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At the very moment when Takamiya Katsura was in such a fever of excitement about dinner with Sakashita Izumi, Aoe Kiichi was in Yanase Izumi's hospital room attempting to assess the young host's physical and mental condition.

"Are you feeling better, Izumi?" Kiichi asked.

"Better, much better," the young host said with a faint smile that did not quite reach his eyes.

"Don't worry, Izumi. The collapse was just a temporary setback."

"I let Owner down. I let our client down."

"You were sick. It wasn't your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Yes," Izumi said in a subdued tone that made his depression apparent to the physician.

Kiichi was disappointed that his attempt to play Cupid for Blue Boy's Izumi and Takamiya had been shot down for the third time but he was still optimistic in the face of failure.

"We can reschedule when you're feeling better, so don't worry about it," Sensei told him just before he left the room.

With little else to occupy his mind, however, Izumi couldn't seem to help brooding as he thought back on how poorly things had turned out.

Three days before, it had all seemed so promising. When he'd seen the name Takamiya Katsura on his client appointment sheet, Izumi's heart speeded up and he smiled spontaneously.

From time to time, he had heard Owner and Sensei mention the name, always with regard or affection, and the thought that he would finally get to meet the person so closely connected to the man he respected most in life, filled him with pleasurable anticipation.

Izumi still regretted missing the New Year's party that Takamiya attended. He'd been very excited about the prospect of meeting him then, but when the young host came down with flu, it was of course, impossible to go.

If the full truth were told, though, the person he would really have loved to date was not Takamiya Katsura, but Aoe Reiji himself. Izumi had always had a huge crush on the owner of the Blue Boy Club, but had long since resigned himself to the fact that the man he worshipped would most likely never lay a hand on him.

Owner.

"If only..." sighed Izumi as he thought back to his first weeks at the Blue Boy Club.

The feelings he had for Owner had never changed. People could talk about foolish infatuation, but what he felt was something far stronger and far deeper. He was in love and desperately wanted love in return

He put himself in Owner's path more frequently than chance would allow, hoping to seduce him or to be seduced, but nothing of the sort ever happened. Owner was too distracted by business to even realize Izumi was throwing himself at him. It left the young host feeling very foolish, but not hopeless as he eventually realized that Owner acted that way towards all the employees of the club.

He eventually became curious about what seemed to be Owner's unspoken "hands-off" policy towards his staff, so he asked Jin Kuniaki about it.

Jin seemed to know everything there was to know about being a host, from dealing with client impotence, to how to deal with special requests, to other areas of potential embarrassment or satisfaction. He also seemed familiar with chapter and verse of the history of the B&B club since its founding.

"You're asking me why Owner doesn't have sex with the employees of the Club," said Jin. "It makes me wonder if you're afraid he will or afraid he won't. Since, from your question, it seems he hasn't tried anything with you, I think it's safe to say he won't. Sorry to disappoint you, if that's what you wanted."

"But from what I heard other owners do," said Izumi.

"It doesn't make good business sense," Jin said. "A boss who plays favorites causes problems with the staff. Let's just say for example, that you're fucking the Boss and end up as Number One.

You may believe you got there through hard work, but the rest of the staff won't think that way. You can't change human nature. Some are going to be jealous or just rightfully upset about unfairness in the way clients are apportioned or bonuses are awarded."

Jin's lecture made perfect sense to Izumi, but it didn't solve his problem.

After another week of mooning over Aoe Reiji, Izumi felt the need for a sympathetic ear.

Seiichi Amagai struck the novice host as approachable and friendly so Izumi finally screwed up the courage to ask him casually about Owner's policy one night over drinks after work.

"Jin told me about favoritism being bad business, but it happens in other clubs. Why is Owner different? Jin didn't explain that," Izumi said.

Seiichi took a sip of whiskey before answering.

"It was because of the policies of his father, Aoe Shougo, that Owner made the changes he did."

"What policies were those?"

"I wasn't associated with the club then. In fact, I never met Aoe Shougo or experienced what the staff in place went through at the time, so nearly all my information is second-hand, but I've gotten to know Jin fairly well, and he's told me stories that would curdle your blood.

It's not just Jin, though. I've heard some of the stories confirmed by maids, janitors, waiters from the restaurant, and they all say the same thing.

Owner's father used the staff of the B&B club as if the employees were his own private harem. He ruled them with a rod of iron, sometimes literally, according to his moods. I've seen some of the scars Shougo left on Jin's body.

"Jin has scars?"

Seiichi nodded.

"I heard rumors about torture sessions verified by other hosts who had no reason to lie."

Izumi froze at the mention of torture, but Seiichi was just getting warmed up.

"There's a market for that kind of action, and Aoe Shougo had no qualms about fulfilling that desire. There are always potential clients who would drool to see such things, of course," said Seiichi, "but that was probably just an excuse for Aoe Shougo. From nearly everything I've heard about Owner's father, he was just a sorry sadistic bastard who enjoyed inflicting pain. I think he wanted to break Jin's spirit, but as you've probably noticed, it didn't work."

"But why did Jin stay? Couldn't he have found a position in another club?

