FicWad

Gerard entered the room, with the beautiful starbucks girl on his right arm. He smiled at everyone in the room and nobody smiled back at him. I glanced at frankie, and he told me with his eyes that he was thinking the same thing. he, like i, was thinking so thats where hes been all this time. doing her.

oh god, oh god. no, dont think about them that way.

There he was, laughing and smiling, with this beautiful girl standing next to him. I wanted to cry. however, i did not. if theres one thing i learned at home, its to suck it up and deal.
so thats what i did. i didnt know how long it would last, but i tried.

Gerard made an "ahem" noise and everyone turned their attention to him.
"everyone," he began, "id like you to meet my girlfriend, Amy."
she giggled, and i fake gagged. gerard looked over at me and frowned.
i glared at him and he looked down a bit. this was definitly not how i wanted my best friend and i to act towards eachother. well now that this broad he has is gonna be hanging around more often, im guessing thats how its going to be.
i smiled, maybe this will end all romantic feelings towards gerard!
maybe, just maybe, i can get over my 'crush' on my best friend, and move on. get a boyfriend. but still, i knew as long as im going to be around him, there will always be something there. a small, but noticeable emotion that i cant quite pinpoint.


i always wondered if i liked frankie more then a friend.
i mean, dont get me wrong, frankie is definitly not bad looking, and anyone with half a mind could see that.
but hes not gerard. i sighed. and i totally just forgot there are people around me. and i didnt even realize that gerard is right in front of me, asking me something. whoa. i need some medication.


"huh?" i asked him.
"i said, can i talk to you outside for a minute?" he questioned. i looked in his hazel eyes and recognized hopefullness. i hate that emotion. it makes you long for something, but its really a 50/50 chance. you could get it, and then you could not. it could make you, or break you.
i think im about to get broken.


i followed him up out of the basement, and out onto the porch.
"so, what did you want to talk about?"
"listen, Hannah." he started. "i kind of get the feeling that you dont like amy." thats because i dont.
"what? why would you think that?"
"because you look at her weird." thats because i hate her.
"i dont."
"and it feels like you dont like her for a reason." thats because i love you.

....whoa wait, love? i love him? this is definitly news to me.
but when i think about it, it makes sense. i love the way his hazel eyes shine when he hits the sunlight. i love the way his lip is a bit crooked when he speaks. i love the way he knows exactly what to say when you're upset. i love the way he shares his passions with a cute little smile. i love the way he smirks when hes being mischevious. i love......i love gerard way.
i dont like him, i love him. this realization hit me like a bag of bricks.
he was in mid sentance, talking about something i wasnt even listening to, when i interupted.

"-and its sort of obvious you know-"
"gerard, i have to get home. ill talk to you later."
"what? are you okay?"
"im not feeling to well. ill see you later." i mumbled, and his face looked hurt, but he nodded. i ran down the street and went home. i didnt cry though.
well, not until i got home. i ran upstairs and cried into my pillow.


i am so weak.
so very, very weak. its disgusting. i hate being weak.
and that what im doing. showing weakness.
its ridiculous.