Categories > Anime/Manga > Weiss Kreuz

Fortune Favors

by fey_puck 0 reviews

Valentine's Day. Schwarz style.

Category: Weiss Kreuz - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Schwarz - Published: 2005-08-17 - Updated: 2005-08-18 - 1559 words - Complete

Schuldig cracked open his fortune cookie, plucking the slim piece of paper out of it with a smug look. It always amused him to read these, especially when he paid more attention to what they said than whatever warning Crawford would give him.

Which, of course, annoyed the oracle to no end.

"You will find love and happiness" it read in bold red letters.

Schuldig snorted and turned it over, noting that his lucky number was five. And that "Wo Ai Ni" meant I Love You in Chinese. Handy.

"What does it say?" Nagi asked, since it was expected.

"That I'll find love and happiness." The telepath grinned. "Hey Crawford, maybe you'll get run over by a truck tomorrow and leave everything to me, your ever faithful fuckbuddy."

"Blatant favoritism," Farfarello muttered around a piece of pineapple. Nagi snorted.

Crawford didn't even bother to look up from his newspaper. To the rest of Schwarz, it seemed like their leader was in a perpetual state of reading those black and white pages. "Unlikely. I actually check if there is oncoming traffic when I cross a street."

"That was one time and the guy's hood was hardly damaged at all," Schuldig stated and almost threw a piece of cookie at him before realizing it would be a waste.

"You know, that cookie of yours might be right this time. Tomorrow is Valentine's day after all." Nagi looked at the blank looks he was given. He suddenly felt as though it was wrong of him to remember that.

"I can't believe you remembered that," Schuldig snickered. "Does our little Naggles have a Valentine?"

"Schuldig, don't talk to him like that," Crawford ordered.

"Why not?"

"It's disturbing."

Nagi rolled his eyes. "Thanks." Hopefully they would ignore his blush if he was sarcastic enough. He concentrated on drawing figures on the Styrofoam box his dinner had come in.

Farfarello tilted his head. "You're turning red. Like that time I put wasabi in Schuldig's coffee."

Schuldig growled, then brightened. "Ha! You do have a Valentine sweetheart." The "you sissy" was implied. "Who is it? Huh? Huh? A girl, a boy? A goat? I won't be judgmental."

Nagi gave him a funny look.

"What? I knew a man once you fell in love with a mountain goat named Klaus. They were inseparable for years," Schuldig said. He paused meaningfully.

Crawford sighed. "What happened?" he asked against his better judgment.

"Klaus found out he was cheating on him and kicked in the balls. Was never right in the head after that. Just sat around playing with an Erector Set all day long. " The German chuckled and shook his head, recalling the fond childhood memory. "But I digress. Nagi hasn't spilled yet."

"No, I haven't. Because there's nothing to spill!" the telekinetic snapped, making the table shake a bit.

"...except Crawford's Coke."

Nagi huffed. "What about you, Schu? You're the one who got a prediction of true love." Dinner conversations in the Schwarz house-hold was like a game of Ping Pong. Hit hard and back onto the other side. If you hit the person, well, it wouldn't cause any permanent damage.

"Tch. Like I believe that. Crawford would let me know if something like that was going to happen, right?" The German eyed their esteemed leader, who stared back impassively. "Right."

When Schuldig awoke the next morning, it was with a feeling of trepidation. Cautiously, he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom for a shower. No incident there, except that someone earlier had, apparently, written "NN hearts OT" on the steamed up mirror.

Odd/, thought Schuldig. /Must be code or something. A warning, perhaps, from Crawford? But no. He wouldn't write in something the telepath couldn't understand. Shrugging, Schuldig strode boldly back to his room to get dressed. Leather pants? Why not. Silk shirt? Sure.

The telepath stopped to pose in front of his mirror, admiring the view of his ass and tossed his hair over one shoulder. Pout, smirk, sneer, all in rapid succession. Winked at himself once and opened his bedroom door.

And closed it.

He counted to five and opened it again, but the image hadn't changed.



"Why are you wearing a towel and clutching a crossbow? And," Schuldig squinted, "wearing paper devil wings?"

"I'm guarding you," the Irishman explained simply and sat Indian style, giving more of a view than Schuldig wanted at the moment.