"Aoe Shougo had some hold over his family, I heard."

"Blackmail?" whispered Izumi.

"Something like that," said Seiichi as he lifted the shot glass to his lips and took another sip. Izumi was thoughtful as he took a drink of white wine. He had more things in common with Jin than he could have imagined.

After a pause, Seiichi continued his story.

"When Aoe Shougo died, Jin thought he'd better get out while he could. As far as he knew, like father, like son, so he put in his resignation. But when Aoe Reiji took over as owner a few weeks later, he asked Jin, with all respect, to return as a top host. Owner also wanted Jin's expertise as an adviser and trainer for younger hosts. .Above all, he wanted Jin to teach him the ropes of the business and offered to pay him a very generous sum.

From what I've been able to piece together, it seems Aoe told Jin that he'd found out about the abuse that had been going on and promised him it would never happen again. He arranged financial compensation for all employees who had suffered and vowed he would never act as his father had. He even put the no harassment policy in writing. Jin accepted the offer and the rest is history."

"Owner has kept his word as far as I know," Seiichi continued. "As for Jin, sometimes I wonder if the end of the hell he was in came too late. The physical scars have faded, but I think he still has a few up here," Seiichi finished as he tapped a finger against his forehead.

"I understand that kind of scar," Izumi said slowly. "If they didn't break Jin's spirit, maybe it got bent a little."

"That man is bent all right," chuckled Seiichi. "Twisted as they come. Only someone like you would have sympathy for the devil."

Izumi blushed and smiled slightly at that characterization of Jin.

"You're dazzling when you smile," said Seiichi with a charming grin, "But whether you smile or not, I can still see you becoming a top host in no time."

"Thank you for your kind words and for everything you've told me. I think I understand him better now."

"Which? Jin or Owner?"

"Both," responded Izumi.

"Anyhow, that's why one reason why Owner won't put any moves on you, no matter how appealing you are," Seiichi volunteered.

"It's true. He's never touched me," Izumi confirmed.

"But it's easy to see that you wish he had," Seiichi said, with an understanding smile.

"When you said that one reason why Owner wouldn't put moves on me was because of his father, did you have any other reasons in mind?"

"Every time I've seen Owner in a social situation, he's had a woman hanging on his arm. You're setting yourself up for a broken heart. It's best to forget about him. Just because he owns a gay date club doesn't make him gay."

"Owner is not homosexual then?"

"I heard a rumor that he had a male lover some years ago, but I don't know that it's true. Since I've known him, he's only dated women. He's probably going to get married, settle down, and produce an heir at some point. It's just a word to the wise from me to you. Don't waste time pining over him."

"I'll try not to," Izumi promised and meant it.

To tell the truth, Izumi had very mixed feelings. On the one hand, Izumi was proud to hear of Owner's decision. It showed character. On the other hand, he yearned for his love to be returned, but it seemed he would never get what he wanted.

Sometimes he wondered if he even knew what he really wanted. Sex? Love?

Sex and love were two very different things to Yanase Izumi at this point in his life but lately the line had been blurring. He was confused. Did he really want Owner to touch him in a way that scalded his nerves? Sometimes, he thought yes. Sometimes, he thought no.

When Seiichi spoke of scars in the mind, it had evoked Izumi's memories of rape and torture in his own past. Oh, yes, he understood Jin a good deal better now, but it was still so hard to understand himself.

Was it possible that feelings of shame would overwhelm any pleasure to be found in the act even with Owner?

As theoretical as the idea of sex with Aoe Reiji was, still the thought distressed him. The burning feelings of shame that Izumi suffered sometimes felt like the complete opposite of love. The self-hatred he experienced was so deep he feared it might consume him at times.

Surely, the past is past, Izumi thought as he attempted to block memories of the faces of men who had raped him.

"Why did it happen to me? I didn't ask for it. It wasn't my fault. I'm not tainted," he said. "Maybe like Jin, I'm just bent a little, not broken, and time will heal my wounds."

One day it might be possible for him to mingle love and sex seamlessly, happily even.

"But it hasn't happened yet," murmured Izumi as he stared out the window of his hospital room and thought about the past...

In a few short years, just as Seiichi predicted, Izumi was the number one host of the Blue Boy Club, the top moneymaker. One of the reasons he had worked so hard, was to make Owner notice him, just another ploy to earn the esteem of the man he loved.

As Izumi sat in his hospital bed pondering the past, he wondered idly whether one of the reasons for his success was that when he performed sex acts with various clients, he almost always imagined he was doing them with Aoe Reiji.

Countless clients told Izumi that they loved him, but, of course, he had his doubts. They loved how he made them feel, not for himself.

Owner and Sensei loved him for himself, but not in the full physical and emotional bonding sense of love he sometimes dreamed of. It felt familial like the affection between parents and children or siblings, untouched by the passion that lovers shared.

As long as sex and love were two separate things, unrequited love was all Izumi had it seemed, though there were times, when in his heart, he wished for someone who could love him all the way, and end his confusion.

Owner was too principled or too straight to be able to love him the way the yearned for.

Izumi sometimes fantasized about what it would be to have Sensei for a lover, but he usually abandoned the notion quickly enough. Whenever he saw the quiet devotion that Sensei and Haruomi shared, he realized that what they had was exactly what he wanted.

Izumi had no desire to drive the wedge of jealousy between those two and frankly doubted that he could, which left him in a comfortable but joyless limbo as he waited and waited for love.

Then spring came and the little sticky buds on fruit trees sprouted and flowered.

At first, Izumi had hardly noticed and one day was very much like another. Then three days ago, the name of Takamiya Katsura popped up on his client list and gave him the surprising feeling that there was hope for the future.

It wasn't logical, rational or sensible, yet he felt instinctively that if he could not be close to Owner, being close to Owner's friend would be the next best thing.

Takamiya must be a fine person for Aoe Reiji to think so highly of him.

Out of curiosity, Izumi had sought out more information about his prospective client from Sensei who told him that Takamiya was a translator and rattled off a few titles that sounded familiar.

Izumi used one of the computers at the club to do a web search of the name. He followed a link to an extensive list of books that Takamiya had translated, but the title on the list that delighted him most happened to be one of his favorite books of all time, "The Little King".

To discover that Takamiya had translated so many of the words Izumi knew by heart, made the host believe that there might be a spiritual bond between them. At the very least, they would have a passion in common to talk about.

The morning of his scheduled date with Takamiya, the young host spent his energy on getting his hair done and deciding on an outfit to wear. He had been so concerned about making a good impression that he tried on three.

In anticipation of such an important meeting, eating was the last thing on Izumi's mind, so he went without breakfast, and even when lunchtime arrived, his stomach was still so full of butterflies, he wasn't hungry in the slightest.

Finally, just before it was time to go, Izumi picked up one of the Blue Boy's trademark red roses from the florist shop in the lobby of the date club building. When the cab he ordered came just a few minutes later, he stepped in, sat down, and was whisked away. With his hair newly styled and dressed in his most elegant three-piece suit, Izumi couldn't help feeling a little like Cinderella on the way to the ball to meet Prince Charming.

He planned on arriving ahead of time in hopes that Takamiya might show up early too. The sooner he met Takamiya, the better, was the way he looked at it. He already knew they would get along beautifully.

After Izumi paid off the driver and exited the cab, he scanned the faces of the people in the park and though he attracted a good many stares in return, when no one came up to greet him, he was a little disappointed.

On some level, he knew he was being silly and blowing the date out of all proportion, but even so, it wasn't long before his smile came back. After all, he was going to meet one of Owner's best friends, and that was surely worth the wait.

What he hadn't counted on was how unseasonably warm the weather seemed. In retrospect, it was clear he had overdressed for the day.

Izumi's recollections of the afternoon were vivid. He remembered checking his watch concerned that Takamiya was late and worrying about what that might mean...

There could be lots of reasons why and he began to enumerate several of them to pass the time, but still, his date did not come.

Izumi twisted the stem of the rose in his hand, and then lifted the bloom to his nose to inhale its perfume. He noted with regret that some of the outer petals were wilting, and wished he had some water to put it in to revive it. He realized then how thirsty he was himself. He needed a drink of water. He looked around for a fountain, but didn't see one. There was a beverage vending machine across the street, but he hesitated to leave the meeting place.

No matter, he was sure Takamiya would arrive soon, but minute after minute passed by and no one approached him.

As he checked his watch for the twentieth time, he heard the sound of sirens in the distance and not a half minute a later a procession of seven police cars sped through the intersection as the stalled traffic parted to leave them a clear passage. As Izumi watched the vehicles recede in the distance, he realized that a traffic accident had most likely delayed Takamiya. He sighed as he wondered just how long the wait would be.

He stood patiently for another five minutes, and then began to wonder if he should call the club and find out if there had been a cancellation, but discarded the idea immediately. After all, the police were surely clearing the traffic jam even now.

But as he pondered these thoughts, the mid-day heat seemed to redouble in intensity, and a few minutes later, Izumi felt his heart fluttering wildly.

Why was he having palpitations? It suddenly came to him that he'd been so excited about the meeting that he had forgotten to take his medication that morning. Well, he could just take a pill now, he considered, and reached into the pocket of his jacket for the small vial, but as he fumbled for it, he recalled with dismay that he had left it on the counter in the bathroom.

He started to panic, but calmed himself. Takamiya would certainly not mind stopping off to pick up the medicine.

It was really far too hot though. Izumi felt a sudden need to sit down and looked for an empty spot on one of the benches that lined the park perimeter, but every space was occupied. He supposed he could sit on the curb, like that dark haired boy, but he didn't want to ruin his trousers.

In a wretched physical state now, with sweat beading his forehead, and a feeling of nausea in his stomach, Izumi found he could barely catch his breath. The rose slipped from his hands as his fingers went to his too-tight collar and he struggled to loosen the top button.

The last thought he had before he fainted was that he hated to disappoint Owner.

The very next morning, sitting propped up against the pillows of the hospital room grieving for what might have been, Izumi realized that it was thoughts about Owner that still troubled his heart the most.