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The Ninth Day Of Christmas - 2nd January 2007

"Joe?" She whispered, sitting in the darkness of her living room.

"Hello - Who is this?" He croaked.

"It's me, Ella." She whispered back.

"Ella? Is everything alright? What's wrong?!" He asked in a worried manner.

"Shh! Joe, everything's fine I just.....I needed to speak to you!" She whispered, keeping her voice down.

"Ok?" He asked, confused.

"Patrick said he told you guys about us trying for a baby.."

"Yeah, it kind of came about...."

"Joe, I...." She started, 'Get the words right!' she cursed in her head.

"I was pretty shocked.....Never thought you were for children..." He said.

"Joe I know how it seems."

"No...No you don't." he said back sadly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Me too." He said.

"I'm sorry you weren't ready." He snarled a little.

"Joe it wasn't like that!" She whispered loudly.

"Why are you whispering - Doesn't Patrick know what you did??" He asked.

"Don't be like this!" She said aloud.

"Y'know - I would've been ok with whole abortion thing if you hadn't of been trying so hard for a kid now - you could've had one, why is it so different now? Was I not good enough for you?" He said angrily.

"Joe , that's not true-"

"Then why Ella?!" He said angrily.

"I didn't-"

"-You didn't what? You made me feel like I had no choice, I would have done everything for you. I would have taken care of you and the baby!"

"Joe, please, you don't understand!" She pleaded.

"Of course I do!" He snapped.

"You know.....maybe that's why it's not happening for you now......" he said coldly. She felt her face crease up as tears mass produced behind her eyes and cheeks.

He waited for her reply.

"I didn't have the abortion Joe." She said, her voice breaking.

"I lost the baby the day after Mom's funeral....." She said. There was no response on the other end of the line.

"The stress of everything, it just.....my body couldn't take it." She whispered weakly.

"And I needed you to know that Joe....because I didn't want you thinking I was that girl who just aborted your child. Because it wasn't like that...." She said, crying quietly.

"I wasn't going to go through with it. I'd cancelled my appointment.......I couldn't do it....but then ...." She stopped.

All she heard was the dial tone. She cried silently as she hung up her end.




Patrick dreaded opening the front door, scared of what things from Ella's past were going to greet him this time.

"For Miss Annerson." The delivery man said and handed Patrick the huge bunch of flowers.

"Thanks?" Patrick said taking them, he walked into the kitchen.

"For you!" He said, still shocked.

"Oh Trick! You shouldn't have!" She smiled wide, seeing her favourite yellow roses in there.

"I er...There not from me!" He said, she frowned and pulled off the card, wedging the piece of toast in her mouth as she opened in.

So sorry if my unkind words hurt you. I feel awful. Joe x

Quickly folding the card up again, she took the piece of toast and put it on the plate.

"Who are they from?" He asked.

"From Joe." She said softly, Patrick frowned.

"Joe's sending you flowers."

"He shouldn't have.....but yeah." She explained.

"What did the card say?" He asked.

"It said sorry." She revealed quietly, not giving anything away.

"ok." Patrick said softly.

"Trick, come sit down." She said, pulling the chair out next to her.

He sat down and looked at her nervously.

"There's things I haven't told you about my relationship with Joe." She said gently.

"Ok." He acknowledged.

She sighed deeply and took his hands in hers.

"This is hard..." She admitted.

"Take your time.." He said softly. She smiled at his sweetness.

"We'd been going out for about 4 months....and I...." She stopped and looked at him, his eyes desired this truth so badly.

"I fell pregnant." She said softly, the reaction was immediate.

"What?!" He asked, he was hurt.

"You were pregnant??" he asked, she nodded and tried to stabilize his hands as he pulled away.

"Patrick - please...." She pleaded.

"What happened?" He demanded.

She began to get tight lipped, he wasn't reacting how she had planned and she was withdrawing from the situation rapidly.

"Ella - What happened, there's obviously no baby....." He said.

She stood up and he gripped her forearm.

"What happened Ella?"

"I wanted to have an abortion." She said bluntly. He dropped her arm and stood up.

