Categories > Games > Kingdom Hearts

Kingdom Hearts: A Poem

by horsie890 2 reviews

Only good for those who need a good laugh and hate Sora. Not meant to offend anyone.

Category: Kingdom Hearts - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor, Parody - Characters: Ansem, Kairi, Riku, Sora - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2007-01-02 - Updated: 2007-01-03 - 459 words - Complete

The main kid here is Sora
He's really, really dumb
His shoes are huge, and when he's scared
He likes to suck his thumb
He winds up with the Keyblade
It's good for whacking stuff
Like Heartless, Disney villains,
And some bosses that are tough

Kairi is his girlfriend
Her brain must be a fruit
Whenever she sees Sora
She says, "Hey, Sora, you're cute!"
She waits upon the islands
For her friends to come back
And to wipe away her sorrows
She's now doing Paupu crack

And over here is Riku
He's really very sad
If he would just kill Sora
Then I'd be really glad
He fell into the darkness
And made the fangirls cry
So they went over to Sony
And want Nomura to die

The three are separated
And Kairi's heart is dust
Riku is now evil
And the Keyblade's covered in rust
Meanwhile Donald and Goofy
Have recently arrived
And they're looking for a Keymaster
Whose brain has just, well, died

So Sora's on a journey
And comes to Traverse Town
Where Yuffie's really hyper
And Leon wears a frown
Aerith wishes Cloud were here
And Cid's an idiot
And now our three main heroes
Are upon a Gummi Ship

They're flying to other places
At AOL-dialup speed
Riku is a villain
And Kairi's still on weed
Cloud says hi to Sora
After trying to break his neck
And then Peter Pan finds Wendy
On a pirate ship's deck

Well after all this browsing
They find the End of the World
The gummi ship goes faster
And Sora's gonna hurl
Because just around the corner
Is the final evil boss
Hey guess what? It's Ansem
And he's really quite ticked off

Sora whacks the stuffing out of him
But just as this is done
Ansem comes back stronger
And is ready for more fun
This happens several times before
He finally dies for good
Our three delusional heroes
Have just now saved the worlds

Now you know of this disaster
But not of how it came
So maybe I'll enlighten you
On who there is to blame
Mr. Tetsuya Nomura
Took a blender one day
He threw in Final Fantasy for everyone to play

He added in some Disney
Just to make it fun
And some stuff from Nintendo
Before the work was done
He pressed the blending button
Then sat back and watched it go
It ran for several years before
He dropped it on his toe

He poured the whole concoction
Into boxes then in carts
And decided he would name it all
Something like Kingdom Hearts
Well the whole world's really happy
Except, of course, for me
Because I hate that dumb main character
With the I.Q. of a flea
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