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POG (Perverted Old Guy): Okay, ladies and gentlemen, today we have our last famous family for the week. Today we are interviewing the Jackson family.

Ellen: That's right, audience. Give it up for the oldest¯and literally old¯member of the Jackson family! Rebbie Jackson.

{Some audience members clap. The other half murmur in confusion because they never heard of three Jackson sisters.}

{Rebbie walks on stage and flops down on the couch available. She starts biting on her nails.}

Ellen: {Thinking she can't hear her because of her age} WELCOME TO THE SHOW, MS. JACKSON! MY NAME IS ELLEN DeGENERES AND THIS IS MY PARTNER IN CRIME...ERR...CO-HOST, P-O-G.

Rebbie: I ain't deaf, bitch.

{Ellen smiles exaggeratedly.}

Ellen: Good. Now, POG, take a seat.

{She and POG try to sit next to Rebbie. They start fighting.}

Rebbie: HURRY UP AND SIT DOWN ALREADY! I HAVE A LIFE TO GET ON WITH!

{Ellen ends up sitting next to her and POL sits next to Ellen.}

Ellen: So, Rebbie, how does it feel to be the least noticed Jackson of the really famous JACKSON FAMILY?! {Smiles exaggeratedly again.}

Rebbie: Well... {She stares at Ellen's exaggerated smile and stops} Stop looking at me like that.

Ellen: Sorry. Continue.

Rebbie: Well, what is there to tell? I avoid scandals while Michael and Janet are the ones who get made fun of a lot. So the media doesn't bother me. YAY ME! {Jumps up and starts doing the tootsie roll and electric slide.}

Ellen: Like, party, dude! {Puts on that exaggerated smile again.}

{A disco ball comes down from the ceiling and Ellen, Rebbie, and the audience start dancing. POG makes an attempt at dancing, but since he's old, he brakes his back. He yells "My back!" but due to the loud music, nobody hears him.}

{Record scratches. The music stops.}
Ellen: Aww, it's over?

POG: Help, my back!

{Nobody pays attention to him.}

Ellen: I SAID is it over?

Rebbie: If the music stop, then what do you think?

Ellen: Did anyone ever tell you that you have sexy lips?

{Rebbie stares at her in disgust.}

Rebbie: Okay, you're really disgusting.

Ellen: And if you lost about 10 pounds, girls like me will be all over you like a giant hamster on my ass!

{Rebbie back up from Ellen, who starts to walk closer to her.}

Rebbie: Eek! Get away from me! {Runs out of the room screaming.}

Ellen: We'll be right back after these commercials.

--Commercial Break--

Announcer: Have you ever felt tired? Have you ever had so much pain that you can't walk? Have you ever eaten so much that you can barely make it up the 8,475 flights of stairs that you have in your house? Well, now you don't have to! Get the portable acromattress. All you have to do is press this little red button and poof! It pops out into a bed. Let's watch our customers that have bought this product in action!

{Camera switches to a mother and her son. The mother presses the red button and the acromattress inflates so huge that the little kid gets lost in the mattress. The mother screams, "Oh, my son! He's lost!" and then in the background, Michael Jackson appears singing "The Lost Children."}

Announcer: Okay, then, let's cut that part out. {Laughs nervously.} Anyways, just buy the freakin' product, okay?

--Commercial #2--

Announcer: Are you starving all the time, but you're just too lazy to actually get up, go down those 8,475 flights of stairs of yours and cook? Then don't, stupid! All you have to do is get up and go to Denny's! Our food is SOOOO great, you'll never want to leave!

{Camera cuts to a shot in Denny's and a friendly looking waitress is walking with a tray of food. She is smiling. Then a little girl puts her foot in the way and the waitress trips and falls. The friendly looking waitress starts to yell at the little girl and starts to cuss.}

Announcer: Okay then.... {He makes a face.} Anyways, you'll like the food...I guess.....