"What?" He frowned.

"Why would you do that?" He asked from hurt eyes.

"Because it's what I wanted." She replied.

"Ella? I don't understand.......I don't understand this at all!" He said shaking his head.

"I couldn't go through with it!" She said quickly, she looked down at her feet, miserable woman that she was.

"And that's why Joe bought me the flowers.....because I told him last night that it wasn't because of the abortion that there's no baby.......that it was because I lost it after Mom died." She explained.

Patrick sat back down, totally gobsmacked. He looked back up at Ella.

"How far gone were you?" He asked.

"Only a few weeks....compared to what was going on my life....it wasn't a huge loss..." She added.

"But Joe always thought I'd had the abortion.....and I needed him to know that I didn't.........because he wouldn't understand why we're trying so hard now to have children." She said softly.

"Ella." Patrick said.

"You lost your Mom and your baby." He said. She nodded. He held out his arms for her and she sat down on his lap.

"No wonder your heart can't cope every year!" He said softly to her as he cuddled her.

"I would have told you.......but.....maybe it all came out like this for a reason..." She said.




For a reason she couldn't comprehend, she felt uplifted a little, like she'd been released of part of that baggage. Maybe it had been revealing the details of exactly what had happened 3 years ago to Joe or announcing to Patrick the truth about the baby blip with Joe, or the amendments with her Dad, or the crying in the early hours that morning. Truthfully, it was a blend of all three unexpected and very significant events that had caused her to feel the form of relief. However, she wasn't fully relieved. The past still gnawed at her heels as she walked in the city park that morning with her Dad. Patrick was back at work and she had another couple of days off before she returned to fiery Gehenna.

"So, it's all happening for you right now huh, Els?" He said, she smiled at his pet name for her.

"It's trying to Dad."

He handed her the steaming coffee from the mobile food truck.

"Thanks!" She whispered, taking the drink. Wrapping her mitted hands around it, she sat down on the bench.

"You know....You're Mom and I had to wait 18 months for you..." He said, she sipped the coffee.

"18 months huh? I'm not doing too badly then!" she laughed.

"You were worth every negative pregnancy test!" he said, she giggled heartily.

"Thanks Dad!"

"When it happens, it'll be the most wonderful thing in your life." He said thoughtfully. Those words made her think.

"Why did you leave Dad?" She asked. His face implied he was expecting that question; he buried his mouth in the collar of his jacket.

"We couldn't make it work." He said simply. He took a drink of his coffee.

"In the end, it was me who was making your Mom unhappy...and I couldn't handle that any more. I'd been unfaithful and she couldn't get past that. Deep down, I didn't want her to, I wanted her to hate me."

"She never hated you. I did." She said.

"I know you did!" He said, she laughed.

"What happened to that woman anyway?" She asked, smirking.

"Oh she left when she figured out what a bigoted miser I was." He said factually.

"Wow, that's a shocker."

Bill playfully hit her arm.

"I'm cold, take me home!" she whispered. He put an arm around her and admired her from inches above.



Patrick could smell her home cooking as he got out his car, ready to rip off the door from the hinge if it dared rebound, even if it was because he had the seatbelt stuck in the door.

Turning the door handle he stopped, hearing the deep beautiful tones of her cello playing. He hurriedly closed the door and moved quickly to her music room down the hall. The door was shut, he gently pressed his head towards the door.

He'd never heard something so beautifully moving in his life. He'd never heard her play.

She'd never played for him and he couldn't stand it. He couldn't hold it anymore and he opened the door, his eyes staring as she stopped, her body poised behind the instrument.

"Hi!" She squeaked.

He didn't say anything, just walked in a dumped his bag down and stared at her.

"Play!" He spluttered out. Giggling, she sat up slightly from being slouched over and lifted her bow. She nervously played the first few notes and he watched as her fingers moved over the neck of the instrument. He slumped down in the stool before her and watched in what could only be described as adoration. Within a minute or two she had finished the piece and his mouth hung open a little.

Her eyes just stared at him.

"That was unbelievable...." He whispered.

