I'm pretty sure many of you have never heard of, much less seen, Heat Guy J. . . but since when has that ever stopped creativity, ne? I highly suggest the series (though only the first dvd is out) so go and watch it! ^_^ Er, but don't take this fic as any indication as to how the series is. . . this is a total parody/humor, where as the anime is not. I hope you enjoy it anyway! This takes place right after episode 3.
"If you're taking a day off, please turn in the reports first."
"I'm exhausted from yesterday. . . I've got a fever, you know. A fever. Maybe this is a teething fever."
"Please turn them in tomorrow."
"Did you check your desk drawer?"
"A present. Bye." Daisuke had barely hung up before falling asleep from his illness, tv on and all.
Daisuke opened his eyes slowly, the room coming into focus as more of his leaf-green eyes were revealed. Scanning the room, Daisuke woke up rather quickly when he realized he wasn't in his bedroom. Instead of laying down in his warm comfy bed, he found himself hanging suspended against a wall, arms and feet spread eagled. He looked down to check what kind of bonds were holding him and if he could break them, when he noticed something very odd.
Replacing his creamy white pants and shoes were a blue miniskirt and bright red knee-high boots. Daisuke looked further up his body with a rising horror. Sure enough, attached to the blue miniskirt (and boy was it mini) was a white swimsuit-esque top with a blue sailor collar. A sailor fuku. Daisuke looked up at his arms to find them clothed with elbow-length white gloves. The final check to confirm this nightmare was his forehead. He wiggled his eyebrows a bit and felt something move.
"The. . . tiara. . ."
"Are you finally awake then?" asked a deep voice, snapping Daisuke's attention to a dark corner of the room. A shadowy figure made its way to the light and Daisuke groaned at the revelation.
"Is this some kind of sick joke, Edmundo? I mean, it's cool if cross-dressing is your thing, but the least you could do is ask," the blonde snidely remarked. This angered Edmundo, judging from how purple his face became-color clashing horribly with the mauve tight fitting dress he was wearing.
"How dare you address the Queen of the Negaverse in such a manner! I shall destroy you!" 'Queen' Edmundo screeched. He conjured up a ball of dark energy and threw it at Daisuke. The energy hit him full force in the chest, causing the sailor-fuku wearing agent to strain against his bindings in an attempt to curl up from pain. Daisuke growled at the cross-dressing Inspector.
"Ha! Feel the pain, Sailor Dai," the frizzy-haired 'Queen' bellowed before breaking into maniacal laughter. When he quieted down, Edmundo created a large, deadly looking sword from dark energy. He slowly approached the bound 'Sailor Dai'.
"Edmundo, I don't know what's going on, but this isn't very funny!" Edmundo ignored the struggling Daisuke. He brought the sword up, ready to strike, when a full red rose knocked the weapon away. A familiar tune filled the air and Daisuke dropped his head down in defeat.
"Do not worry, Sailor Dai, I will save you," spoke a deep, emotionless voice. Daisuke looked up in resignation to the sight he knew-and was desperately afraid of-would meet him. Standing on a tall window sill, silhouetted by the moonlight, dressed up in a traditional black tuxedo, flowing cape, and top hat. . . was J.
The large android threw four more sharp-tipped roses to slice through Daisuke's bonds, freeing him from the wall. With the return of gravity, Daisuke used his trained reflexes to land lightly on his feet. Ignoring any danger, he instead focused only on attempting to pull his skirt as low as it could reside. Tuxedo J jumped from his position to in front of the flustered blonde, blocking an attack from Edmundo with his cape. J turned his gold, multilayered eyes to Daisuke's activities.
"There is no time for that. Quickly Sailor Dai, use your tiara."
"I don't want to," Daisuke mumbled. There was no way he was going to further degrade himself. Edmundo continued to fire volleys of dark power at the pair. Tuxedo J was slowly being pushed back.
"Sailor Dai, I cannot hold him off much longer. You must banish him with your tiara attack," J's voice was eternally calm, but Daisuke could see the machine's defenses failing.
"You're the android! Stop him yourself," Daisuke huffed out, though he knew it was only a matter of time before he gave in to J's plea.
"Sailor Dai. . .
"Fine!" the fuku-wearing male yelled out, knowing if he didn't do it there would be no end to this bizarreness. "Get out of the way, J." J conceded and moved quickly to the side. Daisuke closed his eyes and took off his tiara, which transformed on its own to a glowing disc. A slight blush spread across his face.
". . . moon. . . tiara. . ." the other two looked at him expectantly, ". . . magic," he mumbled finally. There was no way he could ever live this down. Luckily, his tiara flew fast and true, colliding with the evil 'Queen' of the Negaverse and turning him into a pile of dust. The tiara magically made its way back onto Daisuke's forehead. The embarrassed young man put a hand to his head and let out a sigh.
"Is it over yet?" he asked J, not knowing if he would like the answer. Instead of a verbal response, Daisuke was swept up into J's arms, their strength holding him still despite Daisuke's struggles.
"You look cute today, Sailor Dai."
"What the hell?! Dammit J, put me-mmrph!" the blonde was silenced with a kiss. Daisuke went into a shocked state.
J. . . kiss. . .
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Daisuke screamed as he shot up in his bed. Breathing harshly and covered with cold sweat he looked quickly at his surroundings. When the familiarity of his room greeted him, Daisuke collapsed to his bed in relief.
"Oh thank God," he exclaimed, releasing his death grip on the sheets around him. It had been a dream. Just a stupid fever dream. Not real. He wasn't dressed up as a woman, nor was Edmundo. And J hadn't. . .
"Yeck," Daisuke spit just for good measure. He got out of bed on slightly wobbly legs and paced over to his desk. Picking up the disc that his pink haired coworker had leant him, Daisuke brought it over to the trash can and dropped it in.
"Never again will I watch that damn show. What was Kyoko thinking. 'Sailor Moon is great' my ass!" He flopped back onto his bed and curled up in his sheets. Before falling asleep again, he prayed this time there would be no dreams.
As the sick blonde slept, J entered Daisuke's apartment and placed a red rose on the sick man's desk. He had been informed by Kyoko that flowers were an appropriate gift for a sick friend. As silently as he came, J left, locking the door behind him.
Hours later, awaking from blissful dreamless sleep, Daisuke opened his eyes. His scream could be heard for miles.
Taadaa! Hmm, haven't really written parody/comedy in a while, so I don't know if this is comical or just plain disturbing. ^_~ But seriously, while watching the show I kept thinking how J was like Tuxedo Mask, always coming right when Daisuke needed him. So, this fic was born. Until next fic, ja ne!
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