It would give her more of a reason to smack the boys at the office.
That was when a man came up and greeted her, "Are you Riza Hawkeye?" He asked.
"Depends," she told him, "whose asking?"
"I'm Jon, Jean's friend," He told her. He had brown hair and green eyes. His smile implied something and He had an air around him that was ten times worse that when the colonel put the charms on a woman around Riza. She was glad she had decided to keep the gun on her.
"Nice to meet you Jon," She said holding her hand out far from her body. She was less than a minute into this date and she already didn't like how it was going.
Jon shook Riza's hand looking slightly confused.
"Why don't we sit down," He said motioning to a table he already had reserved, "then we can get to know each other."
"Alright," Hawkeye sat across from him though she wanted to go home. She picked up a menu, hoping to get this over as quick as possible.
"Are you hungry?" he asked as he seen the suddenness of which she had picked up the menu.
"Yes, I didn't eat lunch today." She lied. When the waiter came to them, he ordered a couple of glasses of wine. Riza made her glass of wine into an ice tea. She had a feeling she'd need her wits about her.
"You don't drink?" he asked, Her quizzically after the waiter left.
"Not when I'm with someone I don't know," She told him honestly. A flash of disappointment went to his face.
"Completely understand able a beautiful young woman such as yourself must be careful in this day and age." Even the colonel didn't lay it on that thick.
Riza smiled slightly as she remembered her gun that was currently pointed at him, "And prepared."
Their drinks came and they ordered their dinners. Riza kept hers in the realm of her budget. Every date she'd been on seemed to think that if they paid for dinner that She owed them something and she had no intention of owing Jon anything.
"So what exactly do you do Jon?" It wasn't like Hawkeye cared it was just a way to waste time. She couldn't actually believe that she was looking for an excuse to waste time. They usually found her all the time.
"I own a restaurant in the east. I was hoping to expand my business, to here in central."
"Really?" Riza tried to act interested. She rested her head on her hands.
She let him rant about his restaurant and things that went off tangents of those, nearly joining into their conversation. So far after Riza had asked him what he did, he turned down the charms probably learning that Riza wasn't that kind of girl. After the meals came Riza found herself actually enjoying his company.
After dinner was over they decided not to have dessert but the waitress came back with dark chocolate mints and they each had one. Jon wanted to pay for the meal but Riza insisted on splitting it.
Jon looked to the dark sky it was nearly 9 at night.
"If you insist on splitting the bill I insist on taking you home," Jon said escorting Riza to his car, "it's not safe for a woman as lovely as yourself to walk alone at night."
"Thank you for your concern, I think I will take you up on that offer," Riza knew he was a little right. She tried not to walk at night but sometimes it was unavoidable, but she could usually she could handle herself.
Jon grinned, "chivalry isn't as dead as most women think."
Riza smiled too, "it isn't is it?" She climbed into his car and he started the car and she gave him the directions all in one piece so she could continue to talk to him.

Roy had stayed outside the restaurant till they came out feeling stupid and bored. If nothing happened to Riza tonight and he was caught who knows what would happen. He was only here because he had a bad feeling about it.
He watched them come out and was disheartened to see Riza get in the car with him. She obviously didn't know that inside cars, on the pretense of taking them home, was where some men took advantage of their dates. He started his car shortly after Jon did his and trailed them making sure that on the not busy streets he kept his lights low and stayed far enough behind.
The final turn to Riza's house was coming up. Jon didn't even show any signs that he had the intention of turning. Surely Riza had noticed. And the fact hat he didn't slow or turn around assured Roy that he had been right to follow him.

"Jon you missed my turn, I live on Creed Rd." she informed him pointing behind her.
"Oh did I?" he asked as if he truly didn't know. "Oh well I know a way to get from here back to there with out turning around."
"Wouldn't turning around be easier?" Riza asked. She knew something he didn't. Her road was a dead end, only one exit and entrance.
"Nope." He responded.
"Please Riza I know what I'm doing." He pleaded her.
Riza silenced herself. When he was looking the other way she put the pistol in a more accessible spot she would need it soon if he didn't find another way back to her house.
He ended up on a dirt road a long way from anything much less her house that ended just before it hit sheer cliff. He shut off the engine.
"Huh," he said, "I was sure this was a way to that street."
"Really," Riza didn't believe him for a second. Her pistol was in her other hand hidden behind the seats.
"Well we'd better turn around." He tried to start the car; the engine rolled over three times before he turned the key off and tried again. He acted stumped and aggravated.
Riza knew why it wouldn't start. He wasn't pushing the clutch all the way down. She had to give him credit. Most women didn't drive manual transmission vehicles if they drove at all. He had no idea who he was dealing with.
"Huh. It won't start," he said looking to her, he stopped trying to make the car work and looked over at her putting his arm around her shoulder and coming a lot closer than she wanted him, "What do you want to do till sunrise? It's too dark to do anything till than."
"I don't think it's a mechanical error, Jon. Why don't you try it again?" she said about ready to pull out her gun on him.
He tried it again. This time he really did brake it. The clutch was to in-between and she heard the gears brake. With out those gears she was stuck here. She cursed at herself in her mind for making him actually break it.
Jon got out and looked under the car and around the car.
"Nope were really stuck here Riza," he told her. Coming back into the car and getting yet closer. He started leaning on her and kissing her neck and face.
"Jon stop!" She told him. He was leaning against her so much she was unable to get the gun out from between the seat and the door where her other hand was too. "Jon I mean it!"
"Oh come on Riza you've been playing hard to get all night, lighten up the act."
"Trust me it's not an act now get off!" she yelled trying to push him off one handed. She couldn't do it. He wasn't going for the zipper at the back of her dress either. He had started to pull her dress up and was now up to her knees. She hurriedly used the one hand not holding the gun to pull it down. She heard the dress rip slightly at the hem.
"Sweet heart you don't have to pretend anymore," Jon whispered in her ear, "no one knows you're here."
That was when she realized that he was right. Not even havoc knew where his friend had taken her. Hell she didn't even know where she was. This scared her and made her try for her gun harder.
She continued to fight him and he continued to think that she was playing. How many women had he done this too to think that she was still playing after all of her protests?
Finally she could see no way out put to fire blindly in the cab of the car. The noise would make him aware that she wasn't playing and if that didn't stop him, some one might find her before he moved on to actually committing that crime which he'd started.
Riza closed her eyes hopping beyond hope that the bullet wouldn't ricochet.
She fired.

Roy had seen and heard the engine turn over then the gear break. He'd also seen Jon get out and look under the car. Oh he was smooth; any other woman would be putty in his hands. But Hawkeye had to know what he'd done to make that happen to the car. She drove his car sometimes when they had off base military duty's to take care of and his was a manual. He seen Jon get back in and commotion started. Jon was making his move and either Hawkeye was blind or she was looser than Roy thought she was, because their wasn't much of what looked like a struggle. He was beginning to think that he should turn back when he heard the gun shot. He knew Hawkeye, she didn't shoot just to shoot. There was always a reason she brought out her deadly weapon. He hurried out of his car.

Jon hadn't stopped kissing but he had been stunned enough to pause and say, "so she likes it dangerous huh?" then start trying to seduce her again at a quicker and harder pace. Riza tried to fight harder against him but he didn't stop.
"Get the hell off me!" She screamed.
"You heard the lady, Jon!" said a voice that was thankfully very familiar to Hawkeye's ears.
Jon stopped and looked out the driver's door. "Mustang? What the hell are you doing here?"
"Protecting My first Lt.," He said his alchemy gloved poised to strike. Jon got off Riza and she dashed out of the car. When Hawkeye was finally out she held her weapon up.
"You'll never know glad I am to see you, sir," she breathed, "now can I shoot him?"
"Honestly I thought she was playing," Jon pleaded now realizing he was in major trouble.
Riza cocked her gun; "you are a sick bastard."
"Hawkeye, wait in my car. I need to have a chat with Jon here," Roy told her.
She wasn't sure she wanted to get in a car alone with a man again but she knew and trusted the colonel so it'd be all right. She walked over and sat in the passenger's side seat. She watched Roy have a 'heated' conversation. It consisted of Mustang threatening him with many flames and painful deaths, Riza was sure. They finally left Jon to wait for morning.
Hawkeye, now out of harm's way, was more than a little shaken. She had nearly been violated in the worse possible way. When she thought about it she shook with the disgust.
"Are you alright Hawkeye?" Mustang asked her.
She nodded her head, "I couldn't get my gun out on him soon enough, I gave him to many chances."
"Well if he had been innocent you would have felt like a fool," he explained her reasoning to her.
"I can't believe I was that stupid," Hawkeye scolded herself.
"Don't blame yourself. He's an ass, I should have warned you, but I had no idea he would go to such measures." Mustang told her.
"I don't blame you, or really anyone but Havoc, Jon and myself," Riza said.
Mustang smirked slightly as he turned down her street; "Havoc's dead tomorrow isn't he?"
"Oho! He is so dead," She said grabbing her gun and bag.
Mustang laughed airily, "I'll be sure to arrange for his funeral." He parked in front of her house.
"Sir? Not that I'm not grateful but how did you know I was there?" she questioned him.
"I knew who Jon was and followed you to make sure something like what almost happened didn't," Mustang said slightly embarrassed.
"Thank you," she told him. She wasn't at all miffed at him following her, "who knows what would have happened if you hadn't stepped in." She wasn't sure if it was appropriate but she did it anyway. She kissed her superiors cheek. "I really appreciate you being there, sir."
"What kind of commanding officer would I be if I let my subordinates get hurt?" he asked.
Riza gave him rare smile before opening the door and getting out of the car. Roy made sure she was safely inside before he left.

The next morning, everyone was in before Hawkeye including Mustang, which worried him greatly knowing what she had gone through yesterday. When she still didn't turn up after thirty minutes of him arriving (he was already late by about that same amount of time) he was about ot call her house when she appeared in the office doorway.
Mustang seen the look on her face and knew now was the time to get seats so he leaned on his door frame.

"Lt.! Good morning! Did you have a good date last night?" Havoc asked her, way to cheerily for what she had been through the night before.
Riza walked right up to him and, using her messenger bag as the weapon, Smacked Havoc upside his head. When he bounced back she backhanded him, throwing Havoc to the wall.
The other three men in Mustangs company all looked to him.
"Sir?! Aren't you going to try and stop her?!" Asked Fuerry
"I know what happened last night," Mustang said really wishing he had a bag of popcorn, "He deserves this and then some."
Riza had continued to kick Havoc's ass. When her anger had finally settled she smoothed her hair in place and made her was to her desk to get to work. Fallman and Breeda made sure Havoc wasn't truly dead. Fuerry was just hoping to stay under her radar.
"Have you satisfied your thirst for revenge yet Hawkeye?" Mustang asked her,
"Not in the slightest, sir," she told him pleasantly, "Beating on him just loses its meaning when he's unconscious."
Mustang smirked and went back into his office, closing the door.
"Give him hell Hawkeye."
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