"Did you like it?" She asked, a shy smile pulling the side of her lip.

"I've never seen that look in your eyes before..." he whispered gently, she looked up at him from her head being down and smiled again.

"It has been a while." She said softly.

"What was that you played, it was beautiful..."

"I wrote it." She said shyly.

"You wrote that?" He smiled. She nodded with pride and picked up her music book.

"Here." She said, placing it in his hands. He opened the book and stared at the first page, covered in notes, comments, places she rubbed out.

The title was what hit him hard though: The First Lullaby

"It will happen!" She said, seeing his face.

"So I thought I better start writing." She added.

"Why is that, although we've been together the time we have.....and we've done all things we have, and shared all the things we have - that you can make me fall in love with you all over again, just like it's the first time?" He asked. She smiled softly, putting down her bow, she reached out and touched his face softly.

He took the cello and rested it against the piano, whilst with his other hand, pulling her from the chair and on to his lap. It seemed their lips actually met before their bodies did and induced a tone to passion they hadn't had for a while.

His hand slithered over her shoulder and up to her neck, holding her steady as his other hand unbuttoned her cardigan. She could only watch, her eyes following his hands as they released each, she swore, each time he did, little pockets of lust were rupturing, releasing into her veins. The feelings were so strong, her breathing was already heightened, and they'd only kissed.

Sex had become overly mechanical for them both, with the outcome being to conceive rather than to please. It was always good but sometimes, it was just sex and she felt they were just bringing it back to a place where it didn't have the facet of 'We need this' instead, 'We want this'.

Leaning over him, she bit his ear lobes gently and he laughed.

"My chubby ears?" He smiled and she giggled softly, kissing his neck.

"I love them!" she whispered into his ear softly.

She shivered suddenly, the coldness nipping her soft skin. He stood up and pulled her up too, taking her hand as he walked with his assignment fully in hand.

They'd not spent this amount of time on sex in months. The care and attention to detail they'd taken was far from the style they'd become accustomed to. Ella even felt guilty, for as she cared to all of Patrick's needs, she realized how much she hadn't been doing it and how in a way, she'd been using him, even if it wasn't in the complete context.

Patrick could feel how hot her skin was, how warm the tone became as he worked hard to please her. He almost had to concentrate to ensure he covered every square centimeter of her body and as he was out of practice, it was difficult. He'd forgotten where her soft spots were, where her tingly areas were placed and what intimate things she enjoyed.

Both their lips were numb from having so much intense contact, even their tongues were starting to feel tingly with numbness, they were starting to lose that sensation. Everything was slow, purposeful and meaningful. Even as they made love, it was slow, there was no hurry. There was nowhere they had to be, just Ella, just Patrick.

She was taken back by the feel of every movement and how she felt everything, she was so stimulated, every nerve ending was excited for them both. Patrick found it hard to keep it slow, but the more he worked to keep it slow, the more intense those feelings in his stomach became. And because it wasn't fast powerful sex, he could afford to be closer to her than he would normally, their hands held tightly and reached above her head and he could only smile as he saw how happy he made her.

Of course it couldn't last forever and after wards, they were so truly exhausted and spent, they could only sleep. But they slept better than they both had in the longest time. With limbs entwined and sleep making them heavy, they knotted into each other and closed their eyes.

She watched him sleep, her favorite pass time. It was then something made only complete sense in her head. She could not imagine being with anyone else in her life. Everything within and around her life, centered on him, almost as a form of worship. Patrick was the only constant in her life for the last 2 years.

"Trick?" She whispered,

"Hm?" He mumbled in his sleep, he didn't even open his eyes. Her hands touched his face gently and she leaned over him.

"Will you marry me?" She whispered.

He didn't even stir, he was so tied up in sleep.

"Uhm!" He mumbled back. She smiled as he agreed.

"Was that a yes?" She asked.

"Yeah..." He whispered, moving his sleeps sleepily, still not even opening his eyes, he moved slightly and increased then noise of his gentle snores. She giggled silently and watched him and then rested on his chest and tummy, closing her eyes in an attempt to join him wherever he was because it looked good.