"Cupid." Farfarello looked around sharply, as if expecting the beloved holiday figure to appear and strike them down with his arrows of love. "I won't have a teammate fall to his cause."

"U-huh." Schuldig scratched his ear. "You're insane," he said, and meant it more than he ever had before. "Where's Crawford?"

"He left this morning for some meeting. He told me to watch you." Which, Farfarello thought, he was doing a great job at. Of course, the oracle had made him take a double dose of Valium before he left but the Irishman didn't think it was affecting him in any way yet. "It was an order."

Schuldig sighed. Whatever. He was used to stranger situations than this. "Fine. Come on, Far. We're going out." He tugged on his green blazer and Farfarello thought that perhaps he wouldn't need to bring his crossbow. That coat would frighten off anyone with any fashion sense.

But then, Cupid wore a diaper.

While Farfarello was pondering this, Schuldig had tossed a trenchcoat at him and took aforementioned crossbow away. "You'll look like a streaker, but at least you can't get arrested for indecency. Crawford would be pissed." Schuldig spoke from experience.

"Where are we going anyway?"

"The same place we go everyday, Farfie."

"To take over the world?"

"No," Schuldig sighed. "And stop watching TV. It's rotting your already warped mind."

They ended up at a café so the telepath could get a caffeine fix. He had driven his Jeep to it in nearly a record time. The radio insisted on playing love ballads and he had forgotten his walkman at home, of course.

"I hate this holiday," he commented as he and Farf watched lovey dovey couples stroll by. "I really hate it. It's not even a real holiday. It's /fake/."

"I'd assume so, seeing as how it isn't real," Farfarello agreed, sensibly enough. He was half watching a pair of old woman across the street that kept gaping at him. Perhaps he should have put on a pair of pants.

"Exactly," Schuldig exclaimed, slamming down his expresso cup. "Exactly my point. What a bunch of bullshit. Tch."

Farfarello only nodded, humoring the telepath. It was the smartest thing to do when he was in a mood like this, and Farfarello was anything but stupid. The telepath was sitting across from him, afterall, and the Irishman didn't even have a pair of skivvies on. Pain or no pain, being kicked in the balls was not a pleasant experience.

"I hate this holiday," Schuldig said again and viciously bit into a heart-shaped cookie.

Then chucked the rest at a passing couple.

When they got back to the Schwarz residence, Schuldig noted two minds inside. One was Nagi's, all circuits and wires. The other seemed familiar too...

Schuldig opened the door quickly and looked around. "What is he doing here?!"

Nagi looked around guiltily and removed his hand from Omi's pants. "Uh...he...umm...I....he.....uh"

Omi floundered more gracefully. " I...I....err.....I came to spy on you-"

"Spy?" Farfarello growled from behind Schuldig.

"Spy on Schuldig because...err....I'M DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!" the Weiss member finished.

Silence spread like cheap play-doh.

"What?" the two older Schwarz members said.

Omi nodded, eyes darting about. "It's true. I came to watch you....because But you weren't here...."

Schuldig looked at him funny. "Why did Nagi have his hands down your pants then?"

Nagi flushed. "Because...I...also am in love with you. And was lonely." He appeared to choke.

Schuldig looked at him sadly. How tough it must be, to love where love was not reciprocated.

Omi stood, grabbing the telekinetic's hand. "And...we'll be going now. To wallow in our loneliness together. Before I end up..err...jumping you. You sexy manbeast you." They made a bolt for the door and Schuldig watched them go with a mental shake of the head.

"Poor kids. They will never love each other as they love me."

"They'll survive, somehow," a wry voice said. Crawford stood in the doorway, holding a parcel under one arm and wearing an amused expression.

"But will they be happy?" Schuldig countered.

Crawford rolled his eyes and closed the door behind him as he walked over to the telepath. He held out the parcel. "Here."

Schuldig's eyes gleamed as he tore into the plain brown paper. "A new gun?"


"What's the occasion?" Schuldig asked, a sly hint in his voice.

"We're going out tonight. The two of us," Crawford added, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. He headed towards his bedroom. "Bring the gun."

The German smirked, then grinned, and followed the oracle into the room, closing the door behind him.

Farfarello, disappointed at apparently failing in his mission, grabbed his crossbow and headed for the park.

The day would not be wasted. There were arrows to be delivered.

He decided he liked this holiday.
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