FicWad

A/N: This is by no means a coherent crossover, mostly just a series of goofy character-interaction flashfics. It's spoileriffic: if you don't know who people like Toph, Deidara, and Tobi are, or how Zuko's hair magically changed...well, read the fic anyway, but catch up on 'Naruto' and 'Avatar: The Last Airbender' first.

= = = = = =

"Oh no. /No/."

"This isn't the time to argue, fatass," Tayuya snarled, whipping out her flute. "I'm heading off that deformed faggot with the buzz cut, Kidoumaru's handling the bald kid, and you can just--"

"I can't," Jiroubou growled, one muscular arm jabbing out to point at the figure standing on the other side of the clearing, "fight a person like that."

"Oh for fuck's sake-"

"Listen to your girlfriend, fat boy," said the tiny, pale-eyed girl mildly. Eyes like that would normally signal the Hyuuga doujutsu, but she had her shoulder to Jiroubou and even minus defined pupils her eyes focussed on nothing. Blind. "I understand completely if you're too scared to fight me, but I bet it'll be embarrassing to whatever sorry mercenary organization you work for if you just run off."

Jiroubou and Tayuya both stared at her for a few seconds, their expressions hardening: hers into a smirk, his a scowl of fury. The girl carried on not-looking at a half buried boulder, a grin creeping over her lips.

Jiroubou cracked his knuckles, raising his voice and slowing his speech as if talking to an imbecile. "I do not fight little, weak, blind/, /helpless girls."

That insufferable grin got bigger. "Hey, fat boy..."

"What?" If she kept this up, he'd go over there and shake some sense into her, so help him...

A rock the size of his own fist smacked him upside the head. She hadn't thrown it. She hadn't touched it. She'd just slid into a fighting stance that he'd never seen the likes of, the grin now gone.

"...who're you calling /little/?"

Jiroubou growled and spat blood, any thoughts of chivalry flying out of his head. "You have no idea who you're dealing with."

The girl's nose wrinkled. "About 97 kilos, five foot eleven, doesn't wash as often as he oughta, walks like a bison. Do I win a prize?"

"I was going to go easy on you because you're a girl..."

"Ditto."

Tayuya slipped away unnoticed, still smirking.

= = = = =

"Okay, so you're a better Earthbender than I thought you'd be, I'll give you that."

Sweating, bruised, and angry, Jiroubou spat. The miserable excuse for a female had not only been blasting boulders and throwing earth barriers up against him with fluid motions and jaw-dropping accuracy for almost an hour, not to mention literally yanking the ground right out from under his damn feet, but she wasn't even out of breath from it! He was starting to get the horrible feeling that she...

That she...

"Buuuut I haven't really been trying all that hard," the harridan added cheerfully. "Mostly needed to keep you off Twinkletoes' back so he can have his fun."

"Twinkletoes...?"

There was a commotion behind Jiroubou, and he glanced over his shoulder just in time to see, rising through the trees, a monsterous god-spider summon on the rampage with a small yellow-clad figure clinging to its back and whooping like a kid on a waterslide. From somewhere further back in the forest came a stream of imprecations from Kidoumaru regarding the so-called Avatar's parentage and his relationship with chimpanzees, language Jiroubou had never heard the spider-nin use and was fairly certain would cause even Tayuya to blush.

"He's a real party animal, that one," said the girl, that damn, damn grin of hers back again.

"You're not blind," Jiroubou hissed.

"As a bat, yup."

"As a bat?" Jiroubou froze for a moment, not bothering to wipe a particularly vicious smile of his own off his face. Then he started forming seals--boar, monkey, tiger--and spat "Oto kekkai shouheki!"

Silence descended around the girl. Absolute silence. Jiroubou relished the look of fear that flashed across her face, before getting back to the business of circling her, watching closely as she flailed around, confused and totally vulnerable now because of her sudden imposed deafness. He moved just to her back and right, intending to put a single sleeper hit on her, no more, out of respect for a previously formidable opponent-

-and then a large chunk of ground tore itself up and hit him full force in the chin, knocking him ass over teakettle.

To add insult to injury, the goddamn girl, the one he was cursing himself for having underestimated, wandered over and made herself comfortable on his stomach as he saw stars and not much else. She spoke loudly now, a parody of his earlier mockery of her.

"Forgot to mention that it's not exactly like a bat; I just need to feel the ground vibrate from your big butt thumping around to know where you are. Ninja of the night, huh? First that Hinata kid, then this, geez. So are you gonna take this stupid spell off me or what? It's annoying not being able to hear."

Jiroubou could say nothing.

"Hey, fat boy, hit the ground twice for yes and once for no."

Thump.

"Jerk." She smacked him upside the head almost amicably (although Jiroubou definitely didn't see it that way as his skull rang), then paused before getting up. "No wonder you're in a rotten mood. Get yourself a new hairdresser, fat boy, no wonder nobody takes you seriously."

It had to be a pathology, Jiroubou decided as he slipped into merciful unconsciousness. For just a second, through swollen eyes, she'd looked almost pretty.