FicWad

This chapter is pretty much setting the pathway for future leads. The next update will be fairly long as I will be going on holidays with my parents.. Lol. So I wont be updating till Sunday. Enjoy ;)

My whole world stopped. Cancer? Cancer?! The kind of cancer that kills people? The one that puts a time limit on your life? No way. No fucking way.

Gerard was crying very hard now. He couldn't look at me. I felt like crying, but I couldn't. I couldn't have cancer. No. NO! I turned away from Gerard and looked out the window. Cancer. I was going to die. How could I have cancer? I mean, I smoke, but Gerard and the others did too. They didn't have cancer. Why me?!

Gerard and I sat in silence. He was still crying silently, and it pained me to see it. We were both so caught up in our thoughts that neither of us heard the nurse enter my room.
"Sir? Sir?" she said, giving Gerard a gentle shake. He turned to look at her, before wiping away a few tears.
"Yes?" he said in a whisper.
"You'll have to leave. Visiting hours are over." she said kindly. Gerard nodded and got up off the chair. The nurse left so that we had some privacy.
"Be strong, Mikey." Gerard said, gripping my shoulder. I looked up at him and saw that his eyes were grey. I had never seen them that colour before.
"You too, Gee." I said, giving him a faint smile. He turned and left my room. It hurt my feelings that he didn't hug me. He barely touched me at all. It was like I had a disease that he was afraid of catching. I did have a disease, but as far as I knew it wasn't contagious.

I sighed and looked out the window, watching the sun set. Was my life going to set like the sun? I hoped not. I hoped that I could have chemo and the cancer would just go away. I didn't want to die. It wasn't my time.

That night, trying to sleep proved almost impossible. I kept waking up after having dreams of Ray crying again. Was me having cancer the reason for his crying? If I died, I'd be with Ray and grandma... I realised I had to stop those kind of thoughts. I wasn't going to die. I went back to sleep, but after only a couple of hours I was awoken by screaming down the hall. The person was screaming in terrible agony. Did they have cancer? Would I be screaming like that too?

After the person was sedated, I knew that I couldn't go back to sleep. Cancer was all that preyed on my mind. I didn't even know what was wrong with me yet. The doctor hadn't spoken to me. I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for...Gerard, the band, the fans, Alicia... I loved them all so much. I realised that I hadn't spoken to Alicia for 2 days. I missed her a lot. I'm sure that Gerard would call her.

Sitting up and reading a book for several hours, I heard a soft knock on the door. I quickly glanced at the clock and saw that it was 10am. I had been reading longer then I expected.

The person came through the door and I saw that it was Alicia. Excitement flowed through my body. I loved her so much.
"Hey baby." I said, happy that she had come to see me.
"Mikey." she said sombrely. I frowned in concern. Something was up.
"What's wrong?" I asked, patting the seat next to my bed to indicate that she should sit down.
"You have cancer, that's what's wrong." she said, bursting into tears. I felt guilty for doing this to her.
"I know, Al. It wasn't really my choice." I said, trying to lighten the mood. I didn't want all my visitors to be mopey. I was already pretty mopey.
"Mikey, don't joke about this! You could die!" she shrieked, wide eyed at my comment.
"I know... I'm sorry." I said, crumbling under her stare. She always seemed to have that power over me.
"Mikey...I can't do this anymore. I need a break. I think we need time apart." Alicia said, wiping her eyes. I was shocked. She was breaking up with me? No! I needed her.
"Alicia-" I tried, but she cut me off.
"No, Mikey," she said. I saw her take off her engagement ring and place it on the bedside table. "I'm sorry."

And with those final words she walked out of the door and out of my life. I was speechless. I was stunned. I was heartbroken. Yet, I didn't cry. I couldn't. I knew I should be upset, but... I knew that it was the right thing for her. And me. She couldn't handle me having cancer. How could I expect her to? Even I couldn't handle it.

When she was gone, I realised that she hadn't touched me either. What were people afraid of? It depressed me to know people felt this way about me.

Later on, Gerard, Frank and Bob came to visit me. None of them touched me either. But they talked to me like normal, except there were no jokes. Before, they would always pick on me, but today they seemed to playing it safe. While we were talking, there seemed to be something missing, and that was Ray. Ray would always be the one who commented in those little gaps. I sighed. None of us would ever be the same. Neither Frank nor Bob asked about what happened with Ray. I guessed that Gerard filled them in and instructed them not to bring it up. For that I was grateful. I didn't want to be reminded of that whole scenario.

Eventually they all had to leave and I was along again. I decided to stretch my legs a bit and go for a wander around the hospital. Many of the doctors and nurses that I passes gave me a sympathetic smile, making me feel like I was on my death bed.

