Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

I Wouldn't Read That If I Were You

by xDisenchantedx 26 reviews

Once curiousty gets the best of Gerard, there's no turning back from the things that infected his mind. Gerard will never look at Frankie the same way again. (One-shot)

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor, Parody - Characters: Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro - Published: 2006-12-19 - Updated: 2006-12-20 - 1490 words - Complete

I Wouldn't Read That If I Were You
Jay Bee (xDisenchantedx)

It wasn't that Gerard got nerves before shows... it was just so damn boring to sit in the bus and wait for the damn people to tell him that the show was about to start and he'd better finish his damn makeup if he didn't want it all to run while he sweat on stage.

So what was he supposed to do for the hour that the other band was still on stage? He'd already finished his makeup a long time ago, though he knew he would have to do touch-ups fifteen minutes before. At least he was alone in that big old tour bus.

For the moment.

Gerard thought back to that interview Ray and Frankie had taken the week before when he had caught the flu. What had they talked about with those interviewers? Something about some freakish fans writing weird shit... What were those things called again? Oh yeah. Fanfictions. What the hell was a fanfiction?

Gerard and his big, curious brain decided to go off to the land of INTERNET to find out, because you can find ANYTHING on the internet! Like PICTURES OF PETE WENTZ! NAKED!

So Gerard bust out his brand new shiny laptop that he had bought with the extra money he hadn't spent on cigarettes from the week before, and clicked the little INTERNET icon twice. This brought up his homepage, which, despite popular belief, was NOT OR MySpace. It was...


Yes, Google, because Gerard wasn't a narcissistic son of a bitch. Despite popular belief, he wasn't obsessed with himself all that much!

Gerard's a real fast typer so it took him like two seconds flat to type in 'my chemical romance fanfiction' in that little box it gives you to type in your search query. Then he pressed ENTER because... well... what else would he have done?

Google so kindly told him that his search took .28 seconds because his laptop DIDN'T USE DIAL-UP CONNECTION! It also told him that he had 265,000 hits, which, frankly, scared the shit out of him because how would you feel if you typed in 'YOUR NAME HERE fanfiction' on Google and got 265,000 hits? I THINK YOU'D BE PRETTY DAMN SCARED.

So anyway, Gerard clicked on the first few but none of them really sparked his interest.

The first one freaked him out...


Gerard read, and immediately clicked the BACK button on his internet browser because with an author's note like that, he didn't really want to know how much of the story was in capital letters and involved him having babies with a psychotic fan.

The second one made him want to call the F.B.I...

I love Gerard Way. I named my dog after him. Every day I write 'I love Gerard' in my notebook during study hall. I know his mother's address and his AIM screen name. I've touched his hand twice at a concert I went to. It's a shame that we're seventeen years apart.

Gerard quickly exited this freaky twelve-year-old's blog and wrote on the pad of paper next to him:

Call mother and tell her to lock doors/windows.
Call real estate agent and buy mother a new house.

Then he decided he was never going to use that AIM screen name again. After all... an average twelve-year-old wasn't even old enough to know what half of the songs on his CDs meant!

Finally, Gerard Way stumbled upon something he, to this day, wishes he had not stumbled upon. Because of this, he stopped using his laptop and went into a depression for a few days.

It was...


But Gerard, being the innocent little unknowing cutie that he is, didn't KNOW what slash fic meant! So he found a story that LOOKED pretty decent and clicked on it, ignoring the 'Pairing: Gerard/Frankie.'

The story started with what was a pretty typical day for the band when they were on tour. It was written pretty well, better than he could ever write about himself, and despite the fictional content, it seemed pretty believable.


"What'cha doin', Gerard?" Mikey hollered as he entered the bus.

"Readin' some shit, brotha. Is it time yet?" Gerard joked as Mikey punched him in the arm in a brotherly manner.

"Uhh... nah. Me and Ray were just wondering where you were."

Mikey peered over his big brother's shoulder, surprised that his brother was reading something other than comic books. "Don't tell me," he gasped once he read the address bar. "Don't tell me."

"Tell you what?" Gerard raised an eyebrow in an innocent fashion.

"Are you honestly reading one of those?"

Gerard shrugged as he pressed the link for chapter seven. "I guess."

"I wouldn't read that if I were you."

"Yeah, well, your mom!" Gerard yelled as Mikey left the PURPLE bus, which didn't have the desired effect because they had the same mom...

...the bus didn't have the desired effect either, because it was purple.

Mikey ran back to the practice room in a FRENZAY. "RAY, YOU HAVE TO STOP GERARD! HE'S READING... ONE OF THOSE."

"GASP!" Ray gasped. His hair gasped too. He pretended like he was SUPERMAN and FLEW out of the WINDOW.

"I WOULDN'T READ THAT IF I WERE YOU!" He screamed in a girly manner as he flew passed the open bus window. A man named Charlie shot him down because he mistook him for a peacock, so Ray and his hair became a turkey sandwhich. Just one.

Gerard didn't notice.

Bob would've done something, but hell, Bob NEVER does ANYTHING, so he sat there burning and no one cared.

So it was up to FRANKEH to save Gerard from the evils of... ONE OF THOSE.

Gerard was nearing the end of the story as the end of the band before them was nearing its last song, and FRANKEH was nearing the purple bus. There were also some bears on unicycles, but those were left unmentioned because this isn't friggin Panic! At the Disco.

"Hey Gerard, how's it going?" Frankie said as he sat next to Gerard at the table. He squirmed in his new tight pants, because they hadn't broken in yet. They were pink. Sometimes.

Just sitting next to Gerard made Frankie want sex...

Gerard quickly skimmed over that sentence.

Frankie leaned over Gerard's shoulder to read the story too.

Frankie leaned onto Gerard's shoulder and whispered in his ear "I want your body."

Gerard's makeup began to run as he realized how freaky Frankie was sometimes.

Finally, Frankie licked Gerard's ear seductively and blew in it.

Frankie was sitting too close to Gerard so he ended up breathing in his ear. ON ACCIDENT. MAYBE. "I wouldn't read that if I were you," Frankie whispered in his sexiest voice in Gerard's sexy ear.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, MAN!" Gerard yelled as he threw his laptop across the room and it broke promptly. Frankie was pretty smelly, after all.

And Gerard didn't even read the REST of the story because he didn't WANT to know what happened next after that story PRETTY MUCH CAME TRUE.

And so, Gee refused to speak to Frankie until Bob: The Burning Body reminded him that it was a STORY. Besides that, Bob was completely useless AND BARBECUED for the rest of his goddamn life. So Ray used him for charcoal and him and his hair made sloppy Joe's for all, that is, until Ray's hair broke up with him and Ray lost all meaning in life. Mikey married some NOT famous lady, Frankie continued being born on Halloween, and Gerard continued drinking so he could forget that Frankie was sexually attracted to his body.


The point of this story:
"I've heard about it but I haven't read it," says Iero. "I think I'd be creeped out reading something that I'm a character in and it'd probably creep out the kids who wrote it because they don't want me to read it. It's for other fans.
"It's good that kids are being creative and exploring their creativity," continues Toro. "Just stop making us have sex with each other in your fan fiction."

Quotes from:

We made up the author's note of the fanfiction, the twelve-year-old's blog, and the few lines of the Gee and Frankie slash fic, so don't think we're talking about you or something. We haven't even read any Gee and Frankie slash fics, actually. So any resemblence to any story was completely coincidental.
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