That night I had another strange dream. In it, all my friends and family were leaving me. They told me they couldn't know me, so they left me lying on the ground, dying. Gerard was the last to leave. He told me that he was sorry and that he loved me, but he walked off. I woke up with tears in my eyes. I hoped that that dream never came true.

That day, our family doctor came and saw me. He strode in with an unreadable face.

He came up to my bed and shook my hand. I savoured that little human contact. No one had touched me since Gerard's 'hand-on-the-shoulder' thing.
"Mr. Way. I have some news." Dr. Watkins told me. I began to hate this guy. First he doesn't have an expression, then he doesn't have 'good' or 'bad' news, just 'news'.
"Ok." I said, signalling for him to get it over with.
"As you know, you have cancer. Its proper name is 'Small Cell Carcinoma', or a variation of lung cancer. It isn't very common, but we do have treatments. You'll be starting chemotherapy sessions in a few days. Most of the patients with this form of lung cancer pass away, but there have been some good outcomes." The doctor said, still showing no emotion.
I took in a deep breath and exhaled while thinking. I had a chance. Even if it was a small chance, it was better then nothing.
"Do I even have a chance of surviving this?" I asked uncertainly. I wanted to know if I had the slightest chance or not.
"...It's not looking good." he said, before leaving me alone to cry.


I had a chance, and because of that small chance I never gave up hope. I wasn't going to die. Not from cancer, not like this. I would die one day peacefully in my sleep, so that my family doesn't have to see me suffer.

I spent the next few days in the hospital. The doctors were getting me ready for my first chemotherapy dose. I was shit scared. I knew that I would lose the hair from my body, but it was a small price to pay. If everything worked out, I would be a free man again. Start over with the guys. But I knew in my heart that My Chemical Romance could never be the same. We lost Ray and he was a vital part of the group.

Before my first round of chemo, Gerard came and visited me.
"Hey dude." Gerard said happily. The guys had started to act like themselves again after I told them to stop pitying me.
"Yo." I said nervously.
"Don't worry, you'll be alright." Gerard said, giving me a quick half hug type of thing.
"I'm just scared that it will hurt." I replied, looking at the ground while fidgeting with the bottom of my t-shirt.
"Well, I have some news that might make you stop thinking about it," said Gerard with a smile. I looked up at him to tell him to continue. "We're writing again. On Thursday we're leaving for the Paramour."
I stopped playing with my shirt. The Paramour? I gulped in fear. I'd heard stories of that place.. It's supposed to be haunted.

The news of writing and recording again excited me. I loved making music. But I didn't see how we were going to play without Ray. Frank couldn't play 2 guitars at once and we still needed him to work on rhythm guitar.
"What about-?" I asked Gerard, signalling that I meant Ray.
"We've got a new guitarist." Gerard said sadly. I was disappointed, even though I knew it'd happen eventually. "It's what Ray would have liked."

I sighed. Those last words reminded me of the forest the day Ray died. I had said something similar to Gerard and he had bashed me.
"I know, but how are we going to tell everyone Ray's dead and we have a new guitarist?" I said, feeling frustrated.
"Hey, relax. We're putting Ray's death on hiatus. I'll explain it all tomorrow but right now you have a date with a doctor." Gerard said with a wink. I nodded and began walking with my brother to the office.
"Now, you go and get better." Gee said, while pushing me towards the door.
"Bye." I said solemnly. I was doing this alone. No Gerard. No mum. No dad. No Alicia. Alone.

Chemotherapy was horrible. It lasted for an hour, maybe more. My body often twitched during the treatment and it made me feel awfully tired. The doctor told me that the more chemo I had, the worse I'd feel. I didn't know what he meant until I got back to my room and threw up. I had the worst pains in my stomach. Was it always going to be like this? I hoped not. My head pounded so I laid down on the bed and tried to sleep.

It was Thursday and I was going to Paramour House. The hospital told me that I only had to come in to get my chemo sessions then I could leave. I was happy about that, but they told me that I'd progressively get worse, until I had to stay in at the hospital. I knew by that stage that I'd be one of the screaming patients, yelling for my life to end already.

As I was walking out of the 'Cancer' wing as I called it, I passed by a room that held only one person. It was a girl, I think, and she was bald but you could imagine her outside the hospital. She was beautiful, even without hair. We locked eyes and I gave her a small smile. I was surprised when she smiled back. I knew that she had cancer, everyone around here did. I decided that next time I came here, I'd talk to her.



I just remembered that I have planned the ending of this story. Lets just say its not pretty. The story began with the death of someone close to Mikey.. how do we know it won't end